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3/20/2017 5:03:23 PM
Posted: 12/31/2001 9:47:42 PM EDT
As I sit here at 12:26 CST in Tennessee I am not at home. In fact, I am not with my wife or the child I have grown to love as my son as they have decided they don't want me in their lives anymore. 2.5 months we have been apart. Seems my expectations for a healthy marriage full of trust, intimacy, friendship and giving and for a respectable, well behaved child are a bit too much for the liberal ways of thinking that have been the calling card of the woman I fell in love with and married 4 years ago. My clothes and guns and other things are in this house and my little dog is curled up beside me on the floor but honestly, despite how hard I am trying, and despite how well I know that things were so far outside of my control I feel about as sad and empty right now as I have ever felt in my entire life. I play for keeps. In love, work, fun relationships and memories......I am not accustomed to being made to take something lying down and I dont really know how to handle it. I am not trying to whine here.....its just that you people are like a weird extended family to me and I enjoy and look forward to your company. I guess what I am asking is how do you let go and how do you mend a broken heart? I know.....I know......not the typical manly type of talk we like to put up, but I am serious. What has helped you guys in the past. All I am sure of right now is that my family loves me.......my few true friends love me, my dog loves me without question, and that the God who has always been beside me even when I was royally screwing up loves me. What about that sickening, bottomless feeling in your gut and the corners of your mind? What about that?
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 9:52:49 PM EDT
Suffer through it a couple weeks. If their was a cure for the broken heart besides time then I'd fall in love more often. It hurts, it's lonely, and you'll find yourself crying while watching cheesy love flicks. Don't do anything irrational, just recognize the pain and put your time into something that helps take the edge off. I started smoking, and found I enjoy it. [):)] NSF
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 9:59:15 PM EDT
Time heals all wounds. If you gave it your best shot and your relationship foundered, then go into every waking day knowing that you did your best and that, there will be another woman worthy of your efforts to be a perfect partner to them. You have many gifts and have been blessed by the Creator with untold riches. Wait on the right woman to share them with. All in good time.
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 10:03:37 PM EDT
Man there isn't any cure on earth for what you got. It hurts man, and I've been there. All I can say is that it will get better. It may take a year, or more, but IT WILL get better. The problems may not completely go away, but you'll find ways to deal with it. Until then? Well it sounds like you're close to your family. Try spending as much time with them as possible. It'll keep you grounded. And you mentioned a dog? That's the best. Keep him near and all will be fine. When feeling bad, just look down and look at that beast begging for your attention. At least HE appreciates you. Take Care
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 10:04:37 PM EDT
I got divorced twenty six years ago. All the emotions...hurt, anger, anguish, depression, etc made me vow not to ever go through that again. I feel for you, bro, but, believe it or not, you will get through it. The best thing is to just let it go. If you keep trying to get her back and she keeps rejecting you, it just gets worse, so move on. I know that may sound cold, but I have been there, even with a couple of relationships since my divorce. The only thing that will mend a broken heart and make all the other twisted gut feelings is time. Not another woman, at least not seriously. Hang with your friends, even if you really don't feel like it. Sitting around alone is not the answer, believe me. Go out, mingle with friends and family because being alone at this time just makes you think really wierd and stupid things.
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 10:08:45 PM EDT
My recommendations would be to stick close to god and get out and do things. I remeber breaking it off with the last girlfriend before my wife. We were together for 3 years and I thought for sure we would get married. I was so blindly in love. I wish I would have seen it sooner. We would always argue about things like gun control to the point of tears. We just didnt see eye to eye on allot of things. Its tough letting go even when it was all wrong. I guess the only one true cure is finding a woman who will treat you the way you treat her. The woman I am happily married to now means more to me than life itself. I dont think twice about giving her all my trust because I know I dont have a thing to worry about. You need to get out there and be with your friends. Breaking up will eat you from the inside. Get out there and have some fun!
