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I'm running on around 4 hours sleep, so if I sound like an angry asshole I apologize ahead of time.

I'm 32. Never been married. No kids. I've been told I have a good sense of humor, up until two weeks ago I had two jobs (worked 60-70 hours a week between them). I have my own apartment, and my own car. I was somewhat close to marriage once, but fate decided that wasn't going to happen.

I have absolutely zero luck dating. I've since deleted my profiles from the two dating things I've used (Tinder and OKC). Prior to the "quickmatch" thing that has become so common (you know, back when you had to send and actually read messages) my rate of return was somewhere in the nature of 2-5% (I'm not joking), and of those 2-5% I literally would get maybe 2-3 dates out of them and them they would ghost. Once the quickmatch (read: Tinder) thing started, I messed with it, and had a higher rate of initial return, maybe 10-15%, but the percentage of those that would go out was  lower than the previous people, so I stopped that as well.

There were a couple of things I noticed that were constants in the profiles I would look at: All claimed to want nice guys, all claimed to want to settle down, all claimed to be down to Earth, and most had kids. The overwhelming majority of them wouldn't send replies to any messages, no matter how they were worded, or what pictures I'd use in my profile. I'd see that they had looked at my profile after I sent them the message, then they'd obviously see shit in my profile that they didn't like and *poof* they're gone. I had at least one ask me what my education level was, and I told her I had an associate's degree (in reality I'm about a year away from a Bachelor's) and then she ghosted on me, but not before telling me that she "didn't think it would work out in the long run because I didn't have a Bachelor's." Jesus H Christ people, what happened to trying to go on a journey and adventure? When did we start living life based on a manual?

As time goes on, I find myself becoming increasingly bitter and frustrated with the whole dating thing. Most of my friends are married and/or have kids. I have people tell me all the time that "it will happen when it's time" or that I'm a "nice guy," and all of the people that say that shit are married (and a few have been married multiple times). Every time I hear someone say that shit I want to slap them square in the face.

I have no fucking clue how any of it works. All I know is that I don't have fun trying anymore. It's a game that's rigged, with rules that constantly change, that were written by big fat liars who either aren't honest with themselves or aren't honest with other people. The only way to win is not to play, which is ironic because when everyone does that, everyone loses.

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I have stopped looking and started working on myself. Get my shit together, be the man that they all want and I will have the attention of the few good ones.

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hey, you're the one who's single.. I've been with my wife for over 15 years and have 3 children.  so you might try closing your mouth and taking some notes, because you're doing it wrong..

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Maybe you're better after more sleep, but you sound completely undateable to me.

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I can't imagine being that young and single today. With Tinder, online dating, and the hookup culture I would be kayaking down a Class 5 rapids of vagina.

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you're the one posting about how it's always the woman's fault and never yours.. (in a thread on dating woes).
they're not assumptions, they're observations..

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Not necessarily. A woman on Tinder can literally have her pick from the 1-3% of super attractive men who have a lot going for them. Your average guy is nothing more then a chump on there. An average woman can swipe 1000 times and will match with EVERY single male. An average guy can swipe 1000 times and will get bots/people running scams and average looking females. You need to look like a freaking model or millionaire to really be successful.

I put a few pics of me around he city I live in and would get maybe 1 match per day. I put up pics of me traveling/doing things in other states and my matches more then tripled.  Same person, same looks, same profile... Just the impression that I travel a lot/do expensive things (Snowboarding, scuba diving, mountain climbing, etc.) increased the matches. Also noticed when I'm traveling out of state and they know your just passing through you have a massive increase of matches.

Females on social media can afford to be super picky because they get hundreds of messages/matches a week. Imagine that. Imagine if you had several hundred women messaging you a week wanting to date/fuck/hang out. Why not pick the top 1-3%
. Thats why most women never message back on Tinder an stuff.... They get so many messages it takes forever to dig through them all.

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I'm kind of baffled at how many men are having trouble getting quality women but are also on Tinder. Why would a relationship minded guy be on Tinder? Why would a relationship minded girl accept a guy like that?

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The women of arfcom come to take over a dating thread? Never been done befo'.

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I am neither a model nor a millionaire, and Tinder has been plenty fruitful for me.

Have you ever talked to women about their experiences on Tinder?  Because none of the women I know echo your sentiments.  In fact, they usually say things like "omg I hate it, lot of swiping and nobody talks, and when guys actually talk, they don't ever want to meet up, they just want to be pen pals forever."

Not only do women fairly often message back on Tinder, but I get plenty of girls messaging me first.  Again, you might not be in a good geography for meeting women, or maybe you need to work on your profile to look more interesting.  Does it say something like "I like to have fun and stay active", like every other "original" guy out there has?  You touched on having pictures where you are going out and doing things and that has a positive effect. Yeah, because it makes you look interesting.  Your profile should have something written that is interesting and witty too.

