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Posted: 4/18/2015 4:21:08 AM EDT
[#1]
Nope, sorry I just had to eject. Was a horrible experience.
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Posted: 4/18/2015 4:29:19 AM EDT
[#2]
Ex wife. Things are great as long as you are kowtowing to them, otherwise they are evil. They are very manipulative and live in a fantasy world where if they want something to be true, then they believe it to be true.
And it cannot be fixed, only managed. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 4:29:34 AM EDT
[#3]
Loved one, no. I did have a supervisor who has BPD. It was not a good two months, there wasn't much we could except document until this person finally stepped over a line. If there isn't a way for you to separate this person from your life find a support group.
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Posted: 4/18/2015 4:33:28 AM EDT
[#4]
Drugs and make sure they are managed and kept current.
Don't give up, people can lead normal lives even with a mental illness. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 4:46:03 AM EDT
[#5]
Foreman at work I personally think has it coupled with an issue of narcissism. Good ol' politics protect him from being fired and has been a key motivating factor in me deciding to pack up. First met him at the plant and thought "Cool! Another gun guy" Turned out to be a classic stereotypical backwoods redneck toothless militia member. I'm not kidding. A true space shuttle door gunner/stolen valor type. Absolutely worships himself and makes shit up as he goes. The fun part is he usually contradicts himself five minutes later so it's easy to mess with him and make him look like an asshole. I could seriously write a book on this dude and categorize it as a comedy.
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Posted: 4/18/2015 4:51:21 AM EDT
[#6]
They are truly the bane of nearly every mental health professional in the world. They cannot be managed and are self-destructive in every way imaginable. Medication has no effect, of course. They want attention and will do anything to get it, unfortunately, that attention isn't always effective and usually results in more problems.
I'm an RN, and work psych mostly. You're supposed to set clear boundaries with them, while showing concern and compassion. Be clear and concise so they aren't overwhelmed. Unfortunately, this doesn't always work. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 5:06:49 AM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Ex wife. Things are great as long as you are kowtowing to them, otherwise they are evil. They are very manipulative and live in a fantasy world where if they want something to be true, then they believe it to be true. And it cannot be fixed, only managed. Uh, no. I used to work in a psych hosp. There is no "managing" BPDO (except in the case of being in a clinical environment, & being essentially stuck dealing with them). Manage your own life & not theirs. Eject. The most appropriate form of treatment for a BPDO type is isolation. Ignore them; leave them to themselves. The consequence of abandonment is the only thing that might possibly resonate in their minds (as if). When everyone they ever interacted with finally grows sick of their bullshit & walks away, then they might figure why, or move on to other groups of unsuspecting strangers, where they can ensue a wash/rinse/repeat cycle of their modus operandi gaminess. Seriously - EJECT. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 5:09:45 AM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Drugs and make sure they are managed and kept current. Don't give up, people can lead normal lives even with a mental illness. BPDO is just that - a personality DO. Chemical imbalance is not the issue. Even though other, unrelated issues can be present, they are distinct from it. Also, the textbook case of BPDO does not apply to all players. Some people just do it because they get mileage out of it (ie. They don't all arise from dysfunctional homes). |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 5:10:53 AM EDT
[#9]
I worked for a lady at an agency who suffered from it for 12 years. It was a horrible experience. Those higher up in the food chain knew it; but she was an EEO promotion, so they provided me protection from her actions.
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Posted: 4/18/2015 5:17:25 AM EDT
[#10]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
They are truly the bane of nearly every mental health professional in the world. They cannot be managed and are self-destructive in every way imaginable. Medication has no effect, of course. They want attention and will do anything to get it, unfortunately, that attention isn't always effective and usually results in more problems. I'm an RN, and work psych mostly. You're supposed to set clear boundaries with them, while showing concern and compassion. Be clear and concise so they aren't overwhelmed. Unfortunately, this doesn't always work. Compassion? No. You must be new at this. Textbook knowledge is just that. They deserve no audience. At all. They learn from consequence alone. Kind of like a nonsocial animal. Throw a bone only when they behave. Otherwise, give them nothing except proper direction. The slightest bit of attention &/or reward not directly associated with positive behavior will be misinterpreted as illicit gain, & they will run with it. Read "I Hate you, Don't Leave Me". The title says it all. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 5:27:44 AM EDT
[#11]
There seem to be some strong feelings on this subject.
