Oh my! Where to start? Two goodies:

Respond to a call in the East Village (Manhattan) for an "abdominal pain" On arrival I see two guys. One is bent over at about 45 degrees in pain, and his male 'friend' is cradling and consoling him...Try to get a story out of them and all I get is he "accidentally" got something stuck up "there." Being the true professional that I am I blurted out "Well, spit it out..What did you shove up there, was it alive when you put it up there and why won't it come out?" "You know damn well I ain't going to look so tell me what it is."

They finally fessed up and told me they were playing with a Barbie doll and it got stuck up there, and they can't get it out..OK, I'll take his word for it. Get in the ambulance and we'll take you down to the hospital..After a rather bumpy ride to the hospital I wait around for the X-Ray. Yup! The X-Ray clearly shows Barbie crammed all the way up this guy's ass. Unfortunately, they shoved Barbie in head first and when they tried to remove it, Barbie's arms sprang out like barbs on a fish hook and embedded themselves into his rectum tissue....Off to surgery goes the Butt Bandit for removal....

Get a call for an EDP only to arrive on scene to see six of NYPD's finest getting tossed around like rag dolls by a naked 100 lbs man. Come to find out he's sky high on PCP...Everybody pulls back and calls in the heavy hitters, ESU...ESU tazers the guy..Nothing happens. They try the suicide bar to pin him in a corner and he bends the bar like a pretzel...Oh shit! ESU decides that the only thing to do is armor up and bumrush him...Well, they finally subdue him, double cuff his hands behind him, and strap the shit out of him on the stretcher. All the while he's kicking and screaming like a crazed banshee...So, what does NYPD do after this guy just finished kicking the crap out of half the Precinct? You guessed it, they stick a female rookie who weights 100 lbs soaking wet in the ambulance to escort him to the hospital...WTF?!?!

Off to the hospital. As I'm trying to draw up the Ativan to put this guy down, he breaks free from the six stretcher straps, jumps off the stretcher and proceeds to repeatedly head butt the female LEO. She has her seatbelt on (dumb move) and can't get free to defend herself! Oh shit! I blindly stab the guy in the ass with the Ativan, but nothing happens. The cop is now barely conscious and I'm out of options..I clock him in the head with a D-Tank, the radio, etc, but nothing I'm doing is even putting a dent in him....Finally I said fuck it! I kicked the latch to open the back door of the moving ambulance (about 30 mph) and proceed to body check the guy, cuffs and all, out the ambulance and onto the street where he gets run over by a tailgating vehicle....Oh shit! I can now kiss my job goodbye. Luckily, the intersection I tossed him out at is notorious for drunks..I jumped out screaming "Did you see that! The Fucking idiot jumped out of my ambulance!" Nothing like having 20+ drunk who 'witnessed' my patient jump out of the ambulance.....

Quoted: We recently had a call to the PD for a report of a beaver swimming in the ocean

I would've responded and asked "I'm here to shoot him, right?"

Years ago, I was an electrician.  The company hired a new guy, he seemed to know what he was doing.  His left hand was screwed up, missing part of the palm, two fingers and part of a third.  Injuries like that are not uncommon in electrical work, so no one really thought too much about it.  

Someone finally asked him what happened to his hand.  He said he used to be a paramedic.  They were responding to some kind of domestic violence call or something like that.  He got out of the waaaaambulance, grabbed a bag, and headed toward the house.  

The man of the house had apparently shot the woman of the house, and was lying in wait for the cops to show up.  They had beaten the cops there.  As he approached the house, the man fired a shotgun at him, point blank.  The blast hit his hand (holding the bag), passed through, and laid open his side.  At this point in the story, he raised his shirt - revealing an inverted "V" shaped scar running from his ribcage to his waist, spanning front to rear.  I'm not sure how much was shotgun blast injury, and how much was surgery scars, but he was fucked up by it.

Sad thing was, he ended up hooked on oxycotton, or whatever pills he could get.  We didn't find out until his second paycheck.  He started coming in all fucked up, couldn't hardly walk, much less work.  Had to fire him.

Double tap

Quoted: Quoted: I posted this in the BOTS forum a few months back; After 18 years in EMS and several trips to sensitivity training, I've learned a few things; You could have fooled me... Leaving a styrofoam container of left over chinese food labled "human donor organs" in the rig at shift change will get you a nasty phone call form a supervisor. (Just ask another unnamed poster in this thread.) How y'all doin! When you've been dispatched to a frequent flyers home, pulling up out front and honking is frowned upon. When the Chief unexpectedly arrives at the fire where you're a ride along, and he asks you "how's it goin'?" be glad you still have your SCBA mask on, nod your head, and reply "Mmph gugga burb gugga... bubzit?"

