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3/20/2017 5:03:23 PM
Posted: 7/30/2001 5:52:50 PM EDT
An issue which many of you herein have heard me lament over time and time again has again raised its ugly head. In the past, as this issue has often gotten the best of me, many of you have responded in both sympathy and empathy. Thus, you have become as friends that I can relate to. My wife and I are to be in court at 10:00 am tomorrow morning to answer a custody petition filed by her pitiful excuse of a human ex-husband. This person (the ex) is hell-bent on doing everything he can to undermine our marriage and our authority. This originated based on the fact that I spanked her child, left some discoloration on his butt and am now a bad man. The father never saw the bruises as they went away after 2-3 days. He was only told by the kid. I used my bare hand and his bare butt. Bad combo in retrospect but accurate nonetheless. I, and probably 95% of those here in this forum, would have spanked their own kids for this issue. Problem is he is not mine! Please pray for me and my family in this issue. It is highly unlikely that custody would be affected at all by this as many, many things are on our side. Regardless, it is a very stressful and terifying experience for my wife and very hard on her child. I thank you for your considerations.
Link Posted: 7/30/2001 5:55:41 PM EDT
Link Posted: 7/30/2001 5:56:52 PM EDT
Good luck. When the courts get involved everybody looses.
Link Posted: 7/30/2001 6:04:55 PM EDT
Good or bad from MY point of view: - who's house is it. - who brings the money home. - how is the relation between you and your wife and between you and HER child. If IS MY HOUSE and I BRING THE MONEY home then are MY rules and will do the best to bring the child up. If the relation with your wife is rocky and HER son is dissrespecting you is BETTER to break up now then live like this and always to be blamed for EVERYTHING. If is her house and her money plus the above, run brother run. Nothing is worse than hate to came home from work.
Link Posted: 7/30/2001 6:14:06 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 7/30/2001 6:15:13 PM EDT by critter_FR]
You have my prayers, but I will be praying that you can somehow find a way to get with the father of this kid and start working together to try and raise a kid that is well equipped to deal with life. There will be no winner in a custody war. I know, I've been there. The only way to win is to come to some kind of agreement where everyone is working toward providing loving and caring homes for the kid(s). I know, I have also been there. I don't know the facts in this case, so I can't really say too much. But if there's any way that a good man to man, heart to heart with the dad can ease the tension, then do it. Apologize. Admit that it wasn't the shiniest moment in your life when you whacked the kid's ass, and together, try to work out a method of discipline that is effective, and agreeable to all parties. I'm not against a good spank for a kid that's acting up. Mine has had a few. But I would not want another man spanking my kid if she's out of line. I would want him to tell me and I'll make sure that she listens to him next time. Trust me on that. [:)] A word of advice in court. Always be the peacemaker, the one who is willing to see the other's side and respect it. Never get angry, no matter what. It only proves that you are what you are accused of. Be cool. Always show that you are willing to do anything to get this resolved as quickly and painlessly, for the kid, as possible. Even suggest that all parties, including the kid, attend get some counseling together, in order work out this problem, and to get it out of the court.
Link Posted: 7/30/2001 6:17:25 PM EDT
Link Posted: 7/30/2001 6:18:43 PM EDT
In my opinion if you are spanking hard enough to leave bruises then that is too hard. Would you like it if some stranger in possesion of your child beat them and left bruises. I would hope not. Make friends with the guy. I hope you wife/his exwife chose better for herself this time.
Link Posted: 7/30/2001 6:35:14 PM EDT
Whether or not I was out of line is not up for debate Hineline. I asked for help not harassment. Furthermore, I resent your use of the word "beat" Obviously though, you are a stranger to the fact that even a bare hand from a large guy can leave marks/whelts/discoloration/bruises on a bare naked rear end. No, FWIW, I was not pleased with the end results and deeply apologized to the child and to his mother. You must never have selected your own peach tree switch or been swated with a ruler or flyswatter huh? Had the kid had on jeans or even shorts the same spanking would not have left any marks so mind your own business! If your same line of thought had been applied when the majority of the members on this forum were kids then most all of our parents would have been jailed for child abuse. You make friends with him.......sounds like you are his type anyhow.
