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happybuddh
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:23:41 AM
Need a white elephant gift for a yearly gift exchange gathering--don't have any ideas. None of these people are gun people so doesn't have to be gun related. help me find one.
TwistedSister
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:24:42 AM
Obama Chia pet.
A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent.
TokerM
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:25:44 AM
Is this like "Secret Santa"?

WTF ever happened to the phrase "Secret Santa"?!?

Walmart/Target style gift basket.
lilMAC25
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:25:46 AM
Gift card that say $25, but has zero balance
groovyrascal
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:26:47 AM
Go to Goodwill, find the ugliest fucking sweater you can possibly find.

Give gift.

LOLs
"Let us speak courtiously,deal fairly and keep ourselves armed and ready." -Theodore Roosevelt
BayEagle
ó Dhia gach aon cabhair
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:28:01 AM
Multi-tool. It's my gateway drug to bringing people to the light.

Give them a Leatherman or Gerber and next thing you know they're carrying a Benchmade auto, getting their CCW and asking you for advice on treestands.
"Al-taqiyya" means that no non-Muslim can believe anything told to them by any Muslim.

'The real destroyer of the liberties of the people is he who spreads among them bounties, donations and benefits.' Plutarch
happybuddh
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:28:17 AM
[Jump To Reply]Originally Posted By TokerM:
Is this like "Secret Santa"?

WTF ever happened to the phrase "Secret Santa"?!?

Walmart/Target style gift basket.


This is like Secret santa, except in this game, you can either choose to take someone else's gift or open an unopened gift when it's your turn.
groovyrascal
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:31:27 AM
[Jump To Reply]Originally Posted By BayEagle:
Multi-tool. It's my gateway drug to bringing people to the light.

Give them a Leatherman or Gerber and next thing you know they're carrying a Benchmade auto, getting their CCW and asking you for advice on treestands.



I don't think "white elephant" means what you think. What you suggest would be a damn good gift and is a good idea.

OP is looking for a gag for laughs.

Hey.... How about a gag? Like for a gimp?

Funny stuff!
"Let us speak courtiously,deal fairly and keep ourselves armed and ready." -Theodore Roosevelt
rebel_rifle
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:34:19 AM
Shake weight
JAD762
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:35:26 AM
A movie from redbox.

Of course if they don't return it, the jokes on you.
2506jet
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:37:00 AM
I did a 5lb box of frozen Gulf shrimp a few times, just transport in a cooler with ice packs. It was funny watching everyone trying to trade it off thinking it was veggis or bait then they all fought over it after unwrapping.
Cost about $25 from the shrimp docks.
efpeter
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:37:53 AM
White Elephant = BAD gift.

Secret Santa = Good gift, but giver is not identified.



Bad sweater
Office products that they readily have access to
A VCR (VHS is good, Betamax is better)
Undesirable food products (can of spotted dick, souse, etc)
Nothing intelligent.
SCW
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:38:27 AM
A few years ago I gave a Butt Out deer skinning tool. It went over like a lead balloon and I don't go to the company parties anymore.
FreeFloater
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:39:21 AM


Yo Dawg, I heard you were exchanging White Elephant Christmas gifts.
So I got you a White Elephant for your White Elephant.





billpete
On the Mish!
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:39:34 AM
I used to give Playboy Calendars out (if they still even make those anymore).

Funny to see who ends up with it....
USMCTanker
Disgruntled former GySgt of Marines
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:43:11 AM
I purchased an inflatable doll for a white elephant gift a few years back. It was really cheesy looking, with blond hair painted on with cheesy yellow paint and big red lips in the classic "O" shape.

Wife said she paid $30.00 for it, but it was worth the laughs.
I require alcohol, red meat, hot naked women, and large quantities of small arms and ammo. My other hobbies are soft, furry bunny rabbits, pretty butterflies, and balloons in pastel colors.
PM732
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:48:56 AM
A white elephant is a bad gift theyre obliged to KEEP and, ideally, MAINTAIN.

hard to do.
STX
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:51:47 AM
Ass wiper for fat people-attach toilet paper on one the end so they can get back there.
groovyrascal
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:51:50 AM
I gave my 7 year old nephew a drum kit for his birthday last year.

His parents WERE NOT pleased with me. My little buddy loves me though. I'm his favorite uncle.