Remember a certain German Fraulein with abd pain? Remember "intubating" the green ranger during a weekend in Bloomington? Remember the canadian lifeguard? What the hell was her name anyway?

We've gotta go back.

Fucking oh dark thirty, coming back to Tango7's house after helping someone move. Long way from my home. Swung into his station for some reason I can't remember, and found that all apparatus was out at this car vs tree motor vehicle crash. The station is empty except for some older gent in dispatch, off-duty Tango7 and little old me. Command is yelling for the reserve rescue. So I find myself in the passanger seat of another service's rig, screaming like a raped chipmunk driving with due regard to this MVC. Multiple patients, all 'urban youth' and a crowd of ~200 onlookers, all of the patient's peer group. Critical patient on the cot, corpse on the bench seat, Tango7 assisting with extrication of the remaining. Tommy wants to dump the corpse and boogie to the ER with the critical, Tango7 is trying to explain that' in his territory, doing such will cause a fucking riot among the onlookers. Very large firefighter named Otis is trying to decide wheher to kick Tommy's strange little white ass out of the rig, or spike a bag like Tommy's telling him to.

Truely fucked up situation. I don't even remember if the patient on the cot lived.

Quoted: I posted this in the BOTS forum a few months back; After 18 years in EMS and several trips to sensitivity training, I've learned a few things; When a 14 year old male make a suicide gesture by taking 10 Midol tablets, don't tell him that he's not going to die but that he might break out in little vaginas. No matter how cute the female patient is, don't use the phrase "breath sounds are luscious" in a radio patch. In the same vein, don't hand the drunk patient the radio mic when the ER nurse is being pissy. Don't taunt the dispatchers. It makes for a very long shift. When requesting a radio patch, say "requesting a patch to UW ER", not "open a hailing frequency". Don't fake Tourette's on the air. Never utter the phrase "what the fuck, over" on the air either. "Scanning" the paranoid schizophrenic with the garage door opener is considered unprofessional. So is punching a hole in a patient's MA card and telling them "you only have one call left, so don't call again unless you really need us". Don't giggle when you cardiovert a consious patient. Similarly, don't exclaim "holy shit' when you look at the monitor. When writing run reports, don't replace 'per protocol' with 'in accordance with the prophicies'. Don't write them in the form of a limerick, or as a haiku. Eating Dinty Moore beef stew out of a suction container is a 'funny once' kind of thing. Leaving a styrofoam container of left over chinese food labled "human donor organs" in the rig at shift change will get you a nasty phone call form a supervisor. (Just ask another unnamed poster in this thread.) When you've been dispatched to a frequent flyers home, pulling up out front and honking is frowned upon.

 How did you get inside my head?  Guess I need another layer of foil!

Quoted: Quoted: I remember as a kid my friends dad was a LEO and there was one story that he always told of a domestic dispute where someone got stabbed by their wife with a frozen carrot and almost died. Reminds me of a story that my scout master told me back in the day. He was a city cop known for not taking shit from anyone and was a bit of a renegade. Well one night he was called to a domestic dispute. An hour or two goes by and he gets called back to the same dispute. He tells the morons that if he gets called back again there's going to be issues. Sure enough he gets called back a little while later, so he goes up to the front door, kicks it in, then walks in with a dummy grenade in hand and reminds the people that they were warned there was going to be trouble. So he pulls the pin and lets the spoon fly and drops the grenade on the floor and turns to walk out. He said there was people diving out through windows and scrambling to get out of the house. As you can imagine the police chief wasn't too happy, and he was stuck with traffic duty for several months for that stunt.

That's why my wife says she wouldn't be a good cop right there.

She would do stuff like that nightly, given provocation.

Quoted: "Let's go to the video-TAPE!"

