I used to build squad cars and I worked with a kid who I referred to as Twitch. He could not sit still and had all sorts of odd little ticks.

I was out on workmans Comp after breaking my hand in front of a coworker. I came back to work and Twitch was gone. Nobody would talk about it.

Couple days later I was sent to a PD for some change overs and got the story. Apparently his girlfriend came down to visit him for lunch, and they got busted in a local park smoking meth. By the PD he was building cars for.

We had a union steward that went out on FMLA for a couple of weeks, then like an idiot posted pics from the cruise she and her husband were on to her Facebook page. Because she was such a cunt the union put its hands in its pockets, and did nothing to keep her job.

I was a senior IT manger at a call center.

About 10am and this guys wife called into HR complaining her husband wasn't answering his work phone. HR called me since my office was close by I went to his desk and he wasn't there. Coworkers who sit next to him said they haven't seen him for a few hours. Looked in break room bathrooms etc didn't see him anywhere. Pulled the badge report and he hadn't left the building. Ended up organizing a search party and looked for this guy for over an hour. Finally someone found him in the women's bathroom in a stall sleeping curled up between the commode and wall. He was drunk off his butt. Since he was drunk i had to drive him home 25 miles and tell his wife he was fired.

Office manager went to the partners and asked for a $5k emergency loan to pay for rent/abortion/whatever.  They loaned her the money (effectively out of their own pockets).  She cashed the check and spent the money on a shopping spree instead.  Now for the genius part: she got the bank to send the cashed/cancelled check to the firm, intercepted it and then TRIED TO CASH THE EXACT SAME CHECK AGAIN. It had the bank's "cashed" stamp on it and everything. The bank took one look and called the partners and the cops.  She got escorted out by the cops.

One of the partners told the other partners that he was leaving for a month for personal reasons . . and told them 2 days before he left, leaving all of his clients up shit creek.  Turns out it was for in-patient rehab for his PORN ADDICTION.  That's right - a 30 day in-patient program for porn. He admitted that he spent all day looking at porn in his office.  They cut his draw by 25% and told him to find another job asap.  

Another junior partner was supposedly a hot-shit rainmaker.  Wining and dining new clients, booking hundreds of thousands of dollars in billings from a few hot shit clients that he had to fly to Texas on a monthly basis to deal with.  My boss once took me and my wife out to dinner and he told me and my wife that I needed to be more like that guy in order to be successful in the firm. Pissed me off to no end that he did that in front of my wife . . . especially since I knew that this guy was a sleaze and an imbecile.  He would ask me for help on projects and I quickly learned that he lacked even the most fundamental grasp of the law that he was supposedly practicing.  Scary.  Anyways, those hundreds of thousands of dollars in billings weren't getting paid and his AR accounts just got bigger and bigger and bigger. And he had the biggest expense reimbursements in the firm by far - for dinner and drinks 3 times a week.  Eventually it became clear that his superstar clients were just his buddies' shady companies and he had told them that they never had to pay their bills . . and that the dining and drink expenses were not related to paying clients.  He was just running a con on the firm.  The other partners were super pissed and kicked him out.  Turns out that this is how that guy goes through life - jumping from firm to firm, company to company every 12-18 months, running shady cons.

one case of kiddy pr0n on a work laptop, on the company network....

another case of kiddy pr0n on a personal computer, a nasty divorce that led to him being perp walked out the front of our buiding.  i still wonder about that one.

regular pr0n on company laptop

many, many cases of video games on company time/laptops

billing on corporate projects while working on personal projects, lots of that

a handful of hardcore alcoholics

one case of incompetence

AVGAS for the gassers, jet fuel for the diesels.

Doofus physically attacked his supervisor in front of two witnesses.  I called his home that night and left a message not to come in.  When he came in he denied having received my message.  Anyway, I had him clean out his locker and after placing him on administrative leave without pay, escorted him out.  After an investigation, he was fired.  He appealed and the arbitrator held against him.   This was decades ago.  I learned recently that last year he filed for bankruptcy.

Plant Manager of a coal fired plant that showed up so drunk he tried to put on his boots over his shoes. Repeatedly. In a parking lot in full view of everyone in the building.

Supposedly they found a bottle of vodka tied to a string submerged in the cooling tower.

Nice guy, but damn shame of a way to blow off a really nice paying gig with a lot of future growth potential.

Having sex with women he met at work.

'Seen this a couple of times...Lol.

'Last guy married the inmate. He was taken aback and puzzled at the reaction he got from those of us fellow officers he INVITED TO THE WEDDING.

In the end he lost his job and pretty much everything else after she divorced him... Taking him to the cleaners.

WHAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Girl that worked where I was at came up with a brilliant plan of threatening management that she had a better offer and was thinking of quitting.  Figured she would get a raise. Ten minutes later they told her we thought about it and you can quit today.
She cleaned her desk out and came to the shipping dept where her brother worked crying. He just shrugged.  Made an ass out of herself in front of all the girls she worked with.
Oh and the funny thing is she made up the offer from the other company they didnt want her.

Delivering money to a customer bends over a derringer falls out of his shirt pocket and shoots him in the arm , He asked the bank not to call the police or the company . The bank calls both . He is fired as soon as his replacement arrives to his route .

His wife filed a harassment complaint against me , claiming among other things that I always assigned her trucks with non working air . The problem was , I don't assign trucks .  I hand the keys to the vault manager and he assigns the trucks . This was her last of many mistakes .

They were a Black Panther supporting couple from Compton living in Ga.

12 hours of phone sex on a company radio phone.
(oil well testing)

The bill was in the thousands.

Had a co-worker that got caught by "To Catch a Predator".  

Yes, he was gay.

Not even worth posting.
It's much like saying, "My Mother caught my brother jacking off."

This thread is finished.

When I was interning at a bank once, a guy there taught me "the paper clip trick". If you want to take a nap, go into an empty office, close the door, lie down with your feet against the door and scatter paper clips around your body.  Then sleep.  If someone tries to get into the office, the door will hit your feet, waking you up.  You can then explain that you were picking up spilled paperclips.

I never actually tried it though.

I have to apologize.  I laughed.  



I was riding my motorcycle when a great big bumble bee or something went right into my helmut and was buzzing my ear.  I started wiggling my head, pulled over and yanked the helmet off.



Didn't get stung.



 

Online porn?

Oh, I forgot one...

Client calls me and tells me his workstation PC has crashed. He's a I&E tech with an IT hobby so he's the IT guy for the plant. OK, cool. I walk him through getting the cold hardware backup running.

Next day he calls me angry because the backup has failed.  It's my fault, obviously...

So his plant orders a next-day-air complete replacement incl. configuration.  I drop everything and spend all day putting a workstation together and barely make the 6pm UPS cutoff.  Overnight it and bill them 4k.

2 days later he calls again. PC crashed. What kind of scam am I running?  I build a PC on my own dime, overnight it, tell him to send me the defective unit.

Next day he calls...finds that all 4 machines have a video game on them and the windblows registries are all fucked up by the guy trying to install the game.

These workstations are producing what EPA considers to be legally binding documentation of air emissions output from the plant.   Every time a PC goes down they've had to file a breakdown....$16k worth of machines in 5 days.

To play DOOM.

Outside operator on night shift.  Job paid about 90k/year.

Co-worker took weekend shift for additional pay, took assigned company pickup out of the yard Saturday morning; did half the job; Saturday afternoon went to his girlfriends house and had copious amounts of sex, drugs, alcohol...
Sunday morning early AM, bounced company pickup off guardrails/curbs on major north/south freeway until running on 4 rims and when pickup stopped driving.. got out and started walking toward downtown until 5-0 came along and invited him to a real party in the city lockup.
Monday morning, calls from lockup with BS story and asked company to "hold job until he can make bail"... Gone ...

Not a coworker, but one time we were car shopping at a Ford dealership. Pulled around the corner in the little lot golf cart and there was a brand new Red 2003 Cobra with the rear wheel folded over at a 45° angle.

Being a huge Mustang fan, I mentioned how upsetting this was. The dealer said one of the porters rolled it off the transport, pulled it through the car wash and gunned it on the way out. Slid the ass end into a parking block.

He finished his story with "he doesn't work here anymore."

This was a long time ago, when departments here had a few of their own IT staff instead of a centralized one.
The straw that broke the camel's back for this guy was that he installed Seti@Home on every PC in the department he was in (probably 100 or so PCs).  Rumor mill was he was running a side IT consulting business from his desk at work too.

Senior VP at a mid-size gov contractor whose resume said he was a former AF officer and had an MBA from Columbia.

Went to a client meeting along with a subordinate VP and a PM (ex-CIA guy) who drove separately.  The SVP continued to say things relating to finance and contracting to the client that made absolutely no sense at all.  On the drive back. the very frustrated VP says to the PM "It's amazing - you'd think he doesn't have an MBA at all!"  

Latent Intelligence Officer interest piqued, the PM starts making some phone calls.  Turns out Columbia never heard of the guy.  Then he started digging into the guy's claimed BS degree.  Undergrad college never heard of him either. Which eliminated his claimed AF commission too.  Company appeared to be ignore it all.  About this time the PM decides to vent to me.  Being a little stiff necked about fraud and stuff, I bring up "That means he also lied on his SF-86.  (SVP had a TS/SCI clearance).  Time to go see the FSO."  So we do.   FSO (a retired Chief) is also a bit incensed and calls the Corporate Security Officer.  The Big Wigs at Corp try to brush it off until the PM, the FSO, and I say "then it is our responsibility, as clearly stated in our clearance agreement with the Government, to report this to Defense Security Service.  We aren't going to prison for this asshole."

