We're sitting in the international terminal at dfw

I would avoid marriage and kids in this country these days.

Probably a plus one here, too.

 
I was married 17 years to a woman who was disgusted by her work acquaintances who had affairs, etc..  called them home wreckers, gold-diggers, etc... and stopped associating with them.

She moved out in January.  I've since found out she was in a relationship for 2 years prior.  Talk about breaking your fucking spirit, and will to ever go through anything like that again.

Because it's bullshit. Courts do not tell you you can't date or remarry. Even DURING a divorce, courts will not typically get into it even if it is the reason for the divorce.


And if he had supposed actual proof of her boffing a student, the po po or local media would be fighting for a piece of the action. The media are ruthless animals when i comes to inappropriate relationships between students and teachers no matter the sex. [though the actual punishment tends to be very different leniency wise]

I'm convinced that you are 100% correct.  

I coach varsity high school football, and several of the coaches on our staff are teachers in their mid to late 20's and are single.  Each one of them has a bevy of beautiful young women on the line at any given time.  But they have superficial dates, which are nothing but a preamble to sex, and then they move on.  These guys don't even have to call these girls.  These girls send out nude pics (which they share with all of us)  and an offer to hook up later.  

I ask these guys during our down times..   What's her family like?  What is important to her?  What are her politics?  They have no clue.  Shit!   I was married and had two children when I was their age.  So yes, things have changed.  

Look..  I'm a Type A,  Alpha type guy.  But my marriage isn't ALL about ME.  If it's important to my wife, it's important to me.  We talk (and don't always agree) and are respectful to one another.  I love her, so I want her to be happy.  But I can still be myself and make her happy.  And vice-versa.  

OK...  I'm gonna give all you young guys some pro tips.  To quote Foghorn Leghorn, "Listen to me boy..  I'm givin you gold nuggets, here!"  

Rule #1...  Overlook the little shit.  Don't even bring it up.   (95% of the wimminz BS is right here).  Just ignore it.  Don't sweat the small stuff.  
Rule #2...  If you can' overlook it, talk about it.   Sit down and have a conversation.  Communicate.  She ain't a fuckin gypsy mind reader.  
Rule #3...  Listen more than you talk.  And they don't want you to solve their problems.  Just listen.  
Rule #4...  This is the hardest one...  You don't always have to have the last word.  

Look...  I'm no guru.  This is what works us.  It may not work for you.

i have had two bad marrages, and two divorces. there were a lot of things i used to bitch about that caused the divorces... she did this, she did that, but what i have realized over the years, is one thing. its my fault that both marrages ended in divorce.

because, i should have never married either of them in the first place.

i should never have married either woman. i dated one 3 months before asking her to marry me, and the other 6 months before i asked her. i SHOULD have dated both women for at LEAST 1-2 years before i ever proposed..... because if i had, i would have never wanted to marry either one after dating them for about 6 months, and i had time to look at things, and see what they were really like.

if i could do ONE thing, to help marrage in this country be much more successful....its much to easy to get married.... and has been mentioned, much to easy to get divorced.... and the women know they can just bail and be much better off financially... which drastically cuts down peoples need to fix things and make it work. .. i would implement a one year waiting period... you apply for your license... and it goes into effect one year after you apply... and you can then get married. if your really in love, and your a good match.. a year will do nothing to your relationship but make it stronger.... but, if your dating someone who is not right for you, theres a damn good change that during that 1 year waiting period, you will see new shit.. and decide hell no, im not marrying this person.

i think the article is right on several things.

1. waiting to have sex until your deeper into the relationship..... thats damn important. ESPECIALLY if your a woman... anytime i ever got sex quickly in a relationship... i pretty much immediately lost interest in getting to know the woman after that... its sad, but true. i told both my daughters that men are not emotion like women.... if you make a guy work a long time to get sex, they usually try to REALLY learn about you, and what you like... and by the time they get sex, they are emotionally involved.

