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Posted: 12/19/2014 10:51:34 PM EDT
Yeah, we are experiencing our first born.
Six weeks old a few days ago and he's been ... trouble. Sleep deprivation is torture according to Nancy Pelosi? Then I need to report his ass to the UN. Tonight, while bathing him. It's a nice, warm, family moment. I squeeze the washcloth and saw water spurt out between my fingers. At that moment, my wife-unit shrieked, "He's peeing in our toaster!' 
He just waterboarded a toaster for crying out loud. If we drop him off at the 'Baby Safe' zone at the FD, are we supposed to leave his social security card or a ransom note? EDIT, notice his stealth 'bird' in that pic? That's what I am talking about. TRG |
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Posted: 12/19/2014 10:53:45 PM EDT
[#1]
I peed in my grandpas face while having a diaper change when I was new.
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Posted: 12/19/2014 10:56:40 PM EDT
[#2]
TRG reproduced?
We're doomed. |
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Posted: 12/19/2014 10:58:34 PM EDT
[#3]
Hah, just wait until he is old enough to walk and take off the diaper on his own...
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Posted: 12/19/2014 10:59:09 PM EDT
[#4]
His expression has so much meme potential.
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Posted: 12/19/2014 10:59:54 PM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
TRG reproduced? We're doomed. This is already my nightmare: 
TRG |
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:00:02 PM EDT
[#6]
Yeah. Eventually, you'll learn to always have that part covered by something. Newb. |
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:02:13 PM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
His expression has so much meme potential. 
he's been a very 'expressive' kid so far. The looks he gives us, at times, are hysterical. http://s671.photobucket.com/user/TheRedGoat/library/garden2014 TRG |
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:04:18 PM EDT
[#8]
Enjoy it man
Congrats  |
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:04:37 PM EDT
[#9]
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:09:34 PM EDT
[#10]
Not guilty.
Well, not guilty of anything except being utterly adorable. 
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:10:11 PM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Enjoy it man Congrats
Just noticed the avatar. TRG |
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:10:19 PM EDT
[#12]
Congratulations!
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:13:13 PM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Congratulations! It was my pleasure. TRG |
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:14:23 PM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
It was my pleasure. TRG Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Congratulations! It was my pleasure. TRG at least somebody enjoyed it 
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:19:07 PM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
TRG reproduced? We're doomed. The end of humanity!!!!!! |
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:19:11 PM EDT
[#16]
TRG 2.0
Congrats. |
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:22:20 PM EDT
[#17]
Explosive diarrhea is better.......
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:24:58 PM EDT
[#18]
The toaster huh? Just thinking of our kitchen layout and even though the toaster is pretty close to the sink (I assume you were giving him a bath in the sink), that's still some serious range. The best my son ever did was pissing in his own ear. His range wasn't all that great. Plus, he only ever peed a couple times with his diaper off. We got lucky, except he did shit on my finger once while I was wiping him and not paying attention.
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:25:22 PM EDT
[#19]
Congrats TRG!
I know you can be an asshole sometimes but I'm sure you will be a great father!
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:28:03 PM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
<a href="http://s671.photobucket.com/user/TheRedGoat/media/garden2014/nomoremilk_zps746fa58e.jpg.html" target="_blank">http://i671.photobucket.com/albums/vv71/TheRedGoat/garden2014/nomoremilk_zps746fa58e.jpg</a> he's been a very 'expressive' kid so far. The looks he gives us, at times, are hysterical. http://s671.photobucket.com/user/TheRedGoat/library/garden2014 TRG Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
His expression has so much meme potential. <a href="http://s671.photobucket.com/user/TheRedGoat/media/garden2014/nomoremilk_zps746fa58e.jpg.html" target="_blank">http://i671.photobucket.com/albums/vv71/TheRedGoat/garden2014/nomoremilk_zps746fa58e.jpg</a> he's been a very 'expressive' kid so far. The looks he gives us, at times, are hysterical. http://s671.photobucket.com/user/TheRedGoat/library/garden2014 TRG The one with the pacifier he looks like is is saying "Whatchu talkin' bout Willis?"!  He is adorable!
