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Posted: 11/27/2015 6:59:40 PM EDT
[#1]
u have never had a blow job?
OP gonna get raped. 
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Posted: 11/27/2015 6:59:49 PM EDT
[#2]
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So I asked what she wants to do after dinner, and she just replied "Hey you live by Hustler, don't U"
Should I pepper my angus? Lube it. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:00:22 PM EDT
[#3]
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All my joking is set aside and my foot is firmly in my mouth. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Trust me OP, all the parts are still where they used to be. I'm an old guy too, and what you'll notice first is things are a lot smoother than they used to be . No weed whacker needed to get thru the forest to the naughty bits these days.  The signs point to there being tile instead of carpet. Why do people send stuff like this on their phones? This kind of stuff can ruin careers. Kids these days. I'm in my mid thirties and she's 22. You're in your 30s and it's been that long? I got nothing. I'm 51 and never had that long a dry spell, just wing it lol. In 2003 I took some shrapnel to my spine. It took a year to learn to walk again. My Fiancee left when she was told I'd never walk again. It really fucked me up mentally. I just kinda gave up on trying to find a partner after that. All my joking is set aside and my foot is firmly in my mouth. It's all good man. I'm just giving some background for everyone. 
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:02:17 PM EDT
[#4]
Thanks guys, I appreciate all the support. I'm a little nervous and this is helping me relax.
Plus /gd/ loves dating threads. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:02:21 PM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
In 2003 I took some shrapnel to my spine. It took a year to learn to walk again. My Fiancee left when she was told I'd never walk again. It really fucked me up mentally. I just kinda gave up on trying to find a partner after that. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Trust me OP, all the parts are still where they used to be. I'm an old guy too, and what you'll notice first is things are a lot smoother than they used to be . No weed whacker needed to get thru the forest to the naughty bits these days. The signs point to there being tile instead of carpet. Why do people send stuff like this on their phones? This kind of stuff can ruin careers. Kids these days. I'm in my mid thirties and she's 22. You're in your 30s and it's been that long? I got nothing. I'm 51 and never had that long a dry spell, just wing it lol. In 2003 I took some shrapnel to my spine. It took a year to learn to walk again. My Fiancee left when she was told I'd never walk again. It really fucked me up mentally. I just kinda gave up on trying to find a partner after that. Sorry to hear on all parts. 
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:03:41 PM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Sex shop. Hustler Hollywood. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: So I asked what she wants to do after dinner, and she just replied "Hey you live by Hustler, don't U" Should I pepper my angus? Titty bar ? Sex shop. Hustler Hollywood. A dab of Hoppes #9 behind the ears will leave her open mouthed and speechless. Sounds like you n her are already loose, and cool. I think the "date" is a pretext for both of you to practice a little grabass. Treat her like you've always treated her, and take the time to listen to what she is saying. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:04:17 PM EDT
[#7]
So how much damage? I still have numbness in both legs and sciatic pain. If you are fully mobile, you're way ahead of the game.
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:04:41 PM EDT
[#8]
Best of luck to you my friend. Happy holidays.
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:05:41 PM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
<snip> 5. When it comes to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV. Or "In Through The Out Door" for the subliminal touch. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:09:21 PM EDT
[#10]
Tagging this for follow-up story.
I wish you well, OP, you seem like a decent fellow. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:11:23 PM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
So how much damage? I still have numbness in both legs and sciatic pain. If you are fully mobile, you're way ahead of the game. That, plus nerve damage. my L4 through S1 was gravel, T7 through L3 was wrecked and several herniated and ruptured discs. I'm 6'7" so having to hunch and bend for everything exacerbates the injury. I use a cane for the most part but earlier this year another disc ruptured and left me unable to move or feel my feet and was using a walker. I'm recovering but my legs will still go numb and give out after five minutes or so. This time of the year arthritis hits me hard too. Good luck on your recovery, brother. I'll keep you in my prayers. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:14:13 PM EDT
[#12]
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Tagging this for follow-up story. I wish you well, OP, you seem like a decent fellow. Thanks for the kind words, but they show how well you know me. 
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:14:27 PM EDT
[#13]
An 8 ball will have them panties off and quick.
