im in tears!

I almost missed a flight once because of a lumpy fart. Had to turn around and do a quick shower and change of clothes

In for epic thread about farts of thunder.

For some fiesta event my little bro set off 2 stink bombs in a port o'potty. Some people looked like this: after they got out. Oh, and it was HOT outside, of course.

What?
No stories yet of people joining the Brotherhood of the Blue Flame?

(not a tag )

The other week at work its just me and Im backed up on calls, I let one go and it was total liquid so I shit my pants at work

Atleast I was in one of the demo chairs the chair salesman had left

Me too! Me too!!!

Not mine, but my two little brothers shared a room. One of them managed to fart 13 times in about a two hour period as they were going to sleep. The other was nearly in tears.

In on one.

Went to a Jimmy Buffett concert a few years ago. Had plenty of beer in the parking lot, a few margaritas during the show, and decided (group of 4 guys) to stop on the way home and get a white castle suitcase (40 burgers). We each ate our 10. Few minutes later I had to fart but squeezed out a little liquid shit instead. We pulled into a neighborhood where a bunch of house were being built and found a porta john. I finished shitting, wiped my ass with my underwear, and headed home "commando". I had to explain to my girlfriend at the time (wife now) why, after a night with the fella's and smelling like booze - I was free ballin' into the bedroom.

Thats as good as my fart stories get. The farts themselves are nothing spectacular.

So...nobody else lets off a boomer in a store and then loudly asks the wife why the hell she did that...with people standing like 3 feet away?

FUCKING IN ON ONE!!!!!!!!!!

Years ago I was getting a BJ from a girlfriend I had at the time. Right at the time I blow my wad I let out this huge fart. Needless to say there was an akward moment of silence afterwards.

I had gone down to the DMV to renew the plates on my truck. When I got there I knew it was going to be a long wait but that was the only day I was going to be able to do it before they expired. I had been standing in line about forty minutes and my guts started to rumble.
I didn't think much of it at first but as time went by the rumbling became more intense. Eventually the rumbling turned into a combination rumble gurgling feeling in my lower intestines, at this point I knew I was in trouble. There were only five people ahead of me and I figured I had about a fifteen minute wait. It seemed like time stood still as I was standing there with my guts rumbling and gurgling. Suddenly I was overcome with a hot flash and I felt as if I might pass out right there. I must have turned white as a ghost but nobody seemed to notice.
Finally it was my turn to get my plates, I gave the clerk my renewal card, she typed in the information and I paid as quickly as I could as I could feel that something very bad was coming very soon.
As I turned to leave the counter to leave that was it, out came the most noxious fart I have ever created. thank god it was a silent fog as I walked past the 30 or so people still waiting. I hurried around the corner and made it into the men's room and onto the can just in time to unleash a bout of explosive diarrhea that filled the whole men's room with an eye watering smell I would compare to rotting road kill. I was able to sneak out without anyone coming in but I can only imagine what those poor people had to endure as they waited in line to get their plates renewed.
As it turned out that was just the opening performance of the next few days of the worst case of stomach flu I have ever had.

In a grocery store one of my good friends "crop dusted" an old lady so badly once, she smelled the meat she had in her basket and put it back on the shelf.

she looked like she was about to throw up.

I've been in that courtyard, I know exactly where that's at. And it being that small secluded area, I'm sure your bomb lingered long enough.

"I Just SHARTED!"

Wife and I were in a tv/audio store. They had sound booths for the stereos just big enough for 2 people. Had a BIG one brewing and figured no one could hear my fart in that booth and thought I could trap it in the booth safely. I went in and let her go. I had to evac immediately it was so bad and shut the door behind me. As I was telling my wife about my handiwork, this poor guy comes out of knowhere and enters the tiny booth. The look on his face was priceless and we were practically rolling out the door doubled over with laughter.

ugh

8th grade social studies, the classroom is shaped like a "u" with the teachers desk the base. I had one of the desks closest to the teachers. The Student Teacher was teaching that day and was sitting at the desk, a friend of mine was sharpening his pencil at the teachers desk. The student teacher lets one go just loud enough for the three of us to hear. We all get into one of those cheek burning, can't breathe laughing fits. The rest of the class was wondering what was so funny. They never found out that class period.

I'm fairly proficient at containing my flatulence, but I distinctly remember one fart event from a few months back.

It was a Friday and I had to go to work after a night out with friends. During the prior evening I consumed a rather large amount of lager and concluded the night around 2 am with chili fries and chili dogs at a late-night dive. Needless to say, my bowels weren't very happy as I drug myself to work at 7:30 that morning. I made it to work fine, but as I was walking from the parking lot to my building I could feel an intense pressure building in my lower intestine.

I work on the 3rd floor of an 8-story building. 95% of the time I take the stairs, but this morning I didn't feel like shaking up my innards any more than necessary and opted for the elevator. I lucked out and ended up being the only person on a particular elevator. As soon as the doors shut past the point of no return, I let her rip. It was vile. I normally enjoy the smell of my own farts, but this one was especially wicked. It could have peeled paint. Honestly, it smelled like something had crawled up my butt and died.

I thought I was home free. I'd exit the elevator, walk off the lingering odor, and be on my merry way. Wrong. Suddenly, much to my terror, I heard the "ding" indicating an elevator stop and felt the car stabilize. For some reason someone on the 2nd floor had to go up. THIS NEVER HAPPENS. There is no logical reason for this as floors 1 and 2 are one organization completely separate from the rest of the building. The doors opened and there stood a friendly-looking middle-aged woman. She smiled at me briefly, but her smile quickly disappeared as she noticed the look of terror on my face. I couldn't take my eyes off her as she stepped on the elevator. It was like a train wreck. Almost immediately after pressing the button for her floor she muttered an "oh god" and covered for face. I looked at her as innocently as possible and said, "I know."

The next 5 seconds were the longest of my life. My mind was going 1000 miles an hour and this poor lady was gagging. Did she know it was me? Did I play it off like the elevator smelled that way before I got in? Was she going to pass out? After what seemed like an eternity, the elevator reached the 3rd floor and the doors opened. I stepped out and, despite the fact that she had pressed the button for the 8th floor, she stepped out behind me. I walked away and didn't look back. To this very day, I'm not sure whether or not I could look that lady in the eyes if we ever meet again. The look on her face as she sampled by ass's bouquet still haunts my dreams.

When you need revenge on a cropdusting coworker, eat Taco Bell beef and bean burritos, hard boiled eggs, pepperoncini and cheddar cheese. wash it down with Milwaukee's Best! You will make Saddam's ghost jealous of your WMD!

OH, IBTL!

Not me but a good buddy a few years ago. IHOP at 3 am Saturday night after a heavy night of drinking. Place is packed, we finish eating and are standing at the cash register while other friend is paying when buddy #1 says he's got a rip one. I say "shit in the microphone". He grabs the mic they use to call your name when there is a waiting list, squats in the perfect stance, and lets rip with an obnoxiously loud fart that is greatly amplified by the microphone and broadcast inside and out. The whole place that is full of loud drunks falls deathly silent. The chic working the register is staring in disbelief and manages to utter " I aint believing you farted in that microphone". I laughed so fucking hard I ended up in the parking lot tossing up the IHOP. I got home an hour or two later and was still laughing so hard when I got in bed I woke the wife up and had to tell her what happened in between laughs. I'm laughing my ass off right now just thinking about it.