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Posted: 4/17/2014 9:52:08 AM EDT
[#1]
Sometimes it's just blunt and kind of inappropriate to say "dead". "Deceased" is a better word in some cases.
But yes, I also dislike hearing "passed". I don't have a problem when someone says "passed away" for some reason. Not a major issue with me though. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 9:54:03 AM EDT
[#2]
"He's gone, and we couldn't do nothing about it."
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Posted: 4/17/2014 9:54:47 AM EDT
[#3]
Reminds me of this.
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Posted: 4/17/2014 9:55:47 AM EDT
[#4]
Dead is a perfectly good English word, but like many other perfectly good words, in this age of euphemisms, it isn't used as often as it used to be.
The idea of being dead is so frightening that it has spawned many mythologies throughout history, which deny it. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 9:56:08 AM EDT
[#5]
Somehow I think that you will get through this very trying ordeal.
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Posted: 4/17/2014 9:57:48 AM EDT
[#6]
"He passed away" or "He's no longer with us"
is more polite than: "Yo bitch that dude dropped dead!" |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:02:21 AM EDT
[#7]
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:02:51 AM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Dead is a perfectly good English word, but like many other perfectly good words, in this age of euphemisms, it isn't used as often as it used to be. The idea of being dead is so frightening that it has spawned many mythologies throughout history, which deny it. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:03:22 AM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Somehow I think that you will get through this very trying ordeal. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:03:33 AM EDT
[#10]
So, when your dad died how did you go about disposing of his corpse?
Insensitive? Maybe I could inquire with a bit more tact? 
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:03:59 AM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
"He passed away" or "He's no longer with us" is more polite than: "Yo bitch that dude dropped dead!" I had to take a class on "Death Notification" for LEO continuing professional education credits. Believe it or not, in Oklahoma a LEO has to be certified to perform "Death Notifications". The class specifically said NEVER to use vague terms like "He's no longer with us..." or "she has passed..." People hear only what they want to hear when they're faced with "The Knock", don't ever leave anything vague. You verify the next of kin, state the decedent's name and say outright that they have been killed in an auto accident (killed in a robbery, killed by hoodrats, etc.) |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:04:14 AM EDT
[#12]
When I worked in the hospital the word was 'expired'.
That seemed silly to me.
Finally I started telling people 'library cards expire, people die'. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:04:17 AM EDT
[#13]
Assumed room temperature?
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:04:49 AM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
"He passed away" or "He's no longer with us" is more polite than: "Yo bitch that dude dropped dead!" 
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:06:51 AM EDT
[#15]
As more of my family has died, it has become a lot easier to deal with and talk about.
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:07:36 AM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
So, when your dad died how did you go about disposing of his corpse? Insensitive? Maybe I could inquire with a bit more tact? Not in the least. It is a fact that must be dealt with in most deaths. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:07:44 AM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted: When I pass away, or when I die? Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Somehow I think that you will get through this very trying ordeal. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:09:30 AM EDT
[#18]
My pet peeve is when some idiot is talking about a person that was killed by someone else and says that they "passed away".
To me, passing away is a descriptive term that means someone died of a natural cause. Being murdered, killed in battle, or in a horrific car crash is not simply passing away in my opinion. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:10:56 AM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I had to take a class on "Death Notification" for LEO continuing professional education credits. Believe it or not, in Oklahoma a LEO has to be certified to perform "Death Notifications". The class specifically said NEVER to use vague terms like "He's no longer with us..." or "she has passed..." People hear only what they want to hear when they're faced with "The Knock", don't ever leave anything vague. You verify the next of kin, state the decedent's name and say outright that they have been killed in an auto accident (killed in a robbery, killed by hoodrats, etc.) Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
"He passed away" or "He's no longer with us" is more polite than: "Yo bitch that dude dropped dead!" I had to take a class on "Death Notification" for LEO continuing professional education credits. Believe it or not, in Oklahoma a LEO has to be certified to perform "Death Notifications". The class specifically said NEVER to use vague terms like "He's no longer with us..." or "she has passed..." People hear only what they want to hear when they're faced with "The Knock", don't ever leave anything vague. You verify the next of kin, state the decedent's name and say outright that they have been killed in an auto accident (killed in a robbery, killed by hoodrats, etc.) |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:11:54 AM EDT
[#20]
A lot of time they use pass away or pass on due to religious beliefs.
