I am sad, I have no stories, my children like myself were all well behaved

Is 7Mary3 (not sure of spelling) still around? It's the holiday season and I always looked forward to his in-law stories about them ruining holidays.

Took my parents years to figure out we knew where they hid the gifts. I knew what I was getting almost every year. One year I couldn't find any in the normal spot so in my desperation to know I opened a few. I tried taping them back just the way I found them. Guess I didn't do a good enough job. The look of disappointment on my parents face was bad enough that I never looked for my presents again.

When I was young one of my uncles came to Christmas dinner and got so drunk he pissed himself while passed out. He didnt come to any more Christmas parties.

Can't remember a Christmas without either the uncle who molested me or the father who seemed to take sadistic joy in screaming and carrying on Christmas Day. He would even grab presents and destroy them. I have no idea why my mother continued to bother after the first time that happened. I refuse to see those assholes anymore.

When I was a kid we would go to my grandmas house on Christmas Eve.  Every year "santa" would come to the windows, dance around, stomp on the roof, etc.  All of us kids (I was the oldest) would go nuts and believe every year more than last.  Well about age 8 is the year things start clicking.  Just before the normal santa time...uncle Tom slips away.  So I tug on my dads shirt and say "where did uncle Tom go" and get a curt "hes in the bathroom".  I checked every bathroom in the house...no Tom.  That dastard...ly guy.  Suddenly the roof shakes "its the reindeer!"  Then there he is...the fat man...Tom.  The other kids cheer and jump around while I sit with my arms folded.  The jig is up!  When uncle Tom comes back in I shake his hand...its bitter cold.  One could only describe it as a tense interview as I asked where he had been for the last several minutes.  As Tom laughed and joked I suddenly yelled "SANTA ISNT REAL!"  The other kids go from to ...tears erupt like Old Faithful...I had single handedly ruined Christmas for every relative in the home.  All because Tom didnt have a good alliby...

I laughed. That's so evil of eight-year-old you.

 

thats a great story. as an adult I raffed at it. as a kid id have been mortified.
i believed in santa till about 11 iirc. the reason for that is every year all year long i would beg and beg for things that i would never be allowed to have. mom and dad would never buy them and the things we did had were constantly being taken for punishment or cursed at because mom especially hated them and would never buy them. but every year, the new xbox or game cube or whatever would end up under the tree. mom would never ever have bought that so there yago. santa was real.

i never really ruined christmas per se, but one year i got up early, 5 or 6 am probably, to look at what santa had brought (santas presents were never wrapped). I have two brothers and each sibling had a pile with things it it that were obviously to their liking.

santa brought the original xbox that year. i wasn't particularly fond of the location of it under the tree.

so i sort of moved it 18 inches or so to ensure that it was distinctly in my pile of presents. nobody would know, after all santa had come down after everyone had fallen into a slumber to do his work in secrecy and steal our peace offering of milk and cookies, that fat bastard.

satisfied with my handiwork i retired to bed to await the eternity that it took for the rest of the family to awake.
when finally everybody was ready for christmas festivities i ran downstairs so excited that i could open up my xbox.

luckily mom and dad had the foresight to allow us to enjoy the excitement of the presents before busting me for moving it. i sort of got in trouble for that and it ruined my Christmas for a few hours.

I have no family.







Except all you ARFCOMMERS.

Ah, the Feats of Strength - always the highlight of any holiday occasion.

But he still damned near shot his eye out.

Merry Christmas Jarhead!

My mom knocked Santa to the ground and was riding him like a cowboy so I ran into tell dad but he wasn't there so I took his car keys and drove down to the bar to go get him so he could save mom from wrestling with Santa. when I got back home Santa was gone, I think mom really beat him up and Dad was snoring in bed but mom was pissed I took the car did they expect a 11 year old to walk to the bar at 2 am in the morning?

PSA:  When attempting to open presents early and re-seal them after inspection, running out of scotch tape and using masking tape is not a workable substitute.   I had several presents placed oddly under the tree in an attempt to conceal the masking tape used on some of them.  Never again saw any of those items I expected to see Christmas Morning.

 

Found a guitar effects processor while my parents were out of town. Proceeded to get it out and wail all afternoon. Barely got that one, barely made it out alive in fact.

My wife says I ruin Christmas every year by finding out what she got for me, but i've never done it on purpose!

Our oldest girl had the flu last year so she was sick and getting sick everywhere while my wife and her side of the family were having Christmas. That one was a bummer.

We went away and stayed in a cottage with friends.

We got drum kits for my friend's two young boys.   They were 7 and 8 and both were up at just before 2am.

Wife and I both had ear defenders and had the room farthest from the lounge and slept through the kind of cacophony that only two over-excited young boys can make with a drum kit.

Dad always made a big deal that we get something for mom for Christmas, she was a giver through and through and he said it was our responsibility to do something nice for her.

Mom's domain is the kitchen... woman would cook you a meal at 2am if you asked her to, loved to cook. So we usually hit William Sonoma for some nice kitchen equipment for her.

Well this particular year she is big into cooking sushi, she volounteered for lots of events and always traveled with her own kitchen gear. Well I found some knife sheaths that snap closed so she could transport her sharps safely instead of wrapping them in a towel.

