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Posted: 7/21/2014 3:46:23 PM EDT
[#1]
Finish the basement out now, not later and make a "MIL" apartment in it with a bathroom, kitchen and a couple bedrooms. Make sure you have a locking door dividing it from the rest of the house so you can have a little privacy if you want it occasionally.
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Posted: 7/21/2014 3:49:12 PM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Finish the basement out now, not later and make a "MIL" apartment in it with a bathroom, kitchen and a couple bedrooms. Make sure you have a locking door dividing it from the rest of the house so you can have a little privacy if you want it occasionally. I would worry about a locking door in case of a fire. I was going to suggest all exterior doors be locked, but then decided against it due to the dangers associated with them in a fire. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 3:49:17 PM EDT
[#3]
Do they/does he drive?? is he fairly active? How long were they at the home they are moving out of? When Dementia patients wonder, and they will. they generally seek the place they've lived the longest and places from childhood. I'd check into a GPS tracker for both car and Dad. I've spent many a hour searching for a wandering patient, that escaped from a health care facility.
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Posted: 7/21/2014 3:50:59 PM EDT
[#4]
I feel for you dude, you are doing the right thing your mom cant do it alone.
If you or they have $ get in home care at least 8 hours a day as he gets worse you guys will need the help. Just remember he will start acting in a way he has no control over and be carefull my grandpa got lost in front of his own house when he went out side by him self. My wifes grandpa just passed over the weekend, he had it as well. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 3:52:02 PM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Do they/does he drive?? is he fairly active? How long were they at the home they are moving out of? When Dementia patients wonder, and they will. they generally seek the place they've lived the longest and places from childhood. I'd check into a GPS tracker for both car and Dad. I've spent many a hour searching for a wandering patient, that escaped from a health care facility. My neighbor has it pretty bad. He takes some sort of medicine for it. If he forgets to take the medicine he will drive to old houses, or try to sexually assault the cleaning lady.  I guess he thinks she is his wife from time to time. She just comes to our house and we drive her home. She does not hold it against him but that has to be hard to deal with.
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Posted: 7/21/2014 3:55:37 PM EDT
[#6]
See about getting a GPS locator for him and any vehicle he has access to
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Posted: 7/21/2014 3:56:50 PM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
See about getting a GPS locator for him and any vehicle he has access to That is what my neighbor has. I doubt he knows about it but his son installed it. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 3:57:23 PM EDT
[#8]
My mom has it, although she lives out of state by my sister we do visit. My wife worked with Alzheimer's patients and she finds that treating them more like a child helps. We do not argue with her and sometimes it's choices like a child (ex. do you want to eat this or that, not do you want to eat?)
Good luck and have patience. Roy |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:02:19 PM EDT
[#9]
Have you talked to the local county agency on aging/ or Alzheimer's, Not sure of the exact name but either might be able to offer some good advise. Talking to someone who has been through this would be a huge benefit to you to get some information on situations that are common or situations that might come up. I think you would want to line up someone for respite care as well. I wish you and your parents well.
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:02:19 PM EDT
[#10]
Just went through this with my dad (and mom) Dad had dementia, mom a stroke. Dad moved in the spring of 2011 - and passed that Thanksgiving. Mom moved in about the same time when the stroke rehab center said that they had done as much as they could.
Dementia patients are trying and they take a lot of supervision. Dad went wandering a couple times - but usually the latch on the gate defeated his efforts. I had to put his pj's on backwards because if he found the pockets he would start tearing at them until the pj's were shredded. He found a pair of scissors once and cut his pants into ribbons. He got to where he couldn't watch tv with ANY violence in it (no westerns, cop shows, nothing) because he was sure it was real and wanted it to stop, it scared him. We have a split level home. I finished the lower level for mom and dad as it was overall the most suitable. It has a small bathroom with a roll in shower all ceramic tile, a pedestal style sink I can get a wheel chair under, and a 'comfort' height toilet so it's easier to lift mom on and off the toilet. Neither was capable of doing any food prep so the kitchenette is really a sink and microwave and a refrigerator. We do meal prep upstairs. There is a large bedroom, a main living area with the kitchenette and a sofa and a TV, and there is the more or less HC accessible bathroom. It's isn't really HC accessable, but we make it work. I put in an Acorn stair lift, Dad had blood pressure issues and knee/hip issues and couldn't reliably negotiate stairs. Mom has to be put on the lift and put into another chair upstairs if she is coming up. We have a bath aide in 2x a week to help mom with a shower. Dad had a catheter which made him eligible for a bath aide. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:03:58 PM EDT
[#11]
Medical bracelet with name and address works good when they slip out. When they start getting bad they will need lots of room to pace around. Familiar music helps with calming. Walk in shower and wheelchair access should be in mind when remodeling. And stock up on the caffeinated drinks you will be in for some long nights.
