So my father in law has always been a religious guy, but has always been very respectful of the fact that my wife and I are atheist. If he comes to our home for dinner or anything of the sort he quietly prays to himself before we eat, and the rest of the night we are all mutually respectful and just leave it out of our conversations. Recently he got remarried to a woman that the rest of my wife's religious family calls a "religious nut". Every single thing she sends anyone is just filled with bible verses and prayers. No conversation can be had without her relating it to religion or criticizing you for not being religious. Well my wife and I are getting tired of it, so we are trying to figure out what is the most polite way to ask someone to cut this stuff out around us? We would never send her an email that lists different parts of Darwin's theory, or the mathematical equations behind carbon dating, so to us her inserting three bible verses into a "here's our itinerary" email is just as irrelevant. We don't want to argue with her, and always liked our mutually respectful relationship with my father in law before this. Any advice is appreciated.

To give a good example of what I am referring to, I was playing guitar last time we saw her, and she got mad at me that I wouldn't pray with her to thank god for giving me the ability to play the guitar. I just politely declined, and then she complained for the rest of the evening.

I would probably just listen to her next time she goes on a rant and when she's finished say "look, I respect where you are coming from but it's just not how I have chosen to live my life." or something to that effect. Have you tried this yet?

I fail to see the problem. You're not confident enough in your beliefs that you can shrug and laugh it off?

He cannot change you and you cannot change him. Keep the peace and just move on without MAKING him change just like you don't want him changing YOU!

I respect you're  belief in not believing.  have a heart to heart chat. tell her  that you believe in nothingness and ask her to respect you're  belief

Does she know you don't believe?

I normally include a copy of "Age of Reason" with my winter solstice cards. Want me to add her to my mailing list?

Politely decline, tell her to go ahead, but you don't pray...

In that sort of situation I usually tell them thanks for their concern but I'm very comfortable with my faith as is. This is generally followed by wishing them a nice day if it's not someone I know well. In reality, I'm an atheist but that's a long discussion I'm usually not interested in having with these types so this generally works fine.

It isn't very Christian to not respect someone who is kind at heart and asks politely to please not bring up religion in your home.

I would just ignore things like cards with bible verses on them.  Who cares?

However, the whole "pray to Jesus for the GIT-Tar!" thing is definitely out of line with your way of life and you should  let her know that while you have no objection to her prayer, you don't share the belief and don't want it pushed upon you whenever you meet.

I'd start by letting her know she's making you uncomfortable and you'd appreciate it if she'd let you be.

I doubt that will work, but at least it defines the problem.

Is she a recent convert? They tend to be the worst, whether it's those that found religion or those who lost it. The sort of behavior you're talking about tends to burn itself out pretty fast in my experience.

Do not tolerate disrespect in your home, once they get away with that once it's all you'll ever get.

My reading of the OP is that he wants to be polite about it and is looking for advice on how to make his case without hurting any feelings.

Troll her with Bible verses that reveal her to lack humility and respect.

Luke 18:9-14

Romans 12:3

Ephesians 4:2

James 4:6

1 Peter 5:2-6

It's a battle you're just never going to win. Just continue to exercise the tolerance you've shown so far.

It's the Christian thing to do.

Tell her you find it offensive but choose to turn the other cheek.

Did you read more than one sentence of the post?

 

Does she know your are atheistic?

Eta typo

Luke 18:9-14 if she considers them as nothing, then fine. But wanting him to pray & engage in spirituality is not justified as such IMO, especially to be giving thanks for his God given abilities.

It is funny you mention Romans 12-3 only & not 12:1 that instructs her to be an instrument.

Ephesians 3:8-12 shows she should be emboldened by the spirit to proclaim the message then she shall have resolve to do so.

Haughtiness expressed in James 4:6 is in regard to the sins discussed in 4:1-5 that show that those should not be haughty in their determination of Sin, scared to react to the giving love of God.

Finally Peter 5:2-6 is a real stretch here. As he is referring council to older men not to shepherd their flock for love of dishonest gain nor lording their authority over Those in Gods inheritance, again the haughty ones, meaning those that lord their authority for their own gain, are to not do so.

I would direct you to the parable of the King that left money (faith) with chosen men. Upon his return he rewarded those that increased their money( faith by others) & punished he who didn't by stripping him of his money & rewarding it to the others. "You wicked Slave! You presumed I was harsh & that I reap what I do not sow..." We are instructed to spread the love & put the light of faith outwardly. "Who lights a lamp & places it in a cupboard?.."

OP, it may be best for you to, however abiding the above advice, begin to read scripture.

One because you should & secondly because maybe, just maybe this woman of strong Faith may have been placed in your life for a reason to know that whom you deny.

You asked for Religious people in how to deal with her. Undoubtedly you are going to get like minded indivuals such as yourself telling you you are right & to treat her poorly, or ignor her. Keep in mind that is not what you asked...