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 10:11:24 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/31/2001 10:13:35 PM EDT by NSFJojo]
Just thought I might add more. Alot of us have been there. My first love and I MEAN LOVE in that mushy sort of way was a nice girl named Val. She short black hair, black eyes, classic round asian features, an 8 on the hot or not scale. We had been loosely dating for about 2 months when I finally realized that I really really liked this girl. When I realized that those feelings meant I would lose my cherished bachelor freedom among other things, I freaked. I ditched, cut contact with no more than a small letter saying I wasn't ready for anything serious. I probably really hurt that girl, and I really hurt myself from that episode in my life. I learned a few things though, and while I do not relish the thought of going through another relationship like that I cannot help but feel it was just another lesson in my life I had to learn. I do love love cheesy love flicks though now, and I almost cried while watching Shrek, since we are all getting mushy in here. [):)] NSF cried at the end of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon too.
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 10:15:36 PM EDT
Time huh? Well......that's one thing I seem to have in spades. Yeah........it is so screwed up. One minute I hate her for what she has done to our family, my life, her life, her kids life and for how trivial she has made our relationship out to be and the next some frickin song or memory or some other stark realization of not being in Kansas anymore smacks me upside the head and I get all teary eyed. Wish I could hate her more cause that is the only time I feel free but at times like right now I want nothing more than to go upstairs to our bedroom and slide in bed next to her and settle down for a very peaceful sleep with the person I love. And..........I HATE MY FRICKIN" DREAMS AS THEY REALLY MESS WITH ME!!!
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 10:16:11 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 10:19:00 PM EDT
I swear JoJo....underneath all that BlackHawk gear just may lurk a truly sensitive guy ha ha. I cried after saving Private Ryan and after the Thin Red Line. War movies really get to me...............that feel so real.
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 10:20:23 PM EDT
Yeh dreams are a hard part to deal with. Do alot of work and make sure you go to bed exhausted. That also helps to keep your mind from wandering before you sleep, which in my experience usually influences dreams. Just some more, sorry if three posts is to much. [):)] NSF
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 10:21:13 PM EDT
Originally Posted By xanadu: Time heals all wounds. If you gave it your best shot and your relationship foundered, then go into every waking day knowing that you did your best and that, there will be another woman worthy of your efforts to be a perfect partner to them. You have many gifts and have been blessed by the Creator with untold riches. Wait on the right woman to share them with. All in good time.
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This says what I was going to, but in a much better way.
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 10:21:56 PM EDT
There is no easy answer or cure...just do the things you enjoy like going to the range & spending time with your friends. Your memories of her will fade as will your feelings toward her. Better to break it off now than in 40yrs. Perhaps you will meet someone better & more suited to your needs? I hope your pain fades quickly.
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 10:25:46 PM EDT
I went through the seperation/divorce thing 18 years ago. You may not want to believe it now, but there is a bright future out there. There will be a good woman (reconciled present wife or new wife) and the wonderful years watching your son grow up. Just make sure you're there to take advantage of that future.
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 10:32:35 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/31/2001 10:34:19 PM EDT by X--Kill]
Originally Posted By NSFJojo: Yeh dreams are a hard part to deal with. Do alot of work and make sure you go to bed exhausted. That also helps to keep your mind from wandering before you sleep, which in my experience usually influences dreams. Just some more, sorry if three posts is to much. [):)] NSF
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Been trying that JoJo...and, it does seem to help. My job is 12 hour shifts and I been working 5, 6 and 7 days straight here lately to combat the "too much time on my hands" syndrome. My dreams seem to be manifestations of the realities I have been throught the last 15 years. You see............I was married before....for 10 years...had been together for 12. I loved this girl more than anything in the world and we were perfect partners it seemed. She went kinda "mental" on me and everyone else for that matter............totally changed.....she had an affair...went through deep dark depression and excessive misery.......and we got divorced. I still miss her (especially in my dreams) I had known my current wife for 16 years and really thought we could have a good life together. I allowed myself to love her and to forget about the past. Now, since that has ended, I dream a mixture of both women.....sometimes in one house....sometimes in the other...........all the inlaws on both sides.........kids........various settings and scenarios but always with the same underlying theme: they are slipping away and I am doing everything in my power to stop it and I always lose. I will always love my first wife in some ways............now I fear that I will be stuck with the same things for Bethany.....there, i wrote her name.............and that really bothers me. "What" will be left of me to give again really vexes me.