2. the feminist movement has left men really confused about how to treat women. you open the door for one woman, and you get a smile... you do it for the next one, and get cussed for being a evil man... " i can open my own damn door". etc.  i dont want to sound like a male chauvinist... but when the man, and the woman have certain roles.. it makes it much easier to know what your responsibilities are....... and in the article, when the woman is not taking care of the man... and she does not want the man to take care of her etc.... it fucks things up... because after a while, you just stop trying, because you dont know what the hell to do....

 i guess thats why im so happy with my current woman... shes a old school country girl... who wants to mother everyone, and take care of her man.... and wants a man who treats her like a woman, and opens doors for her, etc........ but she can easily take care of herself.. shes not helpless..... she just WANTS a traditional relationship.... and she wants to work a job.....  its great having a woman who wants you to be a man, and be manly, and do manly things... and she respects it...

i will marry this girl one day... we have been dating for almost 3 years now, and we learn more and more about each other.. and it just feels more right all the time.

id bet that if everyone would date for several years... before they proposed.... and then had a long engagement... we would be seeing a much, much lower rate of divorce in this country..... if for no other reason, fewer people would be getting married to the wrong person.

While you were working hard to pivot my point to being my fault, you completely missed the point I was making.

I am a man.  I cannot and do not want to change that.  As a man, I have to look at the situation in front of me and deal with that.  What I see is a see of greed, and very few that are wiling to mutually sacrifice and work towards mutual goals.  Everyone is focused on "what I get right fucking now!!!!" instead of "what do we need to do to achieve our goals?"

Now, not everyone is that way.  

You misrepresent me in order to attempt to make how I feel appear petty.  Problem being is that I have goals I want to achieve.  If a person isn't benefitting those goals, then they are a burden, not a help.  I don't need sex enough to burden myself in a very real legal sense when I can just do it without that burden.

On the other hand, I've found a partner that is willing to work towards common goals and therefore we are more powerful together than apart.  She's not a burden.  She contributes, just like I do.

I've dated plenty of girls in the past that thought that merely existing and putting out a few times a month was good enough.  It's not.  Especially when you add in their drama, baggage, and "needs."

Ultimately it is lamenting a lack of quality people in the world.  It's the realization that we aren't playing on a level playing field.  It's the realization that a great majority of women see men as a wallet, and a great many men see women as a pussy.  That's the sad part.  It's also the reason why we have so many failing relationships.

And very often it seems, people cannot tell the difference between a partner and a john-hooker situation.

That is what I am saying.

This is precisely why I refuse to get married again.  I went through it once.  Gave it a good hard college try for 10 years.  It's fucking pointless from a male perspective.

I fully plan on finding a good woman, being faithful to her, and being a good man for her, but I will be goddamned if I am signing any legal contract that can ruin my life.  Again.



My belief on this nowadays:  Marriage, in the legal, contractual sense, is complete bullshit.  Neither party in a marriage should require a "guarantee" in the form of a contract.  If you want me to be a good man for you, then be a good woman for me.  It's a two way street, and I feel that many, both men and women, think that once they are married, they no longer have to "try"

Well... fuck that noise.

The "Choose Wisely" stichk is like a reporter asking a presidential candidate "Knowing what we know now, should we have gone to war in Iraq?".

The only way to understand that question is with hindsight.  The correct answer is always......with the best information we had at the time.....it was the right thing to do.

One more point and then I'm done for this week.  The system (Divorce industry/Alimony/Child Support/BigGov) is broken.  They know it's broken but they absolutely do not want to fix it because it generates money and gives power to Judges, Magistrates, and organizations filled with SJW types who under normal circumstances would be scrounging through dumpsters looking for food or giving blowjobs in alleys behind auto repair shops and bars.


I'm calling bullshit!!  Why?  Because you don't stop working on your relationship after you say "I DO".  If you think that the wedding day is the end, you are fucking mistaken.  It takes hard work by two people.  A good marriage doesn't happen by chance!!

