A couple of my degrees are in the behavior field, that won't really work in her/my case

ESCORTS!!!

That's one way to fuction...

This might actually work, but you've got to be strong to pull it off.  I'd probably actually try something like this before I broke and spoke my feelings out loud.



If you take this advice, you should complete option number 3 before even starting option number 2.



Don't do this.  The hooker might leave you a gift that you can't give back.

Truthfully you should just talk to her and do it in a way that doesn't come across as angry.  You may be angry about it but you still care about her right?  You married her because you love her.  If you come across angry then she will think that sex means more to you than she does.  Do not mention other people to her, even if you are considering it.  

PS
I like the dramatic approach, so I would never take my own advice, eventually I'd get there but she'd have cleaned a lot of spooge out of a lot of shoes before then.

If I had a line to bet it would be Vages.



 

That is where I am except fertility treatments demanding sex at specific times. Match my wife saying "we HAVE to have sex", as a chore, not a fun thing, with the stress of a depressed wife, my own depression from fertility issues, depression from not being able to keep my wife happy and depression from both my parents dying in the last 2 years, and I find myself saying "I hope we can just watch TV tonight and she does not say we have to "do it". It is really depressing.

Divorce and actually annulment would qualify here.  Someone is NOT keeping up their end of the marriage.

Unless there is some medical reason and then there are other options...if the other party is not willing to work around it....see option 1 again.

"Sexless marriage" > 24 hours without sex?

Right?

[sigh]
This topic almost sends me into a form of PTSD.  Some of the internal scars are still there.

OK, I'm going to assume that people are being honest about the problem here, and try to help.

First, get yourself in order.  Brush your teeth and tongue, shower well daily, pick up after yourself, make sure that you're exercising, etc.  You don't have to be perfect, but make sure that you've got good hygiene and are making an effort to take care of yourself.

Second, the simple truth is that being rejected by one's spouse is one of the most soul crushing things that can happen to a man.  Men often talk about how tough rational we think we are, but being rejected by one's wife will slice right into the emotional core of a man.  If you're in that situation for very long, chances are that it's going to impact your confidence and demeanor.  I look back at some of our darkest times and feel embarrassment at how I had become a pathetic shell, a mere shadow, of the man I had once been.  Work on finding your confidence again.  It may be exercise, it may be a hobby, it may be the children, but invest yourself into something that will help you feel some accomplishment and confidence.  Confidence is inherently sexy.

There are a host of reasons why physical intimacy could be suffering in a marriage.  Chances are that you might know or have a good idea about what the problem is.  Are you driving your wife away with your behavior?  Are there medical issues?  Psychological isssues?  Hormonal issues?  Does the change in intimacy correlate with anything?  A change or start in hormonal birth control?  A change following the birth of a child (post partum)?  Follow your gut instinct.  Looking back, I'm surprised at how accurate my gut instincts were.

Now the hardest part:  You have to find a way to broach the topic without making her feel attacked.  The moment she feels attacked, it is unlikely any progress will be made that day.  I know from experience that you can do everything right and there's no guarantee that she'll take it well, but do your best.  The most difficult part is getting you both on the same page about what the problem actually is. Once you cross this hurdle, there can be real hope.

Start with trying to work out why its sexless and see where to go from there.



 

Girlfriend.  Get one.

Number 1:
- Don't take advice from another guy in a sexless relationship that's telling you to "just deal with it because ___(Badreasonhere)____", unless you want his results.
No one is "happier" than a dude in a miserable marriage brother.

Number 2:
- Very few people are going to be sympathetic to you, there are many (many here too) who are going to default side with your wife, sight unseen facts unknown, and they're going to blame this on you. No one cares about your happiness but you. It's your job to keep you happy.
"OP isn't there a way you can expect less and live with your unhappiness?
"OP isn't there a way that you can go above and beyond and do XYZ, even though it's your lady who changed her behavior at the drop of a hat?"
"OP your wife is more or less friendzoned you, and you're upset about the fact that the one woman you committed to won't even look at you anymore."

I'm willing to bet you "Do everything", you've thought very hard about what extra things you can do, how much nicer you can be, and it's not done shit about the problem. You're coming here and asking us, because you've tried a bunch of things.
Other posters are going to find ways to blame this on you. Fuck that. Obviously consider your side of things, no one is saying you shouldn't, but take it with a grain of salt and remember they haven't seen the details.

Number 3:
- Don't do choreplay. Not gunna work. Avoid that whole line of thinking.
- Most counselors are going to try the usual society approved advice. Isn't there a way you can return from your job and do household responsibilities? Oh she's still got you in the friendzone? there must be something ELSE you're fucking up with. She changed her behavior, you had kept up yours, must be your fault anyway. Don't bother.
- No she didn't become asexual, most women in this situations don't.
I bet she can watch magic mike right? Women generally didn't suddenly become asexual in 99.99999% of these cases - it was their motivation that changed.

