As I mentioned before, you aren't neglecting them or leaving. Do some reading on it. The name is a misnomer like the username "aimless" on a shooting board.

This method actually requires more work and attention up front  by the parents. It would be easier to scoop him up and take him to bed (and he knows it.)

You have to go in there every time period and reassure and comfort him. Over and over.

This heavy commitment up front makes for a long and stressful nights. That's why we are trying it for the long memorial day weekend.

As for the cortisol comment, read the study I linked. It indicates exactly the opposite of what you describe.

The way it works, In a very short period he will acclimate and be able to understand it's not a bad thing, and that he is fine in his room and bed and will sleep longer and better.

Does mom stay home with the baby?

On Mondays and every other Fridays.

Have daycare other days since 4 Mos old.

Stick with it. Cry it out was the only method that worked with my oldest daughter. The first night, she cried for 4 hours before going to sleep. The next night was 3 1/2 hours, the following night 3. After a few weeks, she was sleeping through the night without a peep. Its hard to listen to them cry, but the cry it out method does work.

I was too. My dad used to put a reel to reel (1959) under my crib and play classical music at a low volume. They said I slept like a, well... baby.  Otherwise, every time someone tiptoed anywhere near my room it would wake me up.

My mother has decided that is why I'm such a music freak to this day. Even my hubby says if I don't have music on, or at the very least I'm not singing there is a problem.

Try music or one of those apps that play sounds of nature quietly.

Well, I have a 10 month old and we went through this several months ago.  Up to 4 months, we swaddled our baby and she slept in a Rock n' Play.  She had a little reflux and the angle helped her.  She would sleep through the whole night once she was old enough to not need to wake up to eat.  After 4 months, we moved her to the crib, but kept swaddling until she had the ability to roll over.  I think that was around 6 months.  Removing the swaddle was difficult.  She had a hard time getting used to that.  I think that was about a week of hell.  We were able to get her to sleep by holding her and bouncing her (sitting on one of those yoga balance balls with the baby and bouncing up and down) until she fell asleep.  However, we would have to do this every time she woke up and it was getting ridiculous.  One night, I had to go to the store and run an errand after baby's bed time.  My wife was bouncing the baby when I left.  I got back over an hour later and my wife was still bouncing her....

It took a bit of convincing with my wife, but we finally started the cry it out method.  Much like you, we did the put the baby down, come back after 5 minutes, then 8 minutes, then 12, etc.  all the way up to 20 minutes.  After about 3 nights, she fell asleep quickly.  All good right?  Well, then we would have a night when we would get up to 20 minutes and have to go in there like 5 times, 20 minutes apart.  A couple of nights, it started seeming like going back in every 20 minutes was actually making it worse as she would ramp up the volume when we left, so we actually did some longer breaks, probably up to an hour.  It's hard to do, especially for my wife who would stare at the baby monitor while crying.  However, luckily, we only had to go that long a couple of times.  We were disturbed by this as most of the reading we did indicates that the baby gets better each night.  That was not the case for us.  As soon as we thought we had it, she would regress for a night or two.  It probably took a couple of weeks to get her on a good schedule.  Also, we recently had some problems when she was sick and would wake herself up coughing and what not.  We gave her a little more leeway with picking her up and cuddling her some.  You have to be really careful of not undoing your prior training and creating new bad habits.  I have spent several nights on the recliner in the baby's room asleep with the baby sleeping on me from 4 or 5 in the morning until time to wake up.

We read that the key is putting the baby to bed while drowsy and letting her fall asleep there so that if she wakes up, she knows where she is.  Well, our girl tends to fall asleep while nursing and my wife can put her in the crib asleep.  That is supposed to be a no-no according to most of the literature you see.  However, it works for us most of the time.  We've now read that if you do this and the baby sleeps through the night, she has learned to put herself to sleep and it's OK.  Luckily, that's what happens most nights.  Other times, she wakes up while my wife is laying her down and she cries, but she's usually asleep in 5 to 10 minutes.  My wife would love for our daughter to never cry, but she doesn't work that way.  When you lay her down, if she's not already asleep, she's going to cry.  Like I said though, most times, she soothes herself.

