http://taskandpurpose.com/funniest-punishments-military-reddit/

Funniest military punishments. Guy crawled out of a 3rd story window in a female barracks to hide from the Sgt. And another Sgt saw him and put him on suicide watch. Lots of guys forced to be planes and tanks. Any of you have any funny stories about punishments passed down in the military, probably during basic?

Guy snuck an apple back to the barracks and got caught. Had to carry the apple in a plastic bag in his pocket for weeks. Looked like brown apple sause.

Another guy had to do PT in front of the company until he vomited up the jello he had for "seconds" desert.

I had to do sit ups while holding a fire extinguisher for trying to dry laundry during the day.

1st Sgt stepped in a shit dropped by my dumb ass buddy. Ground shitting in the field is no bueno. Anyway buddy got to dig a 6foot by 6 foot by 6 foot cat hole, take a shit in the bottom & fill it in.

He learned the value of proper field sanitation.

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile

TAC officer was a t-sip.  Found out I'm a Texas Aggie.  She detailed me to sing her newer school's fight song the next drill, "The Eyes of Texas."  She forgot to specify which language.

Dropped it in Google Translate, memorized the first line, and waited.

Next drill, on a Sunday, sure enough,"Candidate backbencher, do you have anything you want to sing for us?"

Arabic Eyes of Texas ensued, w/ a bit of Klingon thrown in for good measure.

I was "Candidate ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ We only use English in OCS!" for the rest of the day.

Got my 1st branch choice.  

First week of BMT, we were told to avoid "wildlife". I got too close to a jackrabbit when I was on road-guard duty, and my Tech Sgt made me salute every jackrabbit and armadillo he saw for the next two weeks. He thought it was absolutely hilarious.

Ever give a reporting statement to a seagull? I have.

Johnny Bolton got smoked by a DS for an hour while we cleaned rifles.
Shortly after he said I can't do anymore. They let him be for a bit.

That guy could do nothing right in the DS's minds for 13 weeks.
He made it though.

Never in the military but my dad told me a story of when him and some other guys snuck some pizzas into the barracks and got caught.

Who ever caught them got a floor buffer, set it on top of the pizzas and buffed the barracks floor with it then told them to clean it up.  

The book about Americas original 6 frigates there was a good one.

A man was convicted of mutiny.  His sentence was to be flogged on the feet by every ship in the harbor and mutineer branded on his forehead.  

They thought he would die.  He lived, a cripple.

I need to pull it off the shelf and actually read the thing!

Ever wonder what happens if you shit in a microwave, cook it, then flashbang the microwave?

Well, you can stop wondering, it starts a fire... and then you get to empty a large Hesco with a Solo cup.

Guy in our basic platoon fell asleep on the cattle car going to the range.  Patrol cap blew out the window on the way there.  The rest of the day, when said private wasn't wearing his kevlar, had to put his hand on his head making sure only his fingertips were touching his skull.

Holy shit!! I just keep hearing it narrated in Sam Elliot's voice too! OMFG.

I like your style, dude.

Had a guy in a unit I was in that always seemed to show up late to drill. He ended up being Flava-Flavs long lost brother.

one guy lost his helmet at a range ..had to run around the range (back and forth all firing positions and the staging area) screaming "here ,kevlar, kevlar, kevlar".
Im pretty sure one of the DS had found it but didn't give it back.

My dad dozed off in his fox hole during his AIT (combat engineer).
When he woke up he couldn't find his rifle.
They went back to formation and he didn't have it. He had to go back and look for it extensively.
The drill instructor eventually gave back to him. (had it the whole time)

I had one problem after another with a Soldier when I was in the Guard.  Guy was a real turd and had two Art15s while we were deployed.  At that point I was sick of dealing with him since he had shown that he didn't care.  He was then late to deliver a vehicle to some CPT.  

Taking away someone's free time and sleep are two things that will get someone's attention.  I ordered him report to the COC every three hours in full uniform with his weapon from 1800 to 0600 for 7 days.  The NCO on duty would log his arrival and note lateness.  Each time he was late would result in another day being tacked on.  After about the 4th day he was dragging ass.  10 days later he was done.  To his credit he stayed out of trouble for the remainder of the tour or didn't get caught.