And you can deny the SJW's, the judges, magistrates and lawyers their due quite easily.  

Don't get married.

I don't disagree with you.  Not at all.  It's not right for everybody.

this...... there are men( and women)  who are like.... " why do i need to take my woman on dates?  im married to her im done with that shit", and i dont need to work out, or take care of myself, theres no need for that romance bullshit...im married now ! ! .. i reached the finish line and im safe at home plate.....    just like their are women who think, " im married now, theres no need to give blowjobs, or have sex, or fix myself up anymore, or watch my weight", that was stuff i did to catch a man.. i landed him,, reached the end..so no more of that shit.. etc.  its thinking like that, that results in people being unhappy.... and unsatisfied, etc.  hell, its false advertising.. its like buying a ferrari... and after the warranty expires, it turns into a vw bug... your going to be fucking disappointed as hell.. wheres the damn thing i agreed to buy? i agreed to marry this other person... and now they turned into someone i would never damn even date.

you are never DONE in a relationship.... you ALWAYS need to be thinking of the other person, what they might need, or what they might want... whats bothering them.. why its bothering them...  talk.... etc..... its relationship maintenance, and its as important as changing the oil in your car, to keep your car working properly, and getting the longest life you can out of it. or replacing missing shingles on your house.... getting married and thinking "your done now", is like buying a house, and thinking your done... and never replacing missing shingles, or painting it... give it a few years and it will be falling down, and look like shit, with rotten support beams.

Just look at how the deck is stacked concerning so-called spousal "abuse".

All the woman has to do to smack her head against a door, get some police woman to take pics of her mug, file a abuse complaint, and there go your guns and the right to buy another.

I'd never re-marry or suggest that anyone else get married until there is real redress in the way men are treated in court.

so how come you're not coming to CW5?

I've been divorced almost a year.

 

I will get married again, just better choices next time

The system is indeed stacked against men, especially fathers.  I gained custody of mine - cost me $105k in legal fees to do it though, and it was glaringly obvious that the best decision was to give me custody.

Once I was divorced and started dating, I realized that the women I met were at least as shallow and conniving as any "playboy' men I knew.  Just my small (well, there were a *lot* of women, but hey) sample size, but there it is.

 
Serious?


Congrats to you and compass!

Yep.  "Married with Children" was the last show that did not portray men as bumbling idiots and women as rocket scientists.

Look up the TV series "Married with Children" on Roku or whatever and check it out.

Oh for fuck's sake.

Congrats?

Srs

Thanks! I know I picked a good one.

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this...... there are men( and women)  who are like.... " why do i need to take my woman on dates?  im married to her im done with that shit", and i dont need to work out, or take care of myself, im married.. i reached the finish line and im safe at home plate.....    just like their are women who think, " im married now, theres no need to give blowjobs, or have sex, or fix myself up anymore, or watch my weight", i landed him,, reached the end.. etc.  its thinking like that, that results in people being unhappy.... and unsatisfied, etc.

you are never DONE in a relationship.... you ALWAYS need to be thinking of the other person, what they might need, or what they might want... whats bothering them.. why its bothering them...  talk.... etc..... its relationship maintenance, and its as important as changing the oil in your car, to keep your car working properly, and getting the longest life you can out of it.

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Quoted:

Quoted:
The "Choose Wisely" stichk is like a reporter asking a presidential candidate "Knowing what we know now, should we have gone to war in Iraq?".

The only way to understand that question is with hindsight.  The correct answer is always......with the best information we had at the time.....it was the right thing to do.

One more point and then I'm done for this week.  The system (Divorce industry/Alimony/Child Support/BigGov) is broken.  They know it's broken but they absolutely do not want to fix it because it generates money and gives power to Judges, Magistrates, and organizations filled with SJW types who under normal circumstances would be scrounging through dumpsters looking for food or giving blowjobs in alleys behind auto repair shops and bars.