To the people in this thread who think cry it out is barbaric, I beg to differ.  Once you get over the hump, you have freed your baby.  She will get much more rest than if she can call you in to her room over and over.  As long as your baby is at an age where they don't need to wake up to eat, they're better off getting uninterrupted sleep in my opinion.  Also, you're going to be a much more calm, happy, loving parent while your baby is awake if you are getting good sleep.  Nothing can make you a crabby, impatient person like walking around completely exhausted all the time.  Our girl is almost always very happy to see us in the morning and smiling ear to ear whether or not she cried for an hour to go to sleep.

I'm no expert, but to the OP, here are some things I see that are going against you:

1.  It's really late in the game to start the cry it out method.  I think it's best done before your baby can stand up in the crib.  I'm sure you can overcome this, but it may be more difficult.
2.  You've let the baby sleep in the bed with you.  Your baby is going to crave this.
3.  You mentioned something about feeding the baby in the middle of the night because it had been 4 hours.  At your baby's age, he should be able to go at least 8 hours without eating.  Ours can sleep from 8PM to 7AM without eating.  My wife has nursed our daughter to soothe her, but this is the exception.  If you are still waking to feed the baby, ask your doctor.

My recommendations:

1.  Don't even think of starting cry it out unless you and your spouse are completely on board with this.  You should discuss every possible scenario about what your baby might do and make a decision now on how you'll handle it.  Obviously, you can't think of everything, but you can cover most things.  That way, when it happens, you can say, remember, we discussed this and this is what we will do.

2.  At some point, either you, your wife, or both of you will break down and question whether or not you are doing the right thing.  One night, my wife just busted out in tears for like a half hour.  She thought she was being a bad mother or she had screwed up somewhere along the way.  Just comfort her and re-assure her.  It's hard, but it gets better.  You have to stay positive.

3.  If you don't already have a specific routine every night, make it a priority to create a routine and be consistent.  We feed our daughter dinner at about 6:30.  About 7 to 7:15, I get the bath ready.  I give our daughter a bath and my wife and I dry her off and get her into her pajamas, then my wife nurses her until she falls asleep, which is usually around 8 PM.

4.  Get a while noise machine.  We have one of the domer $50 jobs.  You don't have to go that expensive, but get something.

Good Luck!

Have done the following for our 3 kids: (currently 5, 3, and 1)

Sleep in our bed with us and transition to basinet/crib around 6 months. If they wake up crying bring them to bed with us. This usually lasts until about 14-16 months. Around 16-18 months we involve them in choosing things for their room, bed etc. They start sleeping in their own bed at that point. Bed time routine starts with a daytime routine. Meals, play time structure etc throughout the day done right will make bed time easy. Bed time routine starts around 730pm, usually brush teeth, potty, jammies around 800pm. In bed and reading stories 815-830pm. Usually asleep by 830-900pm. They usually wake up around 600-800am.

If we haven't started the bed time routine on time, the oldest (5) will sometimes say shes tired, go up to bed and go to sleep. Middle child (3) is a night owl, if we don't stick to the routine for 1-3 days it's a fight to get back to it. It's all about consistency.

Currently the 1 year old is sleeping with us in bed most of the night, but is sleeping longer in the crib. Have had several nights where he slept in the crib all night. It will be time to transition him to his own room soon, he is ahead of schedule compared to his older sisters.

The oldest had night terrors pretty bad for a while, tough sitting there holding your child when they're inconsolable.

Bullshit. Children and yes even babies know what they are doing. They are human just like all of us and sometimes the reasons they want to wake you up are just from straight up spoiled behavior.

They have to be taught what's exceptable by the parent.  Some of what one parent or household might tolerate isn't the same in the next home.

I think OP is doing the right thing.  You have to create a boundary for acceptable behavior that everyone can live with.

Some people get all emotional about it but a baby can impose it's will upon you if you let him/her. Moms and dad's only have themselves (and grandma) to blame when thier child displays negative patterns of behavior in most cases.

JMHO

When he cries, peek in the room and squirt him with a water pistol.

It will get better OP. Without the reinforcement the behavior will stop because there is no payoff.

If you know the child had food and doesent have a stinky diaper I would let it ride longer than 3 minutes.

IMO @3min intervalso the kid gets going good and you show up and give the attention he wants, you leave and before he wears out he's rewarded with your presence again. The attention is what he wants and he's still getting it.

IMO you gotta close that door and show that you come when you want on your schedule regardless of if he's whining or not.

patience grasshopper.
it will get better.

i have 2 young ones.

Only happened once with our twins.  I couldn't take the crying for weeks so we'd go in every night and hold them until they fell back to sleep.  One night I was so exhausted I fell asleep at like 8pm and my wife, conniving little twat that she is, let them cry themselves to sleep.  Never happened again.

