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Posted: 11/28/2012 6:04:29 PM EDT
So I've been pondering this for a while now...why do people even get married anymore?

It seems like with the divorce rate being where it is (mainly as a result of individuals selfishness, IMO), and how screwed men usually get in divorces (losing house, truck, paying child support, etc...), that no one would be excited about getting married and risking loosing everything to a greedy cheating spouse. It seems like its nearly impossible to find someone who's trustworthy, loyal and unselfishness now-a-days...it almost makes me want to give up on the idea of marriage/relationships and plan on having a few "fuck buddies" or "friends with benefits" for the foreseeable future. This saddens me, but I wonder if its just the reality of the situation.

What does the hive say?
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:15:21 PM EDT
Many here will agree. For those with no religious affiliation, marriage was once still an important civil contract. It ensured that women and children, who back in the day were very vulnerable without someone to provide for them, were cared for. Marriage is increasingly incompatible with today's values. For two people with little to no religious affiliation, who can both provide for themselves, who only want to stay together as long as it is enjoyable, and who have little to no interest in raising children, or at least raising children in the setting of a nuclear family, marriage makes little sense, and indeed seems like more trouble than it's worth.

Me, I'm a weird religious fanatic and believe that a marriage is something that cannot be dissolved, even if the two people seperate.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:17:42 PM EDT
There are still good women out there OP.

Don't lose all hope.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:19:18 PM EDT
Because good women demand marriage.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:20:37 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Nightfalcon007:
There are still good women out there OP.

Don't lose all hope.


This plus a million. Its hard to find THE ONE, but once you do, you'll be glad to marry them. My wife is just that person. I dated many women before I knew her and had my heart broke many times over but over the last 8 years of marriage, I'm happy to say, I love her more and more each day. She makes me a better person and I couldnt imagine being without her. So stay strong, stay focused, and go out there and find the one. She is out there somewhere, that I promise.

Hell, my wife is from DC and I brought her back to the west to live in the middle of nowhere. Its possible, so stay the course.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:21:16 PM EDT
Find the right one and your views will change.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:23:30 PM EDT
Originally Posted By mdaugherty1988:
So I've been pondering this for a while now...why do people even get married anymore?

It seems like with the divorce rate being where it is (mainly as a result of individuals selfishness, IMO), and how screwed men usually get in divorces (losing house, truck, paying child support, etc...), that no one would be excited about getting married and risking loosing everything to a greedy cheating spouse. It seems like its nearly impossible to find someone who's trustworthy, loyal and unselfishness now-a-days...it almost makes me want to give up on the idea of marriage/relationships and plan on having a few "fuck buddies" or "friends with benefits" for the foreseeable future. This saddens me, but I wonder if its just the reality of the situation.

What does the hive say?


I too think marriage is overrated, luckily I found someone who is all those qualities and more and is happy to be "Happily Un-Married"

Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:24:36 PM EDT
Originally Posted By mdaugherty1988:
What does the hive say?



I say there's a good woman out there somewhere asking herself the same thing.





Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:26:16 PM EDT
One day you might find your best friend and not want her to get away.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:28:03 PM EDT
Originally Posted By mdaugherty1988:
So I've been pondering this for a while now...why do people even get married anymore?

It seems like with the divorce rate being where it is (mainly as a result of individuals selfishness, IMO), and how screwed men usually get in divorces (losing house, truck, paying child support, etc...), that no one would be excited about getting married and risking loosing everything to a greedy cheating spouse. It seems like its nearly impossible to find someone who's trustworthy, loyal and unselfishness now-a-days...it almost makes me want to give up on the idea of marriage/relationships and plan on having a few "fuck buddies" or "friends with benefits" for the foreseeable future. This saddens me, but I wonder if its just the reality of the situation.

What does the hive say?


Religion and all that.

Also, I found one of the non-crazies. We're sticking with it.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:28:37 PM EDT
My beliefs prohibit intimate relations outside of a marriage relationship. And when you have found the perfect girl and have made her your best friend, it makes it easy.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:28:46 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/28/2012 6:29:15 PM EDT by -Duke-Nukem-]

Originally Posted By Procyon:
One day you might find your best friend and not want her to get away.

Yeah, because marriage will sure prevent her from leaving. Great idea, now that she has a ring its forever right?

Six pages and a lock.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:36:03 PM EDT
Originally Posted By watchwatch:
Because good women gold digging whores demand marriage.


Fixed
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:36:37 PM EDT
Marriage ain't easy, but I'm sure as hell glad I did it. Having a family gives meaning to my life. My wife is a good person, and we've made it work somehow.

Plus, I look at my friends, some of whom are single and around the age of 40. Its sad to see them all lonely and longing, realizing that their opportunities become slimmer with each day.

It doesn't sound like that's what you really want. Maybe you could lose the pessimism and start looking for an honest chick. They do exist.

I thought I was getting married young at 25. Now I heave a sigh of relief that I took the chance when I did. 38 has gotten here pretty quick, and my family is already well established. I can't imagine pushing 40 as a single, childless guy.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:38:26 PM EDT
If you can find someone who complements your personality and adds value and purpose to your life, it's a good deal. I suppose it's also good to have another gun at your back when the Mayan calendar ends next month.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:42:46 PM EDT

Originally Posted By watchwatch:
Because good women demand marriage.

