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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:09:07 AM EDT
[#1]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Kids lose respect for dads that can't control their emotions. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
You did good, don't sweat it. They know you are serious Kids lose respect for dads that can't control their emotions. Yes, they do |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:09:55 AM EDT
[#2]
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OP breaks his sons shit all the time? Intentionally pointing a BB gun at someone @ 12yrs old after being told not to is a pretty watershed event. You're right, and the only appropriate action is throwing a tantrum like a toddler, screaming and breaking things. Using the brain to teach a lesson is completely out of the question. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:10:24 AM EDT
[#3]
When I was 12 twelve, I saved up and bought a mini fridge.
I was pretty pumped and cocky, because I paid for it and knew exactly what I wanted. Dad didn't like how I was talking to him. He grabbed me by my throat and pinned me to the wall while he screamed into my face. He had his hand so hard around my throat my feet were off the ground and if my mother had not got him off me, I would have lost consciousness. So, is that the kind of father you are? Or are you going to be better next time? My dad started by breaking my shit too. It will progress if you don't fix your shit. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:13:35 AM EDT
[#4]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I am a "horrible millennial". My dad's dad died when he was a teenager. The times my parents truly blew up sticks with me, and those lessons were important. Nothing they ever did I would ever consider abuse. Now plenty of my peers are Political Science major listless drug using baristas. But they we're always "best friends" with their parents. Their parents were super cool. They got to call them by their first name, not Mom or Dad. That worked out well. Because you have an in-depth account of their childhoods and parental relations? I'm not saying there aren't places where being firm with your child aren't necessary, and even some cases where "blowing up" might seem reasonable, but please explain to me how the course of action displayed in OP makes any logical sense whatsoever, and exactly what lesson the child is supposed to learn from it? Using sheer dominance and anger against a child seems like the smart thing to do, until that child grows up and is bigger than you. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:13:50 AM EDT
[#5]
Should have made him shoot up the xbox
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:15:52 AM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Oh look, that one guy in any thread who sits there and repeatedly screams about millennials but goes out of the way to point out how he IS a millennial but he's not like all those other millennials, and he knows exactly why. We all know losers and there are losers in every age group. Not sure why you keep talking about millennials as OP's son is not a part of the millennial age group. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
I am a "horrible millennial". My dad's dad died when he was a teenager. The times my parents truly blew up sticks with me, and those lessons were important. Nothing they ever did I would ever consider abuse. Now plenty of my peers are Political Science major listless drug using baristas. But they we're always "best friends" with their parents. Their parents were super cool. They got to call them by their first name, not Mom or Dad. That worked out well. Oh look, that one guy in any thread who sits there and repeatedly screams about millennials but goes out of the way to point out how he IS a millennial but he's not like all those other millennials, and he knows exactly why. We all know losers and there are losers in every age group. Not sure why you keep talking about millennials as OP's son is not a part of the millennial age group. It is a uniquely recent and shitty cultural shift that we consider a lack of punishment a positive trait. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:16:29 AM EDT
[#7]
Been there dude. Can't say I'm proud of it or condone it but I understand it.
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:17:01 AM EDT
[#8]
Op.
I wouldn't make a habit out of reacting like this but given the fact that it involves a gun, even a BB gun, I get it. There is just zero room for fucking around with weapons. You absolutely never point guns at people ever unless you intend to use them. Period. I learned my gun safety from a complete militaristic asshole who my mom dated for a couple years. I was slapped a few times for not watching what I was doing. It stuck with me. I resent the man for a lot of things but not for teaching me to shoot and how guns are not toys. As far as taking it out on the Xbox, I think I get it. You needed to make an impression. Call of duty is a game. In real life one doesn't point guns. Your son needs to know while outside of games certain rules must be followed. You wanted to reach him by taking something away that emphasized the seriousness of what he did. Taking the BB gun away wouldn't be enough. Obviously since it was the second time, you needed to escalate the message. You didn't hit him but unfortunately lost your cool. It happens. It would have been a stronger message to remain calm and sell the Xbox. It would have made you look more in control, but what's done is done. It's good that you feel bad, because that means you didn't and do not consider your behavior acceptable as a regular response. This tells me it isnt your typical response. Take him aside and explain why you got so angry and that you're sorry for losing your temper. Tell him that you regret acting violent and breaking stuff but either way the Xbox was going to be gone and he's not getting another one. You can then decide if someday you want to surprise him with a replacement xbox if he decides to get his shit together. He can earn those privileges back. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:17:05 AM EDT
[#9]
When I was younger, I got a CO2 powered pellet gun for my birthday.