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:30:44 PM EDT
[#21]
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:32:05 PM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
The one with the pacifier he looks like is is saying "Whatchu talkin' bout Willis?"! He is adorable!Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
His expression has so much meme potential. <a href="http://s671.photobucket.com/user/TheRedGoat/media/garden2014/nomoremilk_zps746fa58e.jpg.html" target="_blank">http://i671.photobucket.com/albums/vv71/TheRedGoat/garden2014/nomoremilk_zps746fa58e.jpg</a> he's been a very 'expressive' kid so far. The looks he gives us, at times, are hysterical. http://s671.photobucket.com/user/TheRedGoat/library/garden2014 TRG The one with the pacifier he looks like is is saying "Whatchu talkin' bout Willis?"! He is adorable!
Yup. Good call. TRG |
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:33:49 PM EDT
[#23]
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:35:43 PM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
TRG reproduced? We're doomed. |
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:44:59 PM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
TRG reproduced? We're doomed. |
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:50:00 PM EDT
[#26]
Apparently it doesn't get better as then get older. Mine had the habit of sleep walking and peeing in random places, namely the trashcan. Once he opened the fridge, opened the vegetable drawer, and let her rip. He doesn't remember any of it. I thought, heck maybe he's trying to tell me he doesn't like vegetables.
This hasn't happened in a while now (he's 9), but from 5-7 it was a pretty regular occurrence. Congrats, BTW. |
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:50:40 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
"You gotta be kidding, that's next?" Would explain the look on my wife-unit's face when she saw the video.... TRG Quote HistoryQuoted:
"You gotta be kidding, that's next?" Would explain the look on my wife-unit's face when she saw the video.... TRG Mine oldest, who is 4 1/2, shat across the room. Fortunately, it was the wife that dealt with it...... I was asleep, but got woken up to help clean. Learn to always keep the diaper close, meaning new one under the old one. I caught a stream o'poo one day, with diaper. |
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:51:13 PM EDT
[#28]
Cool story brah, was he born in Somalia and if so what are the hospital conditions like?
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:52:56 PM EDT
[#29]
Shoot, you and TRN both reproduced? Doomed we are. Just doomed.
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:53:13 PM EDT
[#30]
Projectile vomit and borrowing the car will make this small fries.
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:54:51 PM EDT
[#31]
God, I hope I don't regret this..
Pics of nanny goat?
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:56:41 PM EDT
[#32]
I bet .01 oz. of gold that this child will have this tattoo on his L chest before his 18th birthday: BFL TRK Lucky kid.
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Posted: 12/19/2014 11:59:15 PM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Projectile vomit and borrowing the car will make this small fries. The former starts way before the latter. Just so you know. *ETA* Our oldest barfed in my eye one morning when she was less than a year old. My wife had fed her, laid her next to me in bed and was in the shower while I slept in a little on my day off. I was suddenly awoke by that little *Hic-Splork* sound she made when she barfed. I opened my eyes in a panic because I knew what that sound meant. Just in time to see the vomit plummeting straight for my left eye. My left eye 
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Posted: 12/20/2014 12:00:23 AM EDT
[#34]
Lol.
My kiddo just reached 15 months. Best day was one morning on the way home from the fire station my wife called and said she wasn't feeling well and could I bring some crackers and sprite from the store. Got home, checked on wife. Went to check on daughter and she had puked all over the crib during the night and rolled around in it. So I threw gross baby in bath tub, clean baby in bed with wife, cleaned up the crib. Fortunately, baby seemed fine after that, if a little out of it. Of course after my wife got better I got it.
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Posted: 12/20/2014 12:04:32 AM EDT
[#35]
wait a minute!!! I thought you were gay... Not just regular gay, but some kind of a crazy power bottom kind of gay... Now I'm confused.
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Posted: 12/20/2014 12:09:33 AM EDT
[#36]
Ours is a year old in a few days. The VERY FIRST diaper I ever changed in my life (at 41 years old) he was down for the change, diaper off and he started spitting up, so I picked him up the way you do newborns, and he decided then was a great time to shit. So now I've got spit up all over my left shoulder and a hand-full of shit in my right hand. Needless to say, I called for backup.
