Happy Thanksgiving to all you turkey lovers ...

If you hate turkey, then read on anyhow ... 'cause here's my turkey fryin' instructions from The Dead Center of Texas ... some of you will find them handy.

Starting with a Pro-tip ...

Take the turkey liver out of your bird –– throw it in a non-plastic coffee cup –– toss a couple spoons of your injectin' sauce on it –– toss it in the microwave for 90 seconds.
It's a tasty snack to enjoy while breakin' the bird out for injectin'.

And now my deep-fry-the-turkey process ...

1.) Strain a big bottle of Zesty Italian salad dressing through some sort of strainer.

2.) Now dump in a whole shaker of Dillo Dust or half a big can of Tony Chechere's (the green can) into the Italian slurry ... mix more than thoroughly (as there will be a mud of TC's on the bottom if you don't watch it).

3.) Prep the bird by whacking that tail thing-a-ma-jig off and all the loose skin related to it and while you're at it, cut that big scarf of skin off in the neck area too.

4.) Place the whole bird into one of those big throw-away aluminum pans.

5.) Cook the turkey liver snack now and then snack on it.

6.) Now re-stir your TC/ID slurry , take the assembled injector syringe and suck 'er full and start pumpin' the turkey full ... just everywhere you can get the needle to poke in. You can reach a lot of the bird from each hole you poke, sort of like oil drillin', this way the countryside is not riddled with holes. Watch out and be careful, I blew a big squirt of it all over a nice shirt tonight (dammit).

7.) Next, cover with aluminum foil and let 'er marinate overnight.

Now to the Deep Fryer ...

8.) I like the 42 qt. Aluminum Pot (w/strainer basket). In Texas, you can get that pot at an Academy. And IIRC (and it's not critical), it takes about 4 gallons of the peanut oil (also gotten at Academy) to bring the correct level for an 18-20 pound bird. Again, not critical.

9.) Bring oil to 375 degrees. Do not go over 375 'cause at around 425 degrees, the sucker will just light on fire all by itself (and then it's hell to put out). Speaking from experience I am.

10.) With the basket not yet in the oil, lower the bird into the strainer basket neck down, feet up. I find it best to throw the neck over to one side of the basket and lean the feet to the far side. You'll see what I mean.

11.) Ready to lower into the oil (it's a two-man job for max safety). I pass a broom handle through the basket handle and let the other guy grab his end while I got mine, and we then lift the bird in a coordinated fashion, center it over the oil, then lower it slowly in. I say slowly because that 375 degree oil sears the skin on the initial slow entry and that's good. Don't get scared in the lowering op. It'll boil and carry on, but stand your ground.

12.) As soon as it's in, scramble to get the broom handle out and the lid slammed on. Oh. and I forgot, one of those thermometers is to be attached to the basket.

13.) It's cookin' time. I run them ~4 minutes a pound (or until it floats is also good). A 20 lb. bird gets 75-80 minutes.

14.)The oil temp will drop, let it, but stabilize that temp at 325 degrees.

15.) Same drill to get it out. Run the broom handle through the basket handle ... get on either side, lift out, hold over oil and let drain awhile, lift on out and sit on a piece of plywood or a cardboard box of some sort.

16.) With gloved hands, grab the drumsticks and gently pick the bird out of the basket and place on a "clean" aluminum throwaway pan.

17.) Now here's where the proprietary LaRue process comes into play. Cut the whole damn thing up into fajitas, serve on hot flour tortillas with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and salsa of some sort. The proper setup is cheese on the bottom, meat on top of the cheese, lettuce liberally slung all over, pico de guillo (sic) on top the lettuce, a good picante salsa slung on top of it all - fold it and enjoy. Chips and hot sauce go good with it too - heat your Mexican corn chips a little in the oven (to bring the oil out a little) and serve 'em hot.

18.) You're done and now a well-liked turkey scalder.

Thanks for your past business and Happy Thanksgiving from all of us here at LaRue Tactical.

Mark LaRue