I never was irresponsible with it, and always picked up my old CO2 cartridges. Fast forward a year, me and dad were target shooting with my pellet gun...most him. He threw the cartridge on the ground and I didn't know. The next day or so, he mowed the lawn and the lawnmower ate up several old cartridges. My dad got pissed, beat me with a belt and chunked my pellet gun across the yard and then smashed it on the driveway. I got beat good. I cried for awhile. Due to the pain of that 1.5" leather belt and because my favorite "toy" my parent got me was broken. My dad realized it was his fault after he cooled down. He replaced my pellet gun with a Remington 700 youth model in .243 |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:17:58 AM EDT
[#10]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Now man up and  |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:19:26 AM EDT
[#11]
This thread officially needs a poll.
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:19:32 AM EDT
[#12]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Because you have an in-depth account of their childhoods and parental relations? I'm not saying there aren't places where being firm with your child aren't necessary, and even some cases where "blowing up" might seem reasonable, but please explain to me how the course of action displayed in OP makes any logical sense whatsoever, and exactly what lesson the child is supposed to learn from it? Using sheer dominance and anger against a child seems like the smart thing to do, until that child grows up and is bigger than you. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
I am a "horrible millennial". My dad's dad died when he was a teenager. The times my parents truly blew up sticks with me, and those lessons were important. Nothing they ever did I would ever consider abuse. Now plenty of my peers are Political Science major listless drug using baristas. But they we're always "best friends" with their parents. Their parents were super cool. They got to call them by their first name, not Mom or Dad. That worked out well. Because you have an in-depth account of their childhoods and parental relations? I'm not saying there aren't places where being firm with your child aren't necessary, and even some cases where "blowing up" might seem reasonable, but please explain to me how the course of action displayed in OP makes any logical sense whatsoever, and exactly what lesson the child is supposed to learn from it? Using sheer dominance and anger against a child seems like the smart thing to do, until that child grows up and is bigger than you. OP destroyed something valuable to his child. Instruction and prior reprimand, intervention if you will, was insufficient. What OP did will absolutely resonate with his son. If I don't want shit I like destroyed (like an Xbox, or a family members life)>>Then I will not point firearms at people. Learning has occurred. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:20:53 AM EDT
[#13]
As someone well experienced at raising children, I don't think you went too far. I highly doubt you've scarred him for life. You did impress upon him that defiance can and will have serious consequences, and that you are serious.
He sounds like an otherwise good kid, but pointing weapons regardless the caliber, at siblings is unacceptable. He didn't get that the first time around, and I'd bet he does now. Sometimes you've got to let a little crazy out so they know you'll go there. I've been fortunate, all my kids (5 between me and the ol lady) are pretty good kids, they are all teenagers now, but over the last 10 years the most corrective action we've really had to take was serious scolding and a few noses to the corners. Use this instance as a lesson for both of you, and carry on. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:21:20 AM EDT
[#14]
I hope I never lose my shit like that in front of my son. I don't want that image in his head when he thinks of me later in life.