My last night at Ft. Knox two idiots decided to have a friggin' pillow fight after lights out. Yeah, a pillow fight. Both pillows burst. Drill Sergeant walks in the door just after it happened. It was an 8 man bay so wasn't very large, so two pillows worth of feathers looked like a snowstorm.

I fealt my heart sink.....it was the last night. DS makes us all run outside in just our underwear for an hour of PT in the mud, then makes us go back up to the room and roll on the feather covered floor. They stuck to the mud. We were tarred and feathered.

We had a guy forget to wear it to formation. DS made him carry an M113 vision block over his head all day. Those big chunks of glass were heavy.

Not so much a punishment as it was a way to mess with my head.

DS made everybody bring all their personal family/girlfriend pictures out to formation then went down the line to inspect them. They made a big deal of, "We want to know who has the prettiest girl in the building". I figured they just wanted to bust anybody who had inappropriate photos. I was wrong.

My sister had her senior picture taken at Glamour Shots. They all ended up congregating around me picking apart my photos telling me my girlfriend was probably already fucking around on me, I'd probably be better off with the blond girl (friend's picture), then all agreed my sister's picture was the prettiest picture in the building. They told me I had five minutes to use the pay phones to call my sister. I was to tell her they expected a letter from her to be read to the entire troop, and every day they didn't get a letter I'd get punished.

I ran to the phones and told her what was up, so she said, "Sure". Every day at mail call no letter came, and everyday at mail call they all smoked me with push-ups. Every week they sent me back to the phones to call my sister, and every week she said she'd write a letter. It never came. I pleaded with her, told her to just write a short letter, but it never came.

I confronted her when I got home. She said she thought I was joking. Damn....still not sure I've forgiven her.

That is some creative shit.


These are not military stories but are stressed LE academy punishment stories I personally witnessed.

We paid for the same female recruit's screw ups on at least three occasions.   First was her attempt to weasel out of PT/smokings with a Dr note that she cannot be in the sun.   Training cadre solution was a 9x9 pop up shade tent.   She did updowns, crabwalks, skull drags, bear crawls on the grass with all the rest of us but she was inside that little shaded area.   When we were told to make for a run the tent went with her.   The 4 shortest guys in the academy each grabbed a leg and hauled off running to provide the shade for her to run in.   Cadre referred to her as queen Cleopatra and Nefertiti for weeks.

Then was the day her stupid son tried to sneak into the parking lot to drop her lunch off at her car inside a secured parking area.   They found the lunch box.   They tried to do the Private Pyle/FMJ thing where she ate the proverbial donut while we paid for it.    She refused.  Cadre said we were gonna die from smoking unless that lunch was gone.    One of our guys stepped up and was spared the smoking and ate her lunch.

Seperate incident from one of the guys.   25 plus dudes on a 3 minute piss break in a locker room with only 2 urinals and a toilet doesnt work so well.   One guy gets bright idea to piss in the shower drains.   Janitor rats him out.   We pay for it...   bad.    Cadre make accusation to the group and nobody answers up.  20 minutes later they ask again only to have nobody answer up.   40 minutes later and the idiot finally confesses.   His personal punishment was to clean locker room every day for a week plus write a 5 page memo.   He had it returned daily, due to errors, for about 2 weeks and had to rewrite it probably 30 times.  /edit that incident was foretelling of the issues the guy would later have during his probationary period and wind up not getting hired.


/edit

we had two brothers in my academy.   For what ever reason one of the brothers stored PT gear in the other brothers locker.   Cadre found PT gear for one recruit in the other recruits locker.   So they took all the clothes for the one and used them to dress up a cuffing dummy.   They bestowed the older brother with a "new" baby brother.  Everywhere the recruit went for the next few days he had to drag that dummy.   Cannot remember if they made him sing "my buddy."   One guys name started with an "R" and the other with a "W".  One of the smarter training officers came up with "right way" and "wrong way" to describe them.