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:12:44 PM EDT
[#12]
Quoted:
All My dad and mom currently live out of state and the tests have come back and he has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's That said me and my siblings are currently looking to move my mom and dad down to VA and in with me in order to take pressure off my mom. (my mom does need a break) I have a four bedroom house and a unfinished basement. (Two bedrooms are unused the third is an office). How should I prep my house and myself when my parents move back in with me? For now I will look at giving them the 2 spare bedrooms, but later look at finishing the basement for them. Any advice is appreciated in dealing with a family member with Alzheimer's Thanks I'm sorry to hear that. My dad has Parkinson's with Dementia so I understand your pain. I'm not sure how far your dad is along. If he is incapable of driving, make sure to keep car keys hidden/out of view. Folks with dementia often have urges to wander. That can mean grabbing car keys and driving off. Or walking off. Firearms, knives, or other dangerous things also need to be addressed if he is farther along. Stairs can be deadly. Lots of little things can agitate a demented person. They dont handle change well. Pets/noisy children, etc. Agitated, demented people can become violent even towards family members.. Don't try to argue with someone with dementia. Routine is your friend. If you have noisy neighbors/neighbors with noisy pets, I would warn them. We recently had a man with Alzheimer's in our neighborhood stab his neighbors dog to death because it wouldn't stop barking. Keep an eye on things like gas stoves. They tend to get turned on and not off. You may start to find various objects in strange places. A TV remote in the fridge, a pillow in the cupboard... etc. Make sure he takes whatever medication is prescribed. Alzheimer's meds are very beneficial but have nasty side effects. He may resist them. A medication patch is your friend. Good luck. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:26:18 PM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I would worry about a locking door in case of a fire. I was going to suggest all exterior doors be locked, but then decided against it due to the dangers associated with them in a fire. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Finish the basement out now, not later and make a "MIL" apartment in it with a bathroom, kitchen and a couple bedrooms. Make sure you have a locking door dividing it from the rest of the house so you can have a little privacy if you want it occasionally. I would worry about a locking door in case of a fire. I was going to suggest all exterior doors be locked, but then decided against it due to the dangers associated with them in a fire. The basement does have an opening into my backyard so I would never be able to secure the openings. I am a bit leery about refinishing the basement with a kitchen (for fire reasons). Also I figure if mom and me were on the same floor as my dad we could provide better oversight over dad. My dad currently has a restricted license in the state he resides, however from talking to my siblings that have ridden in a car with him after dark it is "scary". To be honest I would prefer if they had the option of a different home than mine (I love them dearly but not sure I am ready for it). However it appears that may not be an option for them at this time. Edit Us siblings 2 months to get ready for it so I am asking questions now. /Edit |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:29:40 PM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
The basement does have an opening into my backyard so I would never be able to secure the openings. I am a bit leery about refinishing the basement with a kitchen (for fire reasons). Also I figure if mom and me were on the same floor as my dad we could provide better oversight over dad. My dad currently has a restricted license in the state he resides, however from talking to my siblings that have ridden in a car with him after dark it is "scary". To be honest I would prefer if they had the option of a different home than mine (I love them dearly but not sure I am ready for it). However it appears that may not be an option for them at this time. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Finish the basement out now, not later and make a "MIL" apartment in it with a bathroom, kitchen and a couple bedrooms. Make sure you have a locking door dividing it from the rest of the house so you can have a little privacy if you want it occasionally. I would worry about a locking door in case of a fire. I was going to suggest all exterior doors be locked, but then decided against it due to the dangers associated with them in a fire. The basement does have an opening into my backyard so I would never be able to secure the openings. I am a bit leery about refinishing the basement with a kitchen (for fire reasons). Also I figure if mom and me were on the same floor as my dad we could provide better oversight over dad. My dad currently has a restricted license in the state he resides, however from talking to my siblings that have ridden in a car with him after dark it is "scary". To be honest I would prefer if they had the option of a different home than mine (I love them dearly but not sure I am ready for it). However it appears that may not be an option for them at this time. My great grandmother had it. It was frustrating, but we still loved her. From what I understand the current medicines go a long way. I believe my grandfather is developing dementia, but no one wants to acknowledge it.