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:22:40 AM EDT
[#15]
You could have snatched the BB gun away and un-plugged the xbox and said " I am so angry and disappointed with you right now I can't even discuss it reasonably. We will talk about this when I am calmer." However, now that you are in a different position you have to figure out the best way to handle it. Perhaps you might explain to him why you were so upset. Apologize for what you did because that is not how you are, but he is going have to deal with it as consequences for his behavior. I don't know if that works either. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:24:21 AM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
An expensive lesson but likely one he will remember. Good bash. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:25:04 AM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
When I was 12 twelve, I saved up and bought a mini fridge. I was pretty pumped and cocky, because I paid for it and knew exactly what I wanted. Dad didn't like how I was talking to him. He grabbed me by my throat and pinned me to the wall while he screamed into my face. He had his hand so hard around my throat my feet were off the ground and if my mother had not got him off me, I would have lost consciousness. So, is that the kind of father you are? Or are you going to be better next time? My dad started by breaking my shit too. It will progress if you don't fix your shit. What your dad did was completely unjustified. But OP neither layed hands on his kid, choked him, nor was dealing with "attitude". His 12yr old son intentionally pointed a "firearm" at a family member. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:25:13 AM EDT
[#18]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
OP destroyed something valuable to his child. Instruction and prior reprimand, intervention if you will, was insufficient. What OP did will absolutely resonate with his son. If I don't want shit I like destroyed (like an Xbox, or a family members life)>>Then I will not point firearms at people. Learning has occurred. Negative association occurred, as well as negative reinforcement. The reason behind not pointing firearms at people should follow: Pointing Firearms at people is dangerous >> I should not point firearms at people In addition in your response you also taught the lesson: Someone is doing something I don't like >> I should act out in anger and destroy something |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:27:20 AM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
OP destroyed something valuable to his child. Instruction and prior reprimand, intervention if you will, was insufficient. What OP did will absolutely resonate with his son. If I don't want shit I like destroyed (like an Xbox, or a family members life)>>Then I will not point firearms at people. Learning has occurred. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
I am a "horrible millennial". My dad's dad died when he was a teenager. The times my parents truly blew up sticks with me, and those lessons were important. Nothing they ever did I would ever consider abuse. Now plenty of my peers are Political Science major listless drug using baristas. But they we're always "best friends" with their parents. Their parents were super cool. They got to call them by their first name, not Mom or Dad. That worked out well. Because you have an in-depth account of their childhoods and parental relations? I'm not saying there aren't places where being firm with your child aren't necessary, and even some cases where "blowing up" might seem reasonable, but please explain to me how the course of action displayed in OP makes any logical sense whatsoever, and exactly what lesson the child is supposed to learn from it? Using sheer dominance and anger against a child seems like the smart thing to do, until that child grows up and is bigger than you. OP destroyed something valuable to his child. Instruction and prior reprimand, intervention if you will, was insufficient. What OP did will absolutely resonate with his son. If I don't want shit I like destroyed (like an Xbox, or a family members life)>>Then I will not point firearms at people. Learning has occurred. Until OP continues this behavior for less and less justified reasons. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:27:48 AM EDT
[#20]
Also I have to ask this, does your kid have issues paying attention or remembering things?
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:28:24 AM EDT
[#21]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Until OP continues this behavior for less and less justified reasons. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
I am a "horrible millennial". My dad's dad died when he was a teenager. The times my parents truly blew up sticks with me, and those lessons were important. Nothing they ever did I would ever consider abuse. Now plenty of my peers are Political Science major listless drug using baristas. But they we're always "best friends" with their parents. Their parents were super cool. They got to call them by their first name, not Mom or Dad. That worked out well. Because you have an in-depth account of their childhoods and parental relations? I'm not saying there aren't places where being firm with your child aren't necessary, and even some cases where "blowing up" might seem reasonable, but please explain to me how the course of action displayed in OP makes any logical sense whatsoever, and exactly what lesson the child is supposed to learn from it? Using sheer dominance and anger against a child seems like the smart thing to do, until that child grows up and is bigger than you. OP destroyed something valuable to his child. Instruction and prior reprimand, intervention if you will, was insufficient. What OP did will absolutely resonate with his son. If I don't want shit I like destroyed (like an Xbox, or a family members life)>>Then I will not point firearms at people. Learning has occurred. Until OP continues this behavior for less and less justified reasons. Now you're projecting. Come on man. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:30:34 AM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Meh, if I did that I would have been hit a few times with the BB gun and then watched it get snapped over a knee. Probably the correct thing to do. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:31:37 AM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
OP breaks his sons shit all the time? Intentionally pointing a BB gun at someone @ 12yrs old after being told not to is a pretty watershed event. Has OP lost his shit before? How about punishing the kid without losing his shit? Wouldn't that be better? |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:31:59 AM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Why don't you take away the BB gun? TPNI (Third Post Nails It). |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:32:01 AM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
IMO there is no need to replace the "Killing / Murder" simulator. This, if he has already been taught and still thinks its OK to point even a bb gun at someone, maybe the alternate environment of the games is not helping. I won't blame it on them, I play them, but if your seeing inappropriate behavior that mimics the games, maybe its time for PONG.... |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:32:18 AM EDT
[#26]
i love the psycho analysis that im abusive, alcoholic, and have rage issues.