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:12:15 AM EDT
[#21]
I am a FF/PM. I've pronounced a lot of deaths and informed next of kin / families too many times to count. I don't use any word other than died / dead. Don't give people a sliver of hope that they can make it by using words that aren't clear. It's like ripping off a bandaid.
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:12:57 AM EDT
[#22]
"He's taking a nap............a dirt nap."
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:12:59 AM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Assumed room temperature? 
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:14:21 AM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
To my mind this is both interesting and correct. I was taught the same thing all those years ago - that death is an inescapable fact. Sugar coating it never changed the outcome for any pt who died in my care...they were still just as dead. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
"He passed away" or "He's no longer with us" is more polite than: "Yo bitch that dude dropped dead!" I had to take a class on "Death Notification" for LEO continuing professional education credits. Believe it or not, in Oklahoma a LEO has to be certified to perform "Death Notifications". The class specifically said NEVER to use vague terms like "He's no longer with us..." or "she has passed..." People hear only what they want to hear when they're faced with "The Knock", don't ever leave anything vague. You verify the next of kin, state the decedent's name and say outright that they have been killed in an auto accident (killed in a robbery, killed by hoodrats, etc.) It's nice if your department is big enough that you have Chaplains, and in some small towns where the officer might know the family it's OK to ask the family's pastor to accompany you, but it's kind of a dead-giveaway when the family sees a badge walking up the drive with their pastor next to them. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:14:37 AM EDT
[#25]
My wife follows a facebook GSD group, and they always say their beloved dog has "Crossed the rainbow bridge". It drives her nuts.
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:16:56 AM EDT
[#26]
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:17:23 AM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Having to tolerate other people's coping methods denial. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Somehow I think that you will get through this very trying ordeal. Au contrair, mon ami. I do not tolerate it, hence, this thread.
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:18:30 AM EDT
[#28]
Quoted:
I suppose it may have something to do with the finality of death and people not wanting to acknowledge it, but it is a cold, hard, biological fact. . So did you just toss ol dads corpse in the lake? As death is biological, love is not. Maybe if I stop loving my dad, I wont mind saying he's dead, rather than passed. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:20:21 AM EDT
[#29]
One thing has absolutely nothing to do with the other.
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:22:02 AM EDT
[#30]
It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it'd be pushing up the daisies! It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! THIS is an EX parrot!
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:24:43 AM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Not in the least. It is a fact that must be dealt with in most deaths. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
So, when your dad died how did you go about disposing of his corpse? Insensitive? Maybe I could inquire with a bit more tact? Not in the least. It is a fact that must be dealt with in most deaths. I call either BS or Asperger's on that. Pretending to have that level of emotional detachment is one thing. Actually having it is part of a disorder. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:32:15 AM EDT
[#32]
Quoted:
I will never understand why people have such a hard time using the words "died," and "dead" when talking about someone they knew. Is death really that frightening or mysterious that we need euphemisms for it? The one that I most often hear is "passed away," which is fairly innocuous (but still irksome) until someone shortens it to "passed," as in "it's been three years and ten months since dad passed." It has always bothered me when people attempt to minimize death or lessen the impact of the reality by calling it by another name, even over thirty years ago while working as an EMT-II. The morning my dad died (yes, three years and ten months ago today) it almost got my younger brother punched in the mouth when he said something to the effect that he still couldn't believe that dad had "passed" - not maliciously mind you, but reflexively. It turns out that I discovered just how much these euphemisms bother me when he uttered that phrase. I suppose it may have something to do with the finality of death and people not wanting to acknowledge it, but it is a cold, hard, biological fact. The reality is that person is gone, they didn't just drive by the house on the way to the grocery store (as in "hey, Sam just passed!) - if that was the case, I would chase dad down and ask him all the questions I've thought of since he died. So don't tell me that someone has "passed," call it what it is: someone has died, and I will never see them again. I realize you're an arfcommer, so you probably never heard of these concepts before, but it's called couth and tact. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:33:10 AM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
So did you just toss ol dads corpse in the lake? As death is biological, love is not. Maybe if I stop loving my dad, I wont mind saying he's dead, rather than passed. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
I suppose it may have something to do with the finality of death and people not wanting to acknowledge it, but it is a cold, hard, biological fact. . So did you just toss ol dads corpse in the lake? As death is biological, love is not. Maybe if I stop loving my dad, I wont mind saying he's dead, rather than passed. As for your assumption that I don't love my dad just because he's dead, well, lets just say you're dead wrong. Love does not change the reality of death. If it did, then there would be a shit-ton of people who would never die. Did your love save your dad from death?? |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:33:44 AM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Au contrair, mon ami. I do not tolerate it, hence, this thread. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Somehow I think that you will get through this very trying ordeal. Au contrair, mon ami. I do not tolerate it, hence, this thread. In your correction of my post you use the word denial. Denial is a coping method. Which either you lack or just don't need. But others do. If in your initial scenario you had attacked your brother, who would be the asshole? |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:34:41 AM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I realize you're an arfcommer, so you probably never heard of these concepts before, but it's called couth and tact.  Yea for real.