I think some posters have dealt with a great deal of pain because of a loved one with BPD. Lashing out isn't really constructive though. And ejecting isn't really an option for me. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 6:17:31 AM EDT
[#12]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Compassion? No. You must be new at this. Textbook knowledge is just that. They deserve no audience. At all. They learn from consequence alone. Kind of like a nonsocial animal. Throw a bone only when they behave. Otherwise, give them nothing except proper direction. The slightest bit of attention &/or reward not directly associated with positive behavior will be misinterpreted as illicit gain, & they will run with it. Read "I Hate you, Don't Leave Me". The title says it all. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
They are truly the bane of nearly every mental health professional in the world. They cannot be managed and are self-destructive in every way imaginable. Medication has no effect, of course. They want attention and will do anything to get it, unfortunately, that attention isn't always effective and usually results in more problems. I'm an RN, and work psych mostly. You're supposed to set clear boundaries with them, while showing concern and compassion. Be clear and concise so they aren't overwhelmed. Unfortunately, this doesn't always work. Compassion? No. You must be new at this. Textbook knowledge is just that. They deserve no audience. At all. They learn from consequence alone. Kind of like a nonsocial animal. Throw a bone only when they behave. Otherwise, give them nothing except proper direction. The slightest bit of attention &/or reward not directly associated with positive behavior will be misinterpreted as illicit gain, & they will run with it. Read "I Hate you, Don't Leave Me". The title says it all. New? Not hardly. I worked in the state hospital (forensic), crisis (involuntary), outpatient, and regular "voluntary" IP. What I said is what is recommended and has worked with a few. Overall though, ignoring them is best IMO. When they look for attention, I make myself busy and pretend to care when I say "I'm sorry I just can't talk right now". Or when they finish their story of woes, I quickly reply in a disinterested manner with "that's interesting" as I walk away. The problem is, some will stop at nothing. They will bang their head on the wall to get attention and injections, because it's what they want. They need to be the center of attention and they love 1:1s. Tbh, I find manics (ampethamine-induced or natural) to be much more annoying and draining. Same goes for DD/MR types. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 6:25:40 AM EDT
[#13]
Had an ex-GF who I suspect has BPD. As others have said, it sucks big time. Good luck OP. If there's no ejecting, it's gonna be a long, tough ride. A ride I would not wish on my worst enemy.
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Posted: 4/18/2015 6:31:13 AM EDT
[#14]
Ex wife and her sister both. Sister spun out first and the ex followed her pattern a few years later. She was really sweet and seemingly well adjusted when we met. Then after a couple years she started acting crazy.
It was a miserable time spent thinking "I can't be the crazy one". Her family knew but I had to find out on my own. Totally fabricated memories to fit her agenda. Cheating, hot and cold emotions, bitter anger, sobbing apologies, cutting for attention and on and on... rinse repeat... eject was the only option.  Thank God we did not have children!
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Posted: 4/18/2015 6:33:17 AM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Uh, no. I used to work in a psych hosp. There is no "managing" BPDO (except in the case of being in a clinical environment, & being essentially stuck dealing with them). Manage your own life & not theirs. Eject. The most appropriate form of treatment for a BPDO type is isolation. Ignore them; leave them to themselves. The consequence of abandonment is the only thing that might possibly resonate in their minds (as if). When everyone they ever interacted with finally grows sick of their bullshit & walks away, then they might figure why, or move on to other groups of unsuspecting strangers, where they can ensue a wash/rinse/repeat cycle of their modus operandi gaminess. Seriously - EJECT. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Ex wife. Things are great as long as you are kowtowing to them, otherwise they are evil. They are very manipulative and live in a fantasy world where if they want something to be true, then they believe it to be true. And it cannot be fixed, only managed. Uh, no. I used to work in a psych hosp. There is no "managing" BPDO (except in the case of being in a clinical environment, & being essentially stuck dealing with them). Manage your own life & not theirs. Eject. The most appropriate form of treatment for a BPDO type is isolation. Ignore them; leave them to themselves. The consequence of abandonment is the only thing that might possibly resonate in their minds (as if). When everyone they ever interacted with finally grows sick of their bullshit & walks away, then they might figure why, or move on to other groups of unsuspecting strangers, where they can ensue a wash/rinse/repeat cycle of their modus operandi gaminess. Seriously - EJECT. Very sound advice, for sure. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 6:34:04 AM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Ex wife. Things are great as long as you are kowtowing to them, otherwise they are evil. They are very manipulative and live in a fantasy world where if they want something to be true, then they believe it to be true. And it cannot be fixed, only managed. Managed via ejection seat. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 8:18:09 AM EDT
[#17]
I had to walk away from EVERYTHING I cared about and worked for all my life.