Lots of the guys in our academy were military and felt we got worse punishments and smokings than they ever got in boot.   Academy before us got it even worse because that group had all the younger veterans with high civil service scores.   Lots of hard chargers there with split dept training which made it a competition between the two depts to see who could be more creative.

was tired as fuck balls at AIT,  was under bunk, sleeping...drill came in and yelled "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING CLEATUS!!!  ARE YUO SLEEPING?"

I said "YES DRILL SGT!!!"

He said"  fine, as long as you know what yer doin..."  and left...


.

http://www.youngcons.com/20-military-punishments-that-are-horrifying-but-absolutely-genius/

Couple guys got in trouble... Don't remeber for what... Had to cut the lawn with a ruler and toenail clippers. Each blade had to be 2"... Exactly.

One guy didn't flush the toilet after taking a shit and was put on "torpedo watch". Had to flush the toilet after each guy took a shit yelling "torpedo away".

Other Division got in trouble for dirty shower shoes and had to wear their shower shoes on their hand all day... Even while eating chow.

Other just hazing shit in the fleet... Like "mail buoy watch"

I was ordnance and we had an OHO(ordnance handling officer) which was an O5... Sent a guy to his office with a wrench to tighten the "OHO nuts".

When I was in the Guard one of the Sgts gave a guy a hammer and a piece of chalk to check for soft spots on the armor on the Strykers... By tapping the sides with a hammer and making an X with the chalk on any parts that sounded weak... Came out and the Strykers were covered in little white X's.

A lot more shit I can't even recall right now.

A former clinic supervisor told me a story about going through Army boot camp when racial tensions were high, especially between blacks and Hispanics.   After the fighting became disruptive they were made to line up in black-brown-black-brown formation, hold hands, and skip, everywhere they went.  






WHY....and I know I'm going to regret asking this for a whole host of reasons....would you cook it?  I mean I understand the urge to shit in things, as well as the urge to blow things up, but cooking a turd is just nasty.  

not as creative, but I have swept rocks, washed trucks in the rain and watched a wall to make sure it didn't go anywhere.

Two sailors from a Guam-based -60 det decided it would be funny to drop a deuce in Saran wrap and place a package in the microwaves of USNS Concord's crew lounge, crew mess, CPO mess, and officer mess.  They got caught by the Chief Mate and 2 A/E.  The AirDet OIC assisnged them to perform extra duty for each of the ship's departments.

I was the First Engineer at the time.  The starboard side bilge rosebox was beneath the oily water separator.  The port rosebox was beneath the lube oil purifier.  I had them each clean a nasty, disgusting rosebox.

One of them, apparently, didn't learn from his mistake.  He got a Big Mac container and cut a hole on the hinge.  He placed his meat between two sesame seed buns with special sauce, walked up to a female sailor, and asked if she wanted a bite of his Big Mac.  She was not amused.

I used To make trainees chase the rabbits. One actually brought me one.

Sock puppets when socks were folded wrong.
Bee keeper when mesh bags were unzipped.
Rock counting.
Leave counting of the bushes
Dust bunny keeper.
Button watch/button keeper.
Dancing queens.
Daddy's little girl.
Atlas holding the world on their shoulders.
Dog tag hangings.
Lazy boys.
Pushing Texas.

Security drawer haul. Made trainees haul their drawer around with them when it was found unsecured. Got in trouble for that one.



I could go on.

Read it...it's a pretty good book.

These types are pretty common in basic.

We had mesh laundry bags that we put our clothes into to give to the laundry crew to wash every week.  They were stored inside of a larger stuff sac and tied to the corner posts of our bunks.  The mesh bags were to always be zipped shut (simply a stupid attention to detail rule, as you couldn't see them without opening the stuff sacs).  During an inspection, one guy didn't have one of his mesh bags zipped shut.

Instructor called him a bee keeper, told him to put it over his head and walk around the bay announcing to everyone, "I like bees!  Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!"  He proceeded to do that for the next 20 minutes while the inspection finished.

Those were usually welcomed punishments.  They were intentionally humorous and meant the instructors weren't pissed off, so they were usually accompanied with a lighter environment.


