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Posted: 8/1/2014 6:54:14 PM EDT
I got news today that my mother has stage 4 cancer, she is 71. They are still working on some of the biopsies so we don't know if it is one type of cancer or multiple cancers. They did tell us that her liver, colon, lungs and around her stomach have significant amounts of cancer. Surgery is not an option to because of how much cancer there is. We have been told chemo is the only option. With chemo they estimate 2-5 years before the cancer takes her, no chemo they give her 2-6 months. Mom would need to have chemo treatments on a weekly basis. At this time she plans to have the chemo. I'm kind of numb from this devastating news and have no idea of what we as a family are in for. Anyone who has dealt with this have any advice on what we need to do to get things in order and help my mother and the family cope with this?
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:02:15 PM EDT
[#1]
#1 is don't ever give up hope. Be there for her. My mother in law who I love dearly was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer which metastasized to her brain when she was 70. My wife thankfully handled the medical stuff as she is an oncologist. The rest of the family helped by providing moral support. Make sure she eats and stays hydrated. She will not want to eat or go out and do anything but you will need to spend time with her and bring her food and help her around the house etc. it will be easier for her to eat in a social situation surrounded by people she loves.

Listen to the doctors and do what they say, but make sure they are fighting for her. Make sure they know you are motivated to fight this cancer and they will know they are not wasting their time. This will motivate them. They need to see your mom has a good support system to help her thrive and fight this cancer.

Good luck brother , prayers sent your way.
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:05:41 PM EDT
[#2]
My grandfather has pancreatic cancer.  They also found a couple spots on his lungs, technically stage 4.  They started the recommended treatment which was apparently the most aggressive chemo ever made every other week.  When he started chemo January he was about 230 pounds and now he is ~100 pounds BUT the cancer is shrinking big time.  His blood levels keep getting better and better and he is due for a PET scan in a few days that will hopefully verify his blood test results.  His blood counts have gotten so good that he actually is only doing chemo every third week now which is allowing him to gain back weight slowly.  

It varies from person to person but chemo is generally a bitch.  Just be there for her and appreciate the time you have with her while it is there.  The chemo will probably make her very sick for the first few days afterwards so plan your activities for when she recovers before the next treatment.  My grandfather starts getting depressed right before the next treatment because he knows what will happen the week after it so raising her spirits around that time would be a good thing to do.

Good luck.
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:07:43 PM EDT
[#3]
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:08:27 PM EDT
[#4]
Dang OP.

Not much help here other than having gone through it afar with distant relatives.

The only advice I can give you is to tell your Mom how much you love her and thank her for everything she did for you.  Spoil her in any way that brings her comfort.  As crazy as it sounds, if she wants to talk about the end game and wills and property and stuff like that, talk to her about it.  My Mom told us several times because she knew she was dying but we blew her off--it was uncomfortable to talk about--so now we deal with trying to figure out who should get what.

That's it OP, other than my prayers.
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:12:35 PM EDT
[#5]
I am sorry to hear the news.  My mom just went through 6 chemo treatments for lung cancer.  She will begin radiation next week.  My best advice is spend as much time with her as possible, especially after the treatments.  Her appetite will most likely suffer, and she will feel nauseous.  The later my mom got into her treatments, the later she would feel the sickness from it.  Also, morale is a HUGE thing.  If it is possible to keep her active, do it.  Hang out with her, try to go do stuff when she can.  A lot of times when people hear the C word they just want to lay around and wait to die.  You can not let that happen.
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:12:42 PM EDT
[#6]
Quoted:
I got news today that my mother has stage 4 cancer, she is 71. They are still working on some of the biopsies so we don't know if it is one type of cancer or multiple cancers. They did tell us that her liver, colon, lungs and around her stomach have significant amounts of cancer. Surgery is not an option to because of how much cancer there is. We have been told chemo is the only option. With chemo they estimate 2-5 years before the cancer takes her, no chemo they give her 2-6 months. Mom would need to have chemo treatments on a weekly basis. At this time she plans to have the chemo. I'm kind of numb from this devastating news and have no idea of what we as a family are in for. Anyone who has dealt with this have any advice on what we need to do to get things in order and help my mother and the family cope with this?
View Quote

71 y/o with stage 4... Honestly it is her call but I'd get my stuff in order and just let it go. Chemo SUCKS. Chemo and being old sucks more.