this is not normal for me and i have a fantastic relationship with everyone in the family including him. i have punished him before for not doing his reading or chores etc by taking away the xbox. when he pointed the bb gun last time, i talked it out with him and took away the xbox for a long time. this time, it was too much. i did take away the bb gun and smashed the xbox. no beating, no choking. my take away from reading the responses... i will talk to him tomorrow apologizing for my behavior but explaining why i reacted so strongly. then, i will make him write the gun safety rules and what they mean/why theyre important lastly, i will try to find another means of recreation outside video games. for all you GD ward cleavers phd's kudos to you! |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:32:33 AM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Now you're projecting. Come on man. You're ignorant to the world if you don't realize that human actions are largely progressive. People don't start out at one end of the spectrum, their demons grow until they can no longer control them. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:33:25 AM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Has OP lost his shit before? How about punishing the kid without losing his shit? Wouldn't that be better? Smashing the Xbox with a smile on his face would be pretty disturbing. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:33:43 AM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Negative association occurred, as well as negative reinforcement. The reason behind not pointing firearms at people should follow: Pointing Firearms at people is dangerous >> I should not point firearms at people In addition in your response you also taught the lesson: Someone is doing something I don't like >> I should act out in anger and destroy something Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
OP destroyed something valuable to his child. Instruction and prior reprimand, intervention if you will, was insufficient. What OP did will absolutely resonate with his son. If I don't want shit I like destroyed (like an Xbox, or a family members life)>>Then I will not point firearms at people. Learning has occurred. Negative association occurred, as well as negative reinforcement. The reason behind not pointing firearms at people should follow: Pointing Firearms at people is dangerous >> I should not point firearms at people In addition in your response you also taught the lesson: Someone is doing something I don't like >> I should act out in anger and destroy something Given the gravity of the situation, imidiacy and magnitude were the most important factors to ensure one-time learning occurs. Any other fuckup and I'd agree, way more targeted ways to begin to gradually correct behavior. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:35:40 AM EDT
[#30]
Not saying you were wrong, depends on the child and the circumstances. He know knows when you say something you mean it.
However the correct thing to do would have explained to him WHY we follow the gun saftet rules and asked him which one he broke. Then asked him if he would point a gun at his xbox.... then load up a rifle and make him shoot his own xbox, multiple times lol. We dont point a gun at anything we dont wish to destroy. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:36:07 AM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Now you're projecting. Come on man. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Quoted:
Quoted:
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I am a "horrible millennial". My dad's dad died when he was a teenager. The times my parents truly blew up sticks with me, and those lessons were important. Nothing they ever did I would ever consider abuse. Now plenty of my peers are Political Science major listless drug using baristas. But they we're always "best friends" with their parents. Their parents were super cool. They got to call them by their first name, not Mom or Dad. That worked out well. Because you have an in-depth account of their childhoods and parental relations? I'm not saying there aren't places where being firm with your child aren't necessary, and even some cases where "blowing up" might seem reasonable, but please explain to me how the course of action displayed in OP makes any logical sense whatsoever, and exactly what lesson the child is supposed to learn from it? Using sheer dominance and anger against a child seems like the smart thing to do, until that child grows up and is bigger than you. OP destroyed something valuable to his child. Instruction and prior reprimand, intervention if you will, was insufficient. What OP did will absolutely resonate with his son. If I don't want shit I like destroyed (like an Xbox, or a family members life)>>Then I will not point firearms at people. Learning has occurred. Until OP continues this behavior for less and less justified reasons. Now you're projecting. Come on man. No. I'm using anecdotal experience same as you. The fact that OP admitted he lost control should be a warning sign he has to real it in. There is a difference between emotional outbursts and tough love. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:36:52 AM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Kids lose respect for dads that can't control their emotions. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
You did good, don't sweat it. They know you are serious Kids lose respect for dads that can't control their emotions. I agree with the blond monkey. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:37:48 AM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
You're ignorant to the world if you don't realize that human actions are largely progressive. People don't start out at one end of the spectrum, their demons grow until they can no longer control them. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Now you're projecting. Come on man. You're ignorant to the world if you don't realize that human actions are largely progressive. People don't start out at one end of the spectrum, their demons grow until they can no longer control them. There are countless stories on this board of people reminiscing about "the one time Pa squared off". If progressive escalation was the rule every person on the planet would be a raping, beating, drunk. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:38:07 AM EDT
[#34]
Well first of all, worry about being a dad first. You lost your temper; it happens. Make it a learning moment for both of you. His behavior wasn't appropriate; neither was yours probably. There's much to be gained by this.