I do not know here demeanor nor her actions entirely. But consider this; Religious affiliation means nothing to me. Faith, however, is the binding force of our weakness to Gods Grace & undeserved kindness.

Maybe it's time you started listening & not being so bull-headed to salvation. God wantsall to come to him on their own. Some he gives a nudge, others he shoves off their high-horse(me) into accepting his existence & Love.

Best way to deal with her is embrace what she finds Joy in. Think of it like this: What if you are wrong? what if she has genuine compassion for you? What if you misunderstand her? What if your life could be transformed through Faith in The Father & The Christ so that your life becomes such a great Joy that you could never have imagined.

You say you respect your Father-in-Law. Maybe respect him enough to learn what he sees in his significant other. There may be something you are not seeing.





See my above post to deal with his proclaimed awesomeness. It was weak & without scriptural constitution. Far better arguments exist for how a person of Faith may deal with, & view, the Un-Godly.

I guarantee she's attempting to Jesus the Devil out of you.

Unfortunately you may just have to wait until she gives up.

She hasn't tried to behead you yet, has she?

How I view the "Un-Godly" is that they were just like me before I was redeemed. Think about yourself before you were reconciled to God through Christ. I hope the OP comes to know that peace (which is put into words in my sig. line), but its pretty obvious his step-mother in-law, or whatever she is, isn't helping. No one who is a believer would be so if it weren't for the grace of God.

Your interpretation and mine... differ.

Your desire to suggest all "religious" people would somehow see things from her point of view is fascinating, as the OP even talks of how she is knows as "that guy" in her own family.

It is not humility and a desire to spread God's love and Gospel going on here, people like this have crossed the line will into "look at me" syndrome.  They go beyond spreading good news, to spreading bad feelings and negative stigmas.

I will close with one more verse, Colossians 4:5-6

But, if you'd rather believe a bunch of atheists are just being mean here, that's your prerogative.

Have you talked to your FIL about it?   That is where I would go first.  A new step-mom can be awkward for everyone (including the new wife).  Communication, the most important tool in any relationship.  
With that said,  She is sharing her faith because cares for you both.   She might be a younger convert (I love their vigor/energy/faith) and loves the opportunity to share the Good News/Gospel.  Or  she is being forceful because she wants to show how much she loves your FIL.  I think the best way to handle it is through the husband.
 

There ya go, FIFY.

We're keeping an open mind here, right?

There is no interpreting, it says what it says, in the context of its contexts. Need I quote fully the preceding & following scripture you pointed to as to rebut her in trying to advance faith in them? If people saw it they would see the correctness of my statements. No interpretations need apply here, only the entire context. If he tried to use those on any strong faithed individual I know they would shred them to pieces. Especially if they didn't know the scripture themselves.

Great, Col. 4:5-6; "Go on walking in Wisdom toward those on the outside, buying out the opportune time for yourselves. Let your utterances always be Gracious, seasoned with salt, so as to know how you ought to give an answer to each one."

Like I said, I do not know her demeanor nor her actions fully, neither do you. Thusly I do not Judge. Simply wearing ones Faith on their sleeve can earn them the mark of a fanatic or religious nut. What would you deem Christ, then? He spoke scripture & worked constantly in the good works, aside the apostles. Of which they all, by today's standards would be construed by many so-called religious people's as "Fanatics", would they not? Even the higher archy considered them so for rocking the political boat.

Perhaps...

In-Fact I FIFY!

"The God of Jacob, the God Of Ishmail.."

What is your point?

Best not bring a knife to a gun-fight.

Placeholder--gotta go to Bible study.

OP, I agree.  That shit gets old quick.

Your relationship with your father is more important than your petty squabbles over philosophical differences with his wife.  Treat them as such.

Tell her to shut the fuck up

"Your", not "you're".  Twice.

Pray for her to stop

There you go, OP. Just convert to Christianity- problem solved.

Now I bet you wish you would have thought of that!

Yeah they know. My wife and father had a really strained relationship over religion, which I believe makes him so careful about it. But she tells us often that she will "find a way to save us". Just very very aggressive. I don't like militant or negative atheist, so I am always careful to never be disrespectful, but it starting to strain our relationship with my father in law. She went so far as to tell as us that when we have a kid she will try and sneak them off to Sunday school despite knowing we wouldn't like that. I'll try and take the advice you guys out forward. I don't know if I would use bible verses in my conversation with her. I worry she would take that as a sign that she is getting to me.

ETA. I will not be converting. I tried that for years. I am a third generation atheist and chose to go to church at 14 on my own. Ended up going around 5 days a week because I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn't "feel" what people said I should. I tried this until I was 19 and even after teaching at bible camp and leading Wednesday evening services, realized I would never agree with any of it.

OK, got a few extra minutes.




Funny, but I promise you that there is no better way to get your MIL to start teaching you the Bible than to start quoting verses. Do this at your own peril.

On a serious note...

