I posted in the "Arfcom truth circle" a while back that I was going through something difficult and was afraid of where it might lead.  I'm just gonna throw it out there.  I'm addicted to narcotics.  Have been for a few years.  Its been an emotional rollercoaster and I can't take it any more.  Its affecting my family, my finances, and my job.  I go through periods where I contemplate suicide but I honestly don't think I'd ever go through with it.  For years I've taken any painpill I could get my hands on, sometimes 8-10 a day.  Today is the 9th day I haven't taken anything and it's pure hell.  I'm having severe anxiety, and can barely stay awake during the day.  Work is hard because I'm withdrawn from everyone because its tiring faking happiness.  I told my Dr. about it Monday and she prescribed me some things to help me cope while I go through this.  The meds are helping the anxiety but make me even more tired.  I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm going to a Narcotics anonymos meeting tomorrow night.  
 I'm not the type of guy you would ever think would have this problem.  I'm 34 with a wonderful wife and 2 wonderful boys.  I don't drink and I don't hang out with other people who do this sort of thing.  I go to church most Sundays and God is a huge part of my life.  This just isn't me.  I feel alone because I only feel comfortable talking about my addiction with my wife because I'm ashamed.  I honestly don't know where to go from here.  The desire is still there to take the pills and if the opportunity presented itself I'm not sure I'm strong enough to resist the temptation.  I feel like I need to be in an inpatient rehab facility to keep me from slipping up but I don't want my family and friends to find out and I wouldn't be able to afford it anyways.  Hell, financial stress is a big part of how it started.  It was a way of escaping the stress.  The pills made me forget the financial strain, but in the end just made it worse.  The bills would stack up and I wouldn't even care.  Now we're months behind on several things.  Luckily my wife is being very supportive.  She was furious at first but is standing by me and would do anything for me.  Keep me in your prayers guys.  I need all the support I can get.  I have to get throught this.  I want to feel normal again.  I feel so distant from my wife and boys right now because all want to do is sleep and be left alone.  I feel like a terrible father.

One day at a time.

Sounds to me like you have the right mindset to get ahead of this thing. If you don't "want" to quit, it'll never happen.

Damn, I am not the one that can give you advice but I know there are some here that are qualified to do so. Stay strong until you can get some help brother, I hate to hear that you are in such a dark place. We do have a marriage counselor here, perhaps if anything she could give you a little insight?

Set small incremental goals and then meet those goals.  

Start jogging. Seriously.

Just hang in there...your are doing the right thing by acknowledging the problem and that it's "not you".  Detox will be rough, but once you get through it you'll be on the road to recovery.
Get your life back - you can do it!  Do it BEFORE you lose more than you have already lost!  You're not a terrible father for letting this happen.  Don't become a terrible father by letting the narcs destroy you and your family.

ETA:  No one is going to blame you or think less of you if you voluntarily enter a rehab facility.  It will be quite the opposite.  This can happen to anyone...and trying to fix it is what a good father and husband will do.

Stay strong, bro.

Prayers inbound.  One hour at a time.

I'm not a jogger, but i'm a cyclist and exercise enthusiast, and to me this is probably excellent advice.  Exercise is very addicting and cures depression.  Trade an unhealthy addiction for a healthy one.  

Good luck to you OP, it sounds like you're on your way to fixing this.

Damn.

Good luck, man.

Hang in there.  You are a strong person to be able to do this.

It sounds like your wife is there for you, which is a good thing.  Remember, it is the weak person that doesn't do something about his/her problems.  You are a strong person to be able to do this. I see you said you go to church.  Remember, none of us are perfect.  It is what we do to overcome our shortcomings that gets us as close as we will ever become to perfect.

I would recommend finding an "AA-esque" group.  It will provide for you a support mechanism, and someone to talk with that's "been there" .

Addiction is a horrible disease. It's a disease that no one asks for but it's like a cancer and it WILL kill you sooner or later. You have the cure at your finger tips.....Just say no. It really is that simple. The first step you've already taken by realizing you have a problem and starting to deal with it. The next step is to stay with it and hang on to your sobriety for the rest of your life. You stated you have a wonderful family and their your resource and reason to staying free of drugs. By all means get in touch with a help group you can go to weekly or daily if need be. Believe it or not your not alone and there are other people just like you. You should also, and most importantly, seek the help of a Higher Power. For me it's God and He will help if you do your part. You have no idea how wonderful life can be free of addiction. I know. 19 years ago I quit drinking and life gets better everyday. Surround yourself with family, fiends, and God and all will help you in your need. Good luck op and stay the course. Your worth it.