Christmas comes, everyone opens presents and she loves the sheaths, explained why I thought it was a great gift for her and she agreed she would def use them

ME:
Dad: no you didn't...
Me: what?
Dad: you didnt pick those out... I found those
Me: pretty sure I found them and you didnt think they were that cool...
Dad: no I found them and let you get them for mom, it was my idea... I saw them first...

I was crushed, I was 17 and my dad 40 something, this was my first year with an actual job to buy things for people and not get an 'allowance' for gifts... I seriously almost cried

EVEN IF he had found them.... wouldnt you let your son get some glory? It hurt me deep... still sore a little over it

Here's how you fuck with your kids.  Change the name tags on all of the presents.
Johnny mean Cathy
Cathy means Johnny.

They try and figure what the present his and of course are looking at the name tags that are to themselves.
Come Xmas morning you let them in on the switch.

Didn't ruin Christmas exactly but rather Chrismas photos of the family.  Grandparents, Aunts, uncles, parents and siblings all got together to have proffessional pictures taken for Christmas.  I always hated having my picture taken as a kid.  Lots of pictures from my childhood have me with my tongue sticking out  I wouldn't get in the group photo for anything.  They spanked me, tried talking me into it, waterboarded me.  Nope wasn't gonna do it.  I think everyone was pissed at me.  They never did get me in the picture.  Yeah, I was a brat.

Well , Merry Christmas.

Not really ruined, but one year my sister and I got up around 4am, went downstairs and opened our new Atari set and some games. Hooked it up and played until about 8am when we both fell asleep. Mom and Dad came down later, woke us up and chewed our asses for being down so early.

Wife does it every year with her indiscriminate and uncontrollable anger.

I don't think I've ever ruined Christmas, but there was that one year I discovered that Mom kept the presents in the trunk of the car.

On the other hand, by that point I was having some serious misgivings about just how does a fat man come down a chimney and through the gap in the damper...

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I sure got a laugh out of his stories only.    

My mom is so worried that my brother and I will ruin Christmas that she hides all the presents to this day. She also wraps them before hiding and doesn't label them until Christmas Eve. Neither of us has lived at home for 8+ years and we are 90 miles apart, so it's not like we would just run over to search out the presents and peek. This has led to hilarity when Mom has forgotten who the wrapped present was destined for and she guessed wrong, and when she forgot where she stashed some of them. One year she lost the entire load and we heard her in the attic at 4am, she'd been looking for them since midnight. We each received a digital photo frame 3 years after she bought them because they weren't hidden with the rest of the presents.

Kharn

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Several years ago at the wife's family's Christmas dinner. I'm seated at the end of the long, long banquet table, with maybe twenty people on each side.  Ma-in-law sits at other end, and wants to give a toast. Everybody is holding their glasses up, and it's a really pretty scene, so I guess she's overcome by the moment and wants a picture. She focuses the camera, says "Say cheese!"...and I have no idea what came over me,  but thought it would be a great idea to jerk my shirt up and flash my man-boobs. No one notices, and I'm thinking "That was stupid and rude", and I'm glad no one saw me.  It's sort of dark at my end as the flash doesn't make it to the end of the table, but any sort of review of that pic shows a perfectly centered hairy, bearded topless guy at the end of this long table filled with kids, blue haired grannies, elderly gentlemen, and younger families all dressed up in their holiday best.  Still...ma-in-law doesn't see it, and then later that year proceeds to use that photo for the cover of her Christmas cards for the following year, which is when a family member points it out to her.
I got a talking-to about exemplary behavior from the wife and from the ma-in-law.  Pa-in-law pulled me to the side later and said that The Card was the talk of the family, and that friends and family were asking for copies, and that ma-in-law was secretly thrilled with the responses she had been getting (she makes her own cards).   Still...whenever she takes holiday photos she makes a big deal with giving me the stink eye before taking the picture.

Couple years back my mom got drunk and threw a computer through a window, then punched me in the face when I tried putting her in her room.

No Shit, this is me. I cant stand the hassle Christmas has become over gifts and other bullshit its not really about. The food, the company, the time off, to me is what makes its good. My wife wants to ruin mine every year trying to get me to stay at the in laws house over night every year. We live in the same damn town for cryin out loud!!

Several years back I was working for one of the most miserable human beings to ever walk the planet.  I also had a German Shepherd who had been with me for many years and was one of the bright spots of a particularly bad patch of life.  Christmas was approaching and the dog got sick, as in he was down and unable to even go outside.  The vet wanted to operate on him on Dec. 24 at 7:00 in the morning for what he feared was a twisted bowel.  I dropped the dog off and went to work because my el bitcho boss wouldn't let me off.  So I sat at my desk with absolutely no work at all until the vet calls at 10:00, it was cancer and he was going to just put the dog down.  Great, now I'm sitting at my desk working for a shitty boss, my dog is being put down across town, and it's Christmas Eve.  True to form I couldn't get off early because the boss hated life and anyone who had one.  The Vet met me at his office at 5:00 on Christmas Eve so I could pay the fucking bill and pick up my dead dog.  Then I had to take him to my Dad's property and dig a hole in the frozen ground by the river where the dog liked to play.  It was well after dark, I was frozen and muddy, and still in a coat and tie by the time I got home.  Oh, and in all the chaos that was my life I didn't bother to pick up a bottle of whiskey to make it all better.  