Like some have said, act like they are a child. Baby proof the house. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:34:20 PM EDT
[#15]
Have you done something like this before?
Are you married? |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:37:15 PM EDT
[#16]
Alzheimer patient and stairs. Not a good combo. You and your wife will probably have to be the ones in the basement, with the parents upstairs where it's flat. If there are stairs there as well....ugh. Might have to get a different house, or put them in an assisted living site.
I am actually thinking about selling my house now, and getting into a one story ranch home, primarily for when we get older. Wife has already taken a tumble down the short flight of stairs once, and she's not even 40 yet... |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:37:26 PM EDT
[#17]
Good luck.
When you remodel your basement into an apparent for them or commonly refereed to as a "MIL addition" remember every inch counts, and I mean that literally. Remember they are now living with you until they pass (unless you plan otherwise). This means you should accommodate for possible use of a wheel chair (think showers, doors; etc) feel free to send me a PM if you need more ideas. I've done multiple additions for people in similar conditions, as well as having to do one for my grandfather at my fathers house who also had Alzheimer's |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:37:55 PM EDT
[#18]
Dementia is a horrible, horrible disease. One of the few that robs the mind before the body, which is arguably harder for the family.
You have some trying times ahead of you, OP. Prepare. You have my wishes for good luck. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:39:23 PM EDT
[#19]
You'll find that your Dad will remember dates and figures, especially money figures from the past but will not remember what he had for dinner the night before. As the disease progresses, dementia patients can become aggressive and sometimes violent. They will believe people are stealing things from them because they forget where they put stuff. Don't move furniture around, remove dangerous and breakable items. Give him a bit of independence but some assistance with the difficult things.
It is very trying and so sad to see a person you revered as being so strong as you were growing up, reduced to what the disease presents to the sufferer. Good luck to you and your family, a lot of patience will be necessary. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:39:34 PM EDT
[#20]
Personally after having seen it in other family members and others I wouldn't move him, period. That just makes the stress exponential and he will get more confused more often because of it.
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:40:33 PM EDT
[#21]
More than any other thing this disease terrifies me
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:41:25 PM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I would worry about a locking door in case of a fire. I was going to suggest all exterior doors be locked, but then decided against it due to the dangers associated with them in a fire. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Finish the basement out now, not later and make a "MIL" apartment in it with a bathroom, kitchen and a couple bedrooms. Make sure you have a locking door dividing it from the rest of the house so you can have a little privacy if you want it occasionally. I would worry about a locking door in case of a fire. I was going to suggest all exterior doors be locked, but then decided against it due to the dangers associated with them in a fire. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:45:25 PM EDT
[#23]
I remember my grandmother having it as a small kid. She'd come downstairs to the family room and couldn't remember how to get back upstairs. Sad stuff. Good luck, OP.
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:46:51 PM EDT
[#24]
My advice is to make sure you recognize when the point is reached when you can't handle things at home. Good luck to you and your family.
