Always loved the looks on the EMS guy's faces with those.

A large portion of FF/EMS work involves shockingly overweight people stuck in/on/under furniture.

Improperly maintained gas pump at the gas station next door to our fire department. A woman does a drive off with the nozzle of the hose in the car. Break off valve fails. Emergency cut off fails. Floods the parking lot with gas. Had to cut off power at the breaker panel in the back of the store for the pump.

Damn close. Caledonian Hospital and they called from Woodruff and Ocean Av.

previous thread

Another thread exists, but this one has new material, keep it going.

Girl drinks shroom tea, and calls 911 saying she's trapped in her bathroom and dying. She forgot how to use a door knob. Her roommates and friends with all the dope having a party in the living room were not impressed.

Working Security for a major metropolitan Hospital, I got a call once about a green car driving at a high rate of speed in the parking lot. The hospital I worked at had parking for thousands surrounding the building, no mention of direction, which parking lot, just a green car. I told the Nurse who apparently received the complaint form a female patient, "i will get right on that, and continued with what I was doing prior to the call." I mean seriously what do the want me to do with so little information? No make, model, 2dr, 4dr, plate nothing, no direction of travel, or location of incident, and in my experience high rate of speed is very subjective, to  people I mean a person could be going 10 mph and if they drive right past you it seems very fast.

I sincerely hope she was charged with false reporting.

Many years ago........ 2am, 10 degrees outside, 4th thirteen hour shift (our Friday), 50'ish y/o welfare abuser. Smokes 2 packs a day, drinks all day, can't understand why she doesn't feel good. Has every coach potato disease known to man, CHF, COPD, diabetes..... Blah, blah, blah....

Me: Ma'am, why did you call 911?

Women: I called because my toes are green.

Me: Can we see your toes ma'am? (Might be diabetic neuropathy and it's pretty cold out)

Women: No, just take me to the hospital.

My partner: Look, we're not just gonna run down to the ER for some bullshit, now take your damn slippers off!

Women: Fine, (she throws her lighter across the room)

She takes off her slippers, and her toes are absolutely fine.

Women: Now take me to the goddamn hospital!

Me: For what? Your toes are fine, there is nothing wrong with them, they look normal flesh color to me.

Women: My fucking neighbor told me at dinner that my toes looked green!  

My partner: When was fucking dinner? Why the fuck didn't you call then?

Me: No fucking way you need the ER lady! You need your eyes checked if think your toes are green!

Women: I can't see them, I'm half blind you assholes!

My partner: Then why the fuck are we here? Because your neighbor told you 8 hours ago that your toes looked green?

Women: Yes, now take me to the ER!

My partner: Ok, let's go dipshit!

If they wanted to go, we had to take them, no exceptions. That's one of almost 40,000 EMS calls I ran in my 18 years on a rig. Shit like this was very common, especially after midnight.

Lady thought she smelled smoke , turns out it was a skunk at 3 in the morning

I have WAAAAAAY too many and would take a dedicated, tacked thread.

it never fails that when someone falls in the bathroom they get wedged between the shitter in the wall

I need to remember that one.

As a recently minted corrections officer.





...





Most of the issues we deal with are dumb.





When people say CO's wear a lot of hats, the hat that gets worn the most seems to be the "mommy and daddy" hat.





"I have a stomach ache."





"I want a bottom bunk."





"I'm not eating this, there's carrots in it!"




etc, etc...






 

What is muscle fucking I'm afraid to google it?

I used to love our version of "domestics."  When cellmates go bad, one of them would often consult us on what course should be taken. I would get them together, in either the cell or the office, and try to discern if it was going to become violent. If yes, they get sent to the Lieutenant for movement to AD/SEG. If it was just the usual bitching, I would ask them what they thought prison was going to be like? Guess what? Y'all are gonna become new best friends! Then I would tell them that if one of them came down with so much as a skin rash, they would both be locked up, and probably shipped thousands of miles away. That usually solved the problem.

The stupid amounts of posturing and ego inflating is something to behold.






Commissary day is fun, AKA the day where debts get paid off. (or at least, attempted to be.)
Heaven help someone if they come up short a honey bun.
Corrections is a lot like being a human zookeeper.
 

I got called to a bird in a tree once.  I shit you not...

Had a semi famous person stroke out and die in that position last year

We frequently had people from the outskirts of town call an ambo for chest pain. Get them to the hospital and they walk off. Free ride to town to get groceries and what not. BIA picked up the 300$ tab.

Not real funny but we had someone get pinned to their house by a gas powered push mulcher that got stuck in reverse. Stuck the older person right In the neck and suffocated them, damn thing was still running when we got there,he had been there, dead, for about an hour on a busy residential street before anyone called it in.

First day on the job, still in plain clothes.  My FTO and I were driving down the main street, and saw a goat walking down the middle of the road.  We caught up to the goat in the Dunkin' Donut parking lot, and a passerby told us who the owner was.  We brought the goat back to the person's house and knocked on the door (shitty little slum house).  Woman thanked us for bringing her goat back, put a rope around it's neck, and brought it into the house  Now I can literally say that I've had a goat rope in the Dunkin' Donuts parking lot.  The joys of working in a small town.

In the city where I first worked as a police officer, there was a city ordinance against people playing ball in the street.  There was also an apartment building in town that was an assisted living deal for elderly folks.

I had a female co-worker get a call for 12 year old girl that was constipated an had a turd get stuck earlier this month.  Little girl's mother wanted my co-worker to stick her finger into the little girls butt and pull the turd out.  

My co-worker refused,  and gave mom a glove, so mom tried.  Then my co-worker assisted the little girl to her mom's car after mom failed at "Operation Poop Retrieval" so she could be driven to the hospital for an enema and I assume an evaluation by psychologists for the long term damage done by letting mom finger up her rectum in front of a horrified stranger.

Went on a gas leak. Get get there and the structure didn't even have gas hook up. But there was definitely a nasty smell. After 45 mins I found a rotten roast in the oven. Apparently the wife tried to prove to her husband she could cook and forgot about it from several days ago.

I was lookin through my Photobucket account tonight and found this pic.
Not really a dumb call, but a funny prank my partner got me with. I went to the bathroom, nothing in the hall, when I came out this!