So I pull into the driveway of the little rental house I was in at the time and notice that the lights went out as soon as I made the turn.  Great, I'm probably being fucking robbed because my dog is dead.  I get out of my truck, draw my weapon, and make my way into the house.  Hey, things were looking up because I was going to get to shoot someone!  Nope.  It was just my loyal drinking buddy.  When they turned on the lights as I entered I could see he had rounded up about a half dozen slightly drunk bimbos home on college break and decided to throw a party at my house.  The girls had put up a Christmas tree and put some extra strings of lights on my Harley that was sitting in the living room.  He knew about the dog and thought I could use some cheering up.  He was right.  I didn't even mind that one of the bimbos decided to throw glitter all over the place like it was a snow storm.  Not even the one who decided to cover herself in shaving creme and act like Frosty the Snow Man could dampen my spirits that night.  One of the girls set one of her friends on fire when we discovered that cigarette lighters and too much hair spray are a volatile mix.  Christmas morning was greeted with a frightful mess.  As I sat at my bar smoking a cigarette and missing my dog, one of the girls, a redhead of questionable virtue, came crawling out from behind the couch and offered to fix breakfast and help clean the house.  She smelled like booze and cigarettes but cleaned up nicely.  Never did get all the glitter off of her.  At that point in my life it ranked as easily the Best Christmas Ever.  



Except for the dog dying part, that just sucked.  

Oh dear God.

I spent last Christmas in Manas, waiting for my flight into Bagram.

No shit, I flew out of Campbell on my wedding anniversary, which is the 23rd.

I used to get into fights with my ex every year, because she would spend so much money on the kids...and, in her mind, each kid had to have the SAME AMOUNT spent on them. It finally came to a head when my youngest was born. IIRC, the ex had spent like $300 on each of the oldest kids, and we were wandering around Toys R Us when she drops the "we still need another $200 to make it even for Gabby."

Gabby was, at the time, 3 months old. I gave her the , along with "why does a three year old need $300 in presents...she's happy if she is fed, dry and held!"

Keep in mind, we were poor at the time, and I was working two jobs.

That's funny right there.

Uncle Roger?

Mom always had a thing about having a giant x-mas tree with all the decorations in the house.
She had all these expensive antique glass ornaments on the tree.
Huge ass real tree every year.

One year little brother(who was about 4 at the time) felt the need to play Tarzan and go climb the tree.
No one noticed him until the loud CRASH!
Tree laying down across the room - smashed glass ornaments and light bulbs all over the floor  - little brother cut up and crying/bleeding.

This was the first time I ever saw Mom go thermonuclear. It wasn't to be the last tho.

My wife bought me COD2 for Xmas, and I got kinda into it. I shoulda spent more time with the family.

A couple years ago my family started talking politics. I spoke honestly about my feelings and it was not received well. My youngest brother no longer speaks to me, and has never seen his 8 month old niece. He's currently in school doing post graduate work and wants to be a professor.... So yeah

When I was 7 I set the Christmas tree on fire in the living room.

LOL

I nearly ruined similar for my siblings.  One year I discovered our Easter candy hidden under the covers in our guest bedroom.  I gathered my siblings in the room, threw open the covers on the bed, and proudly exclaimed, "The Easter Bunny isn't real!"

My dad popped me on the ear pretty hard after that which hurt for hours, and my mom explained the whole set of secrets.    My siblings were given an explanation, and nothing was ruined for them.



More Christmas related, since I was clued into the whole Santa operation I used to accompany my mom on Christmas shopping and set out Christmas presents for her (by the point of this story, my dad had moved out and my mom is in a wheelchair, so I was her helper).  

Well, my younger brother was always getting on my nerves and generally was the "bad" kid in the family. After setting out the Christmas presents, mom had me move onto stuffing the stockings.  I had a rock collection that had a piece of coal in it, and that night I decided to put it to good use.  

Christmas morning, everyone was enjoying their gifts and eventually moved on to checking out what kind of candy was in our stockings.  My brother dumped out his stocking only to see this black lump fall on the floor among his candy, and asked, "What is this?"

Mom leaned in and said, "It's looks like coal," with a very puzzled look on her face.  He was on the verge of tears for a few minutes until I finally fessed up to slipping it in there.

 

I'll let you know on the 26th

That's a good story.

We did this for years, my Mother never understood why anyone would willingly ruin their own Christmas.
I didn't ruin it for me. also, my Mother caught on to the unwrapping shit early thing, it got so bad that even if we played near the tree we would get yelled at.
Good memories.

I am so sorry. That is just sad. I wish I could give you a hug.

So....who got it?

Banned I think though I am not 100% on that.

I am sorry to hear this.

Tag for the catalog of Christmas mayhem and hijinks.

Yeah probably a good idea. It's sad that some people can't have these heated conversations and let the emotional part go after we agreed to disagree.