I deal with a lot of this at work and the end result isn't pretty in the majority of my cases. Granting I work with the more immediately problematic people, but the quality of life is pretty low for most and with the advanced age your looking at a lot of side effects and secondary infections. No matter what have her spell out EXACTLY what she wants as far as advanced care (life support, CPR, etc) and most importantly get the whole family together to let them all know her wishes. Nothing worse then some dipshit family member popping in at the last minute saying how we should save mom and screwing up her wishes.
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:17:23 PM EDT
[#7]
I'm sorry Op.  Keep positive, and know the possible results.  

If I was in her place, I would like to think that I would do anything to have one more day with my family.  

Maybe remind her of that when she gets depressed.

Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:18:12 PM EDT
[#8]
I'm sorry, I will pray for you and your family.  I went through this with my father.  You are going to need someone that you lean on. It's been four years since he's passed and I still can't talk about it
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:22:05 PM EDT
[#9]

Without knowing the type of tumor, I'm not sure how they are coming up with a prognosis?

Hopefully it's something that responds well to chemo.  Prayers sent her way!
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:22:47 PM EDT
[#10]
Sorry to hear that.

Reactions to chemo vary a lot. My dad had stage 4 cancer and the chemo didn't bother him much at all, he actually said he felt better than he had in a long time after the treatments were over.

He actually beat the cancer and died flying his sport plane with clear scans, was a bucket list thing after the cancer.

Best wishes.
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:23:21 PM EDT
[#11]
Prayers sent.



When mom was diagnosed with bile duct cancer the outlook was 5 yrs.

When they went in to take it out they found they could not.



Mom put her fate in gods hand and fought the cancer.

She kept a happy out look no mater what.

The family also kept up a good attitude to help her.





The chemo and radiation will make her more sensitive to cold/heat.

Diet might change a bit.

Let her rest when she needs to but let her be active if she can.

Write down what every you can from the doctors visits and sometimes having a family friend go along.

Do not be afraid to ask questions.





Be there for her and keep a good/happy outlook on things. [It will be hard but do it.]
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:28:50 PM EDT
[#12]
I discussed the will and trust with my mom and dad today. My dads health is not good either. I'm the eldest and I expressed to them that they need their affairs in order. They agreed with me and said it is high on their priority list now. Mom expressed that she has had 71 good years and raised 4 good kids and she just wants to enjoy the time she has left. I was quite surprised by how upbeat she was. I pary that she can stay upbeat after weekly chemo treatments.
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:32:34 PM EDT
[#13]
Be prepared for anything.  Not wanting to get you down, but my dad died after two chemo treatments because he had undiagnosed diverticulitis.  Ended up with a perforated bowel from the chemo and he couldn't survive the surgery needed to repair it.  Again, I think my dad's case was unusual, but don't expect to have a year or two year fight.  I did, and it was like having a rug pulled out from under me.
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:32:57 PM EDT
[#14]
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Quoted:

Without knowing the type of tumor, I'm not sure how they are coming up with a prognosis?

Hopefully it's something that responds well to chemo.  Prayers sent her way!
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I didn't get to speak with the Dr. My information comes from dad and my niece who were with mom at the time of diagnosis.
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:33:44 PM EDT
[#15]
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71 y/o with stage 4... Honestly it is her call but I'd get my stuff in order and just let it go. Chemo SUCKS. Chemo and being old sucks more.