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:48:53 PM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Have you done something like this before? Are you married? I am not married, one of the reasons I bought a 4 bedroom single family home for myself is because I suspected this day may one day come. Both my fathers-grandmother and my fathers-sister(s) developed Alzheimer's. However this will be my first time looking after a person with Alzheimer's. I admit am late in learning about it (since it is in my future). One thing I learned about ARFCOM in my short 14er membership is damn does this place step up in helping kids that need help/sick and I figured I would ask you all for advice about a sick father. So far I have not been left down. Thanks everyone for your replies so far. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:52:05 PM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I am not married, one of the reasons I bought a 4 bedroom single family home for myself is because I suspected this day may one day come. Both my fathers-grandmother and my fathers-sister(s) developed Alzheimer's. However this will be my first time looking after a person with Alzheimer's. I admit am late in learning about it (since it is in my future). One thing I learned about ARFCOM in my short 14er membership is damn does this place step up in helping kids that need help/sick and I figured I would ask you all for advice about a sick father. So far I have not been left down. Thanks everyone for your replies so far. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Have you done something like this before? Are you married? I am not married, one of the reasons I bought a 4 bedroom single family home for myself is because I suspected this day may one day come. Both my fathers-grandmother and my fathers-sister(s) developed Alzheimer's. However this will be my first time looking after a person with Alzheimer's. I admit am late in learning about it (since it is in my future). One thing I learned about ARFCOM in my short 14er membership is damn does this place step up in helping kids that need help/sick and I figured I would ask you all for advice about a sick father. So far I have not been left down. Thanks everyone for your replies so far. My wife and I have done it for 4 family members. Never again. My mom and her mom are on their own. You will not have a life of your own as long as they live there. No vacations , no time off. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:53:56 PM EDT
[#27]
Patience .....,,,,
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:59:30 PM EDT
[#28]
First off, I'm terribly sorry.
My grandmother suffered with Alzheimer's for over 10 years before she thankfully passed this past spring (This is an exceptionally long time for this disease). There are fates worse than death, and this can be one of them. You are in a better position than we were as your mom is there to take care of him. This is huge, but watch for her getting out of her depth or overextending herself. I don't have a lot of advice, but: 1. Be aware of your limits. At some point it's likely that your father may need full time professional care/supervision. You can't do it all, and you can't be on duty 24/7. Get help. Even somebody who can come in a couple times a week to give you (and his wife) some relief. 2. Think in terms of child-proofing your home. You may not need to do it on day one, but the day will probably come. Have a kitchen? Do an induction cooktop where there is no heat if there isn't a pan on the stove. Make sure sinks can't flood. Locking and alarmed doors so you know when they wander off (and they will wander off). You may have to lojack your dad. Meds will need to be administered with great care. He can't have access to them on his own. Every aspect of his life is going to need to be monitored like this. Sound terrible? Yeah, it is. 3. Eventually, he will forget everything. Yes, even you. Even his wife. But physically, he may not slip much. He may become violent. The pace of this disease can vary a lot. I've seen people go from fine to basically nothing in six months. Other times it takes years. 4. Make sure he takes his drugs, and do anything you can to keep him mentally active. It does make a difference. Again, I'm terribly sorry. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 4:59:52 PM EDT
[#29]
My father had complications with late-stage liver cirrhosis, which had some interesting effects on his mind if he went too long without medication. It's going to be the best and worst days of your life. Try as hard as you can to not get frustrated openly with him. Go shooting or blow stuff up to relieve stress, but try as hard as you can to never get openly angry with him. Consistency is very helpful, but try not to "hover". When he's lucid, he'll still want to retain his dignity, so do what you can to help him preserve it. Also, try to enjoy it as much as possible. Your Dad's attitude can be a reflection of those around him, and good days are far more frequent when everyone else is happy too.
Good on you OP! I moved about 100yds down the road from my parents 3 years ago, and my father passed away last fall. I spent every hour I could with him, and I can honestly say I regret none of it. You're doing something that few have the integrity to do these days. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 5:01:27 PM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
You'll find that your Dad will remember dates and figures, especially money figures from the past but will not remember what he had for dinner the night before. As the disease progresses, dementia patients can become aggressive and sometimes violent. They will believe people are stealing things from them because they forget where they put stuff. Don't move furniture around, remove dangerous and breakable items. Give him a bit of independence but some assistance with the difficult things. It is very trying and so sad to see a person you revered as being so strong as you were growing up, reduced to what the disease presents to the sufferer. Good luck to you and your family, a lot of patience will be necessary. I remember that vividly from my dads grandmother. She would always be counting her money, my sister was "the waitress" that served her dinner the night before... I am seeing a new side of my dad as well. My dad was always reserved about his life and never spoke about him as a kid when we were growing up. That said when we visited him this past weekend he started telling stories about his past as a kid growing up. It was awesome to hear until you realized he could not remember the stories he used to tell us and had to fall back to ones he never told us, but he remembered, from his younger days. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 5:08:09 PM EDT
[#31]
My grandfather had it, and i helped to care for him at times when my grandmother and mother needed a break and they (my grandparents) came to visit.