Rehab programs have dismal (<5% or so) success rates; on the other hand lots of people beat their addictions.

As already noted above, you have to want to get away from it, and just being sequestered for a while to "dry out" won't necessarily get you there. What is critical in my view is that you get to a point where the downside overwhelmingly outweighs whatever "relief" you get from the substance. If you can get there you'll realize that a slip up offers no relief at all, because even as the narcotic, alcohol, nicotine or what ever is having its physiological effect, you'll immediately be disappointed in yourself. And the downside leaps out at you.

At least it works that way for me - eight years since I had a drink.

It helps if you can sever whatever connections you might have to supply.

Good luck, pal. You can do it.

Thank you all!  I'm reading every post and appreciate all the suggestions and positive reinforcement!!!  It's really like family here and I feel like I can talk to you guys without judgement.  Thank you all so much!!!

Going to NA should help you very much, particularly with the shame you feel.  But remember every program isn't very everyone and if you are not progressing to the degree you desire keep looking, keep at it but keep looking.  Make your health your top priority and Thank God for your wife and family as often as possible.  Focusing your attention on your health and what you have to be thankful for will help you in your recovery.  

Been there done that brother, IM sent.

Go to a NA meeting TODAY!

It helps to talk to others that know what you're going through.

I went the AA route for alcohol. 16 years sober, one day at a time.

If I can do it, you can do it.

I used to drink.

Don't anymore.

Don't miss it.

Don't know if this helps.

Bad news: it is you. Your identity is the good and the bad. You've almost got that part since you know you have a problem. Now you have to own it and move on.

My brother was addicted to pills and it turned his life upside down. He eventually went to Narcotics Anonymous and he said that's how he got clean.

You say you're not like those other addicts. In truth, you are.

You're not like the wino passed out at the bus stop, but you are like the guy who hides his addiction from his family and his job, whether his job is a supermarket clerk or a CEO. You should find those people and use their experiences to help you stay straight.

Not every NA group will be good for you. If you try one and don't like them, try another.

I got that advice from my sister (AA) and my brother (NA).

I wish I had something to say that would actually help. I am just not that eloquent. Stay strong, you are in my thoughts.

One minute at a time.  I quit smoking cigarettes almost a year ago.  Except for smoking weed about 3-4 times in my youth,  I've never used  or been addicted to any controlled substances so I have no idea if there's even any similarity.  I do know that it was hell for the first couple of weeks.  I just kept focusing on small little goals.  I'd talk myself into holding off until lunch and then dinner once I made it to lunch.  Then I'd stick it out until tomorrow.  And so on and so forth.  Eventually as time went by it became easier and easier.

For your sake and your family's I wish you success.  Addiction to drugs (including alcohol) and the secondary issues associated with it cause about 90% of the bullshit I deal with every day.  I'm elated whenever I see someone trying to claw their way out.

Good on you man.

It gets easier, just stick to it. You have to get yourself healthy to be able to take care of your family. It's ok that the getting healthy part is taking you away from them for a little bit. Keep your eyes on the big picture, and take it one moment at a time.

This!  Any form of exercise will help.

Keep with it brother.
It's really going to come down to who owns who.
Looks to me like your asserting yourself.

I wish you all the best.

True, but chances are you'll find what you need there. As you "grow" in the program you may find a group better suited for you. It is the easier softer way.
Clean & sober since 5.25.99

Stay strong OP. Addiction is a rough road. Seems like you have a solid head on your shoulders and a good support team. You can do this!

This.  Sometimes it helps to subdivide the day even further, just make it to lunch, then make it to dinner, then bedtime.  Good luck.

Tough love and straight talk. Good advice - heed it. You have support here as well.

Based off your username I'd suggest an RPP group; it'll be peers who actually understand similar stresses and you'll know some of them.  Good luck.

Sounds like you have a good women/family. Do it for them and stay strong .

Hang in there brother. You and your family are in my prayers. Just get through each day one by one.

log out and back in man. Feel free to come over to the team forum. It is a little closer knit and you can find a good support group there as well as here. Dive into a hobby, and as said above start exercising. It is one of the only ways to really flush your system. If you have any leave time saved up I can't recommend a good camping trip enough. Work during daylight hours while camping. Just chop wood or something exhausting and sleep all night. After a few days of it you'll start to feel normal again.

