User Panel
Posted: 7/23/2001 8:06:17 AM EDT
Ok this is something we'll test... CAN WE HAVE A GOOD DISCUSSION WITHOUT LOSING FOCUS.
I've always wondered WTF is with women. It seems as a GENERALIZATION most women see to either misinterpret the things we say and take it personally. For example I am a joker by nature. I drive my wife absolutely friggen nuts. Do I love her, yes. Do I respect her, yes. Do I ever give her any reason to doubt me... well probably, but not intentionally. She's now a "stay at home" wife. We're looking to start a family and she wants to be there for our kids. I support this 100% and think that the problem today with kids starts in the home. On the same token I use this now as another means to playfully joke with her. Depending on her mood she's either receptive and will laugh with me, or she will take it as an insult and get upset. I ask why? It could be the EXACT same jibe both times spaced by two days or two months. It's as if I prep her with love and cute comments it usually goes by with as a joke, but if I say it with no prep, BAM!!! She takes it the wrong way. I think guys are simple to figure out. We don't take much seriously. We joke around, we beat the crap out of each other, we insult each other, but in the end we're pals and it's all in fun. With women, you can make one joke, but the next one may be taken as an insult. You never know what reaction to expect. WTF?!?!?! If its from a friend, why do you find the need to question their friendship??? If it's a spouse or relative, why question their love??? WE ARE JOKING!!! If we were insulting on purpose or TRYING to be mean, we can't hide it, we're not that good. It's pretty damn obvious when a guy is pissed as opposed to joking. I'm just curious because I can't tell if women take everything literally and then decide on whether to argue it or ignore it, or whether some things set them off because their too sensitive. I also have to say some women are worse than others. I have a friend you can joke with an jibe much like a guy, and yet her best friend will tear your arm off if you jokingly say something about women. (Blonde jokes, for example!) I'm serious about this... some info would be helpful! (And yeah I know women are different and thus why this is a generalization and not a grouping!) -- GB |
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Just to throw my 2 cents of bithing in here.
I think the notion that women want to be "our best friend" in a relationship is well-intentioned, but not true. Whenever I treat my finacee like she was my best friend, it backfires horribly. [:O] I have two really close friends - one from the army, and one form graduate school - and we can pretty much say anything to one another. No matter how much we insult or joke around with one another, we know that we are friends, and that none of the horrible things we say to one another really mean anything. But if I try to act that way towards my fiancee, she'll either get pissed off, or will get her feelings hurt. Lesson for me - women that you are in a relationship with don't want to be friends. It's something else (and much better) but don't confuse it with friendship. I think the thing that so many of us (men and women) forget is that ultimately, men and women are very different creatures, and are designed to do very different things. We often forget that, because we have a strong bias to think that other people think like we do and perceived things the way we do - but men and women do perceive things differently and communicate very differently. |
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Dear God !!! You are going to procreate???
There's gotta be some kind of law against stuff like that ... [:\] [:\] [:\] [:\] |
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My 2 cents: Women... Men... Same species... Completely different creatures. Why worry/wonder/care about the differences? Enjoy them and remember that life is way to short to take any of this seriously
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Not worried about the difference, just trying to figure out where the line is!
No matter where it is now, I am OBLITERATING it at times... and that's usually when I'm in a GOOD mood! [=)] |
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FYI:
~~~ The Rules ~~~ * The female always makes the rules. * The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification. * No male can possibly know all the rules. * If the females suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all the rules. * The female is never wrong. * If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong. * If the above applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding. * An apology without flowers is not an apology. * The female may change her mind at any time. * The male must never change his mind at any time without the expressed consent of the female. * The male may not point out that the women has changed her mind. * The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time. * The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset. * The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset. * The female is ready when she is ready. * The male must be ready at all times. * The male may not inquire if the woman is angry or upset. * The male may not inquire when the women will be ready. * The male is expected to mind-read at all times. * The male must earn the respect of the female by giving his life up in service to her needs and nurturing of her character. (Awww!) |
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Originally Posted By Rons Toys: FYI: ~~~ The Rules ~~~ * The female always makes the rules. * The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification. * No male can possibly know all the rules. * If the females suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all the rules. * The female is never wrong. * If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong. * If the above applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding. * An apology without flowers is not an apology. * The female may change her mind at any time. * The male must never change his mind at any time without the expressed consent of the female. * The male may not point out that the women has changed her mind. * The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time. * The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset. * The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset. * The female is ready when she is ready. * The male must be ready at all times. * The male may not inquire if the woman is angry or upset. * The male may not inquire when the women will be ready. * The male is expected to mind-read at all times. * The male must earn the respect of the female by giving his life up in service to her needs and nurturing of her character. (Awww!) View Quote YEP |
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i'll give this a shot, because i too love to joke around, and i know what you mean...
