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Posted: 12/15/2001 4:29:30 PM EDT
ok, i want to get laid, what's it going to take. no animals, no prostitutes, no dirty chicks, no men, no drugs, no just-her-drunk i'm straight so no guys. i'm endowed (well). if we both get drunk that's no prob, but i want poontang!!!! ahhhhhhhhh it's driving me crazy (i made like 7 spelling errors in that one sentence) i'm talking walking up to girl i sort of know and getting some poon, be advised this won't be in a strange town, i have to live in this place for a while so i can't get *too* crazy. you guys are all raging pimp/mac daddies and casanova's, what do you suggest??
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 4:31:15 PM EDT
Call FranktheSpank, he'll give you the skinny.
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 4:33:36 PM EDT
Dude, Canada has some of the prettiest, nicest girls in the world, just go up to one and talk to her.
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 4:34:31 PM EDT
You are a very fussy guy. May I suggest a cold shower? Seriously, why don't you go sign up for a class or something at your local community college. Lots o women there. What about your workplace? Maybe time for a career change. I almost became a bartender at a topless joint when I was in college. I was down and out and my lawyer friend who frequented this place called "Fantasy Island" suggested it. I probably would have just ended up being more frustrate though. Oh well, ME TOO! How do I get me a womanz!!!!!
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 4:37:37 PM EDT
Stop talking to a bunch of people online about it and go do something! Just a little tip, good luck.
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 4:39:26 PM EDT
Spend less time on line, grab a shower (not that you need one), goto a club/bar/gathering place, turn on the charm. Leave your feelings at home and give it your best whirl. Don't be too forward and get alittle swave on some ladies.
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 4:40:02 PM EDT
Originally Posted By OffRoad: ok, i want to get laid, what's it going to take. ... you guys are all raging pimp/mac daddies and casanova's, what do you suggest??
View Quote
If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be on AR15.com at 8:30 p.m. on Saturday night...
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 4:41:55 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Defcon: Don't be too forward and get alittle swave on some ladies.
View Quote
Do you mean suave?
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 4:44:58 PM EDT
Actually I'm pretty sure we're all not raging cassanovas. I am, but that's a different story! You want poon-tang? Lower your standards. U can have all the fat, ugly, mentaly disturbed poontang your heart desires. OF course, you probably don't want poon that's ugly. So here's: Jojos Advice on Picking Up Average to Medium- Above Average Poon Go to the nearest pet store. Like Pets R us, or Pet supermarket. I have on good word that girls there just can't seem to find a guy to sleep with. Now, the trick here is NOT to go find the hottest girl in the store, but to find the PLAINEST girl in the store. Ask her some questions about some of the animals and then thank her for her advice. Flirt and give her alot of attention. Then assure her that you will be back to pick your new pet once you decide and ask when you can see her again next week "because she was so helpful". Now, I know this is kind of sounding like a ramble but it IS difficult to type on these damn laptop keyboards! so stick with me. Go next week to her work and BRING a present. Just a little something you want to give to her for her "time and patience for dealing with your "stupid" questions. After giving her the gift judge her reaction. If it looks like she's been a bit flattered, make your move. Ask her if she can help discuss your pet-related questions over dinner/lunch. If she says yes, your gonna get laid if you just keep playing it smooth. Dont show her any of your guns, dont talk to her about the second admendment or any other hotly contested bullshit. Just be a like-able, nice looking or somewhat charming guy. If she doesnt take your gift, just buy a goldfish and throw it out your car window on your way home... all alone. HAHA [):)] NSF
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 4:50:36 PM EDT
Dear Offroad. As a man of considerable sexual experience (and by considerable I mean a PhD in every portion of the female human anatomy), please remember to keep an open mind no matter what her politics or personal opinions are. After all, we're after "T&A," not promoting our "RKBA". So of course, We agree with everything she has to say and we try to promote "similar" ideas as well. Also, it is of course necessary to be in the proper physical condition as well. Skinny and defined is in these days, complimented by the proper development of pectoral muscles (stand-outish). Even if you don't like the fashions worn by the "masses," you need to add this type of attire to your wardrobe. Don't be afraid to ask the girl who works at the clothing store what you look "good" in. Also, if you're not in touch with the latest music and groups, you're pretty much screwed, so make sure you've got that covered as well. Make sure that you show confidence in your feelings and beliefs, not matter what you do. Womenz love a strong, confident man who seems adamant and sincere in his beliefs. I have a lot more info, which is far from these "basics" and if you feel the need, be sure to E-mail me. FWIW - Tyler did not write this. He will deny any and all information divulged in this post. Good luck, bro! [beer] Tyler