Thank you, Warner Wolf!

be careful the hippa police are watching

ok seriously

got called to a full-arrest which ended up being a 10-80 in a hotel room several

years ago it was toward the middle of dec. so we get on scene and the guy is dead

so we call the cops and coroner . so this dead guy is in bed strip stark naked while

this chick is setting in a chair crying, so we give her the normal i'm sorry there is nothing

we can do blah blah blah. then she looks at the cop and said "oh god what am i

going to tell his wife" and cop replies with out hesitation "merry christmas" it took every

thing i had to not die of laughter right there in front of her.

one more for ya

9 or 10 years ago the service i worked for had a policy that each day

you had to call 10-8 for shift with your unit number and both crew members last name

like this med3 jones, smith 10-8

my last name is limpp and my partners last name was johnson. so for like 2 or 3 months

we called 10-8 for shift med3 radio limpp, johnson 10-8 for shift. everybody always got

a good laugh out. so one day right after going 10-8 we get called on the radio to report

to the directors office, so as we walk in thinking what the hell did we do he was laughing so

hard he was almost crying " you guys can not go 10-8 like that anymore" turns out some

scanner junkie had called to complain about us saying limpp johnson over the air. form

that day on we were technician limpp and technician johnson. the great thing is here we

are 10 years later and a partners again and every time we see some of the old guys

that is all they talk about. "you guys remember when" "yes we remember"

Quoted: Quoted: We recently had a call to the PD for a report of a beaver swimming in the ocean I would've responded and asked "I'm here to shoot him, right?"

We got a call later in the week for a supposedly rabid beaver. I don't even know if that is possible

Funny combat medic story or “How a truck took out a scout squad and their medic”.

So there I was on duty at the BAS (battalion aid station) during a really cold ice storm in the wilds of Fort Hood during an FTX.  It was a really cold day and I am monitoring the radio in the 577 serving as a BAS while reading a penthouse.  All of the sudden one of the scouts shows up missing the top part of his finger.  I take one look at it and say what happened.

This is what the scout tells me.

The scout basically says he was really cold and he stuck his fingers in the heater vent wear it is really warm and the fan cut off the top of his finger.  

I laugh bandage the fool up and call the PA for further instructions.  






Not five minutes later another scout from the same truck shows up without the top part of his finger.  I ask him what happened and he tells me this.  

The scout basically says he was really cold and he stuck his fingers in the vent wear it is warm and the fan cut the top part of his finger off.

I ask him why the fuck he would do this seeing as how the first guy in his truck got his finger cut.  He says he thought he could get close without cutting his finger off like the first guy.

I laugh bandage the fool up and call the PA for further instructions
Not five minutes later a third scout from the same truck shows up without the top part of his finger.  I ask him what happened and he tells me this.

The scout basically says he was really cold and he stuck his fingers in the vent wear it is warm and the fan cut the top part of his finger off.

I ask him why the fuck he would do this seeing as how the first and second guy in his truck got their fingers cut.  He says he thought he could get closer than the other two without cutting his finger off like the first two guy.

I laugh bandage the fool up and call the PA for further instructions





Not five minutes pass before the scout medic shows up from the same truck missing the top part of his finger.




I laughed until I almost peed myself.  Unfortunately for them the CSM was not in a laughing mood when he found out.

Quoted: "We have a flopper at the Whopper"

Oh, let's see....

Pulling duty-crew one Saturday, dispatch starts dropping tones, everybody stops to listen
to see if it's our call or not. It's not - it's for Middleburg (small rural town in NOVA with
way too much old-school $$, where Jackie O & Christopehr Reeves did their 'fall off the
horse' thing....)

Anyway, call is for EMS. Dispatcher goes into 'Injury from a fall' then gives the address,
then comes back, "Injury is a fall from a cow...."
Everybody lost it!

---
Get punched out at 'oh my god, it's early'230 for an OD. Young coed on who-knows-what,
pupils like pinpricks. "I only took some allergy medicine." Yeah, okay.
We're packing her up, she's talking all kinds of crazy shit, I'm just nodding and agreeing,
as that seems to keep her calm and cooperative.
We head for the ER, and less than 5 minutes into the ride, she starts screaming, "OMG,
they're eating me!"
"What is?"
"The purple spiders! They're all over me!"
Oh good, now we're seeing shit and I'm back here by myself.... I'm just an EMT-B, so I
don't have anything I can give her.

So I reach over, flip on the power to the suction device, and start running the tip across
her shirt.
"There, I'm sucking up the spiders. That'll keep them away. Let me know if you see any
more." She calmed right down, and every once in a while, 'There's one on my foot', one
on my knee, etc.

Made it to the ER intact and sane!
(Too bad she was into drugs, she was seriously HOT!) Ah well....