So ive heard
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:19:50 PM EDT
[#14]
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Get some sliders and seek out chase45 THIS your golden ponyboy! 
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:20:05 PM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
That, plus nerve damage. my L4 through S1 was gravel, T7 through L3 was wrecked and several herniated and ruptured discs. I'm 6'7" so having to hunch and bend for everything exacerbates the injury. I use a cane for the most part but earlier this year another disc ruptured and left me unable to move or feel my feet and was using a walker. I'm recovering but my legs will still go numb and give out after five minutes or so. This time of the year arthritis hits me hard too. Good luck on your recovery, brother. I'll keep you in my prayers. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
So how much damage? I still have numbness in both legs and sciatic pain. If you are fully mobile, you're way ahead of the game. That, plus nerve damage. my L4 through S1 was gravel, T7 through L3 was wrecked and several herniated and ruptured discs. I'm 6'7" so having to hunch and bend for everything exacerbates the injury. I use a cane for the most part but earlier this year another disc ruptured and left me unable to move or feel my feet and was using a walker. I'm recovering but my legs will still go numb and give out after five minutes or so. This time of the year arthritis hits me hard too. Good luck on your recovery, brother. I'll keep you in my prayers. You're in my prayers too, I've dealt with it longer and you do adjust ,although your injury sounds more traumatic, mine was more compression fracture. Yes, it's getting on winter in upstate NY and the cold damp has increased my limp. I can't imagine the height thing, you're a foot taller. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:20:56 PM EDT
[#16]
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I'd just go ahead and ask if she's a trannie. If she gets offended, she probably is. You can't be too sure nowadays. hot crazy matrix |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:25:31 PM EDT
[#17]
Is this an appropriate dinner jacket/carry combo? If not, what should I CCW tonight?
 " />
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:29:57 PM EDT
[#18]
Reverse cowgirl.
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:32:13 PM EDT
[#19]
Op, this "date" is a done deal unless you somehow screw it up.
Take her to the Hustler store. Walk around, be playful. Show her interesting items and offer to use them on her. Express interest in anything she looks at. If she looks at any clothing, suggest she try it on. When she asks for your opinion, tell her you need to go in the dressing room to form a complete opinion. If she says yes, it is on. From there you can take her back to your place. Once there, allow her to "get comfortable". Sit close to her, touch her "unintentionally" and if she is responsive, go more hands on. As it is clear she is looking for action tonight, you better putout or she will find someone else who will. Don't forget to wrap that rascal (use protection) and post a follow up report so we can see how things turned out. Don't disappoint us. Lastly, take pics, just ask her first but in a way so it is like she already said yes. Most women don't care... you would be surprised. If you get any resistance, say you won't get her face in the pics. Good luck and don't screw it up. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:32:48 PM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
That, plus nerve damage. my L4 through S1 was gravel, T7 through L3 was wrecked and several herniated and ruptured discs. I'm 6'7" so having to hunch and bend for everything exacerbates the injury. I use a cane for the most part but earlier this year another disc ruptured and left me unable to move or feel my feet and was using a walker. I'm recovering but my legs will still go numb and give out after five minutes or so. This time of the year arthritis hits me hard too. Good luck on your recovery, brother. I'll keep you in my prayers. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
So how much damage? I still have numbness in both legs and sciatic pain. If you are fully mobile, you're way ahead of the game. That, plus nerve damage. my L4 through S1 was gravel, T7 through L3 was wrecked and several herniated and ruptured discs. I'm 6'7" so having to hunch and bend for everything exacerbates the injury. I use a cane for the most part but earlier this year another disc ruptured and left me unable to move or feel my feet and was using a walker. I'm recovering but my legs will still go numb and give out after five minutes or so. This time of the year arthritis hits me hard too. Good luck on your recovery, brother. I'll keep you in my prayers. Be up front about the injuries and tell her what you can't do, then go beat her insides to death with your penis. How tall is she, btw? |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:33:22 PM EDT
[#21]
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As your typical Arfcommer, I'm clueless with women. Somehow one found me likable enough to ask me out. I don't really know what the best date ideas are anymore. Restrictions: I'm a cripple with a bad back so any really active things like hiking or bowling are out. We're having dinner, but beyond that I haven't a clue. Like I said it has been a long time so I'd like to make this memorable enough to last another decade. And go! Go out have dinner, but have dinner at a place that takes a little bit to drive to if you are picking her up. If you are meeting up, pick a place that has a longer wait time, or slower service. Make it last, keep the talking going, obviously she likes you, so try to ask her questions about things that you are interested in. If you love shooting, ask her if she likes it, or has done it. If you like to hunt, fish, camp, ask her about it. This way the interest stays there and you will be able to jet off into conversations about that. She wants me to teach her how to shoot, but she's nervous because she's never handled a firearm before, First see how she handles your gun, then you can discuss your rifles. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:33:38 PM EDT
[#22]
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Twice. And two shots of bourbon before the date. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Rub one out before you go. Twice. And two shots of bourbon before the date. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:34:25 PM EDT
[#23]
In for the AAR.