SVP was unceremoniously fired the next day.  I don't know how they dealt with the fraudulent payments they accepted over many years for the guy's work.

A guy I replaced got a write up for having too much bar sticking out of the back of the spindle. He had about a foot of 1/2" rod hanging unsupported so naturally when the spindle revved up to 4000 rpm it helicoptered. It tore the coolant collector off and some of the sheet metal, snapped off and then went through the roof 25' over his head. Instead of signing the write up he wrote that he had done it before and might again and that he quit.

I used to work at Winn-Dixie, there was lots of funny goofy shit going on all the time. The best ones were a new creepy ass guy on the overnights with us. His name was Tommie, and he was a creepy 22 year old motherfucker. It was immediately apparent he was on stuff. After two weeks we found him smoking weed in the produce cooler . Couldn't have gotten that guy out quick enough. The other was a cleaning guy who shit on the floor of the women's bathroom floor.

This is why HR is fucking stupid and should be eliminated from all workplaces.  Are JC Pennys and Macy's ads prohibited in your workplace?

My maintenance supervisor making 120k a year, caught stealing old batteries and selling them for core charges.  

Nobody would have known but he took so many his truck was sagging, and another mechanic went over to investigate.

The latest one... dude was drag racing in a forklift.  Tries to cut a turn... with the mast 15' in the air and flips it!  

.... oh, it caught fire afterwards.   The video of it on the security camera was farkin hilarious!

...

Charlie Manson looking dude, first day on the job, gets caught with his trousers around his ankles, furiously flogging his oggin.

Some dude got caught shooting up on video camera.

Dude decided to steal a 100 foot heavy gauge extension cord, wrapped it around his waist and started walking out to his car, along the way the cord restricted his breathing and he passed out.
When the medics and security showed up, they found the cord.

Saw a guy dump 10 tons of aluminum sheets from an overhead trolley when he forgot to split the bridge and crashed into the rail stops.
That's an automatic whizz test, but the dude bolted and didn't come back for 3 days. When he did come back, he was interviewed and claimed that he scared so bad he shit himself and was too ashamed to come back.
It was bullshit, he pissed hot.

The worst one was the guy who was arrested at work for diddling his 9 year old daughter. That was back in the early 80's, I hope he's still in the greybar hotel.

Happened where I worked on a Mazak QuickTurn. There was a rack blocking the bar feeder from swinging out far enough to front load a bar, so you pulled the feeder to the side and pushed the bar into the machine, then went to the spindle side and pushed it back into the Hyrdo-Bar.

Guy pushed it into the machine, went to shit, came back and pushed it back out with the barfeeder still off to the side, 4000RPM, 3/4" 17-4 SS bar swinging 2 feet out the back of the spindle.

Wrecked the machine through bore and moved the entire machine about 6" before he could get it shut off.

Fired next day. Took about a month and close to $20k to get the machine back in production.

Got a couple from Army Recruiting.

Station Commander with 20 plus years in decides to start dating a 16 year old girl. He's married. Girl gets pregnant, Recruiter takes her to get an abortion in Oregon, they lived just across the border in Idaho and I guess it was the nearest clinic. Girls Dad finds out. Dad presses charges. Recruiter is charged with statutory rape and kidnapping since he crossed State lines with her. He's in prison now.

Another Recruiter decided to bang an underage girl. I don't know the details but she ends up being found dead from a gun shot wound in HIS apartment. Don't know the outcome of that one.

Another Recruiter was a known swinger and general douchebag. He propositioned an underage female applicant for a threesome with him and his wife........in the Recruiting Station..........in front of 6 other Recruiters. This was in Las Vegas. About a year later I ran into him working as a security guard at one of the dirty casinos in the ghetto.

And my favorite, which didn't end up getting anyone fired or jailed, was our 1SG was known to be dating one of the female Recruiters in the Company. She was already married to a retired CSM. 1SG lied for months about the affair but eventually she divorced her husband and married the 1SG. He's now the CSM of USAREC.

EMS

My partner lost his job because he couldn't wake up for work even though he had 5 different alarms set. We have %100 paid health insurance and he has a baby on the way. Good guy but how fucking hard is it to get up on time?

We just fired another guy because of a generally bad attitude. The bosses go to have a sit down with him, intending to just try and work stuff out. He gets all butthurt and ends up getting fired for threatening them. Then, genious decides to call around to other EMS services in the area and ask for work, but he gives them attitude and they all tell him to fuck off. This is a tiny community up here, we all know eachother and word gets around quickly.