The only solution was to disappear or it/she was going to kill me... |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 8:19:48 AM EDT
[#18]
ask my wife. she loves me cuz I made her
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Posted: 4/18/2015 8:37:53 AM EDT
[#19]
We think my MIL has it.
Evil woman. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 8:38:54 AM EDT
[#20]
Run.
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Posted: 4/18/2015 8:41:59 AM EDT
[#21]
My ex had several mental disorders, I am sure one of what she had was borderline personality disorder.
Even with the proper meds, counseling, etc., it's tough, damn tough. I finally had to make a choice to save our son and myself. I got out. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 8:45:04 AM EDT
[#22]
I'd wager a good chunk of GD has it.
An excellent book for dealing with people who have it: http://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Door-Martha-Stout/dp/0767915828 |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 8:45:33 AM EDT
[#23]
There are some types are of folks who should not be allowed to live, if they were executed the world would be a better place.
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Posted: 4/18/2015 8:49:49 AM EDT
[#24]
My dad was finally diagnosed a year or so ago. He's got some other issues. I would say borderline often comes with other disorders (bits of aggression, depression, ... but the mental disorders often hang together a bit). The extent to which you are dealing with some of these other things makes it all the more fun.
Part of the problem is that they do not make the connections that many of the rest of us do. Like, love has to be built. Just because I love someone doesn't mean they love me back. If I want to show someone respect then I must trust that their actions come from positive intentions (this is one my dad really struggles with -- if he doesn't see/believe that what you are doing is exactly the way he would do it then you must be a. an idiot and b. out to harm him). It isn't exactly like the movie "50 First Dates" but it sometimes feels like it. They just don't expect the consistency in people from day to day that you and I would expect and believe others are out to get them. I'm nearly 40. It took time and isolation for my dad to realize he needed help. He'd run off his wife, his kid, most of his family, and he basically had no friends. He's got a little antisocial mixed in there but he finally realized he was going to die alone. That was the wake up call. He's been able to stick with treatment for a year so I guess we'll see. How did I handle it? Well, it sucked until I got out of college. Then I went off and started my own life. I realized I couldn't trust him. I still cared because he was my dad but I simply could not rely on the concept that he would "be there" in any capacity for me simply because I was his kid. He could still hang out from time to time and talk. But I expected absolutely nothing positive from him. When he was a jerk, I didn't get hurt because I expected nothing more than that. When he was actually kind and helpful (he's very smart and quite skilled) then it was great fun. Basically, I treated him something like a stranger. Hope this helps. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 8:50:48 AM EDT
[#25]
If you cant run, then you take the meds and get counseling.
Learn to hate. Become useless to them. Threaten to leave every now and then. They hate that. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 8:51:14 AM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I had to walk away from EVERYTHING I cared about and worked for all my life. The only solution was to disappear or it/she was going to kill me... So she had a propensity towards violence? |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 8:51:56 AM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
There seem to be some strong feelings on this subject. I think some posters have dealt with a great deal of pain because of a loved one with BPD. Lashing out isn't really constructive though. And ejecting isn't really an option for me. Then I am truly sorry for you. Your life will be hard and miserable. Good luck.
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Posted: 4/18/2015 8:53:43 AM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
So she had a propensity towards violence? Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
I had to walk away from EVERYTHING I cared about and worked for all my life. The only solution was to disappear or it/she was going to kill me... So she had a propensity towards violence? Sometimes death (both real and figurative) can come not at the hands of another, but the stress and misery because of another. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 8:54:20 AM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
My dad was finally diagnosed a year or so ago. He's got some other issues. I would say borderline often comes with other disorders (bits of aggression, depression, ... but the mental disorders often hang together a bit). The extent to which you are dealing with some of these other things makes it all the more fun. Part of the problem is that they do not make the connections that many of the rest of us do. Like, love has to be built. Just because I love someone doesn't mean they love me back. If I want to show someone respect then I must trust that their actions come from positive intentions (this is one my dad really struggles with -- if he doesn't see/believe that what you are doing is exactly the way he would do it then you must be a. an idiot and b. out to harm him). It isn't exactly like the movie "50 First Dates" but it sometimes feels like it. They just don't expect the consistency in people from day to day that you and I would expect and believe others are out to get them. I'm nearly 40. It took time and isolation for my dad to realize he needed help. He'd run off his wife, his kid, most of his family, and he basically had no friends. He's got a little antisocial mixed in there but he finally realized he was going to die alone. That was the wake up call. He's been able to stick with treatment for a year so I guess we'll see. How did I handle it? Well, it sucked until I got out of college. Then I went off and started my own life. I realized I couldn't trust him. I still cared because he was my dad but I simply could not rely on the concept that he would "be there" in any capacity for me simply because I was his kid. He could still hang out from time to time and talk. But I expected absolutely nothing positive from him. When he was a jerk, I didn't get hurt because I expected nothing more than that. When he was actually kind and helpful (he's very smart and quite skilled) then it was great fun. Basically, I treated him something like a stranger. Hope this helps. This is a really good post. Thank you. 