We had two main TI's.  The one was a racist as fuck black E-6 (don't even feel like recanting the shit he did to prove he hated whitey).  The other was an E-5 and we were his first flight ever.  He was clearly not meant to be a TI.  And I don't mean that he was a bad NCO.  He was just too nice of a dude.  He definitely lashed out when he needed to, but he was not a ball buster.  Sometimes he would even intentionally start yelling around other TI's just so he didn't look bad, but he would give a secret wink and smile to let you know he wasn't seriously pissed.  He would even fuck with other trainee's from other squadrons, just for our enjoyment.  We would be standing in formation somewhere, studying memory material while waiting for chow or whatever, and he would see two Week 0 trainee's marching somewhere alone.  He'd quietly get everyone's attention and whisper, "watch this" and just ream into these kids for our enjoyment, then swagger walk back over with a shit eating grin on his face.  His Uncle was a Ranger who moved over to the AF and became a Combat Controller back in the day.  He was just diehard mil through and though, and found camaraderie so important that it was hard for him to be a dick to us as his trainees.  

Now that I write this, maybe I'm wrong about him as a bad TI.  I still respect the hell out of that dude, and I remember we would get together when he left for the night and work extra hard to prepare for senior instructor inspections to try to win the competition for him as his first flight.  He definitely made us more motivated to perform well for him than that racist fuck did.  I even used my shoe polish to shine up the black rubber plunger.

Draft watch.  Stand at attention on the pier and record the ship's draft either forward or aft every 10 minutes and report to the OOD.  Usually for someone caught screwing off when they were supposed to be sounding tanks and voids.

What is the title?

What years were you a TI?

During basic at Ft. Benning a private decided to do laundry while on CQ and was found
sleeping on the dryers.  His DS woke up the entire company and called us down to
formation in our drawers at about 3 am while this joe stood at attention in the middle
and shouted: "I AM A LAZY TURD! CAN YOU HEAR ME? I AM A LAZY TURD!" for a half an hour.

He wasn't even in my platoon.  I'm pretty sure he got a blanket party for that one.

 
I too have secured a bulkhead to make sure the didn't disappear.


I have raked sand at 29 Palms in order to keep it covered and aligned. And while in boot camp I got caught talking while pulling butts at Edson range.  The Drill Instructor took me to the target shed and put me in the electric chair and whistle the Andy Griffith theme.  It was excruciating.

Our last night after graduation one of my buddies decided to Nair his body in the shower with the Nair he picked up on weekend liberty.  The latrine was covered in "little balls of lint" is what he told the Latrine Queen, whose crew had to clean it all up before the TI saw.  Little did they know that they were picking up his body pubes.

http://www.amazon.com/Six-Frigates-Epic-History-Founding/dp/039333032X

A German Bundeswehr tank driver let his tank run out of diesel. He had to refuel the 4 tanks from his platoon with 20l jerry cans.  

Good cop bad cop?

Six Frigates

This thread reminded me of so many good ones, but my favorite was this little black pygmy kid from "Leesiana"

He talked real fast, and in a way that was barely understandable.   Real friendly, everybody loved him.

He got caught shining shoes and brass for money, so the DS made him shine a corrugated metal garbage can.    Every day, for hours on end.  

I didn't know you can shine galvanized steel to shine like Chrome, but you can.   If you have a good supply of Brasso and Motivation.

No, I don't think so.  The racist E-6 treated the black trainee's better than our white TI and our sister flight's white E-6 TI.  Our two TI's were rarely present at the same time, and it was mostly the E-5 who was around.

I had to dry shave in the cold before going into the CS building. I shaved the night before instead of in the morning. I have had broken bones and had some pretty good lacerations in the past but that was some painful hell!

Our trash can in the barracks at Ft Knox in 85 was like a mirror. We had to spend almost as much time on that as the floors. Anyone dumb enough to actually USE it got their asses beat.

