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Posted: 7/4/2015 12:31:50 PM EDT
[#1]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
lol had to be east texas. welcome to erange texas.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyG1zJ_DjVg "...I need a gynechiatrist. It's been four years since I had a pop quiz." 
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Posted: 7/4/2015 12:39:44 PM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
When Santa Anna's army was sweeping eastward from San Antonio after the fall of the Alamo, records show a Texican was reportedly eaten by a large alligator while crossing a river. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Believe it or not, this is the first person ever killed by an alligator in Texas. (That has been quasi-verified). We had a nice streak going. When Santa Anna's army was sweeping eastward from San Antonio after the fall of the Alamo, records show a Texican was reportedly eaten by a large alligator while crossing a river. Yes, I read about that and a few other 150/200 year old stories. It's amazing that someone hasn't been killed in recent history, given the number of people and gators in the state. I see them regularly in my kayak and they really are aren't interested in people. |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 12:45:18 PM EDT
[#3]
You know, I agree with the guys saying that punctuation is devastatingly important.
Now you know why many of us are grammar nazis. We're just trying to save lives out there. |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 12:48:40 PM EDT
[#4]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
He among us that has done something incredibly stupid while drunk, and got away unscathed, shall cast stones in this thread. Darwin won this round. 
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Posted: 7/4/2015 12:55:46 PM EDT
[#5]
A buddy who has farm land in S. Texas takes his AR with him every time he goes to the Nueces River which borders his land. He says every time his Lab jumps in the water here comes the gators.
He was talking about another relative fishing there one time for big catfish, using large hooks and salt water gear. He said he hooked a giant cat and fought it to shallow water where all of a sudden he saw it was an 6' alligator. It came out of the water and ran up between his feet and opened it's mouth wide and hissed at him. |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 12:59:01 PM EDT
[#6]
Pretty good but John Sedgwick has him beat buy a mile....Or at least by 900-1000 yards.
Sedgwick fell at the beginning of the Battle of Spotsylvania Court House, on May 9, 1864. His corps was probing skirmish lines ahead of the left flank of Confederate defenses and he was directing artillery placements. Confederate sharpshooters were about 1,000 yards (900 m) away and their shots caused members of his staff and artillerymen to duck for cover. Sedgwick strode around in the open and was quoted as saying, "What? Men dodging this way for single bullets? What will you do when they open fire along the whole line?" Although ashamed, his men continued to flinch and he said, "Why are you dodging like this? They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance." He was shot moments later under the left eye and fell down dead. |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 12:59:47 PM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Being from the North the first time I encountered a wild alligator in Florida I was shocked at its size and tenacity. Relatives own a large cattle farm north of Tampa. I left the truck and walked a few into the woods only a few feet to take a leak and there was a 8 foot monster with lots of teeth. That and buzzards. The Buzzards kill the calf before they are fully born. They peck the eyes. And of course it's illegal to shoot them as well. It dosent take long to gain some respect for them once you see a few 10+ footers in the wild. Closest thing to a dinosaur alive. They scare me more than sharks. |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 1:05:13 PM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Yup, Darwin won that one.Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
... someone shouted a warning and he said 'blank the alligators' and jumped in to the water and almost immediately yelled for help," Price said. Yup, Darwin won that one.Hmmmm... Woodward had recently moved to the area from St. Louis with his twin brother and was working at a nearby shipyard. Can it be a true Darwin Award if there's still a spare running around?
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Posted: 7/4/2015 1:17:39 PM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Good, we don't need idiots like that polluting our gene pool. We're collectively better off with out morons like this. Only 150,000,000 more to go. Not enough alligators I'm afraid.  
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Posted: 7/4/2015 1:18:54 PM EDT
[#10]
Texans.
 Florida man would've gotten high on bath salts with the gator, then had sex with it. |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 1:22:08 PM EDT
[#11]
I thought everybody knew the saying in Texas?
In Texas, you don't mess with Texas Alligators!!!! 
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Posted: 7/4/2015 1:24:54 PM EDT
[#12]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
It's a common problem in Columbus, Ohio. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Suicide by gator? It's a common problem in Columbus, Ohio. But not in Tally |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 1:27:24 PM EDT
[#13]
Well played, Darwin.
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Posted: 7/4/2015 1:28:34 PM EDT
[#14]
I grew up in west Texas, never seen an alligator in the wild. But I really thought it was common knowledge that a splash in the water is what sets off their prey drive. You can fish or walk fairly close to them, but if something hits the water like a dog or a drunk ginger they swarm.