when i joke about my girlfriend's hair, its okay, IF and only IF, she is secure about her hair that day. when i joke about how those pants make her a$$ look, its okay, IF and only IF she is secure about her weight that day. see a pattern here? me too. i play it like the guys in Hamburger Hill, i wake up extra early and try to determine what she'll be wearing that day, and act accordingly - it is important to remember that each new day, we men must begin with a clean slate. also important is that men gain a strong sense of women's fashion do's and don'ts so when asked "which shoes go with these pants?" we will have an answer, ANY answer will do, (except: i don't know, just hurry up!) but be carefull that you don't send her out in white pants after labor day! it's gonna be extra work for us, no matter how you slice it! women want re-assurance, we are here to give it to them. men are trained to not want/need/ask for assurance. if we abuse that power, then we get, well you know! [;)] |
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The underlying assumption in everydiscussion of this sort is that women know what they want, have some consistant, though different, tought processes....we men just can't figure it out. T'ain't necessarily so.
I've always thought that we all waste a lot of time trying to rationalize the actions of irrational people. "He/she did it 'cause he/she is just nuts, that's all-let's move on." should be a more frequent comment. This is not to bash women...I don't think we men are all that consistant either. When we try to explain some of the things we do we can't....why should they be able to explain the things they do? Could it possibly be that we're all just human and really, really screwed up across the board? Well, all but me, of course.... |
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The man/woman thing will always exist.....after being married for 25 years, here`s all the advise i can give you.....NONE.....I know less about her today....good thing i don`t have to try anymore, but that freedom was sure expensive.....guess that`s why there are counselors, and i would suggest anyone really try to save a marraige if possible! It`s a ............(damn netscape is at it again)
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1. Crying is blackmail.
2. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. 3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. 4. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. 5. Get rid of your cat. 6. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 7. Anything you wear is fine. Really. 8. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we. 9. You have too many shoes. 10. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 11. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up put it down. 12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. 13. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes. 14. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers. 15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 16. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived. 17. Sunday = Sports. 18. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.. 19. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one. 20. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are? 21. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out. 22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both. 23. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. 24. You have enough clothes. 25. Nothing says, "I love you" like sex. and one more from the Jarhead files: If you tell us nothing's wrong, we're going to act like nothing's wrong. Your mileage may vary. Jarhead out. |
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It has to do with the way guys tend to relate to gals, and other guys. When two guys start going at it, it's a dominance thing. One guy's going to win, one guy's going to loose. Guys also tend to "leave it on the field" and get on with life as well. They may not like a guy afterward, or even hate him, but generally won't hold a grudge.