I'm calling bullshit!!  Why?  Because you don't stop working on your relationship after you say "I DO".  If you think that the wedding day is the end, you are fucking mistaken.  It takes hard work by two people.  A good marriage doesn't happen by chance!!

this...... there are men( and women)  who are like.... " why do i need to take my woman on dates?  im married to her im done with that shit", and i dont need to work out, or take care of myself, im married.. i reached the finish line and im safe at home plate.....    just like their are women who think, " im married now, theres no need to give blowjobs, or have sex, or fix myself up anymore, or watch my weight", i landed him,, reached the end.. etc.  its thinking like that, that results in people being unhappy.... and unsatisfied, etc.

you are never DONE in a relationship.... you ALWAYS need to be thinking of the other person, what they might need, or what they might want... whats bothering them.. why its bothering them...  talk.... etc..... its relationship maintenance, and its as important as changing the oil in your car, to keep your car working properly, and getting the longest life you can out of it.

THIS is a dammed good comment!!  You've hit the nail on the head!

Seems like a big part of your analysis and argument is predicated on this. If no one else has asked so far, could you please cite an example or two? Links...copy and paste...whatever. Personally, I've never in my life heard of anyone, male or female, screwing up tasks on purpose to get out of doing them in the future. Not calling you out, mind you, but it's just that I've never seen or heard of it.

Same here but it doesn't mean a damn thing until the kids are divided 50/50 also. I got the best advice ever from my lawyer. He said trade assets for time because you don't want this to go in front of a judge. It cost me everything but my tools, truck and clothes. It was worth every penny.

Oh Wow. Congrats to you and Compass!

I am.

i have heard people using that tactic.....bragging to their friends who hate doing laundry.....  " i hate doing laundryto..... but i have not had to do any in years.. what i did  was ... , i dumped everything into one load, red shirts with white bedsheets, and white shirts...and washed it all on hot, etc... and i did it everytime she asked me to do the laundry...    she was so mad, she banned me from doing laundry..... "    just another fucking game/ scam  people play.

NEWSFLASH: "Choosing wisely" isn't a one time occurrence. If that's your takeaway, well then it's obvious why you're failing, 'cause you're doing it wrong.

Holy Fucked up quote tree Batman.  

How does that Preview button work?

glad you'll be there, but I don't see your name on the run list

Here is what the original post looked like.

Bingo. If women were made to suffer on parity to men going through a divorce most of these problems would disappear.

+1 ; but with Mrs Palm.

FPNI

Exactly so. I don't have specific threads or posts bookmarked, but it's been said here many times. And of course in real life too.

Going into the situation I was hesitant and called bullshit as well.  I have known him and his family for going on 10 years now and none of them stand to gain anything by lying about what happened.  I am still unsure how they can enforce the ruling but I know that he was told he would also lose visitation rights for violating the order.

As far as the student goes, my understanding was that he had turned 18 and as such acted on his own.  This was well before all the current trend of teachers sexing their students and obviously wasn't enough to make news I guess.

I knew someone who did that- complained about his blow jobs.

She is right especially about the inequity of the laws when it comes to divorce.  Custody of children should not automatically go to the mother.

I may run if there's a chance, but I won't take take a slot away from a legitimate contender.

IOW, I know I won't do great, so I will give the opportunity to those better than I am. But if they don't show up, I'll take advantage of their laziness.

You are correct.
I am doing it wrong.
I have no ability to predict the future.
I wish I did.

i have heard of court  orders during divorces, that forbid the woman or man from having other men / women in the house with the kids...or from spending the night, etc, for the kids mental health and other reasons.  not forever.. but for a time at least..

