Worst fart ever....
I was recovering from colon surgery. Doctors said that I really needed to walk as much as possible to promote healing and to get my intestines "aligned".
So I started making a habit to walk up to the corner market for smokes, roughly 5 blocks one way. The clerk at night got to know me since I was at a pack of smokes a day. He knew I was recovering and was plesant about it.
Well one night I walk in he saw me had my smokes waiting for me. We were having small talk, when all the sudden I had the biggest urge to pass I have ever had in my life. I just got this surprised look on my face real fast!! The clerk just looked at me and said "What is the matter with you?" I just looked at him and said "Gas... look out"
I preceded to break wind, and I mean break wind. It lasted over 30 seconds of constant passsing, louder than I have ever had, and the smell... Oh my god!! The smell, the smell...
I have never in my life gaged (real urge to puke) on my own gas before, but there is always a first time, and this was it. I started the dry heaves.
By this time the clerk is still looking at me, and wondering what the hell is going on. Until... The gas cloud finally hits him. That poor bastard never knew what hit him. He starts to run, literally, out the front door. But the smell was just to much for him. As he turns to the left he just shoves his head into the garbage can and starts puking his brains out.
I just stood there, embarassed like I have never been before in my life (I stopped gaging by now). Fortunately, there were no other customers in the store.
The clerk finally stops puking, regains his composure, takes a deep breath and runs back in the store grabs the first can of airfeshener off the shelf and empties it.
All I could do was say "I'm sorry" and I walked out and back home.
The clerk and I never spoke of that night, ever.