Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel

Log In

A valid email is required.
Password is required.
Posted: 10/21/2001 5:27:53 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/21/2001 5:33:38 PM EST by lordtrader]
..problem is I lived with my parents at the time. They hated it. I also hand this kinky girlfriend. I went over to her place one time and saw her naked tied up to the bed and so I started taking off my clothes. She yelled "What are you doing you idiot, I've just been robbed". This other girlfriend I had, had a 6 hour orgasm once. I though I was the king. Then come to find out she was having an epileptic attack at the time. I went to a general store that wouldn't let me buy anything specific. Do you think that when George Washinton was asked for an ID he showed them a quarter? What would happen if you put contact lenses on dogs with cats painted on them? I owed my buddy $25 once. We were walking downtown LA once and we got mugged. I told the mugger "could you please wait just a min?" I then pulled out $25 and paid my buddy back told the mugger he can proceed to rob us now. My grandma got into the fitness craze back in the eighties. In her sixties, she started walking. She's in her eighties now and we don't know where she is. [i]Just thought I'd share some jokes [:D][/i]
Link Posted: 10/21/2001 5:32:32 PM EST
I can't find the porn. Damn it!
Link Posted: 10/21/2001 5:34:42 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/21/2001 5:31:19 PM EST by M15A2]
DELETED
Link Posted: 10/21/2001 5:34:59 PM EST
Its in my every post.
Link Posted: 10/21/2001 5:39:16 PM EST
Its in my every post.
View Quote
Gotta love those college chicks!
Link Posted: 10/21/2001 5:48:29 PM EST
Guy walks into a bar and screams "all lawyers are assholes" and orders a beer. The guy at the end of the bar come down and taps him on the shoulder and says "I really resent what you said very much" . The guy says " what you a lawyer"? The other guy says " no, I'm an asshole" [rolleyes]
Link Posted: 10/21/2001 5:54:10 PM EST
A woman answer the phone while having an asthma attack. It was an obscene phone call. The guy on the other said "did I call you, or did you call me" New Yorkers way of revive a heart attack victim: [said in a NY accent] HEY ASSHOLE, GET UP BEFORE YOU FUCKING DIE!!!
Link Posted: 10/21/2001 5:54:53 PM EST
Originally Posted By lordtrader: Its in my every post.
View Quote
Hey LT, Care to share the story behind those photos? If you were there and that was not staged or paid for by you, you would certainly be my hero of the day.
Link Posted: 10/21/2001 5:57:58 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/21/2001 5:59:12 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/21/2001 5:56:03 PM EST by 300ydClean]
[img]http://www.zelenak.com/girl1.gif[/img] [img]http://www.zelenak.com/girl2.gif[/img]
Link Posted: 10/21/2001 10:35:09 PM EST
Damn, sure wished I had a bottle opener like that. KenS
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 1:33:39 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/22/2001 1:27:56 AM EST by Golgo-13]
My wife is a lousy cook, She made bread, it had bones. She made alphabet soup. It spelled "help!" I want to write a poem aobut my mother-in-law. Anybody got a rhyme for "hatchet face?" I went to the grocery store. I say to the girl at the cash register "Can you check me out?" She looks me up and down and says "You're ugly." I went to see a psychiatrist. He says "You're crazy." I asked "Can I get a second opinion?" He says "Okay. You're ugly, too."
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 3:08:55 AM EST
Steven Wright is funny as hell!!
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 3:14:49 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/22/2001 3:09:02 AM EST by garandman]
Originally Posted By lordtrader: I also hand this kinky girlfriend. [:D][/i]
View Quote
Hand?? Girlfriend???? LT - best to NOT share THIS kind of info. [}:D]
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 3:17:11 AM EST
Originally Posted By garandman:
Originally Posted By lordtrader: I also hand this kinky girlfriend. [:D][/i]
View Quote
Hand?? Girlfriend???? LT - best to NOT share THIS kind of info. [}:D]
View Quote
Damn Freudian slip. Even happens when I'm typing [:(]
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 3:17:17 AM EST
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 11:11:02 AM EST
Grimshaw In order to find Lord Traders porn you must "explore the possibilities" and that is as much as I'm going to reveal. Think about it. Don in Ohio
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 11:17:45 AM EST
The last time I made my wife scream during sex was when I wiped my dick on her Laura Ashley bedspread... [smoke]
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 11:21:31 AM EST
Originally Posted By garandman:
Originally Posted By lordtrader: I also hand this kinky girlfriend. [:D][/i]
View Quote
Hand?? Girlfriend???? LT - best to NOT share THIS kind of info. [}:D]
View Quote
Worst way to get shotdown: Not tonight, I've got a hangnail.