I deal with a lot of this at work and the end result isn't pretty in the majority of my cases. Granting I work with the more immediately problematic people, but the quality of life is pretty low for most and with the advanced age your looking at a lot of side effects and secondary infections. No matter what have her spell out EXACTLY what she wants as far as advanced care (life support, CPR, etc) and most importantly get the whole family together to let them all know her wishes. Nothing worse then some dipshit family member popping in at the last minute saying how we should save mom and screwing up her wishes.
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Quoted:
Quoted:
I got news today that my mother has stage 4 cancer, she is 71. They are still working on some of the biopsies so we don't know if it is one type of cancer or multiple cancers. They did tell us that her liver, colon, lungs and around her stomach have significant amounts of cancer. Surgery is not an option to because of how much cancer there is. We have been told chemo is the only option. With chemo they estimate 2-5 years before the cancer takes her, no chemo they give her 2-6 months. Mom would need to have chemo treatments on a weekly basis. At this time she plans to have the chemo. I'm kind of numb from this devastating news and have no idea of what we as a family are in for. Anyone who has dealt with this have any advice on what we need to do to get things in order and help my mother and the family cope with this?

71 y/o with stage 4... Honestly it is her call but I'd get my stuff in order and just let it go. Chemo SUCKS. Chemo and being old sucks more.

I deal with a lot of this at work and the end result isn't pretty in the majority of my cases. Granting I work with the more immediately problematic people, but the quality of life is pretty low for most and with the advanced age your looking at a lot of side effects and secondary infections. No matter what have her spell out EXACTLY what she wants as far as advanced care (life support, CPR, etc) and most importantly get the whole family together to let them all know her wishes. Nothing worse then some dipshit family member popping in at the last minute saying how we should save mom and screwing up her wishes.


This.   Also, take time off work whenever you're able, especially as you sense her time has come.  My dad's prostate cancer was in remission for years, but once it becomes hormone-resistant is when you need chemo. I got 3 extra years with him thanks to it.

It'll be long and drawn-out, which adds to your stress, but you'll get more time with her.

Come together NOW as a team while your heads are clear. If you wait until the last moment, it could negatively impact your family.

My dad was the glue, and we did not work as a team. When he passed, my family spiraled. Whatever you do, try not to let that happen.  You need each other more than ever.

You're in my thoughts and prayers, OP.

ETA: Whether she gets chemo or not, always act as if your moments with her are your last, as you never know how things will turn out.  3 months after my dad passed away, my brother-in-law (loved him like a brother) was hemming and hawing about whether to visit his mom in the hospital (4 hr drive). I advised him to go, as he never knew if he'd see her again (was thinking her time was coming). 2 months later he was murdered.  You just have to be there in that moment because literally anything can happen.

ETA2: Hopefully their will doesn't leave the bulk of their estate to each other.  I don't recall the details, bout my mom (attorney) had told me there's some kind of legal or tax burden that stems from doing this. Have them talk to an attorney to get the skinny and make sure they're in good shape.
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:38:32 PM EDT
[#16]
F?$k cancer!
My wife just finished 17 weeks of chemo for breast cancer. It sucked, but she's young and in otherwise good health. I'm not saying don't do it, but I'm telling you it won't be easy if she decides to fight. I use the analogy that chemo is like spraying the whole yard with roundup to try and kill the weeds. We'll say a prayer for her and her family.
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:38:43 PM EDT
[#17]
Sorry to hear the bad news OP.  Based on the organs infected I would hazard a guess she has colon cancer.  I was diagnosed with colorectal cancer last summer and had 12-15" of my sigmoid colon and upper rectum removed surgically before doing 6 months of chemo.  All signs indicated I was cured up until May of this year, when we got the unexpected diagnosis of a 2" tumor in my liver.  I just had that surgically removed 4 weeks ago.  I'm in the process of investigating a very difficult surgically implanted chemo method as an extra layer of attack against further infection of what's left of my liver.  I've made it through this to this point by having a positive "fuck you, cancer" attitude and lots of support from my family, friends, and employer.  So lesson number 1 is be there for your mom, and get as many other supporters as you can organized to do the same.  Keep her spirits up and keep reminding her that every extra day with her is worth fighting for.

