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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:04:37 AM EDT
Recently I have encountered a couple of women who I had considered dating but I refused to do so because they had a child. I told them the reason for not wanting to date them was their kid and because of the kid we would have constant problems because she would never be able to put the same effort into our relationship. I as a 24 year old male do not want to deal with those problems or the task of raising a child that is not mine. Knowing how I felt I was not willing to even attempt a relationship because it would only end up hurting her and confusing the child. Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:06:03 AM EDT
[#1]
no......eject
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:06:05 AM EDT
[#2]
Nope.  
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:06:15 AM EDT
[#3]
I don't think so. if it's a deal breaker, it's a deal breaker. i've dated a chick with a kid before and frankly, it was a pain in the ass.  if you find someone you're really into, then that's different, but i wouldn't sweat it...
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:06:20 AM EDT
[#4]
Yes but, for different reasons than those cataloged in your post.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:06:48 AM EDT
[#5]
I don't date single moms either.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:06:52 AM EDT
[#6]
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Quoted:
no......eject
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Eh nothing to eject from, I never did more than hang out with them a couple of times.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:07:17 AM EDT
[#7]
You know what they say. If you have to ask.......
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:07:32 AM EDT
[#8]
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:07:57 AM EDT
[#9]
Yeah, you're an ass.  Grow up.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:08:03 AM EDT
[#10]

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Quoted:


Yes and no.  



Yes, you are selfish ... but that doesn't make you an asshole.
View Quote


"Enlightened self-interest"



 
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:08:15 AM EDT
[#11]
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Quoted:
Yes but, for different reasons than those cataloged in your post.
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Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:08:38 AM EDT
[#12]
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Quoted:
Yes and no.  

Yes, you are selfish ... but that doesn't make you an asshole.
View Quote

Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:08:45 AM EDT
[#13]
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:09:09 AM EDT
[#14]
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Quoted:
Yeah, you're an ass.  Grow up.
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Could you elaborate on what makes me an ass?
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:10:20 AM EDT
[#15]
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Quoted:
"Asshole" for being honest and up front about things?  Stringing them along to get in their pants and then ditching them--that would be the a-hole move.
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That's what I was saying, I could've lead them along and done them wrong but I told them how I felt. They didn't have to call me names
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:10:41 AM EDT
[#16]
At 24 you should not have to deal with that.  



Don't even get involved in that mess.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:11:26 AM EDT
[#17]
you can't just 'date' a girl who has a kid... it's only fair to them and the kid to have a serious relationship with that person that reaches towards marriage... fuck around with single childless kids all you want, but girls with kids need stability and someone to be tied down with.. i give you more kudos for being outright honest with these women and not leading them on... asshole you are not, sir...
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:11:33 AM EDT
[#18]
Not in the wrong but it's going to bite you in ass eventually.
I'm in my early 30's. You know how many women in my age range don't have kids? Not many.



Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:13:58 AM EDT
[#19]
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Quoted:
Not in the wrong but it's going to bite you in ass eventually.I'm in my early 30's. You know how many women in my age range don't have kids? Not many.

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See when I am older I do not think it will bother me as much. I will be at a much more stable place in life by then and I think I will be able to take on the responsibility of raising a child
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:15:06 AM EDT
[#20]
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:15:09 AM EDT
[#21]
Fuck no.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:15:19 AM EDT
[#22]

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Quoted:


you can't just 'date' a girl who has a kid... it's only fair to them and the kid to have a serious relationship with that person that reaches towards marriage... fuck around with single childless kids all you want, but girls with kids need stability and someone to be tied down with.. i give you more kudos for being outright honest with these women and not leading them on... asshole you are not, sir...
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Just the kid for me.  I've never met bigger whores than the single moms I've known who just got their body back and can ditch the kid on mom and dad.

 
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:15:25 AM EDT
[#23]
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:15:43 AM EDT
[#24]


Immature, but not an asshole.

Not calling you out, I was not better at 24.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:15:53 AM EDT
[#25]
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Quoted:


Eh nothing to eject from, I never did more than hang out with them a couple of times.
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Quoted:
Quoted:
no......eject


Eh nothing to eject from, I never did more than hang out with them a couple of times.



They will be back, single moms always come back.

