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Posted: 1/3/2013 4:18:37 PM EDT


To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

-----------------------

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

------------------------

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

-------------------

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

-----------------

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

----------------------

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

----------------------

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

--------------------

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

-------------------

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

-------------------

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

---------------------

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

---------------------

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

---------------------

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

--------------------

13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

-----------------

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

---------------

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!


Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:19:26 PM EDT
[#1]


I liked it.
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:20:49 PM EDT
[#2]
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:21:21 PM EDT
[#3]
God Save The Queen!!!!!!!
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:21:59 PM EDT
[#4]
Be sure and wear those RED coats again.......the're purdy!
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:22:20 PM EDT
[#5]
I liked it, funny.



My response- Fuck Off
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:23:35 PM EDT
[#6]
Where's Agent Funky!?!?
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:24:14 PM EDT
[#7]
Yeah, well, GBR is at least as fucked up as the U.S. so, we'll pass.

TC
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:27:14 PM EDT
[#8]
fuck it. can't be worse.
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:29:36 PM EDT
[#9]
As my old Quaker friend use to say "Fuck Thee"!
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:30:08 PM EDT
[#10]
Quoted:
God Save The Queen!!!!!!!


The Queen
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:31:42 PM EDT
[#11]
F them limey folks.
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:32:34 PM EDT
[#12]
I don't know. I've always been partial to the color blue.
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:33:41 PM EDT
[#13]
Quoted:
Be sure and wear those RED coats again.......the're purdy!


I believe they traded in the red coats for blue helmets!
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:33:53 PM EDT
[#14]
Thank god she doesn't want North Dakota!  I don't want England,  haven't lived there in years and I don't plan on it again.   Sad to say that because England is a beautiful country with some good people.  


That is good. lol
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:34:08 PM EDT
[#15]
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:36:35 PM EDT
[#16]
it's all nonsense.

there's no ruling on no-stab knives, and she didn't fire all dentists and competent chefs.
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:36:56 PM EDT
[#17]
Quoted:

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball.


Thats where I popped PMAG's.

You'll have to take the World Series from my cold dead hands!
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:37:21 PM EDT
[#18]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Where's Agent Funky!?!?


Here...... just been advising Her Majesty on our proposed rescue of the American people from themselves.

That whole ipod of speeches thing really pissed her off.


Carry on.
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:39:57 PM EDT
[#19]
Quoted:
Quoted:

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball.


Thats where I popped PMAG's.

You'll have to take the World Series from my cold dead hands!


Why is it called the "World Series" when the game is only played in one country?
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:40:24 PM EDT
[#20]

Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:40:51 PM EDT
[#21]
I'd rather have Obama.
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:44:14 PM EDT
[#22]
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:45:25 PM EDT
[#23]

you will go metric with immediate




OHHhhhhhhhhhhh FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!  






Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:48:36 PM EDT
[#24]
Quoted:
Quoted:
I'd rather have Obama.


Lucky you.  You got him again!!


Maybe she could set him up as Manager at Tree Tops?
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:49:43 PM EDT
[#25]
She mentioned "tea" and that's a fite-'n word to the media.
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:53:03 PM EDT
[#26]
Quoted:
I'd rather be tea-bagged by Michelle Obama, again...


FIFY
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:54:08 PM EDT
[#27]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball.


Thats where I popped PMAG's.

You'll have to take the World Series from my cold dead hands!


Why is it called the "World Series" when the game is only played in one country?


Its been played in Canada a couple times!

Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:58:36 PM EDT
[#28]
At first blush, the beer clause was OK. Then I remembered the bottles of Sierra Nevada, Victory, Brooklyn and Rogue in my fridge. Come and take it.
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 4:58:49 PM EDT
[#29]
FUCK YOU!! I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME.
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 5:04:05 PM EDT
[#30]
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 5:05:24 PM EDT
[#31]
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 5:10:06 PM EDT
[#32]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
I'd rather be tea-bagged by Michelle Obama, again...