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Posted: 7/4/2015 1:38:15 PM EDT
[#15]
The food chain, sometimes we ain't at the top.
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Posted: 7/4/2015 4:23:36 PM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I thought everybody knew the saying in Texas? In Texas, you don't mess with Texas Alligators!!!! |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 4:36:20 PM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
He among us that has done something incredibly stupid while drunk, and got away unscathed, shall cast stones in this thread. Darwin won this round. Now that deserves its own thread. How did you cheat Darwin? |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 4:41:04 PM EDT
[#18]
Gators were getting tired of all the sharks getting all the attention lately. They one upped the sharks by killing someone.
or This could have all been avoided if they would not have axed the Dukes of Hazard reruns. This guy would have been at home watching the racial hate instead of drinking on a dock in the middle of a bayou at 2 am. |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 4:44:50 PM EDT
[#19]
Quoted:
Rodney Price told CNN affiliate KFDM that they suck. KMFDM SUCKS! |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 4:45:45 PM EDT
[#20]
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Posted: 7/4/2015 4:48:21 PM EDT
[#21]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Florida man needs to get his A game on. Rest assured, he's working on it. |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 4:58:29 PM EDT
[#22]
No Gators in Wisconsin!! We can say "Fuck the Gators" and jump in the water all day with impunity!!! |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 8:21:42 PM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
It dosent take long to gain some respect for them once you see a few 10+ footers in the wild. Closest thing to a dinosaur alive. They scare me more than sharks. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Being from the North the first time I encountered a wild alligator in Florida I was shocked at its size and tenacity. Relatives own a large cattle farm north of Tampa. I left the truck and walked a few into the woods only a few feet to take a leak and there was a 8 foot monster with lots of teeth. That and buzzards. The Buzzards kill the calf before they are fully born. They peck the eyes. And of course it's illegal to shoot them as well. It dosent take long to gain some respect for them once you see a few 10+ footers in the wild. Closest thing to a dinosaur alive. They scare me more than sharks. ten feet?? 
I thought they got 6-7 feet max down there.... eff that |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 10:15:45 PM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted: ten feet?? I thought they got 6-7 feet max down there.... eff that Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: Being from the North the first time I encountered a wild alligator in Florida I was shocked at its size and tenacity. Relatives own a large cattle farm north of Tampa. I left the truck and walked a few into the woods only a few feet to take a leak and there was a 8 foot monster with lots of teeth. That and buzzards. The Buzzards kill the calf before they are fully born. They peck the eyes. And of course it's illegal to shoot them as well. It dosent take long to gain some respect for them once you see a few 10+ footers in the wild. Closest thing to a dinosaur alive. They scare me more than sharks. ten feet?? I thought they got 6-7 feet max down there.... eff that http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/05/16/teen-hunter-bags-800-pound-record-alligator-in-texas/ |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 10:20:38 PM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
800 lbs and 14 ft. http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/05/16/teen-hunter-bags-800-pound-record-alligator-in-texas/ Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Being from the North the first time I encountered a wild alligator in Florida I was shocked at its size and tenacity. Relatives own a large cattle farm north of Tampa. I left the truck and walked a few into the woods only a few feet to take a leak and there was a 8 foot monster with lots of teeth. That and buzzards. The Buzzards kill the calf before they are fully born. They peck the eyes. And of course it's illegal to shoot them as well. It dosent take long to gain some respect for them once you see a few 10+ footers in the wild. Closest thing to a dinosaur alive. They scare me more than sharks. ten feet??
I thought they got 6-7 feet max down there.... eff that http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/05/16/teen-hunter-bags-800-pound-record-alligator-in-texas/ WOW!... that thing looks like something from Australia/Africa... damn |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 10:23:54 PM EDT
[#26]
One has to wonder what he was thinking when first bit. Yea, I am really this stupid and now I am going to die because of it. What a totally idiotic way to die.
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Posted: 7/4/2015 10:27:39 PM EDT
[#27]
death roll delight eh?
hope his last brew wasn't Schmidt or somethin'
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Posted: 7/4/2015 10:29:15 PM EDT
[#28]
Actually that sign says "NO SWIMMING ALLIGATORS", which is not the same as saying "Attention humans, swimming here is not advisable due to the presence of alligators."
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Posted: 7/4/2015 10:30:51 PM EDT
[#29]
Are his keys hanging from his earlobe? |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 10:31:32 PM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryErm I think darwin and raptile tag teamed this guy |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 10:32:27 PM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Gators were getting tired of all the sharks getting all the attention lately. They one upped the sharks by killing someone. or This could have all been avoided if they would not have axed the Dukes of Hazard reruns. This guy would have been at home watching the racial hate instead of drinking on a dock in the middle of a bayou at 2 am. Sturgeons are now getting in on the action. |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 10:34:41 PM EDT
[#32]
I knew it, an inkie.