In our company if you fucked up, they would make you put the green cover on your guidon flag. If you really fucked up, they took the platoon guidon off the pole and your platoon marched around base with just the pole. One morning coming out of the mess hall the platoon next to us was forming up, and the guidon bearer was holding just the shiny metal part from the top of the fucking thing. They had unscrewed it from the pole and made him carry just that, holding it up as high as he could. It was fucking hilarious.


Aviator

I saw guys climbing trees and after reaching a sufficient height (as decided by the Drill Sgt.) they would start hollering, "I'm a shit bird, I'm a shift bird".  Over and over.

To top that one there was a Drill Sgt. who make his guys try to climb the tree while upside down and then holler the same shit bird calls.

At Ft. Jackson the Drill Sgt. made a couple guys crawl up under the old wooden barracks to make sure there were no rabid skunks or possums under there.  They gave them a flashlight and riot baton and send them into the dark (it was at night, so it was much darker under the barracks).

At NCO school at Ft. Knox the TE's set artillery simulators on peoples notes/papers if they caught them sleeping.  Woke them up, destroyed the warning/operations orders they'd prepared and only taught some people a lesson.

Back in the day one of my joes lost his ID card. I made him draw his ID card on the side of an MRE box, to scale. He had to wear it around his neck for two weeks. He could only take it off to shower, that thing was disgusting after two weeks in Ramadi and 2 a days.

OSUT.......Ft. Knox. 19D, 5/15 CAV...Private Smith decides to sneak over to Delta Co. barracks (which was empty for some sort of refit or remodel) and use the phone to order a pizza. (delivered of course to Delta barracks) I don't know how he was going to pay for it....never got that far anyway.

Pizza guy calls DS to confirm that indeed a private was allowed to order a pizza and some soda. DS goes into low orbit and calls all his other DS buddies from other companies and they descend on D. Barracks like a military operation (without guns of course).

Some of us in Alpha Co. got wind of it just as all hell was breaking lose over at Delta Barracks, I was Platoon Guide for 1st Platoon, at the time so I'm shitting bricks I am going to be smoked for Smiths idiocy (like usual).

Somehow.....SOMEHOW, Smith makes it out of Delta and back to Alpha where we were, undetected and unpursued.  Everyone tries to act normal, polishing boots, folding laundry, etc.

Well, the DS' were not fooled for long. They smoked the whole AlphaCo. barracks inside I think it was 4 floor with a different Plt. on each floor. , each squad bay with troops doing the usual, Mountain Climbers, push ups, sit ups, JJ's, whatever was called out by the DS.

Problem was the DS has to walk the halls and look in each squad bay to track the privates to be sure everyone was doing what they are supposed to be doing. Well DS walks past one squad bay and looks in  and keeps walking. But he does something unexpected, and quickly stops, and leans backwards to repeak into the room Juuuuust in time to catch a private flipping him the bird (thinking the DS was past the doorway..)  

Well, let me say it was late November, it was probably 30* outside, maybe colder by 2000 hrs at the time. Well, when the DS saw that you can guess how things went.....the interior of the building probably rose in temperature to near 95* with 90% humidity with all the sweat we were pumping out. the windows were dripping condensation so much there were pools on the window sills.

Lights out was somewhere after midnight, and we still had to get the usual chores done. Not sure what happened to pvt. Smith, we never ratted him out, and as far as I know he was never discovered specifically for the offense.

Just another day at Hard Knox I guess.

Had a guy in our student squadron at Lowry AFB go home on Christmas leave and bring back an 8mm copy of Deep Throat that he borrowed from his former boss. (This was in 1974 and that film was worth some big bucks).

After the squadron commander heard that he showed it a couple times in the dayroom, he told the guy to send it home immediately.

The First Sergeant heard about it and told the guy he wanted to see it before he sent it back. The guy said nope, and that the commander wanted it gone yesterday. The shirt begged and said he'd take the hit if the commander found out, so the guy gave in and showed it to him. Needless to say, the commander found out. He called the guy into his office and said to bring the film with him.

Reporting to the commanders office with the film, the commander pulled out a pair of scissors and said, "One inch strips. Now."

Naturally, the First Sergeant was nowhere to be found.