More tomorrow if the thread keeps going.....

Quoted: I posted this in the BOTS forum a few months back; After 18 years in EMS and several trips to sensitivity training, I've learned a few things; When a 14 year old male make a suicide gesture by taking 10 Midol tablets, don't tell him that he's not going to die but that he might break out in little vaginas. No matter how cute the female patient is, don't use the phrase "breath sounds are luscious" in a radio patch. In the same vein, don't hand the drunk patient the radio mic when the ER nurse is being pissy. Don't taunt the dispatchers. It makes for a very long shift. When requesting a radio patch, say "requesting a patch to UW ER", not "open a hailing frequency". Don't fake Tourette's on the air. Never utter the phrase "what the fuck, over" on the air either. "Scanning" the paranoid schizophrenic with the garage door opener is considered unprofessional. So is punching a hole in a patient's MA card and telling them "you only have one call left, so don't call again unless you really need us". Don't giggle when you cardiovert a consious patient. Similarly, don't exclaim "holy shit' when you look at the monitor. When writing run reports, don't replace 'per protocol' with 'in accordance with the prophicies'. Don't write them in the form of a limerick, or as a haiku. Eating Dinty Moore beef stew out of a suction container is a 'funny once' kind of thing. Leaving a styrofoam container of left over chinese food labled "human donor organs" in the rig at shift change will get you a nasty phone call form a supervisor. (Just ask another unnamed poster in this thread.) When you've been dispatched to a frequent flyers home, pulling up out front and honking is frowned upon.

You guys can't get away with anything. Fucking with people and generally having a good time is half the fun of riding the bus around here.

Quoted: Quoted: I posted this in the BOTS forum a few months back; After 18 years in EMS and several trips to sensitivity training, I've learned a few things; When a 14 year old male make a suicide gesture by taking 10 Midol tablets, don't tell him that he's not going to die but that he might break out in little vaginas. No matter how cute the female patient is, don't use the phrase "breath sounds are luscious" in a radio patch. In the same vein, don't hand the drunk patient the radio mic when the ER nurse is being pissy. Don't taunt the dispatchers. It makes for a very long shift. When requesting a radio patch, say "requesting a patch to UW ER", not "open a hailing frequency". Don't fake Tourette's on the air. Never utter the phrase "what the fuck, over" on the air either. "Scanning" the paranoid schizophrenic with the garage door opener is considered unprofessional. So is punching a hole in a patient's MA card and telling them "you only have one call left, so don't call again unless you really need us". Don't giggle when you cardiovert a consious patient. Similarly, don't exclaim "holy shit' when you look at the monitor. When writing run reports, don't replace 'per protocol' with 'in accordance with the prophicies'. Don't write them in the form of a limerick, or as a haiku. Eating Dinty Moore beef stew out of a suction container is a 'funny once' kind of thing. Leaving a styrofoam container of left over chinese food labled "human donor organs" in the rig at shift change will get you a nasty phone call form a supervisor. (Just ask another unnamed poster in this thread.) When you've been dispatched to a frequent flyers home, pulling up out front and honking is frowned upon. You guys can't get away with anything. Fucking with people and generally having a good time is half the fun of riding the bus around here.

same here, although since i am with a private company we keep the shenanigans to a reasonable level

Quoted: Quoted: I posted this in the BOTS forum a few months back; After 18 years in EMS and several trips to sensitivity training, I've learned a few things; When a 14 year old male make a suicide gesture by taking 10 Midol tablets, don't tell him that he's not going to die but that he might break out in little vaginas. No matter how cute the female patient is, don't use the phrase "breath sounds are luscious" in a radio patch. In the same vein, don't hand the drunk patient the radio mic when the ER nurse is being pissy. Don't taunt the dispatchers. It makes for a very long shift. When requesting a radio patch, say "requesting a patch to UW ER", not "open a hailing frequency". Don't fake Tourette's on the air. Never utter the phrase "what the fuck, over" on the air either. "Scanning" the paranoid schizophrenic with the garage door opener is considered unprofessional. So is punching a hole in a patient's MA card and telling them "you only have one call left, so don't call again unless you really need us". Don't giggle when you cardiovert a consious patient. Similarly, don't exclaim "holy shit' when you look at the monitor. When writing run reports, don't replace 'per protocol' with 'in accordance with the prophicies'. Don't write them in the form of a limerick, or as a haiku. Eating Dinty Moore beef stew out of a suction container is a 'funny once' kind of thing. Leaving a styrofoam container of left over chinese food labled "human donor organs" in the rig at shift change will get you a nasty phone call form a supervisor. (Just ask another unnamed poster in this thread.) When you've been dispatched to a frequent flyers home, pulling up out front and honking is frowned upon. You guys can't get away with anything. Fucking with people and generally having a good time is half the fun of riding the bus around here.

