Good job Dad. I've raised several that weren't my 'fruit', but they certainly deserved a dad. One has graduated college now, married, and gave me a grandson. Got two more in college. First granddaughter coming soon.

There's no money that can buy the love and joy you get from your kids. But if you are selfish and immature, don't bother. It's not for you.

Sorry if it came off like that but in no way to I think I am "entitled" to anything. I have no idea how you got that out of there.

 

I don't think so.  At least you are being honest, both with the women and yourself.

Seems to be the new normal...

No, it's not selfish of you.

At what age did both of you do this? Was it 24?

This FIFY

The guy clearly says he's not interested in a relationship where the woman's interest is divided between him and a child.   Not my fault if you don't like that it sounds like what it is   <shrug>

Reading comprehension.

Beats me.  I read the OP's, I don't know what you read.

George, I think relationships are best when they're balanced, so I think ours is nigh on perfect: I don't like you one bit better than you like me.

<------ single dad w/custody



Would you want them to judge you the same way?

lol so even after he admits that he was not saying that you continue trolling.

Women, am I right?

Calling 'em like I see 'em.  Don't like it? Tough shit.

Don't like it? On the contrary, I think it's hilarious.

Sure you do.  

24 years old and dating a woman with a kid? Yeah no, you made the right call.

TL;DR YES.

Fuck buddy's would work

At 24 I think you are being reasonable. I'd much rather see one take that course of action than deal with a kid when one isn't ready to go there. Developing a relationship with a single mother by default means as things go along you are also doing so with her child, any break up will affect the child as well to some extent depending on circumstances.

You are entitled to any standards you want, and as long as you don't mislead the women, then you haven't done anything wrong. No one "owes" anyone else a date or a relationship. As long as you're gracious and not nasty and rude, then you've done nothing wrong.

(Now I go to peruse the rest of the thread. Oh boy!)

Wow this thread is still going, I feel special!

Its not selfish to not want to adopt a kid you are nt ready for.  IMO its selfish to lead on a woman so you can get some ass with no intention of ever making it serious because of her kid.

 

It was my understanding that the rules applied to girlfriends and wives only. I sadly no longer have pictures of these ladies because they were simply girls from Tinder.

When you are in your early 20's, enjoy your life and don't get dragged down by other people's baggage.  If you are in your 30's or older and really want to settle down and think you are mature enough to handle the kids that are not yours, then go for it.

This is my general opinion.

If you don't want to date a mother, then don't. I wouldn't necessarily go into details about how it's the kid that's sending you running. Just chock it up to incompatibilities or something. You're young, and unless you are ready and willing to step into the role of father, then you shouldn't be dating mothers.

Just because yours is a success story, that doesn't mean he is immature or selfish in any way.  Let's just go with statistics and they are mostly never good.  How can you judge a guy who just want to live life on his terms??

"Dear Ann Landers, am I selfish to not date Single Moms?  Sign me, Lonely Gun Guy w/ Lazer Beam Eyes."


"Dear Lonely Lazer Eye Guy, 'yes' you are selfish. Unless she has a Dillon progressive.  
If she does, you can enslave apprentice her minor child to crank out your blasting ammo.  You'll thank me later.
Signed, 85y.o. Liberal Columnist Sex Advisor."

No, mid 30's.

Before I met her I had a girlfriend.
We met when when I was 26. She had a daughter.
We were together until I was 31.

The father. also a jerk, lived in the northeast. He had contact with the daughter , phone calls, letters, presents and in the summer he would send a plane ticket and she'd go visit him.
I loved this little girl also, great kid, super smart ( just like the two I have now ).

The mother, had diabetes and just about everything that could go wrong did.
I ended up losing her due to complications with this fucked up disease.
When I lost her, I also lost her daughter, natural father had rights and exercised them.

So age is relative.
It's either you want a family or not.

You take the woman with kids then you take them and the responsibility that goes with it.

If your this confused over then walk away because if you go into, and then leave, it's just not the girl your leaving, your leaving the kids to.

They will probably grow more attached to you faster then you will be to them and take 1000 times harder when you bow out.

So, don't do that to them.
Give that family a chance to to find someone who wants what they have to offer.
Chances are he going to a lucky man.

Now this is no way saying anything bad against you. Your not ready, you know this, so don't do it.

Maybe one day you will be, maybe not.
Everyone has to live their own life the they feel is best for them.

How the OP is reacting is natural and there have been studies  that support this. It's more natural for men to reject single moms as we desire children that resemble ourselves, not some other person.

However, single women are more open to dating a single father as it gives them confidence that the dad is capable of fertilizing her eggs.

Some folks never want kids.  If you don't want kids, then that's fine.  It isn't immature.  It's your choice.

And you're 24?  Christ man, worry about yourself for a while before you even consider kids, especially ones that are not your own.

Everyone who is calling you immature is being ridiculous.  They most likely didn't worry about someone else's children at your age.

One last thing, kids cost money.

It will cost an estimated $241,080 for a middle-income couple to raise a child born last year for 18 years, according to a U.S. Department
of Agriculture report.

No, you're 24 and you don't feel up to being a dad yet

Every situation is different , but in my opinion, getting preggers early today is different than what it was decades ago.

Q/C on young single moms today* is ALLLL over the place. Most of them just seem nuts and impulsive. Things about their lifestyle and their decisions can be clues to this.
Often times, the ones I've seen anyway-  are young single moms because all they did was date douchebags and get sloppy about birth control and protection while having sex with people they barely know or don't make suitable fathers to begin with.