I guess I'm "happily married" do I wish she would some things different? YES.  Does she wish I would do this or that or whatever else more or less or different? Hell yea!  But, we have a beautiful 4 year old daughter and despite our differences we do our best to work through things.  Neither of us is perfect but we have made a commitment to each other and now we have a responsibility to our daughter, and their were some vows exchanged in front of family, friends, preacher, and GOD that are pretty important to us both.  I could be wrong and she could leave tomorrow, but I hope not.  If we did split up I would not marry again.  I love my wife, but she can grate on me like no other!  We have been through some ups and downs over the last 7 years, an d while thats not that long I think we both decide that we would be happier and better off together.  Fight? YUP!  But we usually reconcile at some point.  That was the hardest part for us was for each to admit fault, we are both ASS stubborn and prideful people.  Most people do not want to put the effort into a marriage is my opinion.  She is probably a better person than me no doubt, but I'm getting better.  Oh, and she is way hotter than me too!  Neither of us are perfect and we have come to know that marriage is WORK WORK WORK.  Hopefully we make.  Two of my goals are for us to sit on a porch and watch Grandkids play in the yard, and I plan on her burying me, and coming to join me a few years later in the same spot.(She is younger)  I may not get these things, but I plan to do what I can to make em happen.-----My 2 cents

That sucks. Some of us are just gifted with "common sense." It's a super secret soviet time travelling, see into the future mind control.

Overnight stays while the kids are present can be fought over but the court ordering you not to date, or remarry after the divorce was finalized, nahhh, that would get tossed in a heartbeat.

Usually the primary custodial parent starts to play that game but then realizes that it can easily be turned on them so it's dropped in court. That doesn't mean that the custodial parent won't find something else to try and mess with the non custodial parent. [because they will is it's an acrimonious split]

WISDOM HERE.  

The coming years are going to be very bad in this country as our government continues to sell us out to the international bankers and corporations.

And as they let in ever more third-world people who will not assimilate into our culture - they want to break our culture.

Who, in their right mind, would want to bring children into this country the way it is getting now?

I don't care if you find the best American woman since Betsy Ross.  Think long and hard about bringing new babies into this rapidly disintegrating  country.

Of course, if you are an inner-city welfare savage or an illegal Mexican or a third-world Muslim, you will then probably want to have 10-15 children each.  

Teddy Kennedy must be laughing in his grave as he watches all of this unfold.

You're happy because you were discriminating about your choice in a wife.

Too many people aren't selective enough when they say "I do" and they pay an awful price.

I know a lot of miserable married people who settled, the few happy ones I know didn't settle.

Life is too short to be with someone who isn't everything to you.

Marriage isn't for everyone.  For those that know that day one and stay single I applaud you, those that do it because it's the thing to do, you must lead a very miserable existence.

What feminism has yet to publicly acknowledge is that it has created a generation of women now that are for the most part what my mother would call "not marriage material".

I refuse to settle, but for us younger guys it's a lot tougher to find a suitable wife than it was for my father's generation.  That's just basic math.

Same here!
Hell I was married for 10 years. Lived together for a year before.
When living together things were fine. Once we got married that all went out the window.!

"Aren't you going out too much with your friends?"
"Do you need to hunt and fish so much"
"Your friends are over at our house too much"
"You don't really need that Motorcycle anymore do you"
"You don't spend enough time with me anymore!"

Now not a damn thing had changed in my behavior. Or what we did. Things just changed in her mind!

The happiest day in my life after getting married.  Was when my DIVORCE was final!

The only reason I didn't leave was because of the kids. I put up with her shit because of them.
I did try to spend as much time away from her as possible. Without being too obvious!
Hell I even got the House, my car, and the kids in the Divorce settlement!
I did get ALL of the bills though. But it was worth it!
She just wanted to party again with her single and married girlfriends!
She's on her 3rd husband as of last count!

Holy fuck I was so lucky.

You couldn't pay me to ever get married again. I have way too much to lose now.
I'll play house for a while. But as soon as I hear any of that familiar crap.
It's Honey, this isn't going to work. I think you need to move out.
Never let them get rid of their house or apartment. They need somewhere to go!

These threads depress the hell out of me.