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Posted: 4/18/2015 8:55:07 AM EDT
[#30]
Yes. The ex has it. I tried for years to live with her to preserve my family. I had the help of a friend who is a psychiatrist, and her brother (yes, HER brother), who was a psychologist. Those with BPD refuse to admit they have anything wrong with them, so they are very resistant to treatment. There is no effective treatment for BPD anyway. There is a general practitioner in Florida who claims to treat with low-dose anti-psychotics and talk therapy, but there are no studies confirming his results. There was nothing I could do, and in the end we divorced. I don't think there is any way to live with BPD.
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Posted: 4/18/2015 8:55:40 AM EDT
[#31]
Quoted:
Does anyone have a loved one, spouse, child, sibling with Borderline Personality Disorder? How do you manage your relationship with them? Any advice on dealing with them in a constructive way? Ex-wife. Threats of suicide. Trying to get me to hit her. All situations reduced to black & white. Her word is only good if it gets her what she wants. Teachers, doctors, etc weaponized against me, screaming, insulting, hits below the belt were her favorite way to talk to me, Denial of sex for the last four years of our marriage. Trying to keep our son to herself to the point where I described him as "kidnapped in our own home." Shouting venom at me for hours and days for spending under $20 on reloading stuff then maxing out several credit cards without my knowledge. Taking me off her medical insurance out of spite and not telling me until I needed to go to a doctor, laughingly saying "I hope you have your own money." Yeah... I married a Borderline woman. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:00:00 AM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Yes. The ex has it. I tried for years to live with her to preserve my family. I had the help of a friend who is a psychiatrist, and her brother (yes, HER brother), who was a psychologist. Those with BPD refuse to admit they have anything wrong with them, so they are very resistant to treatment. There is no effective treatment for BPD anyway. There is a general practitioner in Florida who claims to treat with low-dose anti-psychotics and talk therapy, but there are no studies confirming his results. There was nothing I could do, and in the end we divorced. I don't think there is any way to live with BPD. This person has brought it to my attention that they believe that they have the disorder. So they are not in denial. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:00:55 AM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I'd wager a good chunk of GD has it. An excellent book for dealing with people who have it: http://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Door-Martha-Stout/dp/0767915828 |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:02:49 AM EDT
[#34]
I have 2 patients who are BPD. They think from a different plane of reasoning and act from another. They can not be repaired. They swing from love and hate extremes. Grey is what they can not accept into their schemata of thinking. The goal is to help them learn new ways of problem solving. This means understanding the grey. Like any mental health issue, a continuum the best way to understand mental health.