One thing I remember is that he would get up at night very, very often and go wandering through the house. But, when he came to a locked door without a window, he would just 'harumph' and turn around and go back to bed after talking to me for a bit. If the door was unlocked, he was going to go through it. So I would make an effort to minimize doors, and perhaps arrange the outdoors outside of windows to be as uninteresting as possible. Thank God he never became angry or even particularly agitated, so I can not offer much advice on how to cope with those changes. I wish you and yours the best |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 5:09:15 PM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
My neighbor has it pretty bad. He takes some sort of medicine for it. If he forgets to take the medicine he will drive to old houses, or try to sexually assault the cleaning lady. I guess he thinks she is his wife from time to time. She just comes to our house and we drive her home. She does not hold it against him but that has to be hard to deal with.Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Do they/does he drive?? is he fairly active? How long were they at the home they are moving out of? When Dementia patients wonder, and they will. they generally seek the place they've lived the longest and places from childhood. I'd check into a GPS tracker for both car and Dad. I've spent many a hour searching for a wandering patient, that escaped from a health care facility. My neighbor has it pretty bad. He takes some sort of medicine for it. If he forgets to take the medicine he will drive to old houses, or try to sexually assault the cleaning lady. I guess he thinks she is his wife from time to time. She just comes to our house and we drive her home. She does not hold it against him but that has to be hard to deal with.Aricept most likely. Good stuff but they have to take as prescribed. New diagnosis is overwhelming. I deleted my original post as it sounded too harsh. Find an Alzheimers support group now, for all involved. It's a shitty road to travel and the sooner you guys know what's coming, the better for all. 
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Posted: 7/21/2014 5:12:00 PM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Aricept most likely. Good stuff but they have to take as prescribed. New diagnosis is overwhelming. I deleted my original post as it sounded too harsh. Find an Alzheimers support group now, for all involved. It's a shitty road to travel and the sooner you guys know what's coming, the better for all.
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Do they/does he drive?? is he fairly active? How long were they at the home they are moving out of? When Dementia patients wonder, and they will. they generally seek the place they've lived the longest and places from childhood. I'd check into a GPS tracker for both car and Dad. I've spent many a hour searching for a wandering patient, that escaped from a health care facility. My neighbor has it pretty bad. He takes some sort of medicine for it. If he forgets to take the medicine he will drive to old houses, or try to sexually assault the cleaning lady. I guess he thinks she is his wife from time to time. She just comes to our house and we drive her home. She does not hold it against him but that has to be hard to deal with.Aricept most likely. Good stuff but they have to take as prescribed. New diagnosis is overwhelming. I deleted my original post as it sounded too harsh. Find an Alzheimers support group now, for all involved. It's a shitty road to travel and the sooner you guys know what's coming, the better for all.
Exelon is the other popular drug. The patch is awesome. You can stick it on the back of a loved one and they can't tear it off and will soon forget about it. Much easier than dealing with pills. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 5:12:07 PM EDT
[#34]
Have him tested for lyme disease through Igenex if he has lived in an endemic area, or even if he hasn't. Sad to hear. Good luck with your dad.
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Posted: 7/21/2014 5:13:43 PM EDT
[#35]
Tagged for advice
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Posted: 7/21/2014 5:18:30 PM EDT
[#36]
Oh, I am so sorry. But please, give yourself credit for stepping up and taking care of your family. I hope the rest of your family helps out.