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 10:44:30 PM EDT
There is nothing that I can say that may help you other than the pain subsides and life goes on. The most you can do is be loving father and role model for your son. Good luck to you, father of a future man.
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 10:57:10 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 10:59:47 PM EDT
Wish I could hate her more cause that is the only time I feel free but at times like right now I want nothing more than to go upstairs to our bedroom and slide in bed next to her and settle down for a very peaceful sleep with the person I love. And..........I HATE MY FRICKIN" DREAMS AS THEY REALLY MESS WITH ME!!!
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I've been like that before. I still have dreams about my ex and it has been over six years since we were together. The edge is taken off of them when they happen now and it is rare (maybe twice a year one will pop up). It isn't an easy road to take, but it is the necessary one. I've dated only a little since then, and I have not dated anyone in particular as I am probably too badly scarred from all the crap that went down with my ex. I gave it my all and I made some mistakes here and there, but what happened has happened and I am glad that I am not with her. I'm better off alone than with someone that will make me miserable. Stick to your guns bro, they are the only ones you have. The best medicine for you is to hang out with friends. Try to do things that you enjoy more often like shooting and outdoors stuff (especially things that the wife would never approve of or let you do). Find a cologne that she has mentioned hating that you like and wear it often as an act of defiance. She has claimed her independance and you should follow suit in ways that you enjoy. It's time to re-awaken the man inside that has been compromised into oblivion to fit a woman of that type into your life. Above all, make an effort to do things you enjoy and have fun. If you are too broke to shoot daily and you need something less expensive, read a few good war books. Do whatever it is that you did BEFORE you met her.
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 11:08:49 PM EDT
X-Kill: I am under no illusions that what I say can make a difference in how you feel. I am contemplating a divorce, from a girl that I fell in love with in high school, dated, was dumped by, and got back together with six years later. It seemed so perfect, but oftentimes, things can be different than what they appear. She was very cool before we got married. Now, she is a different person, and no amount of talking we do has changed anything after two years of trying. I may soon be in the same boat as you. Be glad the decision was made for you. I don't know what would be worse....having it thrust upon you (a big ego hit for sure) or having to decide yourself! Just accept the fact that for every woman you truly love, you will leave a little piece of yourself with her forever. And know that as a man, it is your duty to learn something from your experience aside from cynicism (and you WILL) to help you and those you love. I am glad to see that your faith in the Lord is still there. He will never let the righteous fall. He will let us be bruised and banged around, but even though sometimes we don't see it until after the fact, he has a happy destiny planned for all of us, with our strengths and weaknesses accounted for. One day at a time my friend, one foot in front of the other. Spend time with people who care, and they will help a little at a time, even if it doesn't feel like it. If you are REALLY feeling down, just talk to someone, do something, resist the urge to wallow in your reflections. Time DOES heal all wounds, even if they leave a scar, and remember, scars are cool! Sorry I can't help more. You have gotten good advice so far, and I don't really add anything new!!!! Please keep your chin up!
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 11:27:31 PM EDT
X--kill it sucks for a while but in time things really do get better.Heck after my relationship of 7 years ended i felt like a lost kid in the middle of desert.But then you start getting back into the swing of things and it just gets better from there.For example probly not the best but what the hell,all the money you save from being single you can now buy PreBan AR's and not Post. :)
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 11:33:37 PM EDT
Hey stick with the dog,I mean he/she will be your most loayal trusted companion.Damn time to go.
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 11:38:24 PM EDT
Time is the only real cure. Just try to keep your self bussy and hang out with you friends and family as much as pos. it will pass and you will start to fell better it just takes time. good luck man and just be strong.
