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Posted: 4/20/2015 1:12:28 PM EDT
[#1]
Every morning at Basic my brother would fall into formation and wait for the drill sgts. When one came out of the office, he's yell "HI!" in his most obnoxious voice poeeible. One day he did that. a hand got his collar and a voice yelled "I GOT HIM!"
A drill sgt had snuck into formation dressed as a private. My brother got to stand outside the company area yelling "HI!" at everyone who passed that day. This is the brother who likes to call 1-800-BETS-OFF and say "I'll bet you $5 I have a gambling problem." |
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Posted: 4/20/2015 1:19:14 PM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Every morning at Basic my brother would fall into formation and wait for the drill sgts. When one came out of the office, he's yell "HI!" in his most obnoxious voice poeeible. One day he did that. a hand got his collar and a voice yelled "I GOT HIM!" A drill sgt had snuck into formation dressed as a private. My brother got to stand outside the company area yelling "HI!" at everyone who passed that day. This is the brother who likes to call 1-800-BETS-OFF and say "I'll bet you $5 I have a gambling problem." Heh, read that as 1-800 BEATS-OFF.... Yeah, I was confused. 
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Posted: 4/20/2015 1:26:48 PM EDT
[#3]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Not sure how that a funny one but more of a brutal one. I would hate to see what you think is a brutal one Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: The book about Americas original 6 frigates there was a good one. A man was convicted of mutiny. His sentence was to be flogged on the feet by every ship in the harbor and mutineer branded on his forehead. They thought he would die. He lived, a cripple. Not sure how that a funny one but more of a brutal one. I would hate to see what you think is a brutal one |
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Posted: 4/20/2015 1:28:02 PM EDT
[#4]
Chasing the Jets flying over MCRD SD.
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Posted: 4/20/2015 1:35:23 PM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
A former clinic supervisor told me a story about going through Army boot camp when racial tensions were high, especially between blacks and Hispanics. After the fighting became disruptive they were made to line up in black-brown-black-brown formation, hold hands, and skip, everywhere they went. That reminds me of one from MOS school. Two Marines got into a fight over a TV show or something stupid. one was an inner city black kid. One one a redneck. Punishment was 4 hours of fire watch every night for a month, togather. I'll bet they are still best friends to this day. After a month you would swear they were raised togather. |
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Posted: 4/20/2015 1:37:46 PM EDT
[#6]
Whenever our DS spoke to any of us we had to put our left index finger in our left ear to prevent anything he head from going in one ear and out the other.
Some dumbass tried to kill themselves by running full speed into a wall. He had to wear his kevlar nonstop until the end of basic. Some kid muzzle swept someone and the DS caught it. He had to borrow someone's crutch and run/roll/crawl around the DFAC for an hour "shooting" people with the crutch. Two kids got caught fighting in the barracks. They were required to never be more than 5 feet apart (showers, shitting, eating, everything) for the rest of cycle. They were nicknamed Ebony and Ivory. Someone got caught trying to sneak a piece of cake. DS made him go back and fill a tray up with cake, cookies, ice cream, and jello. PVT had to eat all of it before being able to leave the DFAC. Super scrawny kid was declared "super battle buddy." Since he was so small, DS said he needed to bulk up. So every time he saw anybody getting smoked he had to yell "SUPER BATTLE BUDDY TO THE RESCUE!" and rush over and join the person being smoked. Kid actually got pretty jacked. PVT blinky talked a ton of shit about how much he shot civilian side and how rifle qualification would be easy as hell. On qualification day he shot a 12/40. He had to scream "I'M A FUCKING SNIPER" everywhere he went until he qualified. Turns out the kid shut his eyes every time he pulled the trigger. I'll add some more later when I think of some. |
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Posted: 4/20/2015 1:38:09 PM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I had to dry shave in the cold before going into the CS building. I shaved the night before instead of in the morning. I have had broken bones and had some pretty good lacerations in the past but that was some painful hell! Ive seen an entire squad forced to shave with the same dry disposable razor. 