Women do not own the playing field on this thing nearly as much as you think they do, because there are a lot of crappy and uninteresting guys out there.  Just don't be one.


Tinder is a fine way of meeting women if you're selective. Mostly because there are so damn many on there that a few decent ones have to show up. Law of large numbers.

Just do a lot of swiping left.

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The women of arfcom come to take over a dating thread? Never been done befo'.

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Three or four ARFettes who post regularly in LBAW threads, 400,000 men on ARFCOM, and y'all whine about being abused. Be funny, if it weren't so pitiful.

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I'm kind of baffled at how many men are having trouble getting quality women but are also on Tinder. Why would a relationship minded guy be on Tinder? Why would a relationship minded girl accept a guy like that?

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As a soon to be divorced guy of 55 years of age, you people are depressing me  

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I have stopped looking and started working on myself. Get my shit together, be the man that they all want and I will have the attention of the few good ones.

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My unreasonably high expectation is that a 25 year old not be a gamer. That might be part of your problem with attracting non-fatties right there.

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My unreasonably high expectation is that a 25 year old not be a gamer. That might be part of your problem with attracting non-fatties right there.

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My unreasonably high expectation is that a 25 year old not be a gamer. That might be part of your problem with attracting non-fatties right there.

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If you're serious, in my opinion this is a huge part of the problem with dating today. You disqualified an entire group of people based on a hobby.

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The women of arfcom come to take over a dating thread? Never been done befo'.

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If you're serious, in my opinion this is a huge part of the problem with dating today. You disqualified an entire group of people based on a hobby.

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If you're serious, in my opinion this is a huge part of the problem with dating today. You disqualified an entire group of people based on a hobby.

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If gaming is a big enough part of your life that you use it in your short list of self-descriptors, then you're likely enough to belong to an entire group of people I do want to disqualify.

A man who kills time on deployment playing games would hopefully not describe himself as a gamer on his short list. A man who plays a little bit wouldn't either. You have a huge red flag. Maybe you're so awesome it can be overlooked, or if I knew you in person it wouldn't seem like a big deal, but gaming is like collecting action figures and cosplay. It makes grown up women take a big step back from you and look at you funny, at the very least.

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My unreasonably high expectation is that a 25 year old not be a gamer. That might be part of your problem with attracting non-fatties right there.

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Agreed.

I'm not really a gamer anymore because I fell behind the tech curve, but a great portion of adults, including married ones with kids, play games like Fallout.  Especially in the more professional crowds.

Of my peers, and not all are in tech fields, they're mostly up-to-date on recent video games, and have thriving social and romantic lives. This might be a generational gap some people here can't understand.  This is the generation that grew up with video games.

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Three or four ARFettes who post regularly in LBAW threads, 400,000 men on ARFCOM, and y'all whine about being abused. Be funny, if it weren't so pitiful.

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Agreed.

I'm not really a gamer anymore because I fell behind the tech curve, but a great portion of adults, including married ones with kids, play games like Fallout.  Especially in the more professional crowds.

Of my peers, and not all are in tech fields, they're mostly up-to-date on recent video games, and have thriving social and romantic lives. This might be a generational gap some people here can't understand.  This is the generation that grew up with video games.

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Three or four ARFettes who post regularly in LBAW threads, 400,000 men on ARFCOM, and y'all whine about being abused. Be funny, if it weren't so pitiful.

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Nah. Even if you're "normal", I don't want to deal with anyone who spends time playing computer games. There's way too much to do to play games more than very casually, once in a while, or as part of killing time at a job where it's got real slow periods.

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Nah. Even if you're "normal", I don't want to deal with anyone who spends time playing computer games. There's way too much to do to play games more than very casually, once in a while, or as part of killing time at a job where it's got real slow periods.

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I presume these people wouldn't identify as gamers anymore than I would identify as a knitter in my short list of self descriptors.

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Everything else in his line about 'short, fit, not terribly attractive, gun nut...' works for me.

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Again, I think this must be a generational problem. I don't see why you would want to deal with someone who plays computer games any less than someone who spends time working on his car or going shooting or reading a book.

In 2015, video games are a great way for a couple friends to meet up online, and play around and socialize and work their brains a bit and follow a story line, have a drink and relax from a work day. I think you're just working off a stereotype of something you're not familiar with.

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Three or four ARFettes who post regularly in LBAW threads, 400,000 men on ARFCOM, and y'all whine about being abused. Be funny, if it weren't so pitiful.

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Nah. Even if you're "normal", I don't want to deal with anyone who spends time playing computer games. There's way too much to do to play games more than very casually, once in a while, or as part of killing time at a job where it's got real slow periods.