Don't worry too much about the Xbox and the financial loss. The beauty of the Xbox One these days is that everything is backed up to the cloud. Every game he purchased and downloaded is linked to his xbox live account. Every game save is uploaded to the cloud and accessible from any Xbox one in the world. None of that stuff is permanently lost. When you think it's appropriate, you can discuss a new system with your son. When you set it up and link the XBL account, you'll be able to DL everything onto the system as though it never happened. The only losses here were your temper, maybe some of the respect your son had for you, your self-control and confidence regarding how you're raising your kid, and a used Xbox one system (which is probably $200 max). Worry not about the financial loss or his games and saves. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:38:19 AM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
i love the psycho analysis that im abusive, alcoholic, and have rage issues. this is not normal for me and i have a fantastic relationship with everyone in the family including him. i have punished him before for not doing his reading or chores etc by taking away the xbox. when he pointed the bb gun last time, i talked it out with him and took away the xbox for a long time. this time, it was too much. i did take away the bb gun and smashed the xbox. no beating, no choking. my take away from reading the responses... i will talk to him tomorrow apologizing for my behavior but explaining why i reacted so strongly. then, i will make him write the gun safety rules and what they mean/why theyre important lastly, i will try to find another means of recreation outside video games. for all you GD ward cleavers phd's kudos to you! my opinion is worth exactly what you paid for it, but that sounds like good thinking. Good luck OP, kids WILL make you crazy on occasion. Now that I am grown and understand the full dynamic of me and my fathers relationship, I am just glad he didn't kill me. Nothing he ever did was out of hate or even anger really, it was just frustration at not being able to |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:40:10 AM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
You're ignorant to the world if you don't realize that human actions are largely progressive. People don't start out at one end of the spectrum, their demons grow until they can no longer control them. ever eat a donut? well then, looks like youll be a fatass diabetic in a couple years ever have a beer? better turn in your drivers license 'cause youre obviously gonna be a chronic alcoholic driver thats gonna kill someone pregressive enough? youre a fool. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:41:41 AM EDT
[#37]
Good thing the Xbox and content was OPs property and not the kids.