About chemo:  There are different drugs for different cancers.  Some are worse than others.  I can only tell you about the stuff they gave me for colon cancer.  At the initial high dose levels the side effects were strong and not much fun.  They were bearable though.  The worst of it was the last two months when the stuff had accumulated in my system and my recovery weeks weren't really enough to get much recovery.  I never did throw up, although I often felt like I would in the near future.  The worst was the neuropathy and difficulty drinking it caused.  It was bearable though.  

IM me if you want to go over anything in more detail.  Every cancer patient's experience is unique, which is one of the most frustrating aspects of treating it, but I'd be happy to share my insights fwtw.
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:41:35 PM EDT
[#18]
The treatment is hell, and it is hard on everyone, but don't underestimate what willpower can do. Sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis, but the fact that she isn't just going to throw the towel in means that she is a fighter.

Good luck.
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:42:05 PM EDT
[#19]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
I discussed the will and trust with my mom and dad today. My dads health is not good either. I'm the eldest and I expressed to them that they need their affairs in order. They agreed with me and said it is high on their priority list now. Mom expressed that she has had 71 good years and raised 4 good kids and she just wants to enjoy the time she has left. I was quite surprised by how upbeat she was. I pray that she can stay upbeat after weekly chemo treatments.
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Chemo can make you really, really tired at times and sometimes having a bunch of people around can be overwhelming. Let your mom do things her way, and run interference for her to help her do the things she wants while also giving her the privacy she needs when she needs it. Basically be her advocate. And best wishes......
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:45:16 PM EDT
[#20]
Quoted:
I got news today that my mother has stage 4 cancer, she is 71. They are still working on some of the biopsies so we don't know if it is one type of cancer or multiple cancers. They did tell us that her liver, colon, lungs and around her stomach have significant amounts of cancer. Surgery is not an option to because of how much cancer there is. We have been told chemo is the only option. With chemo they estimate 2-5 years before the cancer takes her, no chemo they give her 2-6 months. Mom would need to have chemo treatments on a weekly basis. At this time she plans to have the chemo. I'm kind of numb from this devastating news and have no idea of what we as a family are in for. Anyone who has dealt with this have any advice on what we need to do to get things in order and help my mother and the family cope with this?
View Quote


In my wifes case there wasn't any aftermath. She died after her 3rd treatment.

July 26th, 2013

It was a long shot anyway but we had to try.

Four months later my Golden Retreiver succumbed to the same disease.

One out of every four people will die from it.

Good luck.

Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:47:37 PM EDT
[#21]
My Gram had some rare type of  Lymphoma. She'd always been really healthy and active up until cancer. They did aggressive Chemo which she responded well to, knocked the cancer back, and later went on a long term experimental drug trial to keep it from recurring. She's a few years into it and doing really well aside from some of the medication side effects. It took a bit of a toll on her; she looks older and doesn't have the energy that she used to, but it beats the alternative...

Had she gotten it just a few years earlier, I doubt she'd be cancer-free right now (or alive).

I really need to visit her soon.
Link Posted: 8/1/2014 7:57:23 PM EDT
[#22]
Dealt with this in the family. What are her wishes? If it was me, I'd take the 2-6 months over the long range chemotherapy.

If it happened to me right now, I'd ask my family to take me fishing a few more times, and then let me go.

Chemo is the worst way to keep living, if you are terminal... Who wants to spend that much more time being sick, but alive?



I wish for the best for you and your family, and I just said a prayer for your Grandma..



God bless..


Link Posted: 8/1/2014 9:50:47 PM EDT
[#23]
My mother survived colon cancer with an operation followed by chemo and radiation.

Being old school, she wasn't going to do the chemo/rad but we talked her into it.  While it was surely hard on her (similar age) she made it; didn't even lose any hair which she was most worried about (why, I don't know).

Good luck and stay strong for her.
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 12:21:39 AM EDT
[#24]
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I'm sorry Op.  Keep positive, and know the possible results.  

If I was in her place, I would like to think that I would do anything to have one more day with my family.  

Maybe remind her of that when she gets depressed.

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This...worked for my mom.
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 12:23:07 AM EDT
[#25]
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Quoted:


This...worked for my mom.
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I'm sorry Op.  Keep positive, and know the possible results.  