FIFY


The picture in your avatar - I think I created that one some years ago with photoshop.

Do you have the original - I deleted it by mistake from Photofuckit.




Its weird his fingers are all the same length.
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 5:10:47 PM EDT
[#33]



Quoted:



Quoted:

FUCK YOU!! I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME.




Dude....seriously, Pop song lyrics?


Dude seriously!.... A make believe thread about the Queen of england taking America Back.  Lets just say this is all for entertainment and has no real use in "REAL" life.

 












But I would still tell that nice old lady the same thing."FUCK YOU!! I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME."
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 5:12:57 PM EDT
[#34]
Andie McDowell was playing an American in "Four Weddings and a Funeral." Don't be dragging her into this.
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 5:18:05 PM EDT
[#35]
"David, Kill the Queen!"









can you revoke something that you got your ass kicked and taken away???
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 5:18:12 PM EDT
[#36]
Quoted:
I'd rather have Obama.
Be damned if I would.  I'd vote for the Queen of England to be President rather than that jug eared motherfucker.

Link Posted: 1/3/2013 5:26:03 PM EDT
[#37]
Quoted:
God Save The Queen!!!!!!!


HIP HIP HOORAY!
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 5:27:42 PM EDT
[#38]
Quoted:
Quoted:
I'd rather have Obama.
Be damned if I would.  I'd vote for the Queen of England to be President rather than that jug eared motherfucker.



Link Posted: 1/3/2013 5:33:16 PM EDT
[#39]

Link Posted: 1/3/2013 5:34:32 PM EDT
[#40]
She wouldnt end it with God save the Queen - She'd say God save Me!!!!

We should have hung with the Brits.
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 5:36:55 PM EDT
[#41]
THE RED COATS IS A COMIN' FER THE GUNS AND THE BASEBALL!











YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW!








 
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 5:42:01 PM EDT
[#42]



Quoted:



Quoted:

I'd rather have Obama.
Be damned if I would.  I'd vote for the Queen of England to be President rather than that jug eared motherfucker.





Yep.



But I'll take Harry as King of America.



 
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 5:45:55 PM EDT
[#43]
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 5:47:05 PM EDT
[#44]
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 6:05:15 PM EDT
[#45]
Quoted:

Quoted:
Quoted:
I'd rather have Obama.
Be damned if I would.  I'd vote for the Queen of England to be President rather than that jug eared motherfucker.


Yep.

But I'll take Harry as King of America.
 
FIFM

Link Posted: 1/3/2013 6:07:59 PM EDT
[#46]
Damn, I'm conflicted go back to a monarchy (even though she's a polite ole gal) or attempt to muddle on with a confused Congress and a marxist/socialist in the white house.  Shit, almost as if we're eating Brie cheese over here.

Damn it give me a wheel of Stilton!  (I'm already drinking a Scottish Whisky tonight). MacCallan fine oak.  2nd large glass.  I can't abide warm beer.
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 6:14:56 PM EDT
[#47]
someone should chase her car while snapping pics.
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 6:15:55 PM EDT
[#48]



Quoted:



Quoted:




Quoted:


Quoted:

FUCK YOU!! I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME.




Dude....seriously, Pop song lyrics?


Dude seriously!.... A make believe thread about the Queen of england taking America Back.  Lets just say this is all for entertainment and has no real use in "REAL" life.    












But I would still tell that nice old lady the same thing."FUCK YOU!! I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME."




We don't want America....you guys broke it.  That's the joke.



And you sound like my mates petulant teenage son right before his father punched him in the face and grounded him for a month.



Besides...You're so busy doing what Obama tells you, you won't have time for anything else.


Okay! I will let you buy me a Boddington or Newcastle. Unless you know of something better.

 
Link Posted: 1/3/2013 6:16:57 PM EDT
[#49]
The only Tea I drink is Sweet tea..

Link Posted: 1/3/2013 6:18:50 PM EDT
[#50]
Quoted:
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

Tea is good.
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