Hopefully, OP gets some booty tonight 
Good luck! |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:35:40 PM EDT
[#24]
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You sir, are ready. Godspeed my friend, Godspeed. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Just be yourself. That's probably why she has shown some interest in you. Do dinner and afterwards take a brief walk around the mall or whatever. Avoid the movie on a first date since the setting requires you to keep quiet by not talking. Kinda awkward. Maybe a coffee shop and share a dessert or something. Be a gentleman and walk her to the door. No making any move, just say goodnight. And scrub your taint just in case she invites you in for a pegging session. 
No one likes a messy taint.  My taint is sparkling, you could eat off it.  You sir, are ready. Godspeed my friend, Godspeed. It might be clean, but is it shaved? |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:37:27 PM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Be up front about the injuries and tell her what you can't do, then go beat her insides to death with your penis. How tall is she, btw? Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
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So how much damage? I still have numbness in both legs and sciatic pain. If you are fully mobile, you're way ahead of the game. That, plus nerve damage. my L4 through S1 was gravel, T7 through L3 was wrecked and several herniated and ruptured discs. I'm 6'7" so having to hunch and bend for everything exacerbates the injury. I use a cane for the most part but earlier this year another disc ruptured and left me unable to move or feel my feet and was using a walker. I'm recovering but my legs will still go numb and give out after five minutes or so. This time of the year arthritis hits me hard too. Good luck on your recovery, brother. I'll keep you in my prayers. Be up front about the injuries and tell her what you can't do, then go beat her insides to death with your penis. How tall is she, btw? She knows about my injuries. I don't try to hide it and the cane is obviously used for support in addition to pimping activities. She's 5'6" ish, the shortest girl I've been with was 4'8" or 4'9". |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:39:03 PM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
It might be clean, but is it shaved? Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Just be yourself. That's probably why she has shown some interest in you. Do dinner and afterwards take a brief walk around the mall or whatever. Avoid the movie on a first date since the setting requires you to keep quiet by not talking. Kinda awkward. Maybe a coffee shop and share a dessert or something. Be a gentleman and walk her to the door. No making any move, just say goodnight. And scrub your taint just in case she invites you in for a pegging session.
No one likes a messy taint. My taint is sparkling, you could eat off it. You sir, are ready. Godspeed my friend, Godspeed. It might be clean, but is it shaved? as smooth as a silk coin purse. I even moisturized. I left a happy little bush for my happy little tree though. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:40:30 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Op, this "date" is a done deal unless you somehow screw it up. Take her to the Hustler store. Walk around, be playful. Show her interesting items and offer to use them on her. Express interest in anything she looks at. If she looks at any clothing, suggest she try it on. When she asks for your opinion, tell her you need to go in the dressing room to form a complete opinion. If she says yes, it is on. From there you can take her back to your place. Once there, allow her to "get comfortable". Sit close to her, touch her "unintentionally" and if she is responsive, go more hands on. As it is clear she is looking for action tonight, you better putout or she will find someone else who will. Don't forget to wrap that rascal (use protection) and post a follow up report so we can see how things turned out. Don't disappoint us. Lastly, take pics, just ask her first but in a way so it is like she already said yes. Most women don't care... you would be surprised. If you get any resistance, say you won't get her face in the pics. Good luck and don't screw it up. That's right, I need to go get some jimmy hats. I've had a vasectomy but with what's out there you can never be too safe. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:43:25 PM EDT
[#28]
I do hope you know not to get attached to this one. Have some fun, but this is not something in your future.