And please, please, please don't hate yourself if you have to put him into a nursing home. At some point, you just can't do it anymore and it is better for both of you if he goes into a professional care facility, but I haven't met anyone yet who didn't blame themselves for it. My father was peeing in waste baskets and talking to himself in the mirror and my mother still still feels guilty. Be kind to him, but be kind to yourself and your mother too. Rick |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 5:29:41 PM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
First off, I'm terribly sorry. My grandmother suffered with Alzheimer's for over 10 years before she thankfully passed this past spring (This is an exceptionally long time for this disease). There are fates worse than death, and this can be one of them. You are in a better position than we were as your mom is there to take care of him. This is huge, but watch for her getting out of her depth or overextending herself. I don't have a lot of advice, but: 1. Be aware of your limits. At some point it's likely that your father may need full time professional care/supervision. You can't do it all, and you can't be on duty 24/7. Get help. Even somebody who can come in a couple times a week to give you (and his wife) some relief. 2. Think in terms of child-proofing your home. You may not need to do it on day one, but the day will probably come. Have a kitchen? Do an induction cooktop where there is no heat if there isn't a pan on the stove. Make sure sinks can't flood. Locking and alarmed doors so you know when they wander off (and they will wander off). You may have to lojack your dad. Meds will need to be administered with great care. He can't have access to them on his own. Every aspect of his life is going to need to be monitored like this. Sound terrible? Yeah, it is. 3. Eventually, he will forget everything. Yes, even you. Even his wife. But physically, he may not slip much. He may become violent. The pace of this disease can vary a lot. I've seen people go from fine to basically nothing in six months. Other times it takes years. 4. Make sure he takes his drugs, and do anything you can to keep him mentally active. It does make a difference. Again, I'm terribly sorry.
Thank you for this One of the reasons we are doing this (we being siblings) is because my mom is at the end of her rope and needs help ASAP (In all my life I never saw her cry before this weekend where she let loose a torrent of tears). This will be a short term measure so we can give my mom some help as well. My brother/wife is also nearby so he can provide help as needed. My house is just a better location since he has a full house with a wife and 4 kids. I was worried about fire and never thought about an induction cook-top to prevent it. Thank you for that I appreciate it. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 5:35:31 PM EDT
[#38]
This thread makes me sad. I pray I would never put my 2 year old son though this, I can see why that gun writer did what he did. No hate, just my thoughts.
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Posted: 7/21/2014 5:39:47 PM EDT
[#39]
OP, you WILL NEED HELP, there are organizations out there , don't be too proud to ask for help.
We took care of my dad,there are 9 of us kids, for about 6 months before he died. We took turns, nine of us , we were WORN OUT. But It was MUCH better than a nursing home, you may get to that point. DON'T be ashamed if you get to that point. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 5:52:58 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
My advice is to make sure you recognize when the point is reached when you can't handle things at home. Good luck to you and your family. This Alzheimer's above all else is a progressive thing and a perfect or even decent setup at one point is sure to progress to a unworkable situation . Best of luck to you and yours |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 5:53:03 PM EDT
[#41]
It's going to be extremely difficult, and will get worse as time goes on.
I moved my mother in with our family when she had dementia/Alzheimers. it went well for about 6 months, then got progressively harder to keep her safe from herself and keep the house safe. Eventually you WILL have to move him to a care facility. It will be the only way to save your family, your house, your life.
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Posted: 7/21/2014 5:58:41 PM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Oh, I am so sorry. But please, give yourself credit for stepping up and taking care of your family. I hope the rest of your family helps out. And please, please, please don't hate yourself if you have to put him into a nursing home. At some point, you just can't do it anymore and it is better for both of you if he goes into a professional care facility, but I haven't met anyone yet who didn't blame themselves for it. My father was peeing in waste baskets and talking to himself in the mirror and my mother still still feels guilty. Be kind to him, but be kind to yourself and your mother too. Rick Thank you I have no worries about the rest of my family helping out (it is kinda how we roll) I purchased the 4 bedroom house (which I did not need, but could afford) to entice my sister/husband to move their family (I will pay the mortgage and all utilities on the house and move out if you pay the rent on a 1 bedroom apt just to get you settled) from the shit state her and my parents are at to a better place in VA my brother set up similar arrangements for my parents before this happened. VA could also use the red state voters. So for family help/support we are good. Long term I know a nursing home is going to happen however I am looking at how to set up a good place for Mom and Dad right know. I appreciate your response. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 5:59:40 PM EDT
[#43]
Also, be aware, "sometimes" this disease can bring out wildly inappropriate sexual events. Men and women both can go through extreme sexual outbursts , so protect your kids if this starts to manifest.