We also have a Paramedic who walks out the front door and pisses in the parking lot EVERY MORNING. We have three bathrooms in the building and there are only two people working at a time.I don't get it.

We have the same machines. Amazing how many batteries are needed in December.

At my place of work people get fired from stealing food from the fridge.  Which is stupid because they tell everyone the top dumbest ways people have been fired and tell people that if they are really in need of something to eat for lunch that HR will give you a voucher for the cafe to get a meal.  So people would rather steal a shitty sandwich and risk getting fired than go to HR and ask for free food.  

Second dumbest way is by getting into friends accounts.  My friend that used to work here ended up knocking up some chick from another department.  They broke up and she started getting into his account and call records.  He reported it and she was walked out of the door and lost her nice cozy $40K/yr full benefits job.  Morons.  Another way out the door is being rude to a customer.  There are several very easy ways to get promoted to customer.

Don't threaten me with your job.

Depends. Avgas, yes. But jet fuel is basically a more refined version of diesel.

Two salesmen at two different companies who refused to do actual sales work.

The first one became the tour guide whenever a customer would come in for a plant tour.  He also became the company travel agent.  This was in a company with maybe 5 - 10 people who could travel for the company.  I don't know WTF else he did with his time.  He finally got fired after he got most of the rest of the staff fired because he wasn't bringing in business & there was a natural attrition of the old business moving on.

The second one worked for the company (different company) for 10 years & it was obvious from Day 1 that he had no aptitude for sales because he was a negative slacker.  His saving grace was that he was a big time liberal as were all of the other employees including his boss.  Finally his boss stepped up the supervision and gave him assigned tasks to complete which he never did.  The boss put up with that for two or three years and then finally fired him.  The interesting thing about that company was that it turned out that they didn't want any new sales any way.  They are 99.99% funded by the government.

Had a manager who was obsessed with porn. So much so that he would lock himself in his office and surf porn all day... he got found out when he forwarded it to another higher up, who, when he forwarded it, sent to all by mistake. Apparently not all of the participants in his porn were of legal age and he got led out and his computer seized by the police.

Strangest one though was the guy in maintenance that was stealing panties from company owned rental properties and laundromats while on duty.. that was a fun one..

OK, why would female coworkers screw intellectually disabled folks?  Were these women absolutely undateable?

We had a skanky nymphomaniac they hired, guess what it wasn't long before she got caught on camera going into the bathroom with a sexually violent predator. I don't believe they were in there reading poetry, do you?

Rosebuds are red
Bruises are blue
Put your lips on this choad
Or I'll perish you

A guy I worked for/with was canned after teabagging suspect's heads while they were sitting on the curb handcuffed.  And there was apparently pics floating around of it.

He was an idiot.  Good can.

A supervisor was late for work one morning and told one of his employees to lie to his boss about where he was.



She fired his ass, and good riddance.

First job out of high school was security at an amusement park, out in the parking lot.   There was this Homie-G white kid named Phil.  In the evenings, it sort of slowed down and at the end of the shift, we'd meet with the supervisor and go over things.   One day, late August, we're there and the supervisor asks "Where's Phil?".   As if on cue, we hear "woooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAaaaaaahhhhhh" and see Phil go by, hanging on the roof of his buddies car, in full uniform.  He knew about the evening meetings, but thought it was "cool" to do that.  Anyway, gone.

Actually, another story there, that didn't result in firing was a guy named Billy.  Normally, you work security out in the parking lot for one year, then if you don't fuck up royal, you get to go in the park.   Well, Billy had been there two years and still in the parking lot.   We didn't have enough radios for everyone, so it was sort of first come, first serve.  Billy made sure to get to work fifteen minutes early, with the express purpose of getting a radio so he could yell at everyone.  Mind you, despite his tenure there, he was NOT the senior guy, and people just blew it off, including the supervisors, when he yelled at people.  

One day, I'm working another area and my buddy comes over to talk about moving around the traffic pattern.  Billy sees this, and apparently figured out we were the ones that had narc'd on him sleeping behind a pump shed and decided to rat us out.  One thing we used to do was egg Billy on by playing dumb, and he'd get mad.  Well, he tried doing that with us, secretly holding down the radio button, thinking that we'd fuck up and say something on the park channel.  

So every radio in the park was playing him gradually loosing his shit.  Afterward, he was forbidden to have a radio and had to carry around a 2x4 with a gutter nail in it as a "Training Radio" after that.

I might do that.

I'm the product of a passed out girl getting raped though, so I'm kinda protective like that.

 

Depends.