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 4:51:30 PM EDT
Wanna get laid ??? Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait... [:)]
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 4:53:34 PM EDT
Originally Posted By NSFJojo: Actually I'm pretty sure we're all not raging cassanovas. I am, but that's a different story! You want poon-tang? Lower your standards. U can have all the fat, ugly, mentaly disturbed poontang your heart desires. OF course, you probably don't want poon that's ugly. So here's: Jojos Advice on Picking Up Average to Medium- Above Average Poon Go to the nearest pet store. Like Pets R us, or Pet supermarket. I have on good word that girls there just can't seem to find a guy to sleep with. Now, the trick here is NOT to go find the hottest girl in the store, but to find the PLAINEST girl in the store. Ask her some questions about some of the animals and then thank her for her advice. Flirt and give her alot of attention. Then assure her that you will be back to pick your new pet once you decide and ask when you can see her again next week "because she was so helpful". Now, I know this is kind of sounding like a ramble but it IS difficult to type on these damn laptop keyboards! so stick with me. Go next week to her work and BRING a present. Just a little something you want to give to her for her "time and patience for dealing with your "stupid" questions. After giving her the gift judge her reaction. If it looks like she's been a bit flattered, make your move. Ask her if she can help discuss your pet-related questions over dinner/lunch. If she says yes, your gonna get laid if you just keep playing it smooth. Dont show her any of your guns, dont talk to her about the second admendment or any other hotly contested bullshit. Just be a like-able, nice looking or somewhat charming guy. [b]If she doesnt take your gift, just buy a goldfish and throw it out your car window on your way home... all alone. HAHA[/b] [):)] NSF
View Quote
PIMPROTFLMAO You are one fucked up dude Jojo.
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 5:02:04 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/15/2001 5:01:36 PM EDT by toaster]
Originally Posted By NSFJojo: Just be a like-able, nice looking or somewhat charming guy.
View Quote
ZING!!!! Listen to NSF's advice. He speaks the truth!!
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 5:46:33 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/15/2001 5:38:44 PM EDT by Ponyboy]
Originally Posted By Defcon: Don't be too forward and get alittle swave on some ladies.
View Quote
Not sure where you are from, but around here if you go around getting swave on people you'll get arrested.
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 6:00:05 PM EDT
Aaaaa be a man and just rub it out.
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 6:01:15 PM EDT
I've found that pullups work. Pullup in a Porsche or pullup in a Mercedes.
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 6:05:52 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/15/2001 5:59:06 PM EDT by OffRoad]
wow! so much advice. vinnie: ilive in canada, and canadian chicks do kick ass as the tshirt says, i've met some of them and it's true. 50cal: good idea, i should have took a business course, that is 80-90% women (really hot ones) in my class "mechanical engineering" we only have 2 women, both taken, but that old navy saying is true "when there aren't many, they look better and better every day" :) SNIPERm88,defcon,tachyon: you're all right, it's true nsfjojo: OMG he talked to me, i feel like one of those fans with the bsb. advice from the great nsf, it will be taken as a commandment from high. (sorry religious guys) one prob, i've got no car and the nearest ANYTHING is a irving convenience store 2 miles away. (not very convienent!) thanks for the advice guys, next weekend i'm doing some drinking with buddies and i'm planning on inviting up this girl i know and.... well we'll see, i'm really going to try to get something moving, from what she's told me she has some experience and doesn't exactly make you sign a 5 day waiting form if you know what i mean.... she's not a ho, just comfortable with her sexuality... which is good for me. i've got no inadaquacy (sp) probs so that helps... hehehe keep the advice coming OffRoad
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 6:14:37 PM EDT
Redmanfms, yes, I do, thanks for the assist. I can talk a good game but write it? Nope. [%|]
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 6:22:35 PM EDT
First off, don't hang-out around there. That's your first problem.z
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 6:22:48 PM EDT
Prostitution is legal in Canada...look in the phone book and find a nice massage parlor [:D]
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 6:36:25 PM EDT
ZOOM, you beat me to it. First follow the advice of ZOOM !!
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 6:39:02 PM EDT
i said no prostitutes but yeah we have that over in moncton. "Eighty-One Weldon Street" that's the name of the "massage parlour" me and the boys went over there once when bored. we didn't go in but talked to the nice lady at the door for 10 mins.
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 6:57:16 PM EDT
You can start by getting off the computer and trying to meet some womenz!
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 6:57:25 PM EDT
Do opposite of everything that I do. You know, opening doors, saying "hi", generally being nice and stuff like that. Womenz show open aggression against guys (well to me at least) who do that.