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:48:07 PM EDT
[#29]
relax, be yourself and go where the evening takes you.
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:48:32 PM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I do hope you know not to get attached to this one. Have some fun, but this is not something in your future. I don't expect to live happily ever after. I've known her a little while and we get along. If anything I expect to never see her again or an FWB deal. Thanks for looking out though. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:49:28 PM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
relax, be yourself and go where the evening takes you. Myself is a terrible, miserable human being. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:49:45 PM EDT
[#32]
Finkle is Einhorn
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:50:15 PM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Myself is a terrible, miserable human being. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: relax, be yourself and go where the evening takes you. Myself is a terrible, miserable human being. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 7:55:34 PM EDT
[#34]
If you can find an antique bookstore, have some coffee and walk around it and pick her out a book. Then go,to dinner if things are working.
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Posted: 11/27/2015 8:02:02 PM EDT
[#35]
Okay, called the restaurant. There will be a bouquet of flowers and chilled champagne waiting at the table. Hustler is a go after dinner and then back to my place for games.
Thanks guys, I'll check in with an AAR. I've got to shower and put on pants. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 8:06:51 PM EDT
[#36]
Tag for aar
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Posted: 11/27/2015 8:10:20 PM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Okay, called the restaurant. There will be a bouquet of flowers and chilled champagne waiting at the table. Hustler is a go after dinner and then back to my place for games. Thanks guys, I'll check in with an AAR. I've got to shower and put on pants. Skip the pants. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 8:29:29 PM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Myself is a terrible, miserable human being. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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relax, be yourself and go where the evening takes you. Myself is a terrible, miserable human being. Maybe she's a terrible, miserable human being too and through the power of shallow, meaningless sex you two will become the perfect supervillain couple and take over the world!
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Posted: 11/27/2015 8:30:01 PM EDT
[#39]
Of all the threads that deserve to stay on page one, this one is clearly in the top 5.
So back up. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 8:30:19 PM EDT
[#40]
You said she was black, (Napoleon dynamite voice) lucky!
I knew a few women of color in college and I had a friend who only dated AA women. You will know exactly where you stand at the end of the night. |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 8:32:51 PM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I had a friend who only dated AA women. He met them all at alcoholics anonymous?
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Posted: 11/27/2015 8:32:53 PM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Flowers and a 12 pack of quality beer...her panties will fall right off... Uh, no. If you want her panties to fall off, it's White Zinfandel for her. They don't call it Liquid Panty Remover for nothin.
LC |
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Posted: 11/27/2015 8:33:00 PM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
You said she was black, (Napoleon dynamite voice) lucky! I knew a few women of color in college and I had a friend who only dated AA women. You will know exactly where you stand at the end of the night. Sounds like he won't be ABLE to stand by the end of the night! 
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Posted: 11/27/2015 8:37:06 PM EDT
[#44]
Keep it positive, no negative shit. Tell her your friends are picky so you will have to take nude pics of her as they help with your selection process. Post the pics here. Always keep at least two fingers clean, you may need them. Don't steal her panties....on the first date. Joke about having a small dick, women hate disappointment so keep her expectations low. Pack extra Astroglyde and a dildo. She may be kinky. Don't be too quick to put said dildo in your own ass, she may not be that kinky. I see you don't drink, perfect. Just get her drunk, your advantage. Good luck!
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Posted: 11/27/2015 8:37:55 PM EDT
[#45]
Manscape
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Posted: 11/27/2015 8:40:33 PM EDT
[#46]
Good luck OP
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Posted: 11/27/2015 8:40:50 PM EDT
[#47]
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Posted: 11/27/2015 8:42:22 PM EDT
[#48]
send her dick pics before the date and dont quit her till ya hit er in the shitter
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Posted: 11/27/2015 8:42:51 PM EDT
[#49]
OST
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Posted: 11/27/2015 8:42:58 PM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
He met them all at alcoholics anonymous? Quote HistoryQuoted:
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I had a friend who only dated AA women. He met them all at alcoholics anonymous? Do you even 13th step bro?
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