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 11:45:05 PM EDT
It happens man.I mean women are so wishy washy.That bitch oprah fills their head so full of nonsense. Mmove on and find something new.Nothing like anew piece to make everything all that much better.
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 11:52:15 PM EDT
Originally Posted By X--Kill: All I am sure of right now is that my family loves me.......my few true friends love me, my dog loves me without question, and that the God who has always been beside me even when I was royally screwing up loves me. What about that sickening, bottomless feeling in your gut and the corners of your mind? What about that?
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To take care of the second paragraph, focus on the first. That was what helped me, just focusing on what I got and thanking God for that instead of focusing on what is missing. I know it is hard, but every time you feel that empty feeling, think of it as God's way to tell you to focus on the good stuff. Good luck, God bless, and remember you got us. [:E]
Link Posted: 12/31/2001 11:58:07 PM EDT
Originally Posted By X--Kill: ...She went kinda "mental" on me and everyone else for that matter............totally changed.....she had an affair...went through deep dark depression and excessive misery.......and we got divorced.
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If this is the case, and I'm not trying to vindicate her actions here, could - I'm not joking - menopause be an issue? Seriously, I worked in psych. for 6.5 years and saw behavioral change issues that were hormonal related. Doesn't necessarily go to the heart of the problem, but it does have an influence. If depression came first, then it may have effected some of the actions you described. Hormonal issues are a serious problem for many women (How many?). I've seen it more times than I can count. Certain odd &/or extreme behavioral acts are attributable to mood swings caused by hormonal imbalances. I hate to sound overly clinical about it - just pondering. I tend to look for the solution to the problem (A common male trait, my GF tells me). Sad part is that your needs to choose to pursue it. I'm not going to pass any judgement here, but if she's the "culprit", as it were, in the relationship (normal human errors aside), she'll have to accept some level of responsibility for her behavior before [b]any[/b] solution is possible. This is the case (to an extent) even with individuals who have medically treatable psychosis - they have to accept their condition before thay can really begin to manage it effectively. I've seen more individuals go repeatedly through the system because they've never accdepted their responsibility for being involved in their own treatment. They either deny the problem, or expect someone else to fix it for them. Your wife could be in this very condition. I know this doesn't make things easier, but I hope you might see my point. Give it some thought. If there's any chance that this might apply to your situation, and if she's even open to suggestion, and assuming she's admitted to being depressed, have her consider it. It [i]is[/i] possible. Hang in there, X-Kill - your buddies here at AR15.com are with you.
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 12:07:42 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/1/2002 12:08:21 AM EDT by Redmanfms]
I had my girlfriend leave me for a married janitor this summer. That sucked a fat one dude. I spent years being despised by girls for my politics and ownership of firearms (I think my red hair didn't make me all that popular either) and when I finally really started to like a girl and have a good relationship, she freakin' dumped me. Oh well, shit happens in life dude. You can't have all good or you'll never appreciate what you have. Best suggestions are to spend as much time with friends, try to get involved in as many things as possible, make silly impulse purchases (preferably firearms [;)]), and get drunk with you friends every once in a while. Don't start thinking things won't get better, that'll lead to suicidal shit, believe me, I've been there. We don't need another BrianCav-style obituary to be reading about.
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 8:46:02 AM EDT
X--Kill, I've been there, man. Didn't think anything could hurt that bad. It's almost like a physical pain. She cought me completely by surprise-didn't see it coming. Went together for 4 years, waited til I was in my late 20's, believed her when she said "forver", married for 5 years and then she dropped the big one. "You're not growing", "what are your life goals?" and all that happy horseshi.. I finally went to see an accredited social worker/counselor 'cause I thought I was going to go crazy with grief. He explained that what I was feeling was a "situational depression" and that it was different from true depression. He said that the one that's being left has been taken by surprise while the other one has been dealing with it for some time and has already got it figured out. No matter how hard I tried she wouldn't come back. The one thing I regret is that I even tried to get her back. The counselor was right though; "six months and you will feel better." The best cure is time. You have to go through the anger, hatred, and sorrow, but you'll be surprised at how the human mindand heart can heal itself, and how much stronger you will be. Doesn't hurt when you finally find someone who really cares about you for who you ARE and not who she wants you to be. And you will, believe me! Good luck, buddy You're gonna make it.