You'll figure it out and get through it, or just get through it

The key is to enjoy the ride.

No one can tell you what will "work" for your kid, but it aint rocket surgery

A new challenge will be along shortly and you'll think...  "Remember when all we had to do was feed them, change them, and put them to sleep?"


Good Luck man

Amen.  I was about to post the same thing.  



 

When our kids were that little we either strapped them in the car and drove around or put them in car seat and put them on the dryer. Usually a little vibration and noise calm them down and put them to sleep.

I wouldn't use a hair dryer due to the power source, but there are other options. My parents gave me a toy dump truck that had an electronic noise maker. It was supposed to sound like an engine buzzing along. They put it in bed with me and turned it on. They said it was better than anesthesia.

I was sure it was about the "cry it out" method of moderation too.

He has a noise generating aquarium thing.

Never had a problem sleeping well the first 9-10 months. We were lucky.

Never cried much, always smiley happy.

This. We had a lot of trouble with our boy sleeping through the night. We finally resorted to this method. It worked. It was hell, it was hard, but it worked.

Yes. We have used the cry it out in different situations over the years with three kids. It does work. It sucks, but it sucks less than never sleeping, and having a kid that destroys the house every night. Naps, night time bed, and some play times.

I came home one time and there was out vacuum layed over but running. Wife was at the kitchen sink (barefoot and pregnant), with ear buds in. Kids were in their room sound asleep. "Finally" I was told. I asked no questions. All of our kids slept very well.

Is he teething?  The method for sleeping worked on all our children, but it was no cake walk I can tell you.



 

It makes you feel horrible but it works.

Yeah.

Give that kid some titty.

The "cry it out" method is reinforcing the idea that, during a time of need, you aren't there for them.

Great fucking concept.

Take care of your God damned child.

We did the opposite. Our infants slept in the bed with us, and my wife made the boob available.

We never slept better than when our babies were nursing infants, True story.

Didn't read the whole thread, just your first few posts, OP.

By going in every so often, you are defeating your own purpose. You're directly teaching him that when he cries, he gets attention.

The purpose of the "cry it out" method is to force them to learn to self-comfort and go back to sleep. It works. Yes, it's stressful.

With that being said, you must make sure that he's not crying about something else.

11 months? Does he have a fever? Runny nose? Could easily be teething.  Make sure he doesn't have gas (lay on back, force knees up to chest several times)

If he's still breast feeding, he's got it down at 11 months. (It is bad to give a bottle to a breast feeding new baby. It messes them up on technique) Nothing wrong with giving him a bottle with cereal. My boy breast fed until 2 years but ate like a pig, so he'd get cereal at night, there for a while.

Hang in there. My daughter cried for the entire first 14 months of her life. It was miserable. Not a thing wrong with her. Just crying.

The titty also comforts them... jeez this isn't rocket surgery.

Read some Dr. Sears books. Cry out method is barbaric, nonsense.

Not hardly. They need to be able to self -calm when there's nothing wrong with them.

You've got it.

BIngo.

Cry it out parenting is some BS created by selfish modern parents, that can't be inconvenienced with their infants needs.

And putting your kid in a separate room is the first decision that cascades into sleepless nights.

Put the infant in your bed, let them cuddle and nurse all night, and you will sleep like a rock. It's pretty damned simple.

All mammals do this. It's not that difficult to figure out.

Pretty dangerous. Lots of babies suffocated that way.

Infants have real physical needs and very delicate digestive systems.

When they cry the are letting you know that they needs something.

Making them cry until help never arrives teaches them that you don't give a shit.

This crap started in the 60's and see where we are now. It's no wonder.

Go to the Doctor to be sure his ears are not bothering him. Sometimes their ears plug upmwhile laying down they cry hard and the pressure subsides. Our second son had this problem as soon as he got tubes in his ears he slept all night every night. It took us a while to figure the ear problems out.

Yes, the ex and I did it with all three boys. It is miserable, lead to long nights of tears from both of us and our boys. Those nights got better, and now I have three boys whom sleep amazingly well and I truly believe that learning to self soothe is the root of that.

I can't recall a time we didn't let the babies cry it out it works op both my lil nuggets sleep through the night

Teething or gas.

Give some Motrin or gas drops.


My daughter is 20 months and usually sleeps from 8:30pm to 9am now.