Do yall want yall kid to end up like this little cunt?  Psycho Dad Drowns Xbox |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:42:09 AM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
No. I'm using anecdotal experience same as you. The fact that OP admitted he lost control should be a warning sign he has to real it in. There is a difference between emotional outbursts and tough love. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Quoted:
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I am a "horrible millennial". My dad's dad died when he was a teenager. The times my parents truly blew up sticks with me, and those lessons were important. Nothing they ever did I would ever consider abuse. Now plenty of my peers are Political Science major listless drug using baristas. But they we're always "best friends" with their parents. Their parents were super cool. They got to call them by their first name, not Mom or Dad. That worked out well. Because you have an in-depth account of their childhoods and parental relations? I'm not saying there aren't places where being firm with your child aren't necessary, and even some cases where "blowing up" might seem reasonable, but please explain to me how the course of action displayed in OP makes any logical sense whatsoever, and exactly what lesson the child is supposed to learn from it? Using sheer dominance and anger against a child seems like the smart thing to do, until that child grows up and is bigger than you. OP destroyed something valuable to his child. Instruction and prior reprimand, intervention if you will, was insufficient. What OP did will absolutely resonate with his son. If I don't want shit I like destroyed (like an Xbox, or a family members life)>>Then I will not point firearms at people. Learning has occurred. Until OP continues this behavior for less and less justified reasons. Now you're projecting. Come on man. No. I'm using anecdotal experience same as you. The fact that OP admitted he lost control should be a warning sign he has to real it in. There is a difference between emotional outbursts and tough love. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:42:37 AM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Given the gravity of the situation, imidiacy and magnitude were the most important factors to ensure one-time learning occurs. Any other fuckup and I'd agree, way more targeted ways to begin to gradually correct behavior. But, if you take the "gravity of the situation" into account, than obviously the initial taking away of the Xbox did not work. This was a second time of occurrence. If the lesson is supposed to be "Follow the rules of firearms safety, even with the BB gun" while using the BB gun as a tool to help establish the framework of Safety Rules: 1.Why is he playing with the BB Gun in the house around other people(Unloaded doesn't matter, it's being treated as a real firearm) 2.Why isn't it also being secured like a real firearm to ensure proper teaching structures and habit development Another question that comes into mind is how was the child taught the safety rules? Was he just passingly told them or was it more proactive. It's really hard to blame someone for failure when they are given an improper framework from which to work within. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:42:45 AM EDT
[#40]
Why don't you take away the BB gun? This. That would have had a closer connection to the bad behavior. The kid has just lost a ton of respect for you. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:42:50 AM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Why don't you take away the BB gun? This And you have taught your son that losing control is how you handle stressful situations. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:43:49 AM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Honestly sounds like you have some extreme anger issues. Breaking expensive electronics in a fit of anger is not healthy or normal. Punishment was warranted, the way you did it was not. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:46:52 AM EDT
[#43]
OMG what a bunch of nancy boys in this thread.
Take away his pink tutu then shake your finger at him and everything would have been fine. 
Children at times need an ass whippin. No wonder we are a nation of wimps. The under 40 girly men will be the death of us. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:47:55 AM EDT
[#44]
If he's not responsible enough to have a BB gun, then take the BB gun. If we're talking about deliberately aiming it at someone rather than just being an idiot, then by all means take it and also ground the crap out of him.
But I would also suggest that "the video game made you do it" sounds every bit as much complete BS to a 12-year-old as it does the rest of us. All that teaches him are methods to be vindictive. Arbitrarily destroying something completely unrelated that they enjoy is about the fastest way to have a kid who doesn't trust you and will go to great lengths to hide anything and everything that they like from you. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:48:00 AM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I think these two things dovetailing is a natural part of parenting, within reason. People aren't robots, and genuine emotion has impact. As I said before, imidiacy and magnitude of punishment was critical in trying to achieve one time learning (no second chances with guns). Quote HistoryQuoted:
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I am a "horrible millennial". My dad's dad died when he was a teenager. The times my parents truly blew up sticks with me, and those lessons were important. Nothing they ever did I would ever consider abuse. Now plenty of my peers are Political Science major listless drug using baristas. But they we're always "best friends" with their parents. Their parents were super cool. They got to call them by their first name, not Mom or Dad. That worked out well. Because you have an in-depth account of their childhoods and parental relations? I'm not saying there aren't places where being firm with your child aren't necessary, and even some cases where "blowing up" might seem reasonable, but please explain to me how the course of action displayed in OP makes any logical sense whatsoever, and exactly what lesson the child is supposed to learn from it? Using sheer dominance and anger against a child seems like the smart thing to do, until that child grows up and is bigger than you. OP destroyed something valuable to his child. Instruction and prior reprimand, intervention if you will, was insufficient. What OP did will absolutely resonate with his son. If I don't want shit I like destroyed (like an Xbox, or a family members life)>>Then I will not point firearms at people. Learning has occurred. Until OP continues this behavior for less and less justified reasons. Now you're projecting. Come on man. No. I'm using anecdotal experience same as you. The fact that OP admitted he lost control should be a warning sign he has to real it in. There is a difference between emotional outbursts and tough love. I don't disagree to a point. However it's a very thin line IMO when the punishment is being dealt "in the moment". |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:50:04 AM EDT
[#46]
When the goal is imparting wisdom to your son or daughter, which do you think is more productive to that end?