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 9:10:59 AM EDT
Well, not much to add. Stay in touch on this board; the thing to do is minimize the feeling of desolation. Go do something that you would ordinarily like to do. Chill out, go for a walk or something and be strong. It doesn't sound like you wanted the relationship to fail, it doesn't sound like you were malicious, so what more could you do? Happy New Year all, and good advice.
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 9:18:23 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 9:27:52 AM EDT
As a teenager, my young heart was broken once by someone who I thought I would spend my entire life with. When she was gone, my friends told me that I will find someone just like her. I told them all that "I will never will". To this day, my words still rings true for I have never had. After almost 14 yrs. of being happily married, I can shout to all those who can hear,......[b]"I found someone a lot better"[/b] ********** Take my story as a motivation to go ahead and live your life to the fullest. Spend time with your friends and relatives, do things that you were not able to do before as a married guy for you will somewhere down the road find someone better than her. Trust me on this! riddler
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 9:40:31 AM EDT
Any advice I might give would be less than totally worthless. Two nights ago, I had a dream about my first love, I was sixteen. [smoke]
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 9:50:13 AM EDT
WIMMINZ![rolleyes]......I do not understand them.But I know their devious,and will trade your a$$ in if they find a better deal.[blue]If you want unconditional love .......look to your dog![/blue] [red]YES I"M SINGLE and I love it![/red]
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 9:56:45 AM EDT
You are already on the road to recovery. First you are talking to people. Good sign, don't shut everyone out. Second you mentioned that God love's you. He can heal any anguish or wound and is the only thing that can provide a lasting comfort. Unfortunatly in our Human frailness we seem have a better ability to hurt than to help. Hang in there guy, I have stood on the edge of the cliff you think you fell over but my wife came back before it went to far. Only by the grace of God did this happen. Lee
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 10:18:10 AM EDT
at least you still have your dog and guns, I know many women that take it all, "pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory is forever"
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 11:03:07 AM EDT
A few years ago, I fell in love with a girl and I don't mean a passionate crush or puppy love, I mean true love. We were two different people in our ways of life, but I was so much in love that our differences didn't matter to me. However, her feelings weren't the same for me and she moved on without me included in her life. I believe this was the first time my heart was broken as even as much I tried to stop thinking about her, I couldn't. What helped me get passed all this was that I just remained the same person that I was and kept the same goals in life. To rephrase a line out of the movie [b]The Patriot[/b], "I stayed the course." and focused on my lifes goals and dreams. I didn't let a broken heart defeat me. Making new friends, such as all of you guys on the boards has been a great help aslo. I'm actually a much happier and more confident person today than I was back then. Perhaps in takes a broken heart and some pain to make you realize who you are and what is most important to you. [b]ArmaLiter[/b]
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 11:05:26 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 12:04:09 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 12:11:55 PM EDT
Originally Posted By NSFJojo: When I realized that those feelings meant I would lose my cherished bachelor freedom among other things, I freaked. I ditched, cut contact with no more than a small letter saying I wasn't ready for anything serious.
