(As a corollary to the 'would you split if she got fat' thread.)

We've been together eighteen years; raised our collective seven kids; we're in our fifties.

The first ten years alone saw me go through about nine surgeries and chronic pain that made me an asshole to everybody. My wife was there for every doctor appointment, nursed me through after every surgery. Just had another in March - she was there for that one as well.

She was slender and had an ass like Siamesed apples when we met, and always took good care of herself. Until a year ago.

She has a bulged C5-6 disc, aftereffect of an injury when she was eighteen. She just rolled over in bed one morning last July and went into spasm that's never really stopped; her left arm is atrophying quickly, with a burning stripe all the way down into her thumb and index finger. Batteries of Prednisone helped some, but not much, over the months. She aggravated the problem back in March, and is worse now.

Between the steroids and reduction in activity, she's about sixty pounds overweight. This is especially alarming given that both of her parents died from diabetes-related health issues; she had gestational diabetes during a pregnancy.

Trying to get the surgeon's office to interface with the insurance company while she's on painkillers (that don't) is wearing her out. I took the day off work today, just to help her with the endless, fruitless phone calls and emails. The surgery is common and simple, and she needs the relief badly.

But so do I. I'm standing here helplessly, watching her life slip away in endless pain and sorrow.

She's never gonna stop traffic in a bikini again, and nobody's gonna ask me to pose for a fundraiser calendar again, either. We got old, see. Knew it was gonna happen.

She is no longer physically attractive. An acquaintance we had not seen for a couple years remarked that she had really "let herself go"; I had to walk away, didn't know whether to cry or kill.

I sorta get the "let yourself go" thing and all - not sure how the physical appearance can be such a deal-breaker if you've given your life to someone. But this is not that, not at all, and if she ever ends up in a gutter it'll be while I'm holding her hand.

The effects of a debilitating injury isn't really "letting yourself go". Should've smacked that guy.

Beyond the fact that it's from an injury, that's something that polite people just don't say.

You nailed it.

I am so glad y'all have each other. Couples like y'all give me hope.

I sincerely hope she gets the surgery she needs and gets back to being active.

It'd be a long damn time till I saw them again, too, after a good verbal dress down.

Sorry OP.
I do hope she can find some sort of relief to the chronic pain.

As for your friend I would have slapped the piss out of him, some things you do NOT cross the line with and that is one.

A younger wunbadweel would have likely done something stupid. I'm better than I used to be, largely because my wife has made me better.

Not really a friend.
What's ironic: he wears clothes associated with a guy in his late teens, and he's my age.
Not really a 'substance' sort of person.

Is she going to get surgery? I had the same bulged discs and got a fusion 2 years ago. The burning sensation down the arms sounds similar to what I felt. There was complete relief after the surgery. I just have slightly decreased range of motion.

You are a good man and Husband. You made a vow and you're keeping it. Fuck what others say.

A lot of people just don't get it, wun.

Anyone who makes a comment like that should be bitch slapped, flapping their jaw without knowing all the circumstances.

My wife is suffering from MS and is slowly going downhill, but is somewhat stable. It's frustrating for her when she can't keep up, or when her right side is numb and acting up. Being outside in the heat only makes things worse. We're outdoor people. Snowmobiles, ATVs, Motorcycles, camping, etc. Sometimes she feels like she is holding up my fun and/or holding everyone up if we are in a group, but she knows I'll always wait for her no matter what.

"For better or worse" means just that. Too many people are shallow, selfish douchebags only concerned with appearances. I'm relatively confident that some of the members here who complain about their wives "letting themselves go" are no fucking Adonis themselves.

There's the heart of the matter: someone who would leave a spouse because of their physical appearance, especially in the wake of serious health problems, has not given his or her life to anyone, but is rather living solely for self.

IOW, people who would do that never loved the person they married.

Good on you for doing what a husband's supposed to do, and good on your wife for doing what a wife is supposed to do. I hope that things get better for her and, therefore, for both of you.

I'm sorry for what you're going through.  I'm 58 and my wife is 56.  At some point in time you realize supporting each other is more important than looks.  My wife was a beauty and still looks good, but not like she was at 30 or even 40, and she's got health issues too and she's become totally sedentary.  I can't even get her to walk around the block with me. But since she eats little, she hasn't gained weight.

