How do I do it?

How would I go about it in the cheapest and fastest way possible?

How do I patent any idea or likes of it?

Thank you for the advise...

You don't.

Don Lancaster makes a good case against patents.

Link

I start by calling my IP attorney.

You can only patent an "idea" that is novel. That is, that has never been disclosed or described before. And is not obvious to one trained in the specific field.

There is no cheap way to patent an idea. Patents costs many thousands of dollars to prosecute effectively.  There is no fast way to patent an idea.  Writing good patent claims is a specific skill and a badly written patent is valueless.

If you really have a valuable idea, worth significant money, you will need to be prepared to invest many thousands of dollars to protect it.

And you are on your own to defend the patent.

I have a few but they are under 'secrecy orders' and have no commercial value.
The government paid us to get them at the time.

I have also engineered around a number of them, and even found documentation that made a couple not valid (published years before the application date).

We simply ignored the patent.
I doubt the patent holders had any idea what we did but the company attorneys agreed so we went ahead.