If I was in her place, I would like to think that I would do anything to have one more day with my family.  

Maybe remind her of that when she gets depressed.



This...worked for my mom.

I'm happy, very happy, for your mother but sadly this kind of talk gets patients and their families hopes up.
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 12:41:13 AM EDT
[#26]


Sorry about your families situation.

Link Posted: 8/2/2014 12:55:06 AM EDT
[#27]
as a previous poster said, chemo can be a bitch.

I had testicular cancer at 23yo.  It had spread to a significant number of lymph nodes.  The chemo was 5 months.  Imagine the worst hangover you've ever had, now imagine it combined with puking and lasting 5 months.  Quality of life was near zero.  And I was in the Army in peak fitness, scoring 331 on my PT test (on the extended scale).

I've already made the decision that if I am past age 70 and am diagnosed with cancer, I'm not getting treated.  I'm getting a stack of DVDs of movies I've always wanted to watch, a kegerator, and spending time with my family rather than go through that living hell again.
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 1:08:46 AM EDT
[#28]
Older people can sometimes last a lot longer in end stage cancer than younger people. Senior citizens have slower metabolisms in general which also translates to slower cancer.

Did they tell you how chemotherapies work? Chemo is a type of low grade poison. Cancer cells have high metabolisms = they will usually consume "eat" more of the poison before harming the healthy cells. There was a interview that I read concerning chemotherapy and one of the doctors that invented the process. He recommends not eating any "cancer fighting" foods while on chemo. "Super foods" sort of counteract the active ingredients of the cancer killing poison. You want those cancers to fill up with as much of the chemo ASAP and without dilution.

There are so many new cancer treatments coming out but the FDA really drags their feet. Cancer targeting nano-particles cells and or super massive doses of vaccines boosting your immune system may end cancer all together.
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 1:34:05 AM EDT
[#29]
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I'm happy, very happy, for your mother but sadly this kind of talk gets patients and their families hopes up.
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I'm sorry Op.  Keep positive, and know the possible results.  

If I was in her place, I would like to think that I would do anything to have one more day with my family.  

Maybe remind her of that when she gets depressed.



This...worked for my mom.


I'm happy, very happy, for your mother but sadly this kind of talk gets patients and their families hopes up.


In my mom's case she got at least 15 more years out of it before dying of natural causes.  To be honest, when the doctor gave us the news (IVA [colon+ovaries]) I was the one who recognized the gravity of the situation and secretly didn't hold much hope.

There isn't much of an alternative.
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 2:04:58 AM EDT
[#30]
have nothing to add that others have not touched on already.
stay hopeful, pray if your of the mind to.
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 2:48:12 AM EDT
[#31]
somebody already touched on it but make sure her wishes as far as resuscitation and end of life care are documented and set in stone.

A DNR is a powerful tool but it has to be in writing and official, just telling a family member that you don't want to be revived is not enough.

Hopefully it doesn't come to that, but if it does it's best to have your affairs in order.

Good luck
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 2:53:26 AM EDT
[#32]
Payers inbound.

Link Posted: 8/2/2014 2:59:26 AM EDT
[#33]
My mom passed away from cancer when I was in 10th grade. She was skin and bones when she died. Eating will be terrible, it was for mom. Ensure shakes was the only thing she could "eat" that had any nutritional value. It's a terrible thing to go through.
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 3:02:10 AM EDT
[#34]
I lost both parents to cancer.
My mom passed away in my front bedroom after battling breast cancer since 1994 last feb.
If there is any bright side it's a slow train wreck - gives everyone time to say, do the things that need to be said or done.
It's a sad time though seeing the decline, becoming the parent in a role reversal.
Made me stronger and I'd like to think a better man.
I still have to clean out her room where I took her in to care for her - just have not felt like dealing with it.
I took her wig back to be donated a couple weeks ago and while waiting for the woman in the wig salon who deals with cancer patients I broke down crying - sorta felt that I was over her passing but holding that wig on its cheap plastic stand made me sad.
Being with her when she passed was one of the most important things I have done in my life also terribly sad.