Yes, you do get special snowflake cases of long time relationships who leave after an accident "one time". Today's age, those are few and far between.

You didn't get someone knocked up at an early age. You don't have to inherit the extra things that come along with it if you don't want to, because you think twice about things.
If you want to be a dad on your own time, and do it your way, then do it that way.

Me? I don't believe I'm ready to be a father yet, not financially ready, etc.
and I'm looking for a lady who felt the same way about being a mother, and made good decisions and choices to avoid having a child before she was ready to do so.

Slimmies be on their best behavior trying to land a sucker to support their mistake.

ETA:  I felt I should add that, like many others here, I think your decision is correct and justifiable.  You are not inherently selfish just because you decide that you do not want to get involved with something you...don't want to be involved with.  

You definitely would be selfish and an extreme a-hole if you did the "hit it and quit it' method after making such a decision, though.

If you don't want to date them, for whatever reason, why do you feel that you owe them an explanation? Simply don't date them. Dating is not charity work.

I'm late to the party and didn't read the whole thread, but this sounds about right.

Merely dating the women doesn't have to end in marriage. But if the OP thinks that's where the women want to go he's correct to pass.

nope when i was single i wouldnt date a woman with kids.

too much drama:  baby daddy will always be in the kids life and therefore her life.  You're not my dad!  And so on

nope...

Hell, Im 47 and there is a much younger attractive woman (late 20's) who has her shit together (good job, house, etc) I have a chance of dating but won't because she has a six year old son.  The kids great and well behaved, but honestly at this stage of the game for me I am simply not interested in helping bring up a child..

I agree with this.

OP - No you are not being either Selfish nor being an Asshole.
You're just being practical.

Dating a Woman with kids causes problems with the kid
who in turn will cause problems in your relationship with the Woman.

The mother will always put her kid and her relationship with her kid first
and you will always be at the bottom of the totem pole in terms of priorities.

You are not to blame. It is the woman who is to blame for having
a child out of wedlock or having a kid then bailing out on a marriage.

Women with kids should only date Men with kids.

EJECT

no. you are fine.

at 24 you have that option.  if you are still single at 44, then the math changes...

Let's put the social justice/feminist stigma/progressive bullshit aside for a minute and focus on the facts.

Raising kids that aren't your own doesn't make ANY sense. It doesn't benefit you from an evolution/biological standpoint, and certainly doesn't continue your "legacy" in that when you die, the kids who aren't yours can't continue a bloodline they don't have. Not to say raising kids who aren't yours so they have someone who is an actual father isn't a noble thing, it is, truly, but from a purely biological standpoint it makes no sense.

Furthermore, you are NOT selfish OP, no matter what anyone says. You might be selfish in other ways (we ALL are to some extent) but you are not selfish for this. Kids are baggage. Kids are responsibility, effort, time, and money. Some people don't want a relationship that involves becoming "daddy" or taking on responsibility of raising another human being, ultimately determining how that person thinks and acts. In the same way that women often seem to want a relationship that involves little responsibility, I think men have a right to as well.

Do a social experiment for me, OP. Or maybe not you. Maybe anyone. Go out and meet a woman. Get to know her a bit. If you decide she really likes you, drop the bombshell on her that you suffer from severe depression, have frequent intrusive thoughts, and have been battling with drug abuse your entire life. Oh yeah, and make it clear to her that this is what she'd be taking on if she got serious or intimate with you.

See if she's still interested in you after that. Not to compare children to severe drug abuse or depression, but when you think about it, both contain the same elements of baggage. Both need constant supervision and awareness, both need to be treated sensitively, both require taking time to accept, ect.

CERTAIN  members of this website would like to deny it, but the truth is, it's a two-way street. If women aren't selfish for expecting a relationship with as little responsibility as possible, then neither are men. Believe it or not, women are often single-mothers for a reason. Sure, plenty of times you might find a woman who say, had her husband get killed in the line of duty or perhaps died saving a litter of puppies from a god damn burning building, but the truth is, there are often only two main reasons for single mothers, even though they are, in a way, the same one reason. Either she is attracted to screwballs/ shitheads and inevitably leave you for one, or every man she has ever ended up with has been a screwball/shithead. You'd be HARD PRESSED to find a single-mother who doesn't have plenty of emotional or mental baggage as well as literal baggage (children.)

I've got a better idea for you, OP. Find a woman who isn't carrying baggage and looking to offload it, who has her shit together, and have kids who are your own.

Of course some people might find that idea to be insulting. To snobby, pseudo-intellectual modernist feminazi liberals, the family is the most evil unit of society and it's destruction is the ultimate and direct way to bring about the world they drool over.

Hell no. In addition to the issues of dealing with a kid that isn't yours, it shows that the girl has some judgement issues if she has both a kid and a divorce by her early/mid 20's. I am assuming here that you date close to your own age and don't go after married women.

No. I don't think you're being selfish or an asshole by not dating single moms.

I'm recently divorced (age 29), dating again and I won't consider single moms.  I know there's probably a lot of nice single moms out there, but of all the girls to pick from, why should I put myself through that drama?

I didn't have any kids with my ex wife, I'm not ready to have kids with any woman right now, and the last thing that I want to be is a step dad.....

It depends on how much value you have. Are you reasonable looking, have a decent job, and have a triple-digit IQ? If yes, then you can demand and get a woman without a pre-existing child to cramp your style.

Are you overweight, poor employment prospects, and are generally "beta"? If yes, then you might have to accept a preexisting child.