Never...

Is it illegal to kill Bigfoot there?  It's not a retarded question.  A lot of townships out there have made it a felony to kill make believe species.  Apparently they ran out of all the other reasons people might get offended over something.

How many dags have you shot today?

It actually is.

Not a single one in my entire career.  I like dogs but I like my unpunctured skin better...

I have no dog in this fight but that is literally one of the most ignorant things I have ever read.

I must congratulate you on your ability to type and breath through your mouth.

I couldnt have said it better myself.  

Zero calls for service went unanswered, I even on-viewed a couple things.  I guess you would rather that I be out there "generating revenue" and perpetuating all the other GD basement dwellers stereotypes of the police.

Ever have to round up cattle or horses?  The local town marshal here does.

I have done both.  

This happened in my first couple months on my own:  Normally I try and just shoo them away but I had a horse once that was runnning all over the place and was likely going to get hit by a car (granted this was in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere).  I tried to find out whose horse it was but no one was answering their doors so I found a pen nearby so I opened the gate hoping the horse would just walk on in, that obvioust didnt happen.  Then I noticed that there was a lariat sitting on a picnic table next to the gate and I thought to myself "why not", gave it my best impersonation of John Wayne in "The Coybows" and tried to rope the darn horse.  As beginners luck normally works the perfectly citcular loop end of the rope went right around the neck of the still standing horse...then the plan deviated from its intended conclusion.   He took off like a bat out of hell the opposite direction of the pen, rope still around his neck.  Apparently horses dont appreciate having ropes around their necks and I had two pretty painful rope burns on my hands to show for it.  Horse out of the road, homeowners lariat unfortunately MIA, but all in all the problem seemed to have been solved.  Meaning I didnt get a call back about the horse.

Good.



And even if it wasn't, it is illegal to shoot the person wearing the suit.
 

 

Back on duty. We can compare stories later tonight, when all the good folks have gone to bed.

Tonight is my friday.  Ill see if I can come up with something noteworthy.

TLDR.. but you can't pass on this kinda comedy gold...


If I pick the right county, can you guarantee that you will respond to the call regarding a motorist spinning brodies in an abandoned parking lot????


I can IM the tag......

I say you just roll the dice and see if its me...

Are you guys using UHF, VHF, 800mhz Trunking, or a combination?

What do you do if you have to take a massive dump. I friend of mine (road deputy) admitted (with out shame) that he has poo pood himself on occasion.

Also we got pulled over once by an OSP for speeding and had open beer in the car but weren't legally drunk (long time ago).  
I said "tell him you are just blowing the carbon out of it (camero). He did and the OSP (knew him) just said to take it easy and slow down.

He  had to have smelled it. How do you habdle stuff like this?

800 mhz trunking.

I always make it a priority to know there the nearest safe restrooms are in case I need to do that.  I have never poo'd in my pants before...I cant think of why that would ever happen.  Ive run convoy operations and missions overseas that were hours and hours long and I never did it there either.  Ive had a couple close calls when the flu was just kicking in but thats about it.

I really dont like to do DUIs.  It takes way too long and the court seems to have no interest in convicting anyone.  If I find one I will do it, but I dont go out of my way to look for them.  If you can pass HGN you will likely be on your way.