2pac is dead. Elvis is dead. Hoffa is dead. Grandma passed away. Grandpa passed away. There is a difference. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:34:47 AM EDT
[#36]
My best friend's daughter called to inform me her dad was home now. I had just paid him a visit in a ICU less than 24 hours prior, it was a given his time was
drawing very near (lung cancer). To her statement I thought WTF?, but said "what do you mean he's home?", to which she explained he's gone home to the Lord. "Oh!, I'm sorry " , I responded.
Nearly four years already, RIP, Ray 
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:37:26 AM EDT
[#37]
Getting woke up by a friend after sleeping only 2hrs, then having to tell my wife that they found her daddy dead at his house is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:39:42 AM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I realize you're an arfcommer, so you probably never heard of these concepts before, but it's called couth and tact. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
I will never understand why people have such a hard time using the words "died," and "dead" when talking about someone they knew. Is death really that frightening or mysterious that we need euphemisms for it? The one that I most often hear is "passed away," which is fairly innocuous (but still irksome) until someone shortens it to "passed," as in "it's been three years and ten months since dad passed." It has always bothered me when people attempt to minimize death or lessen the impact of the reality by calling it by another name, even over thirty years ago while working as an EMT-II. The morning my dad died (yes, three years and ten months ago today) it almost got my younger brother punched in the mouth when he said something to the effect that he still couldn't believe that dad had "passed" - not maliciously mind you, but reflexively. It turns out that I discovered just how much these euphemisms bother me when he uttered that phrase. I suppose it may have something to do with the finality of death and people not wanting to acknowledge it, but it is a cold, hard, biological fact. The reality is that person is gone, they didn't just drive by the house on the way to the grocery store (as in "hey, Sam just passed!) - if that was the case, I would chase dad down and ask him all the questions I've thought of since he died. So don't tell me that someone has "passed," call it what it is: someone has died, and I will never see them again. I realize you're an arfcommer, so you probably never heard of these concepts before, but it's called couth and tact. 
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:39:49 AM EDT
[#39]
The fact that you started a thread about this makes me think you're not as "hard" as you're claiming to be.
Congrats on just saying "dead". Sorry about your dad. However, I'll continue to distinguish a human death from a battery that has lost it's charge. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:45:22 AM EDT
[#40]
I prefer "No longer viable"
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:46:01 AM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
[Nope. The coroner came and wrapped him in a sheet and hauled him to the morgue where he was scrubbed down on a cold steel table with a water hose, then they drained his body fluids and pumped preservative through his veins. After they were finished slitting the back of his suit and tucking it around him to give the appearance that it was actually worn, they glued his eyes and mouth shut and applied all sorts of make-up that dad didn't use in real life. < rest snipped> While we're on the topic of folks using the wrong (irritating) words to describe something: while it is entirely possible that your local funeral director is also your coroner, they are emphatically not the same thing. Coroners and Medical Examiners investigate deaths and do autopsies. Funeral Directors and Morticians embalm and/or cremate dead people and hold funerals. The fact that both professions happen to involve dead people doesn't make them interchangeable. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:48:29 AM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I prefer "No longer viable" Or "Obsolete"  |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:48:49 AM EDT
[#43]
I always keep the bereaved's feelings in mind and ease into it.
For example, yesterday I contacted a woman about her husband's death. I started off with:"Are you the Widow Brown?" |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:51:34 AM EDT
[#44]
My old neighbors, John and Mary, were an elderly couple who had been married forever. They were both very active, friendly and vibrant. Always outside, willing to help and ready to have a conversation. John was an old school carpenter and could fix anything.