Link Posted: 7/30/2001 6:41:42 PM EDT
Originally Posted By BillofRights: Good luck. When the courts get involved everybody looses.
View Quote
I agree, but in this case I was not even subpoenaed (sp). I am going strictly voluntarily and for my wife. Looks to me like if I were going to build a case for a change of custody that I would want to legally assure myself that the party who was the focus of such a request (me) were there in court. I don't even legally have to appear. Weak case as I said but worthy of prayer still as were gonna need it.
Link Posted: 7/30/2001 6:44:32 PM EDT
We're with you.
Link Posted: 7/30/2001 7:41:38 PM EDT
Link Posted: 7/30/2001 8:17:52 PM EDT
That's it X-kill take the same attitude in court and the judge is gonna love you and how you show remorse. You will be lucky if you don't end up behind bars.
Link Posted: 7/30/2001 8:19:22 PM EDT
I'm there man. GOOD LUCK!
Link Posted: 7/30/2001 8:26:54 PM EDT
Take my advice, do not refer to this child as "the kid" in court, the judge will have your nuts for breakfast.
Link Posted: 7/30/2001 9:40:03 PM EDT
In Oklahoma they passed a law that it is O.K. to spank your child and leave a bruise/mark to prevent just this kind of situation from happening. Didn't any of you ever get licks at school that left a bruise for days? I guess my teachers just hit harder than yours, cause I got lots of "bruises" at school from paid State employees in the 1970's and 1980's. IMHO spanking your child hard enough to leave a mark on their but shouldn't be child abuse.
Link Posted: 7/30/2001 10:19:01 PM EDT
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 12:10:47 AM EDT
Good luck and keep us updated on what happens. Don't worry about doofus and his comments. I sure wish he would come and see the snotty ass kids with no manners, morals, or ethics that I have to deal with on the street and his attitude might be different. I see so many kids that need a good ass whipping not all the prozac, lithium, etc. I see so many parents that will not disicpline their kids at all and so many that could care less what they do.
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 12:31:17 AM EDT
I have to agree with Mr. Hineline on this one. If you hit the child hard enough to leave a bruise for 2 or 3 days that is too hard. With my 2 kids, a swat on the butt (not bare) is enough to get their attention and they usually will stop to think about what they are doing. If you are that big of a guy that you can't control how hard you hit then you have no business hitting anyone. You are sure welcome to come over and try to hit me if you can't control yourself with children. Remember, you are supposed to be the mature grown-up. Steve
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 2:24:37 AM EDT
Good luck, man. One thing I would like to suggest, though: the less you talk about this, the less you write about this, the less you post about this, the better. I've committed my share of acts of mayhem just like anyone else, but I don't go around TELLING people about them (except when they're funny *and* I can't get thrown in the slammer over them). It's not likely that the ex will know that you post here regularly, or what your handle is, or that you wrote about this. But if it somehow comes out, he can print this, take it in, and show it to the judge. You don't want that. The three S's: "Shoot, shovel, and shut up."
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 4:12:21 AM EDT
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 4:24:09 AM EDT
Good luck, and God Bless.
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 6:14:42 AM EDT
I also agree that leaving bruses on a kids behind is way outa line. I have two kids and only spanked them once, that was enough. Fact is this, if the child is causing that much trouble then there is a bigger issue at hand! Probably the fact that he comes from a previous broken household. You do have my prayers, both for court and that you may someday learn a non-violent manner to resolve this situation. sgtar15
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 7:08:25 AM EDT
My prayers are with you. You are in a no win situation. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. Been there, try to leave it to his Mother.
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 7:40:26 AM EDT
How can you say that giving a spanking that left a bruise is way out of line? I know some people that you can just thump them on the leg and leave a bruise. Every bruise I've ever had usually lasts longer than 2 or 3 days. Come on people some of you are sounding like he has been accused of abuse or something. None of us were there so we don't know what the circumstances were behind the whole incident. I once told my mom I was going to kick her ass when I was a teenager because I was mad and my dad picked me up by the neck and put me against the wall and told me to go ahead and try. Needless to say I never did that again and learned my lesson. Do I think he was out of line...HELL NO!!!! Would I or did I ever consider that too much punishment or abuse from him...HELL NO. Look how good I turned out now. The fact that the kid is X-Kill's step son or whatever is totally irrevelant.