Mainly because at nearly 38 years old I am painfully aware of what is missing in my life.    Never been married and no kids and from a certain point of view much better off than many single guys my age.   In another sense, pathetically worse off in terms of what might be considered a fulfilling or rewarding in terms of a family life.

But it is increasingly becoming a question of what is the point or why bother.   It is a sad depressing outlook on life but it is a safe one.

After having seen friends, family, co-workers raked over the coals, some of it deserved, I know that the one thing I can exercise control over is my lonely single life.

The salt in the wound is knowing I dont have a mindset towards being able to do casual relationships or flings.   I wind up being the first to fall and the scars that come from that run deep.

The women I get along well with are already happily married.   There is no pressure or awkwardness between us.   I wind up jealous as hell of who they are and that they are in a place where they are happy with another person.    I am not a religious person but I know the dangers and the poison that envy can have in one's heart.   I try to take recognition of that fact and use it to become somewhat more self aware.   But that often only leads to an awareness of something I would rather avoid thinking about.

The gal I work closest to the other day was standing behind me I guess checking me out or having an inner monologue with herself.   I caught her and told her she must either have a friend she wants to introduce me to or is going to make a comment about relationship status.    She laughed and said, "you know that if you didnt want to be single there is no reason why you couldnt find a woman."    Compliments regarding wit/humor along with other attractive personality traits.    She is married and after 6 months she recognized that which a lot of other married women have kinda figured out about me.   I have a bit of an introverted Eeore personality that helps keep random strangers at bay.   The cynical pessimist helps to cement the fact that I dont run around everywhere smiling with enthusiastic good charm.    But take the time to get to know me and it actually isnt so bad or even part of a charm.    That is what the co-worker was figuring out the other day when I caught her staring at me.

But to try to get through all the bullshit dating and the effort needed to cut through the mine field of what is out there.

Jesus christ it scares the living shit out of me.  No joke.   I am afraid.    Have dodged the bullet with some already while also still deeply affected by the one that got away.   After 5 years I still wake up in the morning and she is my first thought and often one of my last thoughts before going to bed.

It isnt that I cannot be devoted to one person.   It is that I want to be devoted to one person but cannot cope with the possibility of choosing poorly, being taken for a sucker, or just dealing with the fact that people change.

In the end it is easier to know the future of dying alone and with a bunch of shit than risking it all and dying alone after having nearly everything taken from you.

As it stands I have been working 40-70 hours of over time per 2 week pay period for the past 6 months.   Over the last 2 years I have averaged more than 30 per pay period and often working every single weekend.   Why?    Because working 12-16 hours a day limits my exposure to sitting at home alone in an empty house.

I had my first week and weekend off from overtime last week.   It drove me fucking nuts.   Like a sharp counterpoint that came crashing down and accentuating the fact that something is missing.   I was supposed to go out of town to meet a cute gal that I have been talking to over the past two years.    I called it off because I didnt think it would be fair to her.   Would like to see her during a high rather than a low.  I wound up spending time with my dad working on a transmission.   Hence the reason I have so many projects and hobbies that I cannot count.   Something to take the edge off and get me focused on something else.  

Sad to say.   Women kinda scare the shit out of me these days.    Maybe I will meet one some day that can be that best friend for the rest of my life but I really have my doubts.   To the point that I spend large portions of my day quietly thinking about this shit.   It is always just beneath the surface and has been for a really long time.

I know this.   I am extremely picky and not without good reason.    I dont know how others can go around having random casual sex.   It isnt for me but in some strange reason I almost envy that ability.    The ability to detach or even let go.     Friends at work notice how uptight I am and make some flippant comment about needing to get me laid.    It couldnt be more opposite of what I need.    The fact is the next time I get laid, at the rate I am going, I may need boner pills.   And I dont care.


/tldr maybe I should just grow a neckbeard and a fedora...

"Why men won't marry yoo."

"It's cause I'm too macho for them."