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Posted: 4/20/2015 1:42:03 PM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Heh, read that as 1-800 BEATS-OFF.... Yeah, I was confused. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Every morning at Basic my brother would fall into formation and wait for the drill sgts. When one came out of the office, he's yell "HI!" in his most obnoxious voice poeeible. One day he did that. a hand got his collar and a voice yelled "I GOT HIM!" A drill sgt had snuck into formation dressed as a private. My brother got to stand outside the company area yelling "HI!" at everyone who passed that day. This is the brother who likes to call 1-800-BETS-OFF and say "I'll bet you $5 I have a gambling problem." Heh, read that as 1-800 BEATS-OFF.... Yeah, I was confused. That reminds me-he called them once. "Bets off hotline" "Yes, I have this problem"(In the Jerky Boys Sol Rosenberg voice) "OK, Sir. What's your problem?" "I masturbate constantly." "Sir, there's help for your condition but we can NOT provide it here. That's a different helpline." "You mean this isn't 1-800-BEATS-OFF?" "THAT'S BETS OFF!!!!" |
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Posted: 4/20/2015 1:50:42 PM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted: In sergeant's school, we had ONE bathroom - with four showers, two stalls and two urinals - for TWO PLATOONS - so about 60 people. We were 16 people in rooms that were intended for four people. It was pretty awful - and it lasted 8 months.  Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: Seperate incident from one of the guys. 25 plus dudes on a 3 minute piss break in a locker room with only 2 urinals and a toilet doesnt work so well. It works fine. We had two stalls, two urinals, and two sinks. Twelve guys. That's three per stall, two per urinal, one per sink.  In sergeant's school, we had ONE bathroom - with four showers, two stalls and two urinals - for TWO PLATOONS - so about 60 people. We were 16 people in rooms that were intended for four people. It was pretty awful - and it lasted 8 months.  |
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Posted: 4/20/2015 1:51:29 PM EDT
[#10]
A speeding ticket in a war zone/combat theater.
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Posted: 4/20/2015 1:51:42 PM EDT
[#11]
We were on the big island for training and two pfc's fucked up. They had to paint all the rocks around the Quonset huts. One scarlet and the next gold. They were volcanic rocks about football sized.
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Posted: 4/20/2015 2:17:47 PM EDT
[#12]
While on fw at CP, I saw a guy from another platoon stealing MRE shit out of one of the packs of someone in my platoon. I couldn't go out there and do shit about it so I went and told our SDI. Our SDI went and told his DI who went out and caught the douche who then made him eat as many MRE's as fast as he could until he puked.
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Posted: 4/20/2015 3:21:31 PM EDT
[#13]
I always thought folks getting Koalafied looked funny as hell.
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Posted: 4/20/2015 3:26:33 PM EDT
[#14]
We had a Drill Sgt that love to make folks low crawl as a punishment. He would toss their kevlar as far as he could and made them low crawl to it while singing. He would sing the Wizard of Oz theme but change the words "He is off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz, because because because?, of all the stupid shit he does." Then yells at the Private to go find the Wizard. Poor private low crawling all the way lol. When the private got to his kevlar he had to stand up and sing the rhythm to the if I had a brain tune from the movie. The part where it says "If I only had a brain" and then put the kevlar back on and hi crawl back.
One day we were at range area for a couple days and there was a trench from all the Privates low crawling thought the same spot lol |
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Posted: 4/20/2015 3:48:36 PM EDT
[#15]
Back in the day, I had some soldiers while at Annual Training, disregard my off limits posted areas and proceed to get themselves arrested by the local PD and brought back to me for corrective action.
I told them they had a choice of an article 15 or helping the Military Intelligence Platoon with some "training" they needed to accomplish while at AT. They "volunteered" to help the MI folks. I didn't explain the training was for "Enhanced Interrogration Techniques". The MP's gathered them up at 0200 hrs the next morning to participate in the Training 
The question they were asked to answer "What is the 1SG's middle name? I thought it was very funny and was better than the Article 15's the commander wanted to give them. |
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Posted: 4/20/2015 3:53:50 PM EDT
[#16]
How about racking Sicily DZ. "One of my all time favorites."
Also for losing a room key....Attaching the key to a M720 Mortar can as the key ring. Had to carry it around the barracks, formations and chow for a week. |
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Posted: 4/20/2015 3:59:22 PM EDT
[#17]
1SG dumped out a shredder bag (from one of the ones that makes microscopic little paper shreds) onto the office carpet and gave extra duty the evening to clean it all up. Those guys must have had some sore fingers.
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Posted: 4/20/2015 4:36:25 PM EDT
[#18]
At Fort Lee we had a DI who would was known for being extreem. On inspection day he would come around and inspect everyone's rooms prior to being released on pass. When the floors didn't pass his inspection he pulled out this huge marker it had to be a 1" chisel tip, and proceeded to make notations on the floors. EVERYWHERE! This normally would required stripping the floor and rewaxing.