Check you PM. Good luck to both of you.

This.  Sorry to hear about that OP. I can't imagine how hard it must be.

But the thread you are referring to has nothing to do with sickness (or children for that matter.)  It was about a woman saying "I got my man, I can be lazy now."

Damn, I love a love story, even if it's a sad one as they sometimes are.  I hope she'll get the help she needs.  Please update this thread or IM me as the two of you will be in my thoughts in the coming days.

Fair enough - I'm probably just being over-defensive about it.

Wun, I've always liked you. Always thought you were a good dude and a great contribution to the community.

Your love and concern for your wife is genuine and beautiful, and serves to only reinforce those opinions.




If she's willing, why don't you two go paleo? It's a great way to shed weight, you can enjoy tons of steak and veggies, and you'll lose weight together. No exercise even needed.

I go low carb or paleo a couple time sa year to maintain my HS waist size. If I was really committed I could go smaller, but.. I love food.

Life isn't a bed of roses. People should be aware of that, especially going into a marriage. Neither you nor your partner is going to be attractive forever. If you have a sense of honor you stay with it.

Best wishes to you and your wife OP. Hang in there! I know what chronic pain is like, having suffered from a herniated L5/S1 for the past 4.5 years. I've had a microdiscechtomy, but that didn't fix my issue. My wife teases me about walking around like an old man (I'm 47) because of my herniated disks. I just got my last epidural last week and am really gimped-up this week. I've got an appointment with my neurosurgeon in two weeks and I'm pretty sure that I'll be headed for a fusion this fall. Hopefully one day I'll be acting younger than my wife (who's 53) and can tease her.

When is she going to have the surgery?  The longer she puts it off, the more permanent the damage will become.  I had my C5,6, and 7 fused a few years ago due to the same problems she's having and while I still had some signs after recovery, the relief from the earlier symptoms was really incredible.  The shitty part, though, is that the space between my C6 and C7 never really fused.  I'm feeling the same things, all over again.  I've had consults with a different surgeon, who will probably have to go in and do it all over again in the next few weeks.  I'm really dreading this second surgery, but I'm really anticipating the relief.

Prayers are heading your way, wun.  

I hope she finds effective relief. I fucked up my lower back in my early 20's. It gives me fits once in awhile; dreading the day it doesn't go away.

XCR, thanks much.
We both immediately went sorta-paleo on the advice of the surgeon on the first battery of steroids (I was on them just after her, as well). Meat, fruit, veggies; no breads/pasta etc. No processed stuff.

Insult to injury: I'm down six waist inches to a 32 and twenty pounds (I haven't been under 180 lbs since about 2000), and she got big quick. No cheating, smaller portions, the whole schmeer. It's like it falls off of me and sticks to her.

She now gets to see me getting in better shape while she's falling apart. I'm sorely tempted to eat to excess, just so she won't have this burden as well.

THIS

For better and for worse.

Oh, sweetie. Don't do that. Be strong and stay healthy, and just love her. That's enough.

Waiting on a call from insurance. Surgeon said if he had confirmation in writing of coverage today, she'd get surgery next week.

She's crashed out in bed; goes from hydrocodone to oxycodone on Friday. Hydros quit working about a month ago. Yes, I keep track of her dosages.

This is the woman who cannot have a third glass of wine or everybody is funny and talking too fast. "Cheap date", so to speak. So the inefficiency of the meds to keep her pain down is alarming as shit.

Best of luck to both of you.  

I am glad there are still some reasonably, intelligent people on this website.

Me too.

I was off the site, let my membership lapse, for about a year. Too much fucktardery. But I needed to find a distraction, otherwise I just dwell on her pain and end up having to go outside with the stupid horses so she won't see me crying like a baby.

Truly sorry to hear about your troubles yet happy to hear about the love you two share.

It also reminds me how fortunate my wife and I are. I'm almost 62 and she's going on 30 (*cough cough*). According to our doctors, we're in very good physical health and condition. It's easy for that to turn around in the blink of an eye and at some point and eventually, it will for us.

I sincerely wish the best for you and your spouse.

Yeah, it would have been ok to knock that guy out and maybe throw in a boot or 2. Injuries are a total game changer. Best of luck to both of you.