Eta sorry about your mom OP but it's not over until it's over good luck.
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 3:09:14 AM EDT
[#35]
Wife will have her 4th chemo treatment next wee. It is hard on her. I hope everything gets better for of ya that are going through this now or have been through it. My wife said after her first treatment that she would rather just have cancer instead of the chemo.
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 3:15:44 AM EDT
[#36]
Prayers sent.
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 3:43:10 AM EDT
[#37]
Well OP first nothing but positive prayers for a complete recovery.

Most on this board have a road map of their life and think they will hit every destination as many will learn sometimes you will find you have to drive not knowing how or where we are going. But like every good scifi movie it is time to plot a course.

Cancer is the work of the devil, I despise the devil so to combat him I have taken all my problems and placed them into the hands of God.

Your mother needs to be the most physically strong, mentally strong and spiritually strong she can be.

There is a lot of really great treatments going on with modern medcine.

I worked with a man who was riddled with cancer to where they stopped the operation and said chemo was his only hope, well it turns out he responded to chemo well and was back to work in short time.

most would shit a brick to know this but we all get cancer everyday - fortunately we have cancer kill cells that quickly attack the bad cells. You need to get your moms kill cells running stronger.

I know many have had success with a PH diet. when you have a perfectly balnced ph level in your body cancer cannot survive.

Get ready to really enjoy the good days, learn to control the pit in your stomach bad days.

old people will want to focus on death, you make her focus on life.

God Bless
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 3:47:59 AM EDT
[#38]
every cancer is different many cancer in older women are now maintained by hormone therapy.  radiation will make her tired.  it takes a few weeks to get over it depending on dosage

chemo sucks but the worse is the steroids used to prevent inflammation of the tumor they cause mood swings, insomnia, weight gain, and cataracts..  

best of luck to your mom
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 4:07:05 AM EDT
[#39]
A lot of good advice here. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 76, then again at 81. She beat it back the second time and when she passed away at age 86, it was really more from natural causes, although getting chemo at her advanced age really took a toll on her body.

My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer and 2005 and is now in cancer free, although she too has had other health issues which I can only attribute to the aggressive chemotherapy she received. She was a nurse at MD Anderson for 13 or 14 years, so she was well aware of what her year of chemo and radiation would be like. Because of her age at the time (late 40s), she wanted the strongest and most aggressive chemo she could handle, with the idea that her chances of remission would be better later if she took the worst of it when relatively young. So far, so good.

She had already left cancer nursing years prior to her diagnosis, and began a second career as a hospice nurse. As some have mentioned already, there are patients that will forego treatment altogether and choose to spend their final days at home, surrounded by family and enjoying what time they have left on their own terms. There's something to be said for that, but it's a very personal decision.

As far as the financial planning phase that includes creation of wills and trusts, I'd strongly recommend that anyone find an attorney specializing in Elder Care issues. They'll help guide the process for all family members, and often think of questions that haven't been asked, that need to be addressed while everyone has a clear head. Both my parents used one before passing away and it made a big difference for our family. With me in Texas and the parents and sister in New York State, it offered some real peace of mind.

All the best to you OP. You and your family have some tough times ahead so savor each day as it comes.
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 4:15:04 AM EDT
[#40]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
My Gram had some rare type of  Lymphoma. She'd always been really healthy and active up until cancer. They did aggressive Chemo which she responded well to, knocked the cancer back, and later went on a long term experimental drug trial to keep it from recurring. She's a few years into it and doing really well aside from some of the medication side effects. It took a bit of a toll on her; she looks older and doesn't have the energy that she used to, but it beats the alternative...

Had she gotten it just a few years earlier, I doubt she'd be cancer-free right now (or alive).