Once, my battle buddy and I didn't make our bunks as perfect as we should. So we got the chance to show everyone in our AO how it should be done properly- out on the Quad. 3 times. Oh and we stayed on the 3rd floor. So he and I got to tear down our bunks carry them down the stairs onto the quad, reassemble, and make them. Then we had to recite (scream) something stupid about being not knowing how to make a bunk to regulation while it was inspected by DI, then proceed to tear the bunks back down and do it once again in the room. Note: I said once! 
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Posted: 4/20/2015 4:40:48 PM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
First week of BMT, we were told to avoid "wildlife". I got too close to a jackrabbit when I was on road-guard duty, and my Tech Sgt made me salute every jackrabbit and armadillo he saw for the next two weeks. He thought it was absolutely hilarious. Ever give a reporting statement to a seagull? I have. 
That's funny, I don't care who you are. |
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Posted: 4/20/2015 8:16:18 PM EDT
[#20]
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Posted: 4/20/2015 8:21:32 PM EDT
[#21]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
At Fort Lee we had a DI who would was known for being extreem. On inspection day he would come around and inspect everyone's rooms prior to being released on pass. When the floors didn't pass his inspection he pulled out this huge marker it had to be a 1" chisel tip, and proceeded to make notations on the floors. EVERYWHERE! This normally would required stripping the floor and rewaxing. Once, my battle buddy and I didn't make our bunks as perfect as we should. So we got the chance to show everyone in our AO how it should be done properly- out on the Quad. 3 times. Oh and we stayed on the 3rd floor. So he and I got to tear down our bunks carry them down the stairs onto the quad, reassemble, and make them. Then we had to recite (scream) something stupid about being not knowing how to make a bunk to regulation while it was inspected by DI, then proceed to tear the bunks back down and do it once again in the room. Note: I said once!
How long ago? I think I heard similar stories. never happened in my company, but it sounds familiar. I was there mid 1997. |
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Posted: 4/20/2015 9:10:02 PM EDT
[#22]
SO, being a smartass, even at OSUT I got smart and tied my rack together so that I would only have to adjust the corners to make it tight when the lights came one. ran 550 cord under the rack tied to each side of the blanket and even had the hospital corners tied in, looked great and stayed that way for a few weeks.... until the DS flipped the bay.
He didnt have a very good imagination, but he apparently was very bored that day, the resulting sweat puddles were pretty impressive. |
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Posted: 4/20/2015 9:23:05 PM EDT
[#23]
Uglygun - what academy was that? CHP?
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Posted: 4/20/2015 9:28:57 PM EDT
[#24]
I saw an E7 and a PFC in full battle rattle standing "guard" at the PX at FOB Hammer one day. I cannot even begin to imagine how bad the PFC fucked up to somehow manage to drag a senior NCO into it. They were standing about 25M out and not checking IDs (probably to keep the Ugandans from being stressed about job security).
Pogues is gonna pogue, but even I thought that punishment to be too harsh. CSM Lord of the Fobbits smited his minions that day. |
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Posted: 4/20/2015 9:35:51 PM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I saw an E7 and a PFC in full battle rattle standing "guard" at the PX at FOB Hammer one day. I cannot even begin to imagine how bad the PFC fucked up to somehow manage to drag a senior NCO into it. They were standing about 25M out and not checking IDs (probably to keep the Ugandans from being stressed about job security). Pogues is gonna pogue, but even I thought that punishment to be too harsh. CSM Lord of the Fobbits smited his minions that day. Probably shoplifting. |
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Posted: 4/20/2015 9:42:28 PM EDT
[#26]
Private had to duck walk down the hall and knock on every door in the barracks and when the person answered he had to say "Im Joe Joe the Duck and I'm all Fucked up"
Said private went to mental health 2 days later and found out his brain was fucked up cause his mom did meth. Was Kicked out later on for some other shit. |
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Posted: 4/20/2015 9:42:37 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
1SG dumped out a shredder bag (from one of the ones that makes microscopic little paper shreds) onto the office carpet and gave extra duty the evening to clean it all up. Those guys must have had some sore fingers. Had a guy in Korea that we all hated named Fain...he was in my class at AIT and we hated him there, too, because he was ALWAYS getting everyone in trouble. Anyway, Fain was on extra duty for one of his usual shenanigans. At the time, we only had three Sgts in the shop, the rest was all SPC and below, so the SPCs got tasked to help out with NCO-type stuff. All the NCOs had shit going on, so one of them asks SPC Ryan if he was going anywhere for lunch. When he said no, the SGT asked him if he could keep an eye on Fain. Ryan says "sure, what do you want him to do?" When the NCO told Ryan to thin of something, Ryan proceeded to boot the full trashcan the length of the shop, and told Fain to "clean it up." |
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Posted: 4/20/2015 9:49:02 PM EDT
[#28]
In boot : Kids being made to shave with hand sanitizer as shaving cream, if you missed some hairs.