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 7:00:29 PM EDT
yeah, being a gentleman used to be cool but it's not now. i got advice froim a guy about his. he sais "treat em like s*** and they'll stay with you forever" it seems to be true.
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 7:07:28 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/15/2001 7:02:33 PM EDT by DK-Prof]
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 7:13:04 PM EDT
Didn't you post a picture of yourself sitting on an ATV? If that was you then.. my advice is to - 1) wait 5 years and 2) don't be so dang nerdly [:D]
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 7:21:44 PM EDT
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh. oqwwwwwwwwwwwww owwwwwwwwww owwwwwwwww ow it hurts it hurts... that's meanmman. [school boy voice] atv's are cool. shut up i ralize that wasn't the best pic of me but still. that pics WAS a year ago. and to the people get off the net. i do. i'm at college it's saturday i'm not getting drunk or laid but i'm not a don't choose not to do this stff it has been forced upon me. i've known nerd that wouldn't drink beer if you gev it to them. they're geeks, i'm not.
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 7:39:41 PM EDT
dragracerart, I have one word for you. EGAD!!
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 7:47:46 PM EDT
well my sis just saw this and ummmm... yeah.... so my face is really red..... oh man whatever
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 8:00:46 PM EDT
Ask your sister that always works for me. [peep]
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 8:03:14 PM EDT
Try getting your hand drunk!! Just kidding. Be yourself. That's the most important thing. And I hear roofies work for that problem also!! [smoke]
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 8:07:42 PM EDT
Your sister? Do you still live at home? This could be your single largest problem with getting laid. that waiting 5 years may not be a bad idea. On the bright side you do know the girl this "comfortable with her sexuality" I believe is how you put it. Maybe she'll give it up. Its worth a try. Good luck I like NSF's post i think that just might work. I may have try that one myself. hehe
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 8:47:32 PM EDT
Originally Posted By NSFJojo: Jojos Advice on Picking Up Average to Medium- Above Average Poon Go to the nearest pet store. Like Pets R us, or Pet supermarket. I have on good word that girls there just can't seem to find a guy to sleep with. Now, the trick here is NOT to go find the hottest girl in the store, but to find the PLAINEST girl in the store. Ask her some questions about some of the animals and then thank her for her advice. Flirt and give her alot of attention. Then assure her that you will be back to pick your new pet once you decide and ask when you can see her again next week "because she was so helpful". Now, I know this is kind of sounding like a ramble but it IS difficult to type on these damn laptop keyboards! so stick with me. Go next week to her work and BRING a present. Just a little something you want to give to her for her "time and patience for dealing with your "stupid" questions. After giving her the gift judge her reaction. If it looks like she's been a bit flattered, make your move. Ask her if she can help discuss your pet-related questions over dinner/lunch. If she says yes, your gonna get laid if you just keep playing it smooth. Dont show her any of your guns, dont talk to her about the second admendment or any other hotly contested bullshit. Just be a like-able, nice looking or somewhat charming guy. If she doesnt take your gift, just buy a goldfish and throw it out your car window on your way home... all alone. HAHA NSF
View Quote
McUzi vs hangfire, frank the spanks "paid prostitute for sex" thread, and jesus carrying a barret 50BMG..............and the above is the sickest shit i have ever seen. the worst part if how much though was put into that.
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 9:01:16 PM EDT
Offroad, NSFJojo and TylerDurden have both given you a wealth of information. By absolutely no stretch of the imagination could I ever be considered a "player", but by using Tyler's insight and practicing NSF's technique, you'll get your willy nice and slimy. I'll jump a couple of steps ahead now and share another pearl of wisdom. When the time comes, just remember- Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay, and then some more foreplay. I've said this before and I'll say it again. When it's time to munch the carpet, don't forget to practice your ABC's. You'll be guaranteed a wild ride. [sex]
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 9:23:14 PM EDT
What's wrong with your truck ....
Link Posted: 12/15/2001 9:40:39 PM EDT
Originally Posted By DesertRider: I've said this before and I'll say it again. When it's time to munch the carpet, don't forget to practice your ABC's. You'll be guaranteed a wild ride. [sex]
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A=Airway B=Breathing C=Circulation Are you suggesting wearing some type of apparatus to allow you to breathe fresh air down there?? [:D]
Link Posted: 12/16/2001 4:33:02 AM EDT
Ummm...how old are you??? Without a car you're screwed(not literally) if your over the age of about 16.