Gals on the other hand relate differently. It's not a "Alpha Male" dominance of the pack thing. It's more of an "I'm right" thing. She rarely cares that she wins an argument for winning's sake, only that she's right and she's going to show you you're wrong. I still work with a girl that I was close with that has a grudge burning inside against something I did in the past. Of course I didn't think it was a big deal at the time, but it was a show stopper. Sure they say they're over it, but they don't act that way. And you can reason all day and night (at least with her I did) and get nowhere (and I didn't even do anything wrong, but that's another story). Anyway, we'll still talk and she'll actually hold conversations with me, but you can see that grudge burning like a beacon behind those eyes. It's never going to go out (and it still pisses me off that I wasn't in the wrong!) either. Guys are different. I've had a coworker use a racial slur to me (I'm half-white, half-Asian). I got in his face and we worked it out right there. We get along great now. He still thinks messed up things aobut racial issues, but that's no big deal as we know where each other stands and there you go. Left it on the field. Sure others would go to managment and cry aoubt stuff, but I don't do that. I'm responsible for myself, no one else is. That's really the difference between guys and gals. It's not so much that you can't figure them out. They're just as easy to understand as guys really. They just approach things from a different view. Ross |
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By jarhead`s theory, the GUYS are the literal.....as i see it.....quite a lot of observation/study there!..........so then the women are [>(]
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Quoted: Not worried about the difference, just trying to figure out where the line is! No matter where it is now, I am OBLITERATING it at times... and that's usually when I'm in a GOOD mood! If you are lucky and live a very long life you still won't know where the line is! Men and women are sooooo different and that is one of the reasons its pointless to try. Just give the lady her way and you will be either happy as a clam or divorced. This much I have learned in 12 years of a great marriage. [=)] View Quote |
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Women are not literal they are, for a lack of a better word, too analytic. As much as they deny it, women will always try to find a hidden meaning in what you say. Depending on the woman state of mind would depend on what they percieve that hidden meaning to be. Then they will get midevil sensitive on your ass.
Example: Girl that is not comfortable with her weight asks you if you like her new hair-do. YOu say yes, but in a monotone voice and the the enthusiastic way she expected. In her mind you just said "no, that haircut make you look fat" Girl that is insecure of the relationship asks where you are going Sat and why you are not going out with her. YOu say its my bro's b-day and I am going with the "boys" for a boys night out. She heard, "I would rather spend a night with the guys looking at chicks other than you" or "I'm cheating on you" So now you can see how joking can be taken out of context. |
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As I see it, males and females are VERY different intellectually and emotionally.
Not to say one is "better" than the other, just fundamentally different. Shortly after conception, the organization of the male and female brains begins to diverge; to a small extent, the structure does, too. These differences were adaptive positives hundreds of thousands of years ago, when men were hunters and women gatherers. Nowadays, the differences don't serve us as well as in the past. In fact, they often get in the way. Our roles are much more alike now than they were in the past. I sometimes think that if it were not for the sex/procreation drive, men and women wouldn't have much to do with each other. |
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Quoted: I've always wondered WTF is with women. It seems as a GENERALIZATION most women see to either misinterpret the things we say and take it personally. View Quote When are we going to stop making these generalizations about everything and everyone? Some women are like you say and some are different. If you said to me some of the things you jokingly say to her,I would get pissed too.At least occasionally ! Maybe it is not what you say,but how often you say it.Eventualyy she might think you are not joking.Like when you say to me "you owe me $20",and then you repeat it several times in the next 1/2 hour.The first times it could be a tease,after a while I take it literally and say "well what about the $5,000 you owe me?" By the way......when are you going to "cough up" that money? [:)] |
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Ed, it sounds like he only owes you $4,980.00
(Edited 'cause I can't type.) |
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I think that in general, females take things too personally while with guys, you can insult each other and still be ok.
I had a female manager once and boy was she ever the worst. She just looked for the superficial stuff (how well you dressed, did you speak up at dept meetings, etc). She also did not take input(suggestions) well and considered it an insult and once insulted, they continue to hold a grudge. I don't want another female manager again. This was a sample of one, but I think that in general, this is true especially in the technical field. |
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As soon as you fork over that BMW you owe me!!!