You should meet the guy in real life, he's a fucking riot.

Met him at an ARFCOM get together this winter.

Just don't ask him if he wants mushrooms for his steak.

Quoted: same here, although since i am with a private company we keep the shenanigans to a reasonable level

Quoted: Quoted: Craziest call ever:  Want out of service on a transport from a minor MVA. While enroute, a med unit covering our zone responded to a 10-50 involving motorcycles. Needs MS paint diagram. How did he hit him dead center?

The two wheel bike hit the 4 wheeler head on, that's how.  The forks and front tire of the 2 wheeler were tangled up with the front end of the 4 wheeler.  Maybe I can get some pics of the wreck. There were deputies walking around taking photos of the scene

I'll add the latest one that comes to mind.

About a month ago, we got dispatched to a cardiac arrest at about 4 in the afternoon. In route to the call, we got an update from dispatch, "Be advised, the body is burned, and the house is burned."

I immediately did a "WTF?" and then a "This isn't going to be good."

I was right. When we got on scene I saw a man in his late 50's on the porch sobbing. As soon as I walked into the house, there was heavy smoke damage in the living room. However there was no fire or visible smoke.

As I entered the hallway, I saw a huge german shepherd dog dead from probable smoke inhalation. At the entry to the kitchen, I saw a female who was an obvious DOA. She had heavy burns, deep and intense enough to burn through to the bone, over about 60-70% of her body. None of her clothing was left, it had all burned off, however the upper torso was the most intact part of the body.

Apparently, the husband had left a candle for his wife to light her cigarettes. The woman was in late stages of MS, and couldn't speak or walk anymore. Unfortunately, sometime while the husband was at work, she knocked the candle onto herself and burned to death. Because of her condition, she couldn't call for help.

The worst part about that call wasn't the body really, it was sitting in the back of the medic unit with a man who just saw his wife die that horrible death. Then trying to console the daughter that insisted that she also see the body...

ETA The weirdest part was that the fire didnt go anywhere, it was almost like that internal human combustion thing you hear rumors about. I was on duty with 3 other guys that had a combined 75 years of experience, and none of them had seen anything that weird. If I hadnt seen it with my own eyes I wouldnt have believed it, as the fire had to be pretty intense to do that much damage to the body.

Quoted: I was told this story about 30 years ago by a local EMT.  There is a local night club that has a motel next to it.  They get an emergency call to the motel.  When they get to the room a guy answers the door in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. The EMT's ask him what the problem is.  He says "I don't know, I think her cummer is stuck"  They enter the room to find a naked woman on the bed, obviously having an epileptic seizure.

Looking to start doing volunteer EMS this summer... so, tag.

Also, my EMT instructors had some interesting stories. One had a call for a diabetic patient who it turns out had attempted suicide... by eating as much candy as he could. He was found by a friend unconscious in a diabetic coma. They try to run a glucose stick, meter reads 0. They figure it has to be wrong, try again, get 0. They just go ahead and run him to the hospital. At the hospital they try to run a glucose meter, still gets 0. Finally, they run his blood, and it ends up his glucose was over 1,000, so high the portable meters couldn't read it. But he survived.

One of my friends runs EMS, and just got his EMT-B. His company had him ride while in training, to get experience. One time, they got called to the parking lot of a wal-mart, where a homeless dude was bleeding all over the place, from several knife wounds. The guy claimed he tripped, but my friend figures it was a bumfight.

a couple days ago we got called to a 'unknown problem'...we find a lady with a BP of 230 something over 140 something.

she didn't quite understand why we were so concerned.

Tones drop for townhouse fire, heavy smoke showing. The trucks are full, so I hop on the ambo. We get there (somehow
beat the wagon), hop out and the front door is open, and this guy sitting on the front step wearing a pair of boxers, a
pair of socks, and nothing else. Oh, and 1/2 a 40oz sitting next to him. (You know it's gotta involve alchohol, right? )

There's a very light haze of smoke trickling past the guy, but nothing remotely heavy, and as the truckies head in the
door, the guy looks up and says, "Oh, the fire's out, but you can check it, just to make sure." Okay.....