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Grrrrreat, Jojo... ::rolleyes:: Same thing just happened to me two days after Christmas sans the letter. Boyfriend panicked... I'm single again. ::wry grin:: X-Kill, I'm so sorry for your pain... I truly can empathize. I just ate my first reasonably sized meal in five days. My stomach has been in knots. When I went through my divorce, it was what I wanted. I had had enough time to mentally prepare for the end of that relationship (although it was still very hard letting go of the plans we'd made for our future) so it was easier for me than for him. This time, I don't want the break. But I can't stay in the relationship under the current terms. Hurts like a bastard. Especially when I woke up the other night with that wonderful feeling you get when you think of the person you love... and the gut-wrenching feeling that follows when the next moment you realize that person is gone. X-Kill... if she wanted the break-up, hold your course. Don't pester her.. she knows where you are if she wants to come back. Call friends or family or visit the board instead when you feel like you absolutely have to contact her. It's not just time that heals... it's space, too. Right now you need some distance or you'll keep tearing off the scab that is trying to form over that wound. Again... I am so sorry for your loss and I truly can empathize. Take care and my email is in my profile if you need to bend an ear. P.S. And for you two "women are wishy-washy opportunists" guys... there are exceptions to every rule. Perhaps you are putting yourself in situations where you only reinforce your current view of women. [:P]
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 12:28:42 PM EDT
Beyond this vale of tears, There is a life above, Unmeasured by the flight of years, And all that life is love Time, friend........
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 12:30:31 PM EDT
Originally Posted By bolt: WIMMINZ![rolleyes]......I do not understand them.But I know their devious,and will trade your a$$ in if they find a better deal.[blue]If you want unconditional love .......look to your dog![/blue] [red]YES I"M SINGLE and I love it![/red]
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Pretty much sums it up......[kill]
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 12:35:49 PM EDT
Originally Posted By bolt: WIMMINZ![rolleyes]......I do not understand them.But I know their devious,and will trade your a$$ in if they find a better deal.[blue]If you want unconditional love .......look to your dog![/blue] [red]YES I"M SINGLE and I love it![/red]
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Well, if we're going to play steretypes... yes, a woman will trade you in if she finds a better deal. But a man will trade you in if he even THINKS there is a better deal out there. [rolleyes]
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 12:41:39 PM EDT
… I floundered in a stagnant marriage for the last half of our 15 years together. In retrospect its clear that we just drifted apart in interests and I just didn’t treat her like I did all those years before. … But I didn’t see it coming when she asked for a divorce. I was devastated, angry, mad, scared and all those other emotions I didn’t even know I had. I wondered how I was going to make it without her. All that “canned” advice from friends and family didn’t heal the pain of lying there alone at night nor did they take away the feelings of my failure. However, their advice was right. After six months or so I apprehensively began dating. I even bought a Harley, working out regularly in the gym and really threw myself into my work. … In no time I was the epitome of a bachelor and there weren’t enough hours in the day for skirt chasing and condom testing. … I’ve since calmed down significantly and actually for the first time in my life I simply enjoy being alone; without a steady womenz. … Looking back it seems silly to me that I even fussed over her during the split when realistically it was a blessing that we went our separate ways. … A younger brother of mine is going through this ordeal now and when myself or the family try talking to him he just doesn’t seem to listen or “get it” but then again I didn’t either during “the phase”. Unfortunately, its analogous with a hangover; there are some ways to ease the comfort but nothing fixes them like the passing of time. … My assessment? You’ll do just fine; in time.
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 12:47:25 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Miss_Magnum:
Originally Posted By bolt: WIMMINZ![rolleyes]......I do not understand them.But I know their devious,and will trade your a$$ in if they find a better deal.[blue]If you want unconditional love .......look to your dog![/blue] [red]YES I"M SINGLE and I love it![/red]
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Well, if we're going to play steretypes... yes, a woman will trade you in if she finds a better deal. But a man will trade you in if he even THINKS there is a better deal out there. [rolleyes]
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I`d say young women today don`t know WHAT they want......BUT looks like it works both ways......What I want to know is why it`s so hard to get along/be compatable anymore?............[argue]
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 1:06:21 PM EDT
Originally Posted By BlackandGreen: I`d say young women today don`t know WHAT they want......BUT looks like it works both ways......What I want to know is why it`s so hard to get along/be compatable anymore?............[argue]
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Compatibility isn't even it. My ex and I agreed that we are incredibly compatible. But as far as completely being in the relationship, he said he "didn't know if he wanted to cash that ticket." Go freakin' figure.