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Posted: 7/4/2015 10:34:52 PM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
ten feet??
I thought they got 6-7 feet max down there.... eff that Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Being from the North the first time I encountered a wild alligator in Florida I was shocked at its size and tenacity. Relatives own a large cattle farm north of Tampa. I left the truck and walked a few into the woods only a few feet to take a leak and there was a 8 foot monster with lots of teeth. That and buzzards. The Buzzards kill the calf before they are fully born. They peck the eyes. And of course it's illegal to shoot them as well. It dosent take long to gain some respect for them once you see a few 10+ footers in the wild. Closest thing to a dinosaur alive. They scare me more than sharks. ten feet??
I thought they got 6-7 feet max down there.... eff that 13- 14 ft for the big ones. |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 10:38:36 PM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Actually that sign says "NO SWIMMING ALLIGATORS", which is not the same as saying "Attention humans, swimming here is not advisable due to the presence of alligators." I blame crocodilian illiteracy.... That guy would still be alive had those alligators obeyed the sign! It's the same way with criminals and "GUN FREE ZONE/NO GUNS ALLOWED" signs. |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 10:40:07 PM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.2281318.1436026999!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/gator5n-4-web.jpg Are his keys hanging from his earlobe? Huh. I wonder if he believed in Jesus BEFORE he jumped into the water he was told not to jump into. |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 11:31:09 PM EDT
[#36]
Ok, well, yeah, if you gave me a photo line up and said "pick the guy that would jump into pond full of alligators and get eaten". His photo is the one I would pick.
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Posted: 7/5/2015 5:55:45 AM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.2281318.1436026999!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/gator5n-4-web.jpg Are his keys hanging from his earlobe? are those to marks beneath his right eye the start of meth picking scabs? |
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Posted: 7/5/2015 6:04:37 AM EDT
[#38]
I'm not sure, but I don't think that guy was very smart.
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Posted: 7/5/2015 11:14:49 AM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Does anyone know if they mostly come out at night?  I see what you did there.
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Posted: 7/5/2015 11:42:30 AM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Gators were getting tired of all the sharks getting all the attention lately. They one upped the sharks by killing someone. or This could have all been avoided if they would not have axed the Dukes of Hazard reruns. This guy would have been at home watching the racial hate instead of drinking on a dock in the middle of a bayou at 2 am. It is a little known fact that both sharks and gators LOVE Dukes of Hazard. They get down-right pissy without their daily dose of Daisy May and Boss Hog. |
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Posted: 7/5/2015 11:46:50 AM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Due to the lack of punctuation, he thought there were no swimming alligators. http://network.crcna.org/sites/default/files/documents/20120717-210332.jpg Maybe he meant to say "Fuck, the alligators!"
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Posted: 7/5/2015 11:49:04 AM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Ok, well, yeah, if you gave me a photo line up and said "pick the guy that would jump into pond full of alligators and get eaten". His photo is the one I would pick. +1 |
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Posted: 7/5/2015 11:51:56 AM EDT
[#43]
"Fuck the alligators!"
Dammit, I was gonna go for a Yakov Smirnoff joke here, but I couldn't think of any place you fuck the 'gator and the 'gator doesn't fuck you.
I dunno, maybe Tijuana, if you've got the cash.
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Posted: 7/5/2015 12:09:16 PM EDT
[#44]
Fukc the alligator!
You go ahead I'll hold your beer and video it for u-tube! Yeehaw! |
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Posted: 7/5/2015 12:15:37 PM EDT
[#45]
I feel bad for the woman, she's obviously emotionally disturbed by what she saw.
All because a moron decided to kill himself with stupidity. |
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Posted: 7/5/2015 12:27:57 PM EDT
[#46]
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Posted: 7/5/2015 12:29:32 PM EDT
[#47]
what a way to go.
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Posted: 7/5/2015 12:34:22 PM EDT
[#48]
Such a screamy way to go.
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Posted: 7/5/2015 12:40:32 PM EDT
[#49]
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Posted: 7/6/2015 10:02:27 AM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
are those to marks beneath his right eye the start of meth picking scabs? Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.2281318.1436026999!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/gator5n-4-web.jpg Are his keys hanging from his earlobe? are those to marks beneath his right eye the start of meth picking scabs? Looking at all his bling, I bet the gator mistook him for a fishing lure. |
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