I figured it was a nice trade off... but suit yourself... make sure its yellow... kinda like that color in a sportscar. I'll cut you a check for the cash soon as you pull up and hand over the keys and title. Remember, I'm not only the [b]GOOD[/b] son, but the [b]BAD[/b] one too!!! Mr Can O'Wup Ass will be waiting for ya... [=D][=D][=D][=D][=D][=D][=D][=D] -- GB (We going shooting this week??? I wanna break out my .308 some long range fun...) |
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Quoted: Dear God !!! You are going to procreate??? There's gotta be some kind of law against stuff like that ... [:\] [:\] [:\] [:\] View Quote RBAD, You don't know the half of it!?!?!?!?! I am looking into the legalities of such a thing, but don't tell the Goat that (shhhhh).... By the way Goaty, you are [b]ONLY[/b] the [b]BAD[/b] son, don't kid yourself with that "good son" crap... Nobody likes an angry GOAT who thinks he's The Man- (you guys have no idea what it was like growing up with a four legged beast for a brother... it wasn't pretty, i'll tell you that much) -JLA [whacko] |
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Quoted: i play it like the guys in Hamburger Hill View Quote I think you mean Heartbreak Ridge. |
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You can tell the younger guys from the older ones.
The younger guys are still trying to figure women out. |
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Quoted: You can tell the younger guys from the older ones. The younger guys are still trying to figure women out. View Quote |
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Quoted: You can tell the younger guys from the older ones. The younger guys are still trying to figure women out. View Quote [b]So very true! [/b] [size=4]ROFLMAO ! [/size=4].....sorry Miss Magnum! [;)] |
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One thing that I've noticed is the the older I get, the less I thought I knew about women.
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Don R
yup. The sad thing is that I'm not sure that I want to know more. Ignorance is bliss. I AM SMILING! [}:D] Lew |
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Damn I just wanna keep my ass outta the dog house as much as possible... while being able to purchase all the firearms I want! (So far so good, well except I get into trouble every damn day!!!)
I have found that if you screw up and an argument is about to kick off and you passionately kiss your wife, she will completely forget/ignore the argument... problem is I am lazy and even that seems like work to me. [=D][=D][=D][=D][=D] |
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I gave up on trying to figure out women. Guys are all relatively simple. Ask 10 guys these questions, and 9 of them will give you the same answer:
Q1: What do you want? Q2: When do you want it? When I lived in an apartment, I was coming home and a neighbor girl was going out. In passing I said, "you look nice today", as she was dressed up to go to a job interview or something. She got angry and said, "What, I don't look good all the time!!!". WTF??? You can't even compliment them without setting them off. A1: Pu$$y! A2: Now! |
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there are fundamental differences between how men and women approach things. how the feel, how and what they think. problems arise when one tries to judge the other by his/her own standards/way of looking at or dealing with things.
i strongly suggest any book by John Gray. has wonderful insights into the differences between men and women. and the absolute best part is that he never passes judgement on either, and never suggests that one needs to change to make the other happy. he "teaches" each to recognize behaviors, etc in the other and how to relate to it. |
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You mean I gotta wait all this time to find out there's an instruction manual, ARLady? Sheesh! [>Q]
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Quoted: You mean I gotta wait all this time to find out there's an instruction manual, ARLady? Sheesh! [>Q] View Quote |
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First off... I don't understand my OWN reactions at times so I don't know how much help I would be on this subject. [:D]
I know as I get older, I let less shit stew... I bring it up almost immediately. I know that when I do finally get into a larger argument that the core issue that is bugging me probably won't surface for 20-30 minutes so don't take all that stuff at the beginning to be the primary problem. Most of the time I just want to be reassured that who I'm with [i]wants[/i] to be there. Oh... and I would rather you say you're not going to do something than agree to do it and never get it done. [:D] |
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I wish I could offer my expertise or experience on this subject, but I can't. I have yet to even date a women. [>Q]
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Originally Posted By Imbrog|io: What is it like to hold hands with a womenz? View Quote You really crack me up! [:D] USPC40 ------------------------------------------------- [b][blue]NRA Life Member[/blue][/b] - [url]www.nra.org[/url] [b][blue]GOA Life Member[/blue][/b] - [url]www.gunowners.org[/url] [b][blue]SAF Member[/blue][/b] - [url]www.saf.org[/url] [b][blue]SAS Supporter[/blue][/b] - [url]www.sas-aim.org[/url] [img]www.ar15.com/members/albums/USPC40/alabamaflag.gif[/img] |
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