Nope. Go back to when babies were born and whisked away from their mother in the hospital and left in individual totes in the nursery. That goes back to late 1800s at least. Hardly some notion that started in the 60s

Now, I don't think that's nearly the right thing to do. But, at some point they have to learn to sleep on their own. Where is that point?

Wife was a card carrying member of LLL. She could give hours of dissertation on the digestive and other needs of babies.

After comforting them, and making sure their needs are met, allowing them to cry until they figure out they can go back to sleep on their own is the healthy thing to do.

We have been through 3 kids now and each was differrent and we figured out the little things that worked as we went. We listened to advice from every source possible and did whatever worked for that kid. To say one way is right or wrong or barbaric is nonsense. You obviously care about raising and loving them, it's not like your locking them in a closet or screaming at them or anything. Go to a class party of one of your kids and check out what other kids parents are like, or even go to the store and watch how other shit hole parents treat their kids, watch the evening news. That's barbarism. You trying to find what's best makes you a good parent. Let them cry a little bit. Pick them up and cuddle them. It all works out in the end. Soak up the moment,because it flies so fast you forget that staying up at night while your baby was crying actually will be one of those great moments of your life.

I thought those were the ones where stuff is coming out both ends of them, the other kid is screaming because the dog ate his ice cream cone and you've got the beginnings of gut problems, too and know what's coming.

Great times, I tell ya. Great.

Yes, and this is a very important lesson that will serve them well for the rest of their life.  

Haha! Yep. What life's all about.

How old are you, the reality is quite the opposite, it has seen a resurgence.  What we are living through now are kids of the boomers who had helicopter, concierge-coddling butler parents.  

Kid is almost a year old.  Set a timer on your phone to check on him every hour or even two hours at his age.  Fuck 20 minutes, not long enough.  

Tonight we are supposed to lengthen the coming into his room from every 10 minutes to 12-15. Then lengthen again on 3rd night, till eventually it stops.

Dude switch it up to at least an hour

12 minutes is gonna get y'all no where

We used a method where we would wake to feed every two hours whether they asked for it or not.  Feed every two hours all day, wake up if asleep. With kid one it worked like a charm.  At week 8 we moved it to 3 hours for a month.  Then 4, then all night (8 hours).  Truly amazing.

With kid one...

Kid 2?

Fuck. My. Life.  Cried for 8 straight months all night.  We almost died.  He is four now and I still don't think we've recovered all the way.
Kid 2 was so bad we were probably the worst parents ever, because we just gave up trying anything and simply tried to get through each day.

I get really frustrated with my little guy when he wakes up in the middle of the night....but understand that he's an infant. They have different needs than adults and even older children. Most of the time he's crying because his eczema is bothering him, or as simple as he kicked off the blanket and can't figure out how to get it back on.

I understand WHY you want to ignore the kid, trust me I do. If thats what works for you, then thats great.

I dont subscribe to ignoring them because crying is their only way to comminicate. He's needs something. Is it annoying? Yea. Will I go running when he cries? Not right away. But I will go check on him and make sure he's ok.

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Our two year old has been a difficult sleeper, she just not sleeps the majority of the night. It has been terrible.
We did the cry it out. It worked for a while, im sure the neighbors hated us. (luckily they arent too close).
However a switch flipped in her brain and the cry it out thing stopped working and she stopped sleeping at night (night terrors).
Just form a routine. Typically kids are looking for something at night, like if they depend on a tv show, being rocked etc to fall asleep then when they wake up and dont have that its difficult for them to go back to sleep.
If its just crying let them cry it out, no kids died from crying.
Hopefully it goes quickly for you.

That's what I'm thinking after last night. Seemed to restart the cycle a bit coming  in every 10, not really letting him calm down.

But I understand that it is to make it so he doesn't feel abandoned.

I've been told you start in stages, first let them cry for a few minutes then attend to the baby.  Gradually lengthen the interval you let the baby cry.  Mine is 5-months old and bringing him to the changing station and running the hair dryer works about 80% of the time and puts him back to sleep.

The tough thing is that it is how he communicates.  He is also learning how to communicate.  There is a very fine line between providing for needs and training/reinforcing arrival on demand.  It's very difficult.

I don't believe in any one method, because every kid is different and responds differently to any given technique.

At the end of the day, all parents run the show by the seat of their pants, and its the whole of the parenting that makes the difference.

Kids are resilient, as long as their parents are.