User Panel
Posted: 8/22/2016 5:37:43 AM EDT
A time traveler walks into a bar.
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Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them. |
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Horse walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "So. Why the long face?" |
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A white horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "we've got a whisky here named after you"
"what Eric?" Says the horse. |
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A dog walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender, shocked at hearing a talking dog, says, "Holy shit! You should work for the circus!" "Why?" the dog asks. "Do they need electricians?" |
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A skeleton walks into a bar and says "I'll have a beer and a mop."
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A preacher, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?" |
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A woman and a duck walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig." The woman says, "That's not a pig, that's a duck." He says, "I was talking to the duck." |
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A guy walks into a bar and says "ouch".
What do you call a constipated German? Fahrfrompoopin' What does a constipated Mathematician do? Work it out with a pencil. |
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A clown walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says "Ok, but dont try anything funny. |
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A duck walks into a bar and orders drinks for everyone. Bartender, noting that the duck isn't carrying a wallet asks, "How you gonna pay for that?"
Ducks replies, "Just put it on my bill." |
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A proton and a neutron are sitting in a bar when an electron walks in. The proton turns to the neutron and says, "Stay away from that guy. He is so negative about everything."
The neutron replies "Are you sure about that?" Proton replies, "I'm positive." |
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A proton and a neutron are sitting in a bar when an electron walks in. The proton turns to the neutron and says, "Stay away from that guy. He is so negative about everything."
The neutron replies "Are you sure about that?" Proton replies, "I'm positive." |
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What does the carrot say when poked with a fork?
Nothing, it is a fookin carrot. |
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A baby seal walks into a bar.
The bartender asks him "what would you like ?" Seal answers: "anything but a Canadian Club". A communist, an illegal alien and a Muslim walks into a bar. The bartender says: "what will you be havng today Mr. president?" |
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Quoted: A baby seal walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "what would you like ?" Seal answers: "anything but a Canadian Club". A communist, an illegal alien and a Muslim walks into a bar. The bartender says: "what will you be havng today Mr. president?" View Quote |
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A ham sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here.". |
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Two Irishmen walk out of a bar...
Don't laugh. It *COULD* happen... |
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Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
To a different bar. |
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Quoted:
<a href="http://s213.photobucket.com/user/natebedair/media/three-nazis-bar_zps62b56d0d.jpg.html" target="_blank">http://i213.photobucket.com/albums/cc141/natebedair/three-nazis-bar_zps62b56d0d.jpg</a> View Quote Now that's some funny shit right there. God bless John Browning |
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A mushroom walks into a bar.
The bartender says, " We don't like your kind in here.". The mushroom says, "You can serve me, I'm a fungi (fun guy, get it?).". |
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guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."
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Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't Pavlov Is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint, the phone rings and he jumps up shouting "Oh shit, I forgot to feed the dog!” |
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An arfcommer walks into a bar
While reaching for his wallet, his CZ comes loose, tumbles halfway across the bar, and ends up on the floor. Bartender says 'OK bud, get out. See the sign? 'No bounced Czechs' |
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John Kerry walks into a bar.
Bartender says "hey, pal - why the long face?" |
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A man walks into a bar with his alligator and asks: "Do you serve lawyers here?".
The bartender says: "Yes, of course we do!" The man says, "OK, I'll have a beer for myself and a lawyer for my alligator." |
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A dog limps into a bar and says, "I'm here to kill the man who shot my paw."
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A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar.
They ask the bartender for a beer. The bartender replies, "OK, just don't start anything!". |
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Quoted:
A time traveler walks into a bar. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve time travelers here View Quote -Maybe not tonight...but last night you will. |
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A piece of string walks into a bar
Bartender says "HEY, We don't serve strings in here" String leaves and comes back some time later and the bartender says "HEY, I done told you, we don't serve strings in here!" String leaves again, goes around the corner and twists himself up over and over. Even messes up his ends. Looks like a complete mess. Then he walks into the bar again. Bartender says "HEY... Aren't you that string I told to leave earlier?" String says "Nope, frayed knot" |
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Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar.
Bartnder says : Horse Face jokes are mean. A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs and swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, what are you doing?" The blind man says, "Don't mind me, I'm just looking around." |
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Guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head.
Bartender says, "Can I help you?" The duck says, "Yea, can you get this guy off my ass?" |
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EQ joke:
A ranger walks into a bar. A random spawn starts camping his corpse. |
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Two fish are in a tank.
One fish turns to the other and says, "You man the gun, and I'll drive." |
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A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a beer. He gives the bartender a $20.
The bartender thinks to himself "Gorillas aren't very smart.", so he gives the gorilla 3 singles for change. Later the bartender tries to make conversation and says "You know, we don't get many gorillas in here.". The gorilla says "No wonder, 17 bucks for a lousy beer.". I think of that joke every time I buy something at the airport. |
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