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 8:22:36 AM EDT
all the luck and prayers to you and your family.
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 8:56:43 AM EDT
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 9:19:18 AM EDT
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 9:21:57 AM EDT
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE FOR STRIKING A CHILD!!!!! Let's see - you're a religious fanatic who beats children. You belong prison. I sincerely hope you lose all custody rights and is never allowed to abuse a child - either by spanking or religious doctrine - ever again. If I believed in god or other stupid, superstitious religions, I'd pray for you to lose in court. And for the sake of the children, let's hope you do.
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 10:49:22 AM EDT
Done. BTW, I can be hired if you need it.
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 1:23:39 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 7/31/2001 1:24:37 PM EDT by AR_in_the_woods]
You asked for our prayers so I'll add you, the child, your wife AND the ex-husband to my prayer list. You didn't ask for opinions so just ignore them. You have enough to worry about right now. Blessings to you and your family. ************ Edited 'cause I re-read your first post and saw that your court date was earlier this morning. Please let us know how things turned out. ************
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 2:05:21 PM EDT
Those who have been there can judge, those who haven't can't. You did okay. Take care and you got mine, Ice
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 2:27:04 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Homo Erectus: THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE FOR STRIKING A CHILD!!!!! Let's see - you're a religious fanatic who beats children. You belong prison. I sincerely hope you lose all custody rights and is never allowed to abuse a child - either by spanking or religious doctrine - ever again. If I believed in god or other stupid, superstitious religions, I'd pray for you to lose in court. And for the sake of the children, let's hope you do.
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You Nit-wit...HOMO Erectumus indeed... Go model pantyhose
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 3:07:48 PM EDT
Homo Erectus: Please tell us all what YOU would do in this situation of deciding a punishment? Than we can critique it.
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 3:30:46 PM EDT
Originally Posted By critter_FR: You have my prayers, but I will be praying that you can somehow find a way to get with the father of this kid and start working together to try and raise a kid that is well equipped to deal with life. There will be no winner in a custody war. I know, I've been there. The only way to win is to come to some kind of agreement where everyone is working toward providing loving and caring homes for the kid(s). I know, I have also been there. I don't know the facts in this case, so I can't really say too much. But if there's any way that a good man to man, heart to heart with the dad can ease the tension, then do it. Apologize. Admit that it wasn't the shiniest moment in your life when you whacked the kid's ass, and together, try to work out a method of discipline that is effective, and agreeable to all parties. I'm not against a good spank for a kid that's acting up. Mine has had a few. But I would not want another man spanking my kid if she's out of line. I would want him to tell me and I'll make sure that she listens to him next time. Trust me on that. [:)] A word of advice in court. Always be the peacemaker, the one who is willing to see the other's side and respect it. Never get angry, no matter what. It only proves that you are what you are accused of. Be cool. Always show that you are willing to do anything to get this resolved as quickly and painlessly, for the kid, as possible. Even suggest that all parties, including the kid, attend get some counseling together, in order work out this problem, and to get it out of the court.
View Quote
Excellent advice. Parents frequently get caught up in the system and make a bad situation worse. There is no justice or winners in family court so forget looking for it. The thing to remember is all kids will eventually grow up. Their view of the world largely depends on the actions of the parents. How they raise their kids will depend on the relationship of all concerned parties. Be prepared for a long hard ride.
Link Posted: 7/31/2001 3:30:54 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/1/2001 6:10:10 PM EDT
Originally Posted By cmymud:
Originally Posted By steveamy: I have to agree with Mr. Hineline on this one. If you hit the child hard enough to leave a bruise for 2 or 3 days that is too hard. With my 2 kids, a swat on the butt (not bare) is enough to get their attention and they usually will stop to think about what they are doing. If you are that big of a guy that you can't control how hard you hit then you have no business hitting anyone. You are sure welcome to come over and try to hit me if you can't control yourself with children. Remember, you are supposed to be the mature grown-up. Steve
View Quote
That's Bull Crap. You got my prayers X Exactly what part of this is "Bull Crap"?
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