One day their oldest daughter (who was in her late 60s at the time) came to my house and told my now ex wife that they had lost Mary. My wife replied " Oh, do you want me to help you find her?" The daughter left without a word. After realizing what had happened my ex tried to apologize and correct the problem to no avail. I tried to explain but they weren't having it. Their entire family stopped talking to us immediately. We were not invited to the funeral. We were cut off for years after. Words and emotions have power. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:54:27 AM EDT
[#45]
Quoted:
I will never understand why people have such a hard time using the words "died," and "dead" when talking about someone they knew. Is death really that frightening or mysterious that we need euphemisms for it? The one that I most often hear is "passed away," which is fairly innocuous (but still irksome) until someone shortens it to "passed," as in "it's been three years and ten months since dad passed." It has always bothered me when people attempt to minimize death or lessen the impact of the reality by calling it by another name, even over thirty years ago while working as an EMT-II. The morning my dad died (yes, three years and ten months ago today) it almost got my younger brother punched in the mouth when he said something to the effect that he still couldn't believe that dad had "passed" - not maliciously mind you, but reflexively. It turns out that I discovered just how much these euphemisms bother me when he uttered that phrase. I suppose it may have something to do with the finality of death and people not wanting to acknowledge it, but it is a cold, hard, biological fact. The reality is that person is gone, they didn't just drive by the house on the way to the grocery store (as in "hey, Sam just passed!) - if that was the case, I would chase dad down and ask him all the questions I've thought of since he died. So don't tell me that someone has "passed," call it what it is: someone has died, and I will never see them again. I try to be sensitive to others but death is a part of life. People die everyday, no one is special. I don't get emotional when people die but understand why some do. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 10:54:33 AM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
While we're on the topic of folks using the wrong (irritating) words to describe something: while it is entirely possible that your local funeral director is also your coroner, they are emphatically not the same thing. Coroners and Medical Examiners investigate deaths and do autopsies. Funeral Directors and Morticians embalm and/or cremate dead people and hold funerals. The fact that both professions happen to involve dead people doesn't make them interchangeable. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
[Nope. The coroner came and wrapped him in a sheet and hauled him to the morgue where he was scrubbed down on a cold steel table with a water hose, then they drained his body fluids and pumped preservative through his veins. After they were finished slitting the back of his suit and tucking it around him to give the appearance that it was actually worn, they glued his eyes and mouth shut and applied all sorts of make-up that dad didn't use in real life. < rest snipped> While we're on the topic of folks using the wrong (irritating) words to describe something: while it is entirely possible that your local funeral director is also your coroner, they are emphatically not the same thing. Coroners and Medical Examiners investigate deaths and do autopsies. Funeral Directors and Morticians embalm and/or cremate dead people and hold funerals. The fact that both professions happen to involve dead people doesn't make them interchangeable. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 11:05:57 AM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
However, I'll continue to distinguish a human death from a battery that has lost it's charge. An interesting comparison, that. |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 11:07:19 AM EDT
[#48]
People deal with it in different ways, if someone finds it easier to refer to it in this manner or that manner that's ok with me.
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Posted: 4/17/2014 11:10:44 AM EDT
[#49]
Quoted:
I will never understand why people have such a hard time using the words "died," and "dead" when talking about someone they knew. Is death really that frightening or mysterious that we need euphemisms for it? The one that I most often hear is "passed away," which is fairly innocuous (but still irksome) until someone shortens it to "passed," as in "it's been three years and ten months since dad passed." It has always bothered me when people attempt to minimize death or lessen the impact of the reality by calling it by another name, even over thirty years ago while working as an EMT-II. The morning my dad died (yes, three years and ten months ago today) it almost got my younger brother punched in the mouth when he said something to the effect that he still couldn't believe that dad had "passed" - not maliciously mind you, but reflexively. It turns out that I discovered just how much these euphemisms bother me when he uttered that phrase. I suppose it may have something to do with the finality of death and people not wanting to acknowledge it, but it is a cold, hard, biological fact. The reality is that person is gone, they didn't just drive by the house on the way to the grocery store (as in "hey, Sam just passed!) - if that was the case, I would chase dad down and ask him all the questions I've thought of since he died. So don't tell me that someone has "passed," call it what it is: someone has died, and I will never see them again. Some people get really sensitive about the subject, and some people are perfectly comfortable with it. Nobody wants anybody to burst into tears and start sobbing on their shoulder over dear old Meemaw, God rest her soul. So, they tread lightly. Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile |
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Posted: 4/17/2014 11:12:45 AM EDT
[#50]
i hate when people say "dead".
why cant you say " no longer breathing" or "heart stopped beating" |
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