A example of BPD reasoning. I met a guy online a month ago. He wants me to finish up my senior year and move out with him to Atlanta. He has a business and wants me to manage it. I have not seen him yet but I love him. I will take online courses over the summer and he will pay for me to fly down there. Now, this may all be true. BUT Borderliners tend to find each other. My recommendation for you is to STAY AWAY WITH ALL COSTS. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:08:28 AM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I have 2 patients who are BPD. They think from a different plane of reasoning and act from another. They can not be repaired. They swing from love and hate extremes. Grey is what they can not accept into their schemata of thinking. The goal is to help them learn new ways of problem solving. This means understanding the grey. Like any mental health issue, a continuum the best way to understand mental health. A example of BPD reasoning. I met a guy online a month ago. He wants me to finish up my senior year and move out with him to Atlanta. He has a business and wants me to manage it. I have not seen him yet but I love him. I will take online courses over the summer and he will pay for me to fly down there. Now, this may all be true. BUT Borderliners tend to find each other. My recommendation for you is to STAY AWAY WITH ALL COSTS. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:11:48 AM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
There is no "managing" BPDO (except in the case of being in a clinical environment, & being essentially stuck dealing with them). Manage your own life & not theirs. Eject. The most appropriate form of treatment for a BPDO type is isolation. Ignore them; leave them to themselves. The consequence of abandonment is the only thing that might possibly resonate in their minds (as if). When everyone they ever interacted with finally grows sick of their bullshit & walks away, then they might figure why, or move on to other groups of unsuspecting strangers, where they can ensue a wash/rinse/repeat cycle of their modus operandi gaminess. Seriously - EJECT. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Ex wife. Things are great as long as you are kowtowing to them, otherwise they are evil. They are very manipulative and live in a fantasy world where if they want something to be true, then they believe it to be true. And it cannot be fixed, only managed. There is no "managing" BPDO (except in the case of being in a clinical environment, & being essentially stuck dealing with them). Manage your own life & not theirs. Eject. The most appropriate form of treatment for a BPDO type is isolation. Ignore them; leave them to themselves. The consequence of abandonment is the only thing that might possibly resonate in their minds (as if). When everyone they ever interacted with finally grows sick of their bullshit & walks away, then they might figure why, or move on to other groups of unsuspecting strangers, where they can ensue a wash/rinse/repeat cycle of their modus operandi gaminess. Seriously - EJECT. Pretty much this!! While not officially diagnosed, my mother is a textbook case! My wife and I ejected her after various BPD shenanigans 4.5 years ago. Life has been much less stressful since we did that! You might want to read up on some of Dr Tara's stuff: https://shrink4men.wordpress.com/ Can an Abusive Borderline Personality Disorder Woman Really Change? |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:14:44 AM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Ex wife. Things are great as long as you are kowtowing to them, otherwise they are evil. They are very manipulative and live in a fantasy world where if they want something to be true, then they believe it to be true. And it cannot be fixed, only managed. This. Well, not the ex-wife part .... Here's a hint from an OB I worked with once. The more jewelry they wear, the crazier they are. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:22:48 AM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Uh, no. I used to work in a psych hosp. There is no "managing" BPDO (except in the case of being in a clinical environment, & being essentially stuck dealing with them). Manage your own life & not theirs. Eject. The most appropriate form of treatment for a BPDO type is isolation. Ignore them; leave them to themselves. The consequence of abandonment is the only thing that might possibly resonate in their minds (as if). When everyone they ever interacted with finally grows sick of their bullshit & walks away, then they might figure why, or move on to other groups of unsuspecting strangers, where they can ensue a wash/rinse/repeat cycle of their modus operandi gaminess. Seriously - EJECT. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Ex wife. Things are great as long as you are kowtowing to them, otherwise they are evil. They are very manipulative and live in a fantasy world where if they want something to be true, then they believe it to be true. And it cannot be fixed, only managed. Uh, no. I used to work in a psych hosp. There is no "managing" BPDO (except in the case of being in a clinical environment, & being essentially stuck dealing with them). Manage your own life & not theirs. Eject. The most appropriate form of treatment for a BPDO type is isolation. Ignore them; leave them to themselves. The consequence of abandonment is the only thing that might possibly resonate in their minds (as if). When everyone they ever interacted with finally grows sick of their bullshit & walks away, then they might figure why, or move on to other groups of unsuspecting strangers, where they can ensue a wash/rinse/repeat cycle of their modus operandi gaminess. Seriously - EJECT. My patient knows when our weekly meetings take place. Every week, there is an avoidance, late, or even a cancelation. The mother is manipulated into the child's lack of functioning and plays this, "I'm sorry, she wouldn't get out of bed". The mother knows that arguing with daughter will amount to even more argument and lack of partial participation. A negative system is in place. The surrounding system is taxied heavily by these types and in the counseling world, the truth is, hope is better saved. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:26:54 AM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I've heard a borderline is one of the toughest disorders to treat. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: I have 2 patients who are BPD. They think from a different plane of reasoning and act from another. They can not be repaired. They swing from love and hate extremes. Grey is what they can not accept into their schemata of thinking. The goal is to help them learn new ways of problem solving. This means understanding the grey. Like any mental health issue, a continuum the best way to understand mental health. A example of BPD reasoning. I met a guy online a month ago. He wants me to finish up my senior year and move out with him to Atlanta. He has a business and wants me to manage it. I have not seen him yet but I love him. I will take online courses over the summer and he will pay for me to fly down there. Now, this may all be true. BUT Borderliners tend to find each other. My recommendation for you is to STAY AWAY WITH ALL COSTS. I have a "take it or leave it" orientation to someone with BPD. My compassion remains the same though...I truly care about them and the internal battle they face every day. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:31:22 AM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Yes. The most. I have a "take it or leave it" orientation to someone with BPD. My compassion remains the same though...I truly care about them and the internal battle they face every day. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
I have 2 patients who are BPD. They think from a different plane of reasoning and act from another. They can not be repaired. They swing from love and hate extremes. Grey is what they can not accept into their schemata of thinking. The goal is to help them learn new ways of problem solving. This means understanding the grey. Like any mental health issue, a continuum the best way to understand mental health. A example of BPD reasoning. I met a guy online a month ago. He wants me to finish up my senior year and move out with him to Atlanta. He has a business and wants me to manage it. I have not seen him yet but I love him. I will take online courses over the summer and he will pay for me to fly down there. Now, this may all be true. BUT Borderliners tend to find each other. My recommendation for you is to STAY AWAY WITH ALL COSTS. I have a "take it or leave it" orientation to someone with BPD. My compassion remains the same though...I truly care about them and the internal battle they face every day. Sounds pretty black and white, something a person with BPD would say. Are personality disorders contagious? |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:34:07 AM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Yes. The most. I have a "take it or leave it" orientation to someone with BPD. My compassion remains the same though...I truly care about them and the internal battle they face every day. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: I have 2 patients who are BPD. They think from a different plane of reasoning and act from another. They can not be repaired. They swing from love and hate extremes. Grey is what they can not accept into their schemata of thinking. The goal is to help them learn new ways of problem solving. This means understanding the grey. Like any mental health issue, a continuum the best way to understand mental health. A example of BPD reasoning. I met a guy online a month ago. He wants me to finish up my senior year and move out with him to Atlanta. He has a business and wants me to manage it. I have not seen him yet but I love him. I will take online courses over the summer and he will pay for me to fly down there. Now, this may all be true. BUT Borderliners tend to find each other. My recommendation for you is to STAY AWAY WITH ALL COSTS. I have a "take it or leave it" orientation to someone with BPD. My compassion remains the same though...I truly care about them and the internal battle they face every day. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:41:02 AM EDT
[#42]
Some of you sound like you're describing friends/family with histrionic personality disorder. With the disorders, the differences are sometimes very slight (too slight, which is why you can see 3 clinicians and get 5 diagnoses).
I would recommend reading Beck's work on Cognitive Behavior Therapy for any of the Axis II disorders. I'm not advocating it for a solution, but if you want to know how people with these disorders think (the disorder often stems not just from chemical problems but from biases in logical reasoning) then Beck and his group has probably gone further than anyone else. Note: I'm not a clinician. I am a member of the American Psychological Association and work in a highly related field. A clinician is required for any diagnosis and treatment plan. All of the Axis II disorders are difficult to treat. It is personality for goodness sakes. When's the last time you changed yours? |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:41:27 AM EDT
[#43]
DISCLAIMER: Some BPD's CAN have an EFFECT from certain types of treatments such as DBT, MBT, and CBT (what I use mostly). Look for someone locally who is familiar with DBT-very few counselors actually actually trained and specialized in this type of therapy because of the overwhelming effect it can have on a practice. You get many NO SHOWS and disruption in treatment.