"Let us speak courtiously,deal fairly and keep ourselves armed and ready." -Theodore Roosevelt
Willmar
Something pithy this way comes. Hopefully.
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Posted: 11/21/2013 9:57:34 AM
If memory serves, there are THREE types of gift exchanges:

White elephant - bad gift
Secret Santa- good gift

And

Dirty Santa - any kind of gift but you draw numbers or determine a draw order. You randomly pick a gift and open it. If you don't like it, you have the option of taking a gift from someone that has opened an earlier gift you like better and giving them yours. The last person to pick has the best position as they can pick from any of the previously opened gifts.
Call sign: Rhino

Don't let anyone tell you labradoodles don't shed. Ask me how I know.
ColonelHurtz
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Posted: 11/21/2013 10:31:14 AM
Go to Asian market and get a 25lb bag of dried hot peppers.
Or look in the canned goods aisle for nastiest stuff you can find like silkworm pupae.
"If people insist on photoshops that have nothing to do with anything but racial stereotypes - like Obama dressed like a pimp, eating watermelon and asking where the white wimmenz are at - then that thread will be locked too."
DK-Prof
rpbyrd2
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Posted: 11/21/2013 10:34:31 AM
Pmag then say ahh you probably wont use it, I'll take it. Win Win
jeepnstein
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Posted: 11/21/2013 10:34:56 AM
I always stock up on good old classic fishing reels from yard sales. My gifts at those things are a good way to find out who is a regular guy and who is a meterosexual.
PM732
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Posted: 11/21/2013 10:35:03 AM
[Jump To Reply]Originally Posted By groovyrascal:
I gave my 7 year old nephew a drum kit for his birthday last year.

His parents WERE NOT pleased with me. My little buddy loves me though. I'm his favorite uncle.



perfect white elephant if you hate his parents lzozlkzozl
m1afan1000
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Posted: 11/21/2013 10:36:31 AM
"The Accommodator".
Paulup
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InstructorMilitary
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Posted: 11/21/2013 10:37:46 AM
Find out how to help needy family gain access to clean drinking water, message me or go to www.amazonoutreach.com
MotorMouth
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Posted: 11/21/2013 10:48:30 AM
[Last Edit: 11/21/2013 10:52:42 AM by MotorMouth]
Six pack of cheap canned beer, a pack of smokes and some lottery tickets.

A snuggie

Ron Popeil pocket fisherman. Do they even make them anymore?

Well, hell, just about any of the as seen on TVtype things are usually good , especially if it's one of those things that isn't particularly useful.

Originally Posted By jeepnstein:
I always stock up on good old classic fishing reels from yard sales. My gifts at those things are a good way to find out who is a regular guy and who is a meterosexual.


Fishing is boring. I'd guess you'd call me metro unless you brought hunting stuff . . . which reminds me. Other good white elephant gifts for the cubicle set:

Doe in estrus scents, buck bombs, butt out tool, cover scents, etc.
"Wimminz is treacherous, and got mysterious diseases in they cooters . . ." PlaneJane
"She smelled like cigarettes and felonies." - Johnny_Reno
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Hawken50
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Posted: 11/21/2013 10:50:52 AM
Live lobster with no claw restraints.

The more aggressive the better.


CURRENT SKUNK JIHAD SCORE-
Arfcom=22! : SKUNKS=4.5

"They used to be called 'Jumpolines'. Untill your mom got on one back in 1972."
archbru
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Posted: 11/21/2013 10:51:44 AM
A can of WD-40.
Freudianslip
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Posted: 11/21/2013 10:53:41 AM
Blockbuster gift card.
TrojanMan
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Posted: 11/21/2013 10:53:48 AM
Fifth of Rumpleminze
HairlessOtter
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Posted: 11/21/2013 10:55:02 AM

UtahShotgunner
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Posted: 11/21/2013 10:57:13 AM
Box of chocolates.

Open box, take bite out of each chocolate.

W.W. Corrigan:"I pledge allegiance and fealty to my country's shadow government in Washington D.C.May it occasionally be right, but even when wrong my shadow government first, forever, and foremost."
Averagebear
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Posted: 11/21/2013 10:59:06 AM
[Jump To Reply]Originally Posted By rebel_rifle:
Shake weight



THIS! I did it last Christmas. It was the hit of the party. Everyone wanted their picture taken with it.
BillofRights
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Posted: 11/21/2013 11:00:22 AM
Whatever you do, DO NOT find a Rock and paint it White.


Don't do it. People will think yer a cheap bastad.

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
Mark Twain
Plumbata
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Posted: 11/21/2013 11:03:49 AM
I don't beleive in the "white elephant" crap. You can come up with a gift that is funny but still useful.

