[:D]

A lady from California purchased a piece of timber
land in Oregon.
There was a large tree on one of the highest points in
the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land
so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared
the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked
her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the
tree to the ground and got many splinters in her
private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to
the nearest doctor. He listened to her story then told
her to go into the examining room and he would see if
he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours
before the doctor reappeared. The angry lady demanded,

"What took you so long?"

The unperturbed doctor replied, "Well, I had to get
permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the
Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management
before I could remove old-growth timber from a
recreational area."

Q. WHAT IS LONG BLACK AND SMELLY?





A. THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE.

LMAO

[img]http://www.theaskguys.com/%7Epics/right.gif[/img]

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his bunker wondering whom to invade next
when his telephone rang.

"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Boudreaux down
at the Fred's Lounge in Mamou. I'm callin' to told you we officially
declarin' war on you!"

"Well, Boudreaux," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big
is your army?"

"Rat now," said Boudreaux, (hesitating) "there is me, my cousin T-Nom, my nex
door neighbor T-Boy, and the whole bunch from the bar. That makes us eight!"

Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Boudreaux, that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."

"Kee-ough!" said Boudreaux. "I gots to call you back later!" Sure enough, the next
day, Boudreaux called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We got us some
war equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Boudreaux?" Saddam asked.

"Well, we got us two combines, a dozer, and a farm tractor."

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Boudreaux, that I have 16,000 tanks
and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2
million since we last spoke."

"Poo-yie!" said Boudreaux. "I gots to get back to you later."

Sure enough, Boudreaux rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, da war still be
on! We got ourselves some airborne! We've took T-Cat's utra-light glider an
we put us a shotgun in the cockpit, and Nonk got outs of jail today and he is
gonna join our army too!"

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you,
Boudreaux, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military
complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Ah-yie-yie!", screams Boudreaux, "I gots ta call you back later."

Sure enough, Boudreaux calls again the next day. "Bon jour, Sad-damn! I gots to
toll you we is callin' off dis war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Boudreaux, "we all had a long talk at the bar an Shariff Wayne
Morgan says no way he's gonna feed two million prisoners."