Their resentment or their respect. If you are honest with yourself and I believe you are, you will modify your methods, out of love and respect for that which is the most important of reasons. Rearing your children with self-esteem, confidence, respect for others and to be wise beyond their years. I would imagine that most fathers have their regretful moments, I am no exception. But learned from my mistakes and did not repeat them. Good luck with your boy. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:50:54 AM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
There are countless stories on this board of people reminiscing about "the one time Pa squared off". Quote HistoryQuoted:
There are countless stories on this board of people reminiscing about "the one time Pa squared off". There are countless stories all over the internet with stuff that is largely rose-tinted glasses or completely full of shit. It's the internet, take it at your own risk. If progressive escalation was the rule every person on the planet would be a raping, beating, drunk. Jesus, your reasoning skills are absolutely abhorrent. Please show me where I stated that everyone who does one thing will inevitability end up on the far end of the spectrum. My point, continuing the "Drunk" example, is that every Drunk started roughly at the same point. Of course there are a million other factors which also affect contribute, but behavioral patterns usually start out very insignificant and work their way up. Addiction is a very good example of it. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:52:02 AM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
ever eat a donut? well then, looks like youll be a fatass diabetic in a couple years ever have a beer? better turn in your drivers license 'cause youre obviously gonna be a chronic alcoholic driver thats gonna kill someone pregressive enough? youre a fool. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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You're ignorant to the world if you don't realize that human actions are largely progressive. People don't start out at one end of the spectrum, their demons grow until they can no longer control them. ever eat a donut? well then, looks like youll be a fatass diabetic in a couple years ever have a beer? better turn in your drivers license 'cause youre obviously gonna be a chronic alcoholic driver thats gonna kill someone pregressive enough? youre a fool. lol, the way you're responding isn't helping to prove narphenal wrong. Some of us have seen first hand what can happen, and the fact we all seem to be on the same page should have you being a bit more introspective. Or don't, you do you. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:52:53 AM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I don't disagree to a point. However it's a very thin line IMO when the punishment is being dealt "in the moment". Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
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I am a "horrible millennial". My dad's dad died when he was a teenager. The times my parents truly blew up sticks with me, and those lessons were important. Nothing they ever did I would ever consider abuse. Now plenty of my peers are Political Science major listless drug using baristas. But they we're always "best friends" with their parents. Their parents were super cool. They got to call them by their first name, not Mom or Dad. That worked out well. Because you have an in-depth account of their childhoods and parental relations? I'm not saying there aren't places where being firm with your child aren't necessary, and even some cases where "blowing up" might seem reasonable, but please explain to me how the course of action displayed in OP makes any logical sense whatsoever, and exactly what lesson the child is supposed to learn from it? Using sheer dominance and anger against a child seems like the smart thing to do, until that child grows up and is bigger than you. OP destroyed something valuable to his child. Instruction and prior reprimand, intervention if you will, was insufficient. What OP did will absolutely resonate with his son. If I don't want shit I like destroyed (like an Xbox, or a family members life)>>Then I will not point firearms at people. Learning has occurred. Until OP continues this behavior for less and less justified reasons. Now you're projecting. Come on man. No. I'm using anecdotal experience same as you. The fact that OP admitted he lost control should be a warning sign he has to real it in. There is a difference between emotional outbursts and tough love. I don't disagree to a point. However it's a very thin line IMO when the punishment is being dealt "in the moment". Absolutely. I'm aware OP did this in the heat of the moment, and I think it being severe enough to leave an impression on OPs son is a happy accident. Obviously not a formula to follow, which would circle back to your concern of progression and escalation. But this situation, this time, it most likely had the desired effect. |
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Posted: 2/20/2017 2:53:36 AM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
ever eat a donut? well then, looks like youll be a fatass diabetic in a couple years ever have a beer? better turn in your drivers license 'cause youre obviously gonna be a chronic alcoholic driver thats gonna kill someone pregressive enough? youre a fool. I'm a fool? Thanks, Plato. |
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