So I get to talking to the guy, and looking him over. Seems that this was his third or fourth beer (he couldn't remember),
and since it'd been raining on and off all day, he'd been stuck in the house, but wanted to do something constructive. After
his second beer, he'd remembered that the tank on his grill was getting rusty, so he went out, unhooked it, and drug it
back into the house. Where he proceeded to sit down on a chair, prop the tank between his feet, and start sanding
the rust off the tank with one of those heavy wire brushes. Evidently, he hadn't been 100% in making sure that the
valve was closed, "he guessed that he hadn't closed it all the way", it leaked, then him sawing away metal on metal,
it flashed off. Sitting between his legs!

It had flashed, caught a bunch of papers on the table on fire, caught his shorts on fire, and he'd run. Luckily for him,
it'd been just enough gas to flash, but was otherwise empty. The fire burned itself out, and he'd gone upstairs and
stripped down. He said that he'd had a T-shirt, shorts, a ballcap and some sunglasses on when it had flared up. We
could definitely see the color difference around his forehead where the cap had saved his hair (he had no eyebrows,
eyelashes, and only 1/2 a mustache) and looked like a racoon, with the glasses probably saving his sight.
Lines on the arms and legs showed how far down the sleeves and legs had gone.

What had appeared to be socks was the skin sloughing off, and dropping down his legs. Other than that, he
was one lucky dude. We transported him for the burns, plus our para wanted to get the ER to check his lungs for
searing, since he'd torched off half his mustache.

All we could think was, "If there'd been a little more gas in the tank, that could have gotten way more ugly!"

taggage.

Private ambulance company - BLS transport approximately 2 weeks ago:

Crew dispatched to hospital to pick up 20-something (can't remember age) female patient to return to nursing home with PMHx of Seizures d/o, DMII, and one other psych Hx of which I can't remember, who came to the hospital a few days prior with c/o abdominal pain - I've met the person before at a psych facility while I was transporting another psych patient. Although the patient has a psych history, she was in fact considered a medical patient due to her chief complain of abdominal pain.

We assess patient - everything checks out good, we wait for her to finish eating. As we wait, we talk with another crew that happened to be there to pick up another patient. According to them, they were dispatched to said female patient the day prior and in route to the nursing home, patient began complaining of severe abdominal pain; 10/10 on pain scale. The crew transported the patient back to the hospital.

After patient finishes eating, we (partner and I), reassessed the patient. Everything looks good.

Fast forward to...

In route back to nursing home while I was having a conversation with the patient about tv shows, patient began complaining of abdominal pain, 5/10 pain scale. Patient is A&Ox3 and refuses to go back to the hospital. Patient put in high fowlers and given 15lpm NRB. Patient pain drops from 5 to 3. Patient current BP slightly elevated, HR slightly higher, RR remained the same. No signs of trauma and from what we gathered at the hospital, the doctors couldn't find anything physically wrong.

A few minutes (less than 5 minutes) after her complaint, patient entered tonic stage. Followed by the clonic stage lasting a little less than 10 seconds. PT put in recovery position and vitals obtained with no significant changes. Pupils dilated (cannon sized dilated), nonresponsive to light. PT enters post-ictal stage, pupils begin responding, BP, HR and RR gone up. PT seizes another 2 times before we arrive back at the hospital, (2 in route, 1 in front of the hospital door but still in the back of the ambulance).

As we're about to move the patient onto the ER bed at the hospital. The patient fakes a seizure. Pupils totally responsive, vitals no change, and it was just obvious she was faking it.

ER staff looks at my partner and I with a

A few years ago we go on a vaginal bleeding, get in the Apt. which is clean and nicely decorated with two normal looking folks. The bathroom and kitchen floor have a good amount of blood and her pants are soaked, she looks pale and it's time to get moving. Her husband wants to ride in and we start to get the story on the way. Too there credit they don't  try to hide anything and tell us the whole story as when we ask. Turns out he had gotten a "prince albert" piercing (a captured ring through the head of the penis) a month ago and they had been trying it out for the first time. Apparently as they were engaged in vigerous copulation the ball on the captured ring had come out and the pointed ring had snaged on the vaginal wall causing a large tear at the same time it RIPPED out of the head of the penis. The husband was more concerned about his wife than himself and did'nt whine once on the way in.