I had heard stories of the range these little guys can have when they decide to let go (peeing) when on their backs without a diaper, and all I can say is that it should be a betting sport. Holy shit talk about hosing things down. Best story I have was him peeing straight up in the air about eye level with me, came back down on his face filling his eye-sockets before I realized what was going on and turned him on his side. Great times, great times..... and they keep getting better.
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Posted: 12/20/2014 12:10:42 AM EDT
[#37]
LOL!!! I was in a basenette or wtf they call it, and peed in a pot of soup my mom was making!!
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Posted: 12/20/2014 12:13:12 AM EDT
[#38]
Congrats, but the though of TRG rating a child disturbes me.
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Posted: 12/20/2014 12:13:35 AM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
wait a minute!!! I thought you were gay... Not just regular gay, but some kind of a crazy power bottom kind of gay... Now I'm confused. so is TRG. |
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Posted: 12/20/2014 12:13:42 AM EDT
[#40]
Congrats !!
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Posted: 12/20/2014 12:13:44 AM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted: The former starts way before the latter. Just so you know. *ETA* Our oldest barfed in my eye one morning when she was less than a year old. My wife had fed her, laid her next to me in bed and was in the shower while I slept in a little on my day off. I was suddenly awoke by that little *Hic-Splork* sound she made when she barfed. I opened my eyes in a panic because I knew what that sound meant. Just in time to see the vomit plummeting straight for my left eye. My left eye Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Projectile vomit and borrowing the car will make this small fries. The former starts way before the latter. Just so you know. *ETA* Our oldest barfed in my eye one morning when she was less than a year old. My wife had fed her, laid her next to me in bed and was in the shower while I slept in a little on my day off. I was suddenly awoke by that little *Hic-Splork* sound she made when she barfed. I opened my eyes in a panic because I knew what that sound meant. Just in time to see the vomit plummeting straight for my left eye. My left eye |
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Posted: 12/20/2014 12:16:13 AM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Shoot, you and TRN both reproduced? Doomed we are. Just doomed. When a goat impregnates a sheep, you get a geep. Around 25% are viable, and of those about 2/3 are sterile. I'm surprised you didn't know that
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Posted: 12/20/2014 12:20:06 AM EDT
[#43]
Just wait until you shower with him and he sticks your own toothbrush up your ass.
Ahh, memories. And my son is almost 2. This is the best part, embrace and cherish it. (ETA: not the toothbrush up the ass part, but everything else) |
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Posted: 12/20/2014 12:22:26 AM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
wait a minute!!! I thought you were gay... Not just regular gay, but some kind of a crazy power bottom kind of gay... Now I'm confused. There is no video evidence either way. TRG |
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Posted: 12/20/2014 12:23:33 AM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
so is TRG. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
wait a minute!!! I thought you were gay... Not just regular gay, but some kind of a crazy power bottom kind of gay... Now I'm confused. so is TRG. +1 TRG |
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Posted: 12/20/2014 12:24:00 AM EDT
[#46]
Dominance and territory have been established and properly marked.
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Posted: 12/20/2014 12:24:23 AM EDT
[#47]
Jesus, I can't imagine having to deal with a kid with the maturity level of a college student 24/7.
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Posted: 12/20/2014 12:24:35 AM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Just wait until you shower with him and he sticks your own toothbrush up your ass. This is the best part, embrace and cherish it. Wait..wat? TRG |
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Posted: 12/20/2014 12:25:29 AM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Wait..wat? TRG Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Just wait until you shower with him and he sticks your own toothbrush up your ass. This is the best part, embrace and cherish it. Wait..wat? TRG Yeah, I worded that poorly
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Posted: 12/20/2014 12:26:53 AM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Wait..wat? TRG Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Just wait until you shower with him and he sticks your own toothbrush up your ass. This is the best part, embrace and cherish it. Wait..wat? TRG
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