First of all, people are critical for any number of reasons, and people can be stuck on any of a variety of topics. Deal with your MIL as you would anyone who's annoying and stuck on a topic that you don't care for.

Just from a Christian perspective, we certainly are to share the gospel, but we are also to understand that faith is a very personal thing, and while we can teach others, it does absolutely no good to attempt to browbeat or harass someone into faith. It just doesn't work like that. Either you believe it or you don't. Sounds like your MIL doesn't see that.

As to the Bible verses in the e-mails, can you simply ignore them? Are they causing you any sort of harm?

When she starts talking about religion at family events, just nod and smile. If she asks you direct questions, give her honest but gentle answers. No reason to be rude or unkind because you don't share what, to you, amounts to an unshared interest.

I imagine that you don't spend all that much time with your MIL, so just suck it up and deal with it. Your FIL chose her, and no part of the decision was up to you or your wife. You can either respect that and be polite, or you can be an ass about it. I don't see any reason to be an ass.

The point is, he doesn't want to be saved. He wants the MIL to stop pushing her religion. He's looking for a solution to that.

He's not looking for someone else to agree with her and try to talk him into your version of salvation.

He wants her to stop pushing her mythology on him and he wants to try to keep the peace while stopping her. The secret is, that he won't be able to. She's too invested in it.

I didn't read your post..

but what the hell is up in that avatar?

It was a painting that won a few contest in Bahrain. When I was there a lot of things were censored, but that was hung proudly in the entrance to their national art museum and I found it oddly humerous and beautiful because of the setting.

If your religious inlaws think she is a religious nut you might just be fucked.

I was referring to my interpretation of her actions, and your interpretations of her actions.  But, you clearly have all the answers.  Maybe the OP can set you two up?

We can call on both the higher and the lower archies.

Hahaha, my point is missed, entirely on you. But that is OK. Your life, & the OP is your own. The point is you made a fool of yourself, & I pointed it out. You tried to be witty but proved an aloof in knowledge. Furthermore, mythology is not Christianity. Your mouth once again spouts utterances you do not comprehend. You again show you didn't read the question asked, otherwise you wouldn't be here making a fool of yourself, commenting on that which you obviously have no understanding.

Additionally, Not my problem he asked the wrong question the wrong way, then you say he doesn't desire the answer to the question he asked. I answered it truthfully & in the best manner I know how he should deal with it. I can not have accounting of his actions here forward.

You see once he, or you, accepts God, the better off you will be. Not in this life, Oh No! As this life is temporary & If they kill the Master, How shall they treat the Servant?

This thread will be loaded with condescension & loathing of Truth, but I assure it is contained with rational & devinitous thought. Ignored as it may be, laughed at & taunted, derived & abused, it matters not. Such is the way things of The World are viewed by those of this world.

You are the epitome of what he is tired of.

But yea, I'm the one that's a fool.

Hey no reason to fight about it. Foxy, I see that you are adamant about your faith. However, you must realize how exhausting that is to others? If I spent every meeting with you trying to convince you there was no God, you would think I was a jerk. I tend to feel the same when people try really hard to convince me there is even though I'm being polite. I work really hard to be nice and accepting, but everyone must at some point draw a line in the sand. With her being family, I drew that line much closer to me than I normally would have and she has continued to push. You may be the right person to ask, based on your responses in this thread; how could I ask you to leave the scriptures out of this conversation and others without you being angry at me?

I need not setting up. Obviously you missed my suggestion by being blinded by your need to rebut the spirit which she just may be called upon to act. Again, I have to error on the side of good will, which I pray she truly acts in. If so you should consider strongly your opposing position, to such action.

I also need not any structured Higherarchy to tell me what scriptures say. That was the device of the Phrasees & Sadducees to control the masses. Much the same as organized "Religion" does today. "You brood of snakes!... You prevent others from entering the Kingdom of Heaven.."

Regardless, the OP has a definitive choice that can bring him to resolution. I laid it out & if he chooses to do so then so beit. If you are a man of Faith, then you should see he should embrace Gods love to know for sure the intentions of the other are sanctified. If you disagree that he, along with his wife, should allow God his chance to impact his life then I am filled with sadness over you. For you suggest using scripture to rebut the spirit.

Remarried? I assume your mother has passed on, yes?

Frankly the only polite thing I can think of is.. ignoring her when she starts acting up.

If she can't accept a "no thank you" and keeps hounding you... just act like she's not even talking.



Although the threat to "sneak" your future kids out of the house is not as amusing as she seems to think it is.   I'd call that "kidnapping" myself.

My family members are dead. This is my wife's family. Her parents are just divorced. Her dad is a really cool guy. Lives in 120 acres in Montana, completely off the grid, and into guns. So we've always had a good relationship. Now we can't even go out there to spend time with him because the new wife is driving us crazy.

Divorced. So a lady that's involved in adultery every day is complaining about you not praying about your guitar.

This is literally whathe I'd say. I'd tell her that before she mentions the mote in my eye she needs to stop committing adultery.