Your 24 right now, I couldn't imagine missing everything I have done from 24 to 30 now because I was with a girl with a kid that was not mine...and I was engaged.
Then the arfcom curse happened.....still wouldn't trade it.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:16:14 AM EDT
[#26]
I'm 44 and I don't want to date a woman with a kid(s).  It's nearly unavoidable at this stage in my life, but it's not my preferred situation.  If I were 24, hahahaha, fuck no.

I would never tell a woman directly that her kid(s) were the reason I wasn't interested, but I wouldn't string them along either.  I just a give a sincere, "I don't think that we're compatible," type of reason.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:17:11 AM EDT
[#27]
It can depend on a lot of situations whether one could date a woman with children and most of those situations call for a resounding no.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:17:17 AM EDT
[#28]
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:17:25 AM EDT
[#29]
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Quoted:
I don't think so. if it's a deal breaker, it's a deal breaker. i've dated a chick with a kid before and frankly, it was a pain in the ass.  if you find someone you're really into, then that's different, but i wouldn't sweat it...
View Quote

Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:17:58 AM EDT
[#30]
Of course you're selfish, and very likely an asshole. That's what 24 year olds are.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:18:14 AM EDT
[#31]
If you have to ask...



Seriously though, I wouldn't say so. Protecting yourself from the problems associated with taking over another man's family is not selfish, it's smart.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:18:42 AM EDT
[#32]

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Quoted:


Not in the wrong but it's going to bite you in ass eventually.
I'm in my early 30's. You know how many women in my age range don't have kids? Not many.
View Quote



Me too, but I sure wish I had my 20's to do over again.  I wouldn't have spent a minute of it bonding with kids that I will never see again.

 
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:18:54 AM EDT
[#33]
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Quoted:

Raise YOUR child--not someone else's, as you will always have to deal with the shithead who isn't raising his own crotchfruit.
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Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Not in the wrong but it's going to bite you in ass eventually.I'm in my early 30's. You know how many women in my age range don't have kids? Not many.



See when I am older I do not think it will bother me as much. I will be at a much more stable place in life by then and I think I will be able to take on the responsibility of raising a child

Raise YOUR child--not someone else's, as you will always have to deal with the shithead who isn't raising his own crotchfruit.


The thing they talked about the most was the POS babydaddy that never sees the kid and never pays child support.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:18:56 AM EDT
[#34]
Ask yourself this: "What would Mad Dog Mattis do?





Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:20:06 AM EDT
[#35]
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Whatever the fuck he wanted.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:20:11 AM EDT
[#36]
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:22:02 AM EDT
[#37]
We've all been there. Historically, I would smash twice before ejecting, but I'm an asshole.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:22:46 AM EDT
[#38]
Not a selfsih A O for not wanting to get involved with a situation that you do not want in on but perhaps
you are an AO for telling them the reason. Single Moms have it tough enough without you laying a trip on them.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:22:51 AM EDT
[#39]
Been there, done that, won't do it again. You're not an asshole.

Just remember, when a woman has a kid, you'll most likely always be #2.

I would however consider doing it again if having a kid was her only negative and there was a lot of chemistry that I thought would last. Keep an one mind but don't let your brains fall out.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:25:32 AM EDT
[#40]
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Quoted:
Not a selfsih A O for not wanting to get involved with a situation that you do not want in on but perhaps
you are an AO for telling them the reason. Single Moms have it tough enough without you laying a trip on them.
View Quote


I was up front and honest, I have always been like that. I am not a bullshitter and when I have an issue I let you know what it is. I prefer what I did to making up some stupid reason.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:25:36 AM EDT
[#41]
Quoted:
Recently I have encountered a couple of women who I had considered dating but I refused to do so because they had a child. I told them the reason for not wanting to date them was their kid and because of the kid we would have constant problems because she would never be able to put the same effort into our relationship. I as a 24 year old male do not want to deal with those problems or the task of raising a child that is not mine. Knowing how I felt I was not willing to even attempt a relationship because it would only end up hurting her and confusing the child. Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome.
View Quote


