Welcome To The South ....
1. Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House.
It's
just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something
they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
2. Don't laugh at our Southern names. (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther
Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, etc.)These people have
all been known to kick ass.
3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down
here
it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr.
Pepper, 7-Up or whatever -it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can
lead to an ass kicking.
4. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you. We
are
also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch
of hillbillies, or we'll kick your ass.
5. We have plenty of business sense Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape. Naturally, we don't care if you
think we are dumb. We can still kick your ass.
6. Don't laugh at our Civil War history. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the
middle, you'd be paying taxes to Dallas instead of Washington. If you don't
like it we'll kick your ass.
7. We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell
up,
spend your money, and get the hell out of here - or we'll kick your ass.
8. Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly
know that you're from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like God intended. Don't put
sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass.
9. Don't fake a Texas accent. This will incite a riot, and you will
get
your ass kicked.
10. Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't
give a damn. Many of us have visited Northern hell holes like Detroit, San
Francisco, Chicago, Portland and Las Vegas, and we have the scars to prove
it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Take your ass
home before it gets kicked.
11. Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because
we don't want to sound like ya'll. We don't care if you don't understand
what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and
that's all that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick your ass.