Number 4:
- Time for the gravy. Here's the "minority report", the "dissenting opinion" that will be characterized and assaulted, and yet it seems to work time after time.
Notice how you took charge, you blew up and stood up for yourself, and suddenly she would look at you again?
Your wife married you for your masculinity, that male confidence. Get that back.
Do this:
- Start working out, work on your look.
- Start dressing better
- Blow her off a bit. She's withholding affection, you do it too. I'm not saying be a jerk, just turn off the charm.
^ What this signals is that your value is increasing, suddenly you're not (and this is likely going to hurt to try to do, ya love her) fawning at her feet for blinking in your direction.
- Get into a hobby, get into it. She'll possibly insult you casually, these are tests, stop reacting to them or defending them. She doesn't want a dictator, but she wants to be with a leader . If you're not somebody, you're nobody, and no woman wants to be with a nobody.
If she sees your value increasing, you have a hobby, you're good at things - you seem like "somebody" again, and you're not all over her.
I'll bet her relationship motivation will come back, and suddenly she'll want to have sex with you again.
Why is that? because she respects and desires you as a man again.

Number 5:
Your happiness matters. Your wife friendzoning you isn't no big deal. I bet despite all the excuses pitched, if you're an inshape alpha-type dude, she'll find a way to bonk you again.
Oh and watch this thread, the only people who will give a shit about you, are the very ones that are going to get nagged by the white knights of the thread.

Communication.  You needs it.

By the way, do know where I can get jerked off ?

There are a few guys in the same boat with you OP me included.



I told my wife last night that being "friend-zoned" by your own spouse was one of the most painful, soul-crushing things that could happen to a guy.

Ouch!  You have my sincere empathy and sympathy.

You need to talk with her honestly about it.  What's better - a marriage wrecked because you can't have kids or a wrecked marriage with a kid?

Side piece.

Seriously, sex is as important as any other interpersonal affection.  Don't tolerate that shit - also it usually means something else in the relationship is broken.  Fix that and you'll probably get your weiner wet again

She knows. She hates saying "we have to do it" as much as I hate hearing it. We both know it sucks.

I told my wife before we got married that sex was part of the deal and if it dried up or she used it as a tool I would be out the door.  Luckily we both enjoy intimacy.   I get laid whenever I want.

If you aren't getting laid then they are just a roommate

I wish you the best. My ex and I had our problems, but I can't imagine what it would have been like if infertility was one of them.

Need just a tad more information.

....

they are either diseased or undercover cops...

Get a girlfriend, if your wife doesn't consent? Bail.

Are you serious?  

Not about the socks......don't care about those.

Delete...... Sorry was trying to quote

You have not got any in a decade?



Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile

Thank you, though it's certainly not required at this point - we went our separate ways.  Still connected via our children, so I deal with her enough to remind me *why* we are in the situation we are in.

I'll add to my post here.  Stay in shape, be aggressively intimate.   Be romantic, show that you love her.   Woo her each day.   If she shuts you down then tell her it is not working and ask her how to get her juices flowing.    If still nothing then divorce her.

"We have to do it" is the wrong thing to say.  

What's the right thing to say?  Telling a spouse that they're needed.  Telling them that they're hot and your body wants them so bad that it hurts.  If my wife told me that she just had to have me, I don't think I could possibly say, "no."

We have a winner

Yes.

Her reasoning is?

Give her options. Put out or the marriage is over.

Thats what I did. Divorced now and pussy is falling out of the sky all over me.

Hell, it isn't hard to find a man who will accomodate a 40-something woman who is in fair shape, has a mortgage, a grown son, and a paying job.

Mine had medical problems, changed her in many ways. She just wasn't interested in anything. I correspondingly grew less and less attracted to her.

I divorced her after 6-7 years of no sex. 26 years married.

I'm happier now, but poorer, so there's that.

You should have walked 9 years ago.

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile

Yeah, being told, "I just don't need it anymore, and you need to adapt to that," was an awfully dark moment in my life.  I'm sorry that your ex-wife never realized the importance of fixing that issue.

If she doesn't want sex it's either mental or physical. If she did but doesn't now it's probably physical/ hormonal. If she never has wanted it it could be mental, like abuse or trauma stuff.

If she wants sex but not with you it's a relationship issue, resentment, hygiene, or she just isn't attracted to you.

All this can be fixed, the hormone deal is the easiest the other stuff requires effort and desire to change.

An OTC product called dim works for a lot of women. I won't get lengthy about how it works, just google "dim estrogen libido".

Side chick.

It would depend on the reason.

It isn't hard to find a man who will accommodate a 50-something woman, whos is a bit out of shape, homeless, with three dependant children and on welfare....

This.  I've come to the conclusion that women who are my age:

1) Know what they want
2) Aren't shy about saying it
3) Acknowledge that men their age probably aren't flawless.

If a woman in her 40's wants to have sex with me, she isn't lying, doesn't have ulterior motives, and knows what she is getting.  Given those attributes "accommodating" her is the least I could do.

It's bullshit but you have to decide to change it.  

This is all assuming you truly love her and want it to work.  

You can't change her.  You can change though and then hopefully she will respond to your changes.  

Make yourself more attractive.  Workout more, dress better, buy 3 or 4 different colognes and rotate then every day, etc.  Don't be a couch potato, stay busy.  

Don't beg or come home and wash dishes and do laundry.  That's more horseshit women would have you believe.  That doesn't improve your standing in her mind, it actually lowers it.  

Plan a night out, surprise her with a limo waiting outside to take you, buy some flowers for no reason but don't overdo it.  Never ask for sex simply initiate it.  Sex with your wife shouldn't be awkward.  Try to let go of the animosity and start fresh but that's probably the hardest part.  Don't give up and do this for as long as you think you're able and still maintain your sanity.  When you're at you end if you can't truly say it's better well then you have two options, divorce or live with it.