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Posted: 4/20/2015 10:32:19 PM EDT
[#29]
This one time when I was in dive school for the navy, a dude stole a pie from the mess hall and they made him stand outside in his skivvies and bang a pot with a wooden spoon and yell over and over: "I STOLE A PIE!"
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Posted: 4/20/2015 10:45:44 PM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryI don't know, it looks like it rained before the hose came out. I remember the Drills hosing us off many times in Benning because were were so caked with red clay and or sawdust. |
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Posted: 4/21/2015 12:33:39 AM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I guess I was lucky. I encountered very little of this kind of happy horseshit. Only 1time after basic for me. Ait, about 8 months in, smoking hot drill sgt spanked me with a ping pong paddle. She was our platoon sgt, went to DI school and returned. She was a much hotter hard body after DI school. Then the next 4 years of nobody fucking with me. If someone tried that regularly stuff, we'd have laughed at them. Txl |
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Posted: 4/21/2015 1:24:09 AM EDT
[#32]
Never served myself, but my oldest son serves in the army reserves as a track vehicle repairer (91H).
Last year, during desert training in California, he and one other 91h were working on some tracked vehicle. The other 91h lost a track pin. He had to carry around a full jug of water labeled "track pin" for for awhile. |
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Posted: 4/21/2015 1:35:06 AM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Uglygun - what academy was that? CHP? Negative...10-35. Hit me in PM if you wish. |
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Posted: 4/21/2015 1:45:12 AM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Never served myself, but my oldest son serves in the army reserves as a track vehicle repairer (91H). Last year, during desert training in California, he and one other 91h were working on some tracked vehicle. The other 91h lost a track pin. He had to carry around a full jug of water labeled "track pin" for for awhile. Yeah... I'm thinking that "jug" was probably a 5 gallon can. |
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Posted: 4/21/2015 12:19:30 PM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Yeah... I'm thinking that "jug" was probably a 5 gallon can. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Never served myself, but my oldest son serves in the army reserves as a track vehicle repairer (91H). Last year, during desert training in California, he and one other 91h were working on some tracked vehicle. The other 91h lost a track pin. He had to carry around a full jug of water labeled "track pin" for for awhile. Yeah... I'm thinking that "jug" was probably a 5 gallon can. I had to carry around one of these for a week: 
I broke something while working on an Apache. I forget what it was, but I did not have the IETM open to the correct page in the task. |
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Posted: 4/21/2015 7:21:14 PM EDT
[#36]
Bump you guys had me in tears earlier. And what is the birthday story?
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Posted: 4/21/2015 11:13:39 PM EDT
[#37]
There were 3 fuckups in my platoon at OSUT who had to carry a PT log everywhere for a week. It was their crew-served weapon and whenever one of our Drills would yell " Firemission! Enemy troops in the open!" They would have to pick up the log and hold it on their shoulders like a LAW, check the back-blast area and fire.
Sucked to be them. |
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Posted: 4/24/2015 10:39:25 PM EDT
[#38]
The penalty for officers who give a lousy briefing is they get to do it over and over and over again until someone says,"Good job." I've been to the same briefing 4 times in the last 24 hours.
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Posted: 4/24/2015 10:44:46 PM EDT
[#39]
Basic training.
Guy (trainee) used the word "shit" when answering a question from the sergeant. Sergeant explained to him that trainees were not allowed to use cuss words when addressing him. Sergeant ordered the guy to march into the latrine, stand in front of the commode, then shout "SHIT!" as loud as possible, then flush the commode, then return to formation. This was to teach him where shit belongs, explained the sergeant. So we are standing there at a parade rest while this guy marches off, and we hear "SHIT!" and then a commode flush. It was kind of hilarious at the time. ETA: Unfuck typo. |
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Posted: 4/24/2015 10:59:03 PM EDT
[#40]
On deployment..
One private in my squad got queasy at the sight of blood. We used to give each other IV's all the time for practice, he almost passed out giving our medic an IV. He had to give himself a working IV, starting on the back of his hand. He had to keep going till he got a good one, he blew every vein on both hands, wrists and finally got a lucky stick on the AC in the crook of his elbow. Same guy was forced to give himself an NG tube, yes that is the 3 foot long tube that goes into your nose, down your throat into your stomach... I've seen a whole squad, including team leaders, 550 corded 3 feet apart, at night, with nods on, doing walking lunges with 240's overhead while screaming the Ranger Creed. |
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