So I fully expect to be belittled and made fun of for this. However I feel like rambling. Beware TL;DR to follow :

I'm a piece of shit person. I only ever care for only myself. As a result of this I have no one in my life I can rely on, no real friends only acquaintences that pass in and out of my life. I just have a lot of things to keep me company.

About a year ago a woman started working at the place I've worked at for 5 years. She is the sister of the regional VP. I did not like her at all when I met her. However I was forced to deal with her on occasion and we made small talk to pass the time. Turns out she was recently divorced and a single mother, not exactly a mess I wanted to get involved with but something about her drew me in.

We became friends, the most real friendship I have had in years. We would talk about anything and everything every day. I felt like she really understood me and she made me want to be a better person.

Eventually the topic of men came up, she said that a family friend had come back into her life and was expressing interest but she didn't know if she was ready to date being less than a year removed from seperating from her Husband. At that point I had nothing more than confused friendship for her so I told her that she deserved to be happy  and she should go for it.

About a month later we had started talking less and when we did talk it was about her 'manfriend' and how he dissapointed her often. As an example he would make promises to bring her lunch to work and then flake out last minute.

At this point I had realized my confusion was in fact feelings for her. One week she was complaining to me of a specifically bad argument with him and I decided to send her some flowers to cheer her up and to 'reveal' liked her. She was very appreciative, got teary eyed and gave me hugs. However she said that she was with him so she couldn't accept my feelings or gesture.

That was almost four months ago now and while we still talk it grows farther apart. She still comes by to talk to me and I her. She calls me by a pet name when I see her and just a week ago I helped make decorations for her daughter's 3rd birthday party.

Well in the last week I've gone and messed everything up worse. I texted her 'bestie' to ask if she was getting treated better by the guy than she was before since her and I hadn't talked about it in a while and everything went to hell. Her friend proclaims that I make her uncomfortable, that if I want to remain friends at all that I need to back off and not speak to her unless she speaks to me. So I haven't spoken to her since Friday other than a accidental hello in the hallway  today. I've avoided her area at work and I haven't texted her.

So now I sit here drinking Gin & Tonic contemplating anything I could have done fifferently. What could still be done,  and why I should give up on her. Problem is that I can't give up on her. I love her too much to do that.

Not sure what to gain from typing this out. Oh well.

You're in the friend zone.  Go find someone else.

If you strike a woman as too needy (trying to talk to her, text her, email her, leave messages, be in her presence), she'll reject you outright.  Keep your distance and do meet other women.

Ask if she fucks for money

Go home OP. You're drunk.

The answer is to leave her alone.  You sound like a goddamn stalker.  Move on.

You missed your chance. Dont make it worse by pining after her with no reciprocation. Let it go and move on.

Move on.

Should have made your move when you had the chance.


Now you're red flagged and out of the game. Leave quietly before stadium security has to drag you out.


 

You wearing a fedora by chance?

You've made it known that your interested in her. She's seeing somebody else, so just let it go. Stay busy and forget her, your feelings for her will dissapear in time as you remind yourself there is no shortage of single women.

Next time she tries to use you to unload about the shit way he treats her, tell her to fuck off, she had her chance.  Then ignore her like the bitch she is.

Know the difference between a bitch and a whore?  A whore fucks everyone....a bitch fucks everyone but you!

This.

You'll never have anything more than friendship, if that, with her. Don't send her flowers or other shit. Just be polite and professional from now on and leave her alone.

You had a small window there and missed it.

Honestly she's doing your a favor. You can't fix broken.

I don't like to be in conflict with other people, but I just have to come right out and say it; these other well intentioned gentlemen who are advising you to back off are wrong. Women want you to fight for them, they LOVE drama. Don't believe me? Got cable? Go to the Lifetime Movie Network or that other channel for women and look at all the movies and reality TV shows; they're all about the drama, and women eat that up. Take a cue from John Cusack and show up at her place holding a box radio over your head with that Peter Gabriel song blasting. Show up when she's out with friends and just kinda "pop in" on their dinner or whatever, and watch her gal pals turn green with envy. Stop beating around the bush with this jerk she's seeing, and go tell him who you are and what's about to go down. Do it when she's there. Odds are that he's a wimp if he's letting her down, and she'll see that when you stand toe to toe with him and tell him how a lady should be treated. You don't win by backing off, you win by stepping up.

Speaking as someone who has been "friend zoned" so many times I should have started a franchise, the above is basically the answer you are looking for.

In the past at one short period in my life when things seemed to work for me with women, what worked was getting the deal (date, lunch, whatever) done almost immediately.  Trying to woo them to you never worked.  Of course its better if they are trying to get you, but that seldom happens to those of us with the "friend zone."

It sounds like you dodged a bullet, probably doesn't feel that way yet but with time it will.