Medication is used for mostly depression/anxiety which some have due to the severity of their dysfunction. The hallmark of someone with BPD is a continued "disruptive relationships/fear of abandonment"-including family! Many have history of sexual abuse as well... |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:43:42 AM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryQuoted: My dad was finally diagnosed a year or so ago. He's got some other issues. I would say borderline often comes with other disorders (bits of aggression, depression, ... but the mental disorders often hang together a bit). The extent to which you are dealing with some of these other things makes it all the more fun. Part of the problem is that they do not make the connections that many of the rest of us do. Like, love has to be built. Just because I love someone doesn't mean they love me back. If I want to show someone respect then I must trust that their actions come from positive intentions (this is one my dad really struggles with -- if he doesn't see/believe that what you are doing is exactly the way he would do it then you must be a. an idiot and b. out to harm him). It isn't exactly like the movie "50 First Dates" but it sometimes feels like it. They just don't expect the consistency in people from day to day that you and I would expect and believe others are out to get them. I'm nearly 40. It took time and isolation for my dad to realize he needed help. He'd run off his wife, his kid, most of his family, and he basically had no friends. He's got a little antisocial mixed in there but he finally realized he was going to die alone. That was the wake up call. He's been able to stick with treatment for a year so I guess we'll see. How did I handle it? Well, it sucked until I got out of college. Then I went off and started my own life. I realized I couldn't trust him. I still cared because he was my dad but I simply could not rely on the concept that he would "be there" in any capacity for me simply because I was his kid. He could still hang out from time to time and talk. But I expected absolutely nothing positive from him. When he was a jerk, I didn't get hurt because I expected nothing more than that. When he was actually kind and helpful (he's very smart and quite skilled) then it was great fun. Basically, I treated him something like a stranger. Hope this helps. If it's a wife, leave. If you have kids, you need to document things so you can get custody when you leave. They'll never get better. You don't help them. They are manipulating you. They will hate life with our without you. Save yourself and your kids. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:44:20 AM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Some of you sound like you're describing friends/family with histrionic personality disorder. With the disorders, the differences are sometimes very slight (too slight, which is why you can see 3 clinicians and get 5 diagnoses). I would recommend reading Beck's work on Cognitive Behavior Therapy for any of the Axis II disorders. I'm not advocating it for a solution, but if you want to know how people with these disorders think (the disorder often stems not just from chemical problems but from biases in logical reasoning) then Beck and his group has probably gone further than anyone else. Note: I'm not a clinician. I am a member of the American Psychological Association and work in a highly related field. A clinician is required for any diagnosis and treatment plan. All of the Axis II disorders are difficult to treat. It is personality for goodness sakes. When's the last time you changed yours? -Hallmark of HPD is attention seeking. Many BPD's can look this way until they "SPLIT"
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:46:34 AM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
They are truly the bane of nearly every mental health professional in the world. They cannot be managed and are self-destructive in every way imaginable. Medication has no effect, of course. They want attention and will do anything to get it, unfortunately, that attention isn't always effective and usually results in more problems. I'm an RN, and work psych mostly. You're supposed to set clear boundaries with them, while showing concern and compassion. Be clear and concise so they aren't overwhelmed. Unfortunately, this doesn't always work. Misery, knows company. except I was told to show them no mercy. very, very true from what I have seen. probably the worst to deal with in my personal and in my medical opinion. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:47:38 AM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Ex wife and her sister both. Sister spun out first and the ex followed her pattern a few years later. She was really sweet and seemingly well adjusted when we met. Then after a couple years she started acting crazy. It was a miserable time spent thinking "I can't be the crazy one". Her family knew but I had to find out on my own. Totally fabricated memories to fit her agenda. Cheating, hot and cold emotions, bitter anger, sobbing apologies, cutting for attention and on and on... rinse repeat... eject was the only option. Thank God we did not have children!That describes my Ex to the tee. She was also very self centered. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:48:49 AM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Some of you sound like you're describing friends/family with histrionic personality disorder. With the disorders, the differences are sometimes very slight (too slight, which is why you can see 3 clinicians and get 5 diagnoses). I would recommend reading Beck's work on Cognitive Behavior Therapy for any of the Axis II disorders. I'm not advocating it for a solution, but if you want to know how people with these disorders think (the disorder often stems not just from chemical problems but from biases in logical reasoning) then Beck and his group has probably gone further than anyone else. Note: I'm not a clinician. I am a member of the American Psychological Association and work in a highly related field. A clinician is required for any diagnosis and treatment plan. All of the Axis II disorders are difficult to treat. It is personality for goodness sakes. When's the last time you changed yours? |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:49:55 AM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Nope, sorry I just had to eject. Was a horrible experience. I was engaged to one. After she bit me in a restaurant, tried to run me over and threatened to injure herself and blame it one me, I ejected as well. For revenge, she stole some family heirlooms of mine and a few hundred irreplaceable photographs. I got out of it easy, IMO. |
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Posted: 4/18/2015 9:50:06 AM EDT
[#50]
I want to add, dealing with a spouse and dealing with anyone else are two completely separate things. I believe you can manage with anyone else, keeping them at arms length, setting boundaries. In a marital relationship, you'll always be miserable.
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