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 1:21:18 PM EDT
"Tis' better to love and lost. Then, to have never loved at all."
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 1:24:28 PM EDT
I know how you feel bro. It has been 3 years since my divorce, and I still have my bad times. I cried like a baby at the end of "Saving Private Ryan", and when I saw "Cast Away", it was just as bad. At least you still have your family - my parents passed on years ago - and I am still young. you have gotten a lot of good advice from your family here (so take it [;)]) Best wishes bro. Tyler [img]www.ar15.com/members/albums/TylerDurden%2FDebogator%21%2Ejpg[/img]
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 1:25:34 PM EDT
Well, of the few things that I can say for certain, foremost in my mind is this; you guys truly are "family" Thank you each and everyone for your words of advice and for relaying personal experiences of similar circumstances. I guess it all boils down to identity. Right now everything that I was no longer is. Me, the husband, the father (step), my house, my lifestyle..... all vanished right before my eyes. I must admit though that somewhere in the recesses of my mind I knew that the things were reaching critical mass. It was obvious that our differences on child rearing, the increasing difficulties surrounding her childs abhorrant behavior coupled with his Bio-dads negative influences and programmings and our differences on the overall definition and embodiement of love were going in different directions. To me though, I was willing to go above and beyond because of my love for this woman. Twas'not enough. Tell me............even when you know that you are in a no win situation and that the person you love is the same person who is causing all of this crap in your life.........the same person who could change it and even stop it if they loved you half as much as you love them........does it make you a fool to continue to miss them and even love them? See, I can not change my feelings but I feel like a traitor to myself in a way because I know in my heart of hearts that SHE is the very reason I am in this Hell! So complicated. Despite all this, I know that if she called me right now I would have very serious reservations about taking her back because I would not be willing to travel the same path again.......even for love, if she could actually love me like a woman should. Thanks again friends for being willing to come to the aid of a brother in need. you guys are too cool!
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 2:00:40 PM EDT
As everyone has said time is what it takes, and that sucks while your waiting for the time to pass. I got divorced after being married for five years and I was devastated. I only had two dates in the next two years because I was so afraid of being hurt again. Then I met the woman that I am married to now and after five years I still thank God every day for her. I wasn't even looking and she just happened along. I understand what your feeling but believe me it will get better. By the way it took balls for you to post this and I admire you for that. At the time I couldn't have done it. Good luck.
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 2:07:11 PM EDT
One night I waked up from the mother of all flashbacks. It was so overwelming that it continued though I was fully awake, my body felt like I was being electrocuted. I decided to wake my wife cuz i didn't know what else to do. When she woke she took one look at me and screamed, "you look like the devil". This was not particulary reassuring, I laid back,my mind racing, as to figure out how I was going to get out of this hell of living nightmare. Then it came to me, that one: that this effect was a natural reaction to unnatural events past. My second thought was time. That since this was a natural reaction, that like an illness that I would pass thru stages, and out the other side. It affected me for weeks but the panic began to subside, as soon as I thought it thru. My wife was later horrorfied by what she said, but had she not thrown 'gas on the fire', I might never had the desperation to seek the answer myself. It may happen again but I know I can deal with it. Time is a healer. Try to focus on today, and realize this hurt is a natural reaction, and this too will pass..... GIB
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 2:14:07 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Miss_Magnum:
Originally Posted By BlackandGreen: I`d say young women today don`t know WHAT they want......BUT looks like it works both ways......What I want to know is why it`s so hard to get along/be compatable anymore?............[argue]
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Compatibility isn't even it. My ex and I agreed that we are incredibly compatible. But as far as completely being in the relationship, he said he "didn't know if he wanted to cash that ticket." Go freakin' figure.
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Can`t figure it......that`s the problem...........[:(]
Link Posted: 1/1/2002 2:17:43 PM EDT
Thanks 03Shooter! Dunno if it was balls or just plain ol reality.............I am not one to hide my feelings and as my life experiences continue, I find that I get more and more honest with myself. Happy for you and your lady!
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