Link Posted: 12/16/2001 4:46:28 AM EDT
ABC's??? A: Airway, or better put getting some tongue to inspect upper Airway. Holding the head will provide you some cervical spine control as well B: Breathing, touch breasts. Inspect form and shape, oh yeah don't forget to check on symmetry of brea.uhmm breathing... C: Circulation, Reroute circulation from the brain to your little brain... D: Disability, Don't just lay down unresponsive.. Be Alert E: Exposure, Undress and do a full head to toe exam..... p.s. forget about the Allergy, Medicine, Past Illnesses and Last Meal bit..... Conguering women Paramedic style...methodicly and effectively [:D] [;)] [:D] [;)] [:D]
Link Posted: 12/16/2001 5:17:04 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/16/2001 7:04:33 AM EDT
Chicks dig guys that make them laugh...me, I pull down my pants and show them my "package", they laugh every time! [BD] No seriously, witty conversation and showing them a cool time works for me, and don't be afraid to make a move...if you're going to go out, go out swinging. It sucks to end the night saying, "What if?"
Link Posted: 12/16/2001 7:14:36 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/16/2001 7:07:56 AM EDT by TRW]
Check out this website for some tips: [url]http://personal.riverusers.com/~thegrendel/contents.html[/url] or this one: [url]http://meetwomen.com/[/url]
Link Posted: 12/16/2001 7:29:19 AM EDT
Have you considered getting off (the) road?
Link Posted: 12/16/2001 8:35:46 AM EDT
Originally Posted By RBAD:
Originally Posted By DesertRider: I've said this before and I'll say it again. When it's time to munch the carpet, don't forget to practice your ABC's. You'll be guaranteed a wild ride. [sex]
View Quote
A=Airway B=Breathing C=Circulation Are you suggesting wearing some type of apparatus to allow you to breathe fresh air down there?? [:D]
View Quote
RBAD, The "ABC's" is a technique my uncle told me about when I was a teenager. It's a technique I have perfected to an art form which has provided me with some of the sloppiest glazed donut face's known to man. When you're ready to dine on some tasty beaver, try this out. Instead of aimlessly lapping away, use the tip of your tongue like you would a pen and write each letter of the alphabet against her clitoris. I've gone through the alphabet forward and backwards and even spell out the lyrics to songs. This can stretch a five or ten minute munch session into an hour long ride that'll have her clawing at the sheets and climbing up the headboard. Don't blame me if you get a tongue cramp, though! [:D]
Link Posted: 12/16/2001 11:13:39 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/16/2001 11:07:46 PM EDT by prk]
Uh, I'll defer to the experience of Lordtrader and Imbrog|io on this question...
Link Posted: 12/16/2001 11:36:49 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Waverunner: Chicks dig guys that make them laugh...me, I pull down my pants and show them my "package", they laugh every time! [BD]
This is completely true, from what the GAW told me. She said that the guy she met from nerve.com sang her some song about butt plugs that made her laugh so hard she almost barfed. "I have never done this before, but I slept with him even though this was the first time I met him.", she said. According to that damned man, who said I ain't gonna get me none, Desmond Morris, if you are talking to a womenz and she touches her hair alot she is interested in you. It is an unconscious reaction that goes back to primate behavior, similar to a mating ritual.
Link Posted: 12/17/2001 12:33:16 AM EDT
Simply find a woman you like, go to her father, and offer him ten camels. A father would be a fool not to take ten camels for his daughter. Then you have to worry about feeding her and keeping a roof over her head, but not to worry, you are in Canada and the government will take care of you!
Link Posted: 12/17/2001 2:21:33 AM EDT
I've been married for more than ten years, so I know exactly what to do to get laid. All it takes is the proper amount of the right kind of foreplay. In my case, it's.... 2 weeks of begging.
Link Posted: 12/17/2001 2:28:10 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/17/2001 2:28:32 AM EDT by ump45]
i want to get laid!! what do i have to do?
View Quote
My suggestion would be to whack-off three or four times [b]before[/b] you go on the date. Nothing is as pathetic, in the eyes of a girl, as a desperate horny guy.
Link Posted: 12/17/2001 2:45:35 AM EDT
You can be like George on Seinfeld and do the opposite of what you usually do.. :), or you can go down and buy a wedding band. Women are evil -- if they think you're married they will try to corrupt you. he he
Link Posted: 12/17/2001 4:01:32 AM EDT
Originally Posted By OffRoad: wow! so much advice. one prob, i've got [u]no car[/u] and the nearest ANYTHING is a irving convenience store 2 miles awayOffRoad
View Quote
... In that case it looks like [b]Guzzler[/b]'s idea was the best.
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