I've had C5/C6 and C6/C7 fusions, separately, in the last 7 years.  I've more than a passing familiarity with radicular pain and having bits and pieces pulled out of nerve canals. You don't want my opinion. It would make you mad.

Thanks, Jane. Somehow, you and I were siblings separated at birth, methinks.
You and I have talked enough to know I'd rather slam my schvantz in a car door than have her suffer through this.

This.

This.

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile

according to arfcom anyone who gains weight due to illness/inactivity etc is just another fatty..and heaven forbid you get OLD

sorry for yours and your wife's pain. I hope it gets straightened out soon. Prayers sent..

been there, done that and still doing it..you do what you can..you're only a man and struggles are our paths to glory...

Ah, but you see, she's not putting it off. The process and communication between insurers and medical staff is the glitch.

Wun, you sound like a really nice guy. Honestly. Take heart. Even the medical red tape gets navigated sooner or later (hopefully sooner) and your wife will get some relief.
Sorry the meds aren't cutting it. Maybe in one of those endless phone consults your surgeon could mention to the insurance vultures that having to escalate her pain meds will negatively impact her recurperation times, resulting in more insurance costs...hmmmm. Projected outcomes impacting costs? Accountants hate that.

You have to keep this in mind, 87% of ar15.com members have the maturity level of a 15 year old boy.

There is another 10% that is just full of shit.



Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile

My wife was having some odd issues and finally determined it was a bulged disc.  7-8mm bulge so no surgery.  She has done PT and we got an inversion board to stretch the back and reduce the bulge. It seems to help



I can imagine she's doing PT, but for shits and giggles you might want to try an inversion board.

You're a good man - a real man.

Wow, for both of you, 9 surgeries, (I am only at 8) for you and now the wife is having health issues.

Is surgery an option?

You said last July, and 60 pounds so I am guessing a full year ago. That is long term pain, that the body and mind can get all fucked up. The mind gets conditioned tht it is in pain all of the time, even though it may not actually be.

Good luck to the both of you and hang in there.

Sorry for the challenges.

Inversion table works for me. She tried it and cried so badly, peed herself in front of the therapist. Brutal.

This past year has been the usual conservative-let's-try-different-stuff process, which we agreed to. Only the steroids gained any relief, with the obvious detriments.
Surgeon is about as good as they get - look up Kerlan-Jobe in Culver City, CA - and did some work on me in the 2000s, along with several of his fellow doctors there.

A strand of the bulged disc (doc describes it as 'crab meat', no shit) has inflamed and gone into the spinal cord canal, pressing against the nerve supply down into her left arm. This creates more inflammation down the whole route.

The surgery is agreed upon by all involved - just gotta get it in writing from insurance, as doc/hospital have been burned by verbal approvals in the recent past.

This right here Sir, is all we need to know, and likely all you need to as well.

My thoughts and prayers to you and your wife.

Kindest regards,
Adam

Doctors, nurses or anyone has NO CLUE when it comes to chronic pain. They need to keep their mouth shut until they spend one month in that kinda pain.

Chronic pain SUX....GREAT BIG DONKEY DICKs....you snap at people for no reason, your just angry all the time..and..depression CAN be an issue,,
9 surgeries here and completely empathic with OP..and his dear wife..God be with them both..

did you edit your post? because i saw your shit.

Watch out for pain pill addiction once she starts to get better.  My mom got addicted to them when she had back problems.  Got crazy for a while.  She would take to many forgot she took them and accuse us of stealing them.

I hope she gets her surgery soon.

Just hang on op. There is a solution to the problem, it's just not immediate and it sucks and it's frustrating.

Do you guys have a swimming pool or a hot tub?

A hot tub is a major investment and a big pain in the ass. I had one when I was married to my first wife, never again. Good for your back though.

New wife bought one of those $79 portable pools for our back yard, maybe 28" deep, 12 ft across. It's enough to float a bit with a couple of pool noodles and take a lot of pressure off your low back. I wasn't much of a pool person till I figured that out. Maybe your wife would get some relief from that. Pick a day, serve your wife dinner and dessert in the pool, maybe some margaritas. We have an awesome time when the kids are gone.

You nailed him nailing it.
What a heartwarming and heart breaking story OP. you are a good man. I wish the best for both of you.