Here’s the short story. I will refer to my ex as Sally to make it more coherent
I was granted full custody of my daughter when she was 6 months old (now 9 years old). The only reason I was granted full custody was because Sally moved back in with mom & brother after we split up & her older brother was a suspected pedophile as per Sally which my lawyer used to full effect for my case. Sally was allowed supervised visits because of the brother issue.
Now Sally & I were young and we both moved on. I decided to take her for child support & she decide to more or less fall out of her daughter’s life. I believe she hasn’t seen our daughter in about 5 years if memory serves me right & our daughter has no clue about her biological mother.
Fast forward to the present and Sally has gotten serious with someone and has recently had a newborn which is great I am happy for her but Sally doesn’t want to pay support anymore. I know her boyfriend is disabled and collects social security (I know this because he was old friends with Sally when we dated). So I get it money is tight with her leaving her job to have a baby and a boyfriend on a fixed income but I refused to drop the support.
Sally filed with domestic relations to reduce or remove the support. I missed the court date because my info is nearly 8 years old and that’s where I fucked up. I wasn’t there and domestic ruled in her favor to suspend due to medical condition. She is in good health as far as I know other then giving birth a month ago so I am confused on the ruling.


I am ready to appeal & I was hoping for some or any advice

Are you saying that you were not served because the notice was sent to an old address?

You are correct. I just had my info updated through my caseworker/former caseworker

Refile, child support is for the child, not you.

Is she current in her child support payments or in arrears? If current, then why is contact info out of date? If in arrears, I don't think the court can simply wipe it.

I asked the samething my only option is to appeal and having a hearing at a master court. She is behind, the good thing is they are having her pay what is owed. I got complacent I guess with info. The money from her just gets put on a credit card and having my info updated never occurred to me. Dumb mistake now I gotta cross my fingers on this next court seeing my side.

Also is the ruling to suspend the CS or halt it completely?  Suspend usually means stop it for a while, in this case until "Sally" no longer has the"medical condition" and can return to work.

Actually it reads just like you typed. Here's a picture of the letter and her messages. Now that I think about it she is saying they terminated it when they possible didn't? Hmmm maybe she's lying..

Letter & messages

She either doesn't understand the difference between suspended and terminated, or she does not plan to return to work.

Usually women take six weeks off after having a baby.  If she goes back to work in a few weeks then you will need to file to have CS reinstated, because she sure as heck won't.

This.

And FWIW, there isn't a ''judge'' in the US that would have suspended CS for a male because he took time off work. It would have been denied with the phrase ''The childs needs are not suspended during the time you want to take off work for any reason.''

Yeah I don't know what heart wrenching story she told them, my first thought was it had to do with a little bias but I wasn't there so I have to take it on the chin. I am hand delivering the appeal tomorrow after work. All update in the near future. In the meantime here are some funny messages of me being a shitty person for wanting the money lol




A few messages

I have a hard time understanding this.
You don't have the resources to financially take care of one child.
Why the heck are you having another one?

Especially when you are 1) not married, and 2) the baby-daddy has almost no assets as well.

She chose... poorly.

OP, 30+ years of liberial activisit appointed judges have rigged the family court system. I wish you all the success, but pepper.

Don't blame the "liberal activist judges"- the conservative judges give preferential treatment to women.  Just the way it is.   Liberal judges- particularly female- are less likely to give a woman an undeserved break.

When you don't show in court you effectively lose.   You need to discuss this with the local child support enforcement and probably a lawyer.  

I can see what's next- she doesn't return to work, doesn't make payments even then, so you get a worthless judgment for past due support.  The CSEU files in court to "make her pay" her monthly support, judge sentences her to weekends jail, but suspends it because she has a baby- a baby with nobody else to care for.  She says she lost her job, and has no job to return to.  She says she can't afford daycare even if she gets a job because it won't pay enough, so no job.   You think a judge is going to put her in jail for owing you ten grand, and put the baby in foster care?  NFW.  

Ask me how I know this.  No, don't- it's pretty self-evident.

You need to talk to a lawyer.   Lawyer will probably tell you to request a judgment and give you a big smiley face noting that judgments are forever and you can get your money when she gets rich or inherits.   Hate to say it, but you are in a shit spot right now.   You're the parent for a reason- so you may have to suck it up and be the sole financial support for you child.  

Talk to the county child support agency.  Then talk to a lawyer.  Don't expect a miracle, just learn the best course of action and take it.

I would LOVE to be in your position because I'd cut my financial loss, grab my kid and move somewhere far away.

OP, does Sally pay child support directly to you or through the state's Child Support Enforcement division (or equivalent)?

Any update?

Sorry for the delay gentlemen here's where I am at currently.

I went to my scheduled appeal around the middle of December and was early of course this time. Sally turned up not much later & we sat down with an older lady handling my appeal. She simply asked why I was appealing which was obvious. Then she started grilling my ex on why she didn't have a job yet. Sally explained that she couldn't get hired anywhere. The lady handling the appeal said she could find her 1000 jobs and ect. It was at this point I realized I wasn't going to sweat this out. She even asked why she didn't see her child anymore? Sally blamed drugs (which is probably bullshit).

Some other things were asked and Sally asked if we could speak in private which I accepted. In another room in which we both knew she was on the ropes she asked if I could wait till February for the support to start. She explained that her and the boyfriend are on a waiting list for public housing and if she had a job it would affect the amount of rent she would have to pay. I accepted because she practically begged.

We went back and I told the appeal lady what I wanted. She had us sign paperwork and gave me the option to appeal again anytime I want (I guess there is a time limit to making appeals). The lady told us she would start a complete new support incase she was making more money (mine hasn't changed since 2007 which seems like a win).

That's the story she has till February and if I don't hear from her I will appeal again. I don't feel great about letting her slide for another month or two but I thought at the time what couldn't  it hurt. I felt like I won at the time in till I left and got angry at myself for being too nice.

Thanks everyone for the advice and opinions. I will follow up with a final update after this next appeal.

Thanks

Good luck but quit being nice, come Feburary all you will see is another excuse and reason to delay or get out of paying support.

You do realize she is playing on the thin edge of attempting to defraud the taxpayers and the govt by making sure she is deliberately unemployable and thus eligible for welfare housing funding.

How much does she pay? Does it change your or your daughters life?

I get the principle of it but I am guessing based of what you said she doesn't pay much and it may me more hassle to you than it is worth?

You said she hasn't seen your daughter in five years. How nice would it be to just forget about all this and never have to talk to your ex again?

I have been divorced about 15 years and have not seen or talked to my ex in about 14 years. It is awesome that is the whole point of divorce is getting someone out of your life.

If you want to hound her down and get the support payments great but if I were in your shoes and it was just a few hundred bucks I would be glad to forget about it and never have to talk to my ex again.

The system was never setup to support your situation OP.

Family court system (divorce/custody/child support) was created to fuck the man into utter submission. Not the other way around.

You have an uphill battle, I hope it works out for you and your daughter.

Child support systems and rules vary state by state and sometimes even by court jurisdictions within a state.

You need to push as hard as you can.

In some states the state itself will make up for missing child support and then go after the non-custodial parent.
These are the systems you see having periodic arrest sweeps for 'back child support.'

Make noise through your attorney with whatever passes for 'support enforcement.'

No grace periods.

At the very least you can just put the money aside in case the child has educational expenses as they get older.

I will stop back in February after u don't see any support.  Next time u will play hardball.