Can't blame the sufferer, it's just the brain short circuiting and activating parts of the brain that is usually under control. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 6:01:53 PM EDT
[#44]
Quoted:
All My dad and mom currently live out of state and the tests have come back and he has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's That said me and my siblings are currently looking to move my mom and dad down to VA and in with me in order to take pressure off my mom. (my mom does need a break) I have a four bedroom house and a unfinished basement. (Two bedrooms are unused the third is an office). How should I prep my house and myself when my parents move back in with me? For now I will look at giving them the 2 spare bedrooms, but later look at finishing the basement for them. Any advice is appreciated in dealing with a family member with Alzheimer's Thanks You are a damn fine son... |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 6:06:04 PM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Just went through this with my dad (and mom) Dad had dementia, mom a stroke. Dad moved in the spring of 2011 - and passed that Thanksgiving. Mom moved in about the same time when the stroke rehab center said that they had done as much as they could. Dementia patients are trying and they take a lot of supervision. Dad went wandering a couple times - but usually the latch on the gate defeated his efforts. I had to put his pj's on backwards because if he found the pockets he would start tearing at them until the pj's were shredded. He found a pair of scissors once and cut his pants into ribbons. He got to where he couldn't watch tv with ANY violence in it (no westerns, cop shows, nothing) because he was sure it was real and wanted it to stop, it scared him. We have a split level home. I finished the lower level for mom and dad as it was overall the most suitable. It has a small bathroom with a roll in shower all ceramic tile, a pedestal style sink I can get a wheel chair under, and a 'comfort' height toilet so it's easier to lift mom on and off the toilet. Neither was capable of doing any food prep so the kitchenette is really a sink and microwave and a refrigerator. We do meal prep upstairs. There is a large bedroom, a main living area with the kitchenette and a sofa and a TV, and there is the more or less HC accessible bathroom. It's isn't really HC accessable, but we make it work. I put in an Acorn stair lift, Dad had blood pressure issues and knee/hip issues and couldn't reliably negotiate stairs. Mom has to be put on the lift and put into another chair upstairs if she is coming up. We have a bath aide in 2x a week to help mom with a shower. Dad had a catheter which made him eligible for a bath aide. My dad has dementia and it's getting worse. My mom had a stroke this March. |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 6:06:07 PM EDT
[#46]
We had no idea what mom was dealing with as dad degraded. We had moved them into assisted living, but then mom had a stroke and was in rehab for a couple of months. When it became clear that mom was never going to be able to care for dad we moved dad here, and eventually mom also. Moms first night here dad took me aside and asked who the woman was he was sharing the bed with. They were married for 62 years.
For the couple months mom was in rehab my brother and I took turns staying at the assisted living center with dad. It was a full time job just managing him. He was on the Exelon patch at the time - but it messed with his blood pressure. Several times his blood pressure was too low to measure. So that started a whole balancing act of meds to raise his blood pressure, meds to stabilize his heart rate, blood thinners, etc.etc. etc. Managing all that and insuring that he ate well and didn't wander off down the hall in his underwear was a full time job. We're taking a few days this week and getting out of dodge. First time the wife and I have been away together for more than a couple of hours in 3 years. There is a book that is helpful for families dealing with dementia's: The 36 Hour Day |
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Posted: 7/21/2014 6:08:23 PM EDT
[#47]
God bless, good luck.
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Posted: 7/21/2014 6:12:09 PM EDT
[#48]
Remember to adjust the bathroom to their needs such as help getting in and out of the tub. Make sure they have the everyday things their used to at home such as bed, pillows, rocking chair.....etc. The welcome them and repay them for having you..We all owe our family.
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Posted: 7/21/2014 6:16:18 PM EDT
[#49]
Your going to need patience and understanding above all. You'll have to accept new behavioral patterns so long as they don't pose a danger to himself or anyone else. Your going to have to learn how to communicate effectively with someone with Alzheimer's- stage dependent. Above posters gave sound advice about the wondering tendencies of the dementia patient. There are support groups for your family and for your dad. I'd highly recommend attending them. The hosts and guests range from medical professionals and people who have lost loved ones to this disease. This is where you'll learn the most and I would recommend starting now. Prayers sent.
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Posted: 7/21/2014 6:29:49 PM EDT
[#50]
Grandad had it and my parents and uncle shared responsibility. He turned into a serious dick, I mean pure evil. Don't know why they didn't commit him. My wife was the only one he didn't treat like shit. This was 16 years ago. Medicine has changed and I hope most don't turn into such horrible people.
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