do you play chess?
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:26:30 AM EDT
[#42]
I would say you are being more honest than most 24 year old guys.  Like stated above you don't date single moms you have a relationship with them and their child.  If she doesn't make it pretty cut and clear on the first few dates that her child takes priority over anyone or anything she probably is a shitty parent from my experience.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:26:32 AM EDT
[#43]
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Quoted:


do you play chess?
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Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
Recently I have encountered a couple of women who I had considered dating but I refused to do so because they had a child. I told them the reason for not wanting to date them was their kid and because of the kid we would have constant problems because she would never be able to put the same effort into our relationship. I as a 24 year old male do not want to deal with those problems or the task of raising a child that is not mine. Knowing how I felt I was not willing to even attempt a relationship because it would only end up hurting her and confusing the child. Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome.


do you play chess?


Nope, I'm more of a checkers guy.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:29:17 AM EDT
[#44]
I have been with enough girls who treat their dog like a child. Maybe being put 2nd to and actual human wouldn't suck as much though??
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:30:26 AM EDT
[#45]

Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


Not a selfsih A O for not wanting to get involved with a situation that you do not want in on but perhaps

you are an AO for telling them the reason. Single Moms have it tough enough without you laying a trip on them.
View Quote
Really?



Unless they happen to be widows, they made decisions in their lives that created the shitty situation they're in.

 


Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:33:31 AM EDT
[#46]
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Quoted:

If they called you names over that then you are dodging bullets.  They are selfish entitled bitches you are MUCH better off without.  They have spawn from some other stiff dick they want you to raise and support--then have the audacity to be angry you don't want to volunteer for that?  It's worse than I thought out there in the wilds.  Sheesh.  

On the bright side, it sounds as though your head is on straight, so I'd suggest associating with a better class of women.  Try ladies.  
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Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
"Asshole" for being honest and up front about things?  Stringing them along to get in their pants and then ditching them--that would be the a-hole move.


That's what I was saying, I could've lead them along and done them wrong but I told them how I felt. They didn't have to call me names

If they called you names over that then you are dodging bullets.  They are selfish entitled bitches you are MUCH better off without.  They have spawn from some other stiff dick they want you to raise and support--then have the audacity to be angry you don't want to volunteer for that?  It's worse than I thought out there in the wilds.  Sheesh.  

On the bright side, it sounds as though your head is on straight, so I'd suggest associating with a better class of women.  Try ladies.  

+1
At 24 there ought to be plenty of available ladies in your dating range who did not choose poorly.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:33:33 AM EDT
[#47]
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Quoted:


Nope, I'm more of a checkers guy.
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Quoted:
Quoted:
Recently I have encountered a couple of women who I had considered dating but I refused to do so because they had a child. I told them the reason for not wanting to date them was their kid and because of the kid we would have constant problems because she would never be able to put the same effort into our relationship. I as a 24 year old male do not want to deal with those problems or the task of raising a child that is not mine. Knowing how I felt I was not willing to even attempt a relationship because it would only end up hurting her and confusing the child. Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome.


do you play chess?


Nope, I'm more of a checkers guy.


Chinese Checkers is the shit.

also dominoes.

Both are probably bad metaphors.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:33:34 AM EDT
[#48]
You are not an asshole!!  

An asshole would insert himself into the kid's life so he could bang the milf, and then bail when he had enough.  

The kids don't need revolving door adults in their life.  If you do want to bang the milf, stay away from the kids unless/until you decide you want to marry their mom.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:33:40 AM EDT
[#49]
You are not an ahole at all OP.

I'm 54 and have never been married but I've dated lot's of single women with kids and even though I loved all of those kids, their mothers always made me feel second best...every...single...time.  

I finally found a woman about 10 years ago that had no kids, no exes that were hunting me etc... and we are doing fine all by ourselves.  Of course we are too old now to have kids of our own (she loves kids too)  and we are plenty ok with that.
Link Posted: 10/23/2014 12:37:13 AM EDT
[#50]
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Quoted:
Yes and no.  

Yes, you are selfish ... but that doesn't make you an asshole.
View Quote


I agree. At least you aren't leading anyone on.

I always thought kids weren't for me but I figured out later there is a lot of value/reward in raising children.

I have two buddies that got involved with single mothers. They both love the kids as their own.  Doesn't seem to be a subject of contention whatsoever for them.
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