Good luck with it & hang in there.

Opioids are among the most addictive substances known to man.

You are on day 9 and it will only continue to get better from each day. The 3-4 days are the absolute worst, so you have already overcome the worst!!!!
Take things one thing at a time. Dont focus on the withdrawals and try to focus on everything else.

I was on the same road as you a few years ago and I wanted to quit and did it on my own terms. You have a great mindset to accomplish being sober. Rely on your wife as
much as possible as mine helped me through the short period of withdrawals. You will be fine and you wont die no matter how shitty you feel. It does get better.

You have my support while you work through this.  I look forward to positive updates from you.  

Don't ya just love this place?

This. Multiple extended family members on both sides have gone through alcohol & narcotic issues. You have to WANT to change, which it sounds like you do.

Godspeed, and know that as crazy as this place can be, it's also an excellent sounding board.

OP it seems you have taken the first step. You're a blessed man to have a wife who has stuck around.
You need to decide (and it seems you have) what is more important in your life, the drugs or you.

Sometimes you need to go so low the only way left to go is up.

I would find a real man who you respect and talk to him and hold yourself accountable to him.
As men we like to think we have it handled all on out own but fact is we need other men at
times to confide in. I recently had a scare with Cancer and I'm not totally out of the woods.
I confided in another man I respect and trust and he helped me get my head straight.

You're not the first to go through this and you wont be the last.

Get thee to a gym.

Keep going, do it for your kids.


At any moment in our lives we can choose to stop being part of the problem, and it sounds like you have made the right choice.






DON'T give up.

This

Any type of exercise actually. Treadmill, biking, hiking, climbing etc. If you put real effort into it you will be surprised.

One of the most insidious aspects of addiction is that one reaches a point where it becomes difficult, if not impossible,
to imagine life without one's drug of choice.

Sobriety, at least in the beginning, requires a leap of faith. It can be enormously beneficial to be in contact with others who are further along in the recovery process than you. Seeing progress in others can help you stay the course when you're not feeling it in yourself.

Involve the wife with your problems if you trust her.  Make sure she doesnt think your relationship is on the rocks while you go through this.

Let us know what the doc does for you.

I haven't been in your shoes of addiction (though I have had a pistol to my own head before and get that urge) and won't throw out theoretical bullshit masquerading as sage advice because I truly won't know what I'm talking about.  I'll say this much, though, and you need to know it is delivered with absolute sincerity on my part.  You are a good man and a good father.  You are doing one of the hardest things for a human to do - especially, it seems, we males - and that is admitting to a serious failing and that you need help because you can't correct it on your own.

You are not a weak man who should be ashamed, you are a living example to your kids that we make mistakes, get in over our heads and ask for help to dig out.  You'll make more mistakes but you'll be an example to them of how you shake it off and stand up again.  You won't have to picture them wailing for their Daddy at bedtime each night and, on some level, always wondering if you killed yourself because of something they did.

You are being an example of what good, moral people do.  You will struggle and you will suffer and you will backslide now and then.  And you will persevere in the end because you have it in you to do so.

God bless.

Praying for you buddy.  Hang in there.  Pray for strength and you will get through it.

(and that's root beer for this post!)

OP, team is a good place for "sensitive" subjects and a bit more "privacy" on the forum. As I understand posts there are not so readily found through Google searches, and whatnot. Stay strong and take it slow and steady...we are pulling for you.

Start exercising - endorphins will become your friend.

Getting over an addiction is hard because your body wants it even if your brain says no.

It is also hard because one your addicted to something, you become addicted to an addiction - gambling, drinking, other drugs, sex - something as dumb as buying guns, knives - any kind of 'instant gratification' that will replace the sensation of a release that using used to give you.

Be vigilant.If you feel like using again, TELL someone, anyone, right away so they can help you. People WANT to help you.

If you're alone in this addiction, you're better off than 99% of the people I meet, as their friends can get them back in to it.

There are a LOT of good people who will break their backs to help you stay clean - do it for your family, yourself, and for them. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Tell your doctor to put a note in your file to NEVER EVER EVER EVER prescribe you narcotic analgesics / synthetic opioids again for ANYTHING