You don't want to get into the "Restraining Order Zone".  

Meh, you played everything just fine.

You got friend zoned. Could have been a lot worse.

Oh brother...Yes! Do this and prove us all right. Give in to your stalking desires and create drama that will get you fired on top of making you look like an idiot. Especially if you hold a boom box over your head while you get your ass kicked by said BF. She's your coworker. You want to lose your job! Cause that's how you lose your job!

Or at least head?

Did her ex-husband also treat her like shit?  Do you see a pattern yet?

Move on with your life and if possible fuck her friends.

Chasing co-worker pussy is a very risky endeavor.

Don't get your honey where you make your money, unless you're a porn star.

"I'm a piece of shit person. I only ever care for only myself. As a result of this I have no one in my life I can rely on, no real friends only acquaintences that pass in and out of my life. I just have a lot of things to keep me company"

You should have stayed in the basement

Take the advice of the 13 year old gentleman, he's done all the research.

Tip your fucking fedora while you're at it.

You don't live your life based on fear. You want to be an old man and be looking back on your life with regrets about all the things you didn't do? Because living life based on fear is how you wind up being an old man looking back on your life with regrets about all the things you didn't do...

Yep, friend-zoned. The moment another woman uses you to unload her problems about another man in her life, you have to nip that in the bud immediately. Tell her you don't want to hear that shit and walk away. When they do that, they are turning you into one of their girlfriends that can also open up jar lids. Once you allow yourself to be put in the friend-zone, it's almost impossible to get out.

I'm 43. I'm not saying that it's always worked and that it's always been a success, and yes, before you ask there have been temporary orders of protection (I got my guns back, thank you judge), but I don't regret anything, and I don't live my life wondering "What if..."

Dude...you need to go out and socialize in an unusual place and meet people.  Find some local group that plays board games, that meets in coffee shops, that go for hikes, or something along those lines.  You need to meet different people and quit moping around and feeling sorry for yourself, bro.
Stay away from the booze and get out into the real world.

Yep, it's almost impossible, and if you ACT like a girlfriend by backing off when she says back off, it's completely impossible. You have to FIGHT your way out of the friend zone.

*golf clap

Obviously you need to get really drunk and text her your feelings.

It's over.  You are never going to be with her, and you are no longer friends.  Were it not for work, she would never willingly talk to you again.

It doesn't mean you're a bad person.  You got a little obsessed with her, and you need to learn how to keep that in check.  

Don't speak to her at work except when unavoidable.  Don't contact her or her friends outside work, ever.  Stop worrying about what she is doing.  If office gossip starts going around about her, walk off whenever it comes up because you no longer care one way or the other.

Is there a male version of this? Because that shitposting you're doing is how you get a male version of this.

No regrets over here on my end. Yeah, sure, I'm alone right now, but that's my CHOICE.

Jr High sux ..High school girls are more mature.

Dude.
Listen up because I'm about to give you the most important advice you EVER got.
First of all, go buy yourself the best new suit you can afford.
Secondly, go to the local Stop and Shop and purchase the largest, freshest fruit plate or platter they have.  Sometimes, it's best to have some in the produce department make it for you special.
Then, at the stroke of midnight, go over to this fine lady's house wearing your new threads and present her with this bountiful plate of fruit.  Make sure you surprise her by not calling first.
Make sure you post back from her bedroom the next morning!

Read this five times, slowly. You are in for a world of shit if you continue down this path.

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Read this five times, slowly. You are in for a world of shit if you continue down this path.

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About a year ago a woman started working at the place I've worked at for 5 years. She is the sister of the regional VP.

Read this five times, slowly. You are in for a world of shit if you continue down this path.

Yup you need to cease all communication outside of official work stuff. Ignore her unless she talks to you directly then be short and to the point.

Or you will be fired.

TPNI. Based on the OPs comments, I'd say there was minimal chance of success anyway, but the narrow window of opportunity was not seized. Most of the time when a girl asks what she should do regarding a third party dude, she really wants to know what you think...but sometimes she's saying "shut up and take me, while you have the chance." Not literally of course...but you get there point op. Move on emotionally. If, later on, she seems to be interested again, the window may crack briefly. Don't fuck it up a second time.

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LOL, he may just get an old fashioned for pity sake if he gets fired for her

Throw in the thing about the ghetto blaster blaring Peter Gabriel and this is not a bad plan. Fresh fruit, fresh start...I'm tipping my fedora in your direction at this moment.

Color me shocked.

Be sure to do something like this to show her what she is missing out on...

OP- Give it up and leave her alone.  Just move on - you don't need the drama.

you were never going to win, OP...  take solace in that and leave her alone...

Holy shit... please do continue with your solid advice.

Allow me to provide the soundtrack