A little later in my carear I was working with a partner who was going through a nasty divorce at the same time I had become very burnt out. The only thing we did consistently was screw with management and make ALL our response times. The stats came out for the previous quarter and we were 2 standard deviations above everyone else in the county. I still don't understand exactly what that means in stastistical terms but either we were doing a really good job or everyone else really sucked. The director found us standing around with a couple of supervisors as we were being "talked" to about another one of our "incidents" and congradulated us and asked what we were doing right. In a very dead pan delivery I just said we didn't care if we lived or died anymore. He just looked at us, frowned and walked away. I really enjoyed that.

On one of our responses during that period we jumped in our rig for the first call of the shift and reallized that we had just had the brakes done. We drove way too hard to the call and by  the time we arrived large volumes of white smoke were billowing out of all 4 wheel wells in front of 4 cops and an engine company. We stepped out of the rig like it was absolutly normal and asked the firefighters to hose down the brakes as we walked past, lucky for us they didn't do it.

Quoted: Quoted: Ok the other story from paramedic friend. He responds to a call for a probable heart attack, arrive to find a mid 50's male on the floor of the apartment early 30's hotty GF made the call to 911. She relates that they were in the middle of lovemaking when he grabbed his chest and went out. She is there in her little silk robe and he is nekid, They hit him with the paddles and partner nudges him and says that when he hit him with the paddles he "shoots" a little. They are loading him up when they notice a tripod with camcorder still running. They knew the guy was gone and let the PD know outside that the whole thing was caught on tape. Now THAT could be a popular viral video! Sorry, that was a little morbid.

Snuff Film

Quoted: A little later in my carear I was working with a partner who was going through a nasty divorce at the same time I had become very burnt out. The only thing we did consistently was screw with management and make ALL our response times. The stats came out for the previous quarter and we were 2 standard deviations above everyone else in the county. I still don't understand exactly what that means in stastistical terms but either we were doing a really good job or everyone else really sucked. The director found us standing around with a couple of supervisors as we were being "talked" to about another one of our "incidents" and congradulated us and asked what we were doing right. In a very dead pan delivery I just said we didn't care if we lived or died anymore. He just looked at us, frowned and walked away. I really enjoyed that.

That means you were DAMN good....like way the hell above everyone

if you know what a normal distribution is, a bell curve (if not it looks like a bell ).  Everyone kinda falls in on the apex of the bell shape....if you're 2 SD's off of the average that means you're towards the edge of the right side of the bell

you'd think those shotgun suicide guys would at least attempt to finish the job if they were still conscious.

tag for more!

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I posted this in the BOTS forum a few months back; After 18 years in EMS and several trips to sensitivity training, I've learned a few things; <snip> You guys can't get away with anything. Fucking with people and generally having a good time is half the fun of riding the bus around here. You should meet the guy in real life, he's a fucking riot. Met him at an ARFCOM get together this winter. Just don't ask him if he wants mushrooms for his steak.

Mushrooms are fungus. Athletes foot is fungus. Therefore...

Coming to urban tactics?

Not mine, but my friends. She worked in the ER. I guess one day some guy came in with burns. He was in bed with his gay lover and evidentally enjoyed S&M. He was tied face down when his wife walked into the room. I guess she didn't enjoy the situation one bit and plugged in a curling iron. The rest is history.

Some screwed up shit I observed as a combat medic during peacetime.

During a gunnery with an armor company I treated a tanker that did not get out of the way during the 120mm cannons recoil.  This particular tanker was gay and decided to deal with his problems by drinking huge amount of alcohol.  This tanker decided after a night of gay parting that is was more intelligent to just stay drunk than to come down and get sick.  This genius filled both canteens with vodka and continued his buzz right up to the point where he was loading during a gunnery.  It started with him trying to double load the main gun and ended with me treating a huge laceration that almost killed the genius and covered his crew in blood.  Fun night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



There once was a 19y/o mech infantry grunt straight off of Cherry Hill who showed up at the 1st Cavalry and was sent straight to gunnery after getting his gear from CIF on the same day he arrived.

He showed up to a live fire trench clearing exercise and was almost immediately sent into the trench with a fire team and platoon who had just met him.  

This poor new kid got in front of his stack some how and took three 5.56 bullets to the chest.

When everything was reviewed an officer lost his career and two high ranking sergeants lost rank.  