I really need to visit her soon.
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Thanks to your grandma for participating in a clinical trial. The knowledge gained can benefit all.
Best wishes to her.
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 4:52:17 AM EDT
[#41]
Your Mom is very sick. This is just my opinion, might not match yours, but we went through this with my mother in law. She was just as sick as your Mom. Chemo is great for younger, healthier cancer patients.  Stage 4 means you are overwhelmed with this disease. Chemo will just drag out your death. You will be sick all the time and too weak to enjoy life.

Hospice is provided by Medicare and Mom can be kept very comfortable. Joan lasted 2 months and died in my arms in my house. She was happy to be with us and we took great care with her. I am not saying it was a great experience in a fun way, but it made it easier for Joan and us.

I am now taking care of my father in law who has Alzheimer's and my wife and I both believe we would rather die a quick death from cancer than linger for years staring at the walls like Bill is doing.

Hospice provides morphine, hospital bed, diapers, nurses through Medicare. Contact a hospice center and at least interview them.

Life is way too short. Sounds like you have a great Mom. Enjoy her while you have her. She raised you. Now it is time for you to help her. Take good care of her. Might sound silly in a way, but brother to brother, I love you and your Mom. God bless both of you.
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 5:23:36 AM EDT
[#42]
Prayers for your mom DKM.

Mine went 6 years ago after her 4th bout with cancer...she knew, but never told anyone. (I believe)
Link Posted: 8/2/2014 5:25:34 AM EDT
[#43]
Thank for your prayers, posts and PMs they are very much appreciated. First thing I have to do is get them moved back up here to my area. They have a place in town but haven't lived in it for 10 years. I'm looking into the suggestions that have been PMed.

God bless you all,

DKM
Link Posted: 8/3/2014 4:03:06 PM EDT
[#44]
PS: PLEASE... talk to a palliative care specialist. The few I have worked with have been overwhelmingly wonderful and compassionate about the care their patients receive.
Link Posted: 8/3/2014 4:15:45 PM EDT
[#45]
My dad just died in June from stage 4 lung cancer that had spread all over. He started chemo in June of last year. Docs gave him 12-14 months.

It kicked his ass for a while, he was always tired.

Spend as much time with her as possible. Work with her to get all her affairs in order. Get important documents like deeds and wills together. Make sure all her insurance stuff is taken care of and current.

Link Posted: 8/3/2014 4:46:35 PM EDT
[#46]
My mom was only 53 and just passed in April from stage 4 small cell lung cancer. Went to the hospital one day in February because she started feeling out of breath with barely enough energy to walk. She decided against chemo & radiation. I feel for you, cancer sucks. We had no burial arrangements setup when my mom passed and once it happens you have to make decisions at the worst possible time. It's a difficult thing to talk about but you should probably find out what her wishes are.
Link Posted: 8/3/2014 4:58:57 PM EDT
[#47]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
My mom was only 53 and just passed in April from stage 4 small cell lung cancer. Went to the hospital one day in February because she started feeling out of breath with barely enough energy to walk. She decided against chemo & radiation. I feel for you, cancer sucks. We had no burial arrangements setup when my mom passed and once it happens you have to make decisions at the worst possible time. It's a difficult thing to talk about but you should probably find out what her wishes are.
View Quote


She has made it clear that she wants to be cremated. I will be keeping after her and dad to get her DNR and everything else updated or taken care of.
Link Posted: 8/3/2014 5:00:21 PM EDT
[#48]
Prayers sent. Being strong as a family helps.

My dad just underwent surgery. He is currently taking chemo treatments.

He still works out on the treadmill and elliptical trainer every day. Some days are better than others for him





Link Posted: 8/3/2014 5:08:20 PM EDT
[#49]
We just spread my wife's dad's ashes last week at one of his favorite hunting spots.  He beat colon cancer for five years. When he got diagnosed with cancer in his liver, lungs etc. he said there was no way he was going through chemo again.
Link Posted: 8/3/2014 5:09:19 PM EDT
[#50]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
We just spread my wife's dad's ashes last week at one of his favorite hunting spots.  He beat colon cancer for five years. When he got diagnosed with cancer in his liver, lungs etc. he said there was no way he was going through chemo again.
View Quote




God bless.

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