I usually buy those sampler 6-packs of imported beers.
Scholars have long known that fishing eventually turns men into philosophers. Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to buy decent tackle on a philosopher's salary. ~Patrick F. McManus
Admiral_Crunch
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Posted: 11/21/2013 11:14:16 AM
The best laugh we got was one year my uncle got a hair styling kit. The next year, he got a hair dryer.

He's bald.
I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite forum on the Citadel.
-Spectre-
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Posted: 11/21/2013 11:38:31 AM
The first time I did white elephant, I had no idea how much of a joke the gift needed to be. I ended up getting half a box of Kleenex and taped 3 Carl's Jr. BBQ sauces to it. Needless to say, my friend wasn't too happy when he ended up with it.

The next time I went with a toilet seat. It's cheap, and people can actually use it or regift. Plus it's pretty funny.
tnsparky
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Posted: 11/21/2013 11:40:09 AM
A bottle of deer pee.
We proved them wrong by meeting in real life and posting no evidence -- FaucetFace
Faucet, hope you don't get the cat thongs -- R_Fury
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isa268
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Posted: 11/21/2013 11:50:04 AM
[Last Edit: 11/21/2013 11:54:49 AM by isa268]
i got toilet paper last year.....i don't think the guy fully understood what a white elephant is. We won't be making that mistake this year.



ETA: ok it turns out what our office calls White Elephant is more Dirty Santa.
mo98
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Posted: 11/21/2013 11:56:37 AM
Tenga egg
crashburnrepeat
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Posted: 11/21/2013 11:59:31 AM
when i first married my wife, I got an Old Spice Soap on a Rope gift as a white elephant. That was twenty years ago.

I got the same box again last year from someone else in the family.


Apparently that damn thing has been making the rounds since the mid 80's.



I'd go with that.
LurchAddams
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Posted: 11/21/2013 12:00:29 PM
“Life's hard. It's even harder when you're stupid.”
- John Wayne
Brians_45
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Posted: 11/21/2013 12:02:34 PM
[Jump To Reply]Originally Posted By Paulup:
Ugly Christmas Sweater

I am tempted to buy that sweater and wear it on Christmas day
Originally posted by TheCynic: Just when I didn't think this thread could sink any deeper, DK explains how to donkey punch a goose.

كافر
surveyor3
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Posted: 11/21/2013 12:03:40 PM
[Jump To Reply]Originally Posted By Willmar:
If memory serves, there are THREE types of gift exchanges:

White elephant - bad gift
Secret Santa- good gift

And

Dirty Santa - any kind of gift but you draw numbers or determine a draw order. You randomly pick a gift and open it. If you don't like it, you have the option of taking a gift from someone that has opened an earlier gift you like better and giving them yours. The last person to pick has the best position as they can pick from any of the previously opened gifts.

I thought that was when some homeless mall Santa wipes turd on your upper lib with his pecker?
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AJ_Dual
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Posted: 11/21/2013 12:07:30 PM
The weirdest most useless tool from Harbor Freight you can think of.

It seems like it's nice at first, but then unless the person is a big workshop/gearhead kind of person, it'll be "WTF do I do with this?" But it'll be too nice to just throw out, because it's all "new" and in the box etc.

And if by chance the person IS a big gearhead, well, it still kind of sucks because it's just a Harbor Freight tool.

http://www.harborfreight.com/3-jaw-pilot-bearing-puller-4876.html
Omnis vestri substructio es servus ad Chuck Norris.
surveyor3
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Posted: 11/21/2013 12:10:16 PM
Remember those yellow glass grapes from the way back that people would lay on their coffee tables as decoration? That.
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ALBOB2
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Posted: 11/21/2013 12:12:59 PM
[Last Edit: 11/21/2013 12:14:50 PM by ALBOB2]

I did this last year. Half the crowd was rolling on the floor laughing, the other half just sat there not understanding the joke.

surveyor3
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Posted: 11/21/2013 12:13:53 PM
"My dick is a complete sociopath. It gives zero fucks." - John_Wayne777

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GoCart-Mozart
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Posted: 11/21/2013 12:19:58 PM
How about a Bible.
Recent NotKennyRogers tweets:

I think it's incredibly unfair to expect every mother who named their daughter "Stacy" to actually have it going on.
Justin-Kase
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Posted: 11/21/2013 1:11:32 PM
personal lubricant with lidocaine
Reputed to be a Son of an AlphaBitch.
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