Quoted: Coming to urban tactics?

I wish.

What crack head decided to schedule that on memorial weekend?

Some people have to work for a living ya know?

Got a toned out for car vs tree.  Got there to find an old lady slumped down, head on the steering wheel, no damage to the car. Didnt respond to the truck pulling up, us knocking on the window or anything.  We figure she died/passed out while driving, slowly run into the tree which stopped it(cars still running)  I call Medical Dis. for an ETA on the rig.  Captain walks up to break the window when it starts going down.  Shes not dead,  shes sleeping.  Apparently the ladys cat got stuck in the tree and she thought she could nudge thre tree and he would come down.  She had been sitting there so long she fell asleep.  Backed the car away from the tree and put it in the garage, knocked the cat out of the tree with a pike pole and we cleared



Yesterday I was at work and this homless guy (???) came into the garage complaning he hurt his wrist.  Policy is no treatment at our HQ (where we was) unless ordered by a Supervisor (hospital/ER is maybe 300yd. behind us at the max).  So the other guy (new guy) runs to get the Sup.  I can see all of this but they never saw me.  Newb and Sup. come out looking for the guy who is now gone.  I yell down to them "Hey you looking for that guy who was acting like he had a broke wrist so youd leave so he could steal the pop cans"  He made off with $3 maybe (for those of you that dont understand, MI has a 10cent return)  

Quoted: Quoted: Coming to urban tactics? I wish. What crack head decided to schedule that on memorial weekend? Some people have to work for a living ya know?

Your loss - three hooters girls have registered. We're working on more.

Was told this story by my first EMS director: They had transported a little old lady to another facility about 100 miles away. Pt had a fractured hip and was going for surgery. This is down a state highway in west Texas. Pt makes it fine, but the ride was rather bumpy and the pt c/o that fact the entire way (understandable). Upon arrival at the other hospital, pt calmly motions for the medic (my old boss) to come near as if she needs to tell him something. He leans over the cot...sweet little 'ol lady gives him a right hook to the jaw and explains that was for the bumpy ride

I'll take "Threads that I'd like to read, but don't have the time to do it now" for $800, Alex.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Coming to urban tactics? I wish. What crack head decided to schedule that on memorial weekend? Some people have to work for a living ya know? Your loss - three hooters girls have registered. We're working on more.

aaaaand your full of shit tommy

ETA:  What happened to you coming to dinner with me and none a while back anyhow?

last night had a few zingers, but i don't have time to talk about them all right now. so, i'll leave you with these two words, in hopes that they'll highlight the evening.



explosive diarrhea.

I'm not cut from the right cloth to work as an EMT or ER tech.  A lot of this stuff just gives me the willies.

A friend who was an EMT told me of a call he answered.  An old guy in a pickup truck went wide off a highway exit ramp into some trees.  The truck was mangled.

My friend said the driver was bent in half backwards, but still alive.  He wasn't feeling any pain and was actually talking and joking as the crew was tryint to work on & extricate him.  The old guy didn't survive long enough to be removed from the wreckage.

After hearing that story, I was glad there are people who are made for this job.  

Paid 3400/yr in property taxes. So you would figure that, when my oldest girl needed to go the hospital at 6 mos b/c of her breathing, that I would not get a bill for $400 from the local F/D.

Quoted: I'll add something a bit less dramatic but yet still funny. Back in the late 90's, my FD got toned out to an old lady's residence. Her emergency? Her cat was in a tree. Evidently she bought into the old cartoon/movie cliche of firefighters coming to get cats down out of trees. LOL. She had a habit of making calls of this nature to all the local emergency services and everyone knew her well. The funny thing was, some of us looked at each other and started to respond. We called 10-8 (in-service) as we pulled out of the station. Immediately afterward, the chief came on the radio. "Signal 8 (meaning disregard) on this call and go back to the barn (station) now. The cat got up into the tree of its own will. The cat can get back out when it gets ready." We probably never made any points with the old lady that day. But it was worth a few laughs for us.

One of our engines went out to a cat in tree "rescue".  The new Lt on the pumper decided to pull a line off the truck and spray the cat to try to coax it down.

Well, you may be wondering "what line did they pull?".  A 2 1/2 smooth bore.  They "shot" the cat out of the tree and was killed from the fall.  .  Surprisingly, nothing was said to my knowledge.

I did a buddy swap so I get to drive for him tomorrow.