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 11:22:05 AM EST
Don... Ahhh. NOW I get it. Good hint. Short, to the point, and said it right out load without saying it. LT- You ARE the master of posting without posting. Viper Out
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 11:39:46 AM EST
GIRLFRIEND:"I also hand this kinky girlfriend. I went over to her place one time and saw her naked tied up to the bed and so I started taking off my clothes. She yelled "What are you doing you idiot, I've just been robbed"." LORDTRADER:"Hold on baby.I'll make it all better" For shame for shame!
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 11:59:30 AM EST
Originally Posted By dixieman: Steven Wright is funny as hell!!
View Quote
"Went to the mall last night and bought some spot remover for my dog. He disappeared.." "I also bought some dehydrated water, but couldn't figure out what to add..."
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 12:09:41 PM EST
Ok LT guess I'm not up on all this puter stuff. Help me out and email me so I can see too. Put it in small word's so I can understand. [smoke]
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 12:45:29 PM EST
Enjoy. Schizophrenia went to the doctor. He kept repeating "I'm a teepee, I'm an adobe, I'm a teepee, I'm an adobe." Doctor says "Calm down - your too tents!" Why do they call it an apartment? They're not apart, they're together. Why do they call it a building? They're not building it, it's already done. Why do they call it a near-miss? If they nearly missed, they hit! What is the difference between a Porsche and a Porcupine? In a Porsche, the pricks are in the inside. (Don't get mad at me, I have had several Porsches) Guy gets a new cutting edge medical procedure to enhance his penis size. The doctors inject tissue from an Elephant's trunk into his penis. So, on his first date after his procedure, he is sitting at the table, when all of the sudden his dick rips out of his pants, swipes a baked potato clean off his plate, than dissapears back into his pants. His date says "WOW! Can you do that again?" He says "Probably, but I don't know if my ass can take another potato." Why don't Cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny. Why does the Mushroom always get invited to parties? He is a fun-gi. Piece of string goes into a bar and sits down. The bartender says we don't server string here, beat it. String, goes outside, twists himself into a ball, and frazzles his ends. He goes back in, and the bartender says, "Hey, aren't you that string I just told to beat it?" String says "I'm a-frayed-knot." Grasshopper goes into a bar. Bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you." Grasshopper says "You have a drink named Jim?"
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 12:54:55 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 1:40:21 PM EST
LT those pics keep getting better .....whats the story????????[bounce]
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 3:10:28 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 3:22:07 PM EST
Very nice LT, keep 'em coming!!
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 3:28:18 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 3:39:35 PM EST
LT...You the Man I hope the first day back on the job went OK!
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 3:42:53 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 4:22:04 PM EST
How do you break up a Taliban Bingo party? Call out, "B-52"!
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 4:49:14 PM EST
Originally Posted By wakebrdr: How do you break up a Taliban Bingo party? Call out, "B-52"!
View Quote
Ten years ago, that was an Iraqi Bingo party [:D]
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 5:26:58 PM EST
I love porn as much as the next one-handed typist, but I'll be damned if I can figure out how to see the porn--yes, I have "explored all of the possibilities." What gives? email me or something- unfuck me here.
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 5:47:36 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/22/2001 5:45:00 PM EST by DonOhio39]
Dissipater 556 I want to help you out, I really do, but that wouldn't be within the rules LT set down. When you figure it out you'll smack your forehead and say "DOH!" Remember! It's in his every post! Don in Ohio
Link Posted: 10/22/2001 9:09:18 PM EST
You can't figure it out?????????????? All LT did was put a little different SPIN on things. Those chicks are HOT! Chuck
Link Posted: 10/23/2001 2:56:44 PM EST
Hint: what do you see if he turns his head sideways? Hint #2: A gal with a "nice" chest could be said to have a nice __________.
Top Top