Sorry, but no. Good women require commitment, the same as good men. If two people want to spend their lives together, paper doesn't seem to mean much.



Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:49:25 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/28/2012 6:51:55 PM EDT by thawntex]
Originally Posted By cavedog:

Originally Posted By watchwatch:
Because good women demand marriage.

Sorry, but no. Good women require commitment, the same as good men. If two people want to spend their lives together, paper doesn't seem to mean much.





Commitments have terms, and the paper spells out those terms.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:50:00 PM EDT
I dated my wife for 11 years. We did not live together.

One of the things that convinced me to get married is that I know a man in his 50's that has never been married. He has the money and time to buy and do just about anything he wants, but you can tell something is missing. At my age now, 34, I honestly think it'd be great to be single. I like being married just fine, but think I'd be just as happy right now a single guy. However, when you get in your 50's and beyond, you just become the creepy old guy when you try to socialize.

He and I were having a conversation one day about health. He made the statement that he has told his friends that if anything serious were to ever happen to him health wise, to get him to Nashville, that he didn't trust the medical care in our area. This man has to rely on friends for things that most have family to rely on. I don't think that's how I want to end up. Marriage is about the only way to prevent that. Especially for someone like myself who is an only child.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:57:35 PM EDT
How skewed are the stats when you factor in how many of the marriages were a 2nd, 3rd, or even more?
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 6:58:52 PM EDT
Tax and Medical insurance savings
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 7:00:55 PM EDT
Anybody else think this was a Veracity thread?
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 7:17:18 PM EDT
I was finishing my second year of college when I got married. (Plus a two-year religious mission in the middle of the two years)

I was poor. She wasn't much better off. We only had a little bit of money.

We fell in love. We wanted to be with each other.

She obviously didn't marry me for money. I didn't have anything at all. We got married, went to a family cabin for a few days, after our short "honeymoon," she dropped me off at my house, I got my stuff together. She got hers together, and she picked me up at my house and we drove to Cedar City to start our third-years at college.

We moved into a tiny place. I had a duffle bag worth of clothes, that was it.

We were already friends, we became even closer friends... We worked part time jobs, and saved a little here and there.

When I finished school, I got a job as a public school teacher. She stayed at home. We were pretty dang poor.

We didn't eat out, we didn't do anything fancy. We went camping for vacations. We learned to budget, and we learned to be accountable for our "things."

She didn't marry me for my money, she didn't marry me for any alterior motives. We fell in love, and wanted to be there for each other for the rest of our lives...

We have had our ups and downs... But, she is humble, and a hard worker... And I am 100% dedicated to her and our family... We haven't been handed anything in life. Neither of us come from wealthy families. We have never recieved any sort of handouts from anyone...

I look forward for my time with her. I enjoy being with her. I like our kids. I like teaching them how to shoot, and how to be good people. We never miss church.

And it is kind of funny looking back at how dirt poor we were when we were first married, and my first year out of college... We have four acres, motorcycles we own outright, two vehicles we own outright... And plenty of guns and ammunition.

We could lose it all tomorrow, and go back to nothing to our names, and it would not destroy our relationship... Because our relationship started with real true love...

I have no intention of breaking her heart, and I know she has no intention of destroying our family... Our family is very important to both of us...

She is an amazing woman. She grew up on a farm. She grew up shooting, and working, and being grateful for what she has...

And she is raising our two daughters the same way she was raised... My daughters are shooting, riding motorcycles, learning to love, learning to fight with their brothers, learning to get along with their brothers, going to church and learning what is right and true in the world...

And one day, I will be cleaning a shotgun when a suiter comes to talk...

My wifes dad had a 30-30 in a scabbard next to the door behind me when we had our talk... He didn't notice, and it was just part of his office to him, but I sure knew it was there...

The truth... I cannot imagine my life without my wife... She is amazing...

I am about as lucky a guy as it comes...

I didn't get married to raise my social status. And my wife didn't marry me for that reason, either.

I didn't get married for money. I didn't have much, so my wife didn't marry me for that reason, either.

We fell in love, were highly compatible, and we were both dedicated to making each other have a pleasant experience in live with each other...

Also... While I was courting her, I was a perfect gentleman. I thought she was beautiful, and extremely in shape... But I was a perfect gentleman... Our relationship grew and grew, and was a natural progression towards something bigger... When I asked her to marry me, it was the most natural thing in the world for me to do... I didn't have any girls she needed to be jealous of. I didn't have any skeletons in the closet... I am grateful for heeding the advice of waiting for marraige. I could give myself completely to her...

That is what I have to say about that...
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 7:24:56 PM EDT

Originally Posted By thawntex:
Originally Posted By cavedog:

Originally Posted By watchwatch:
Because good women demand marriage.

Sorry, but no. Good women require commitment, the same as good men. If two people want to spend their lives together, paper doesn't seem to mean much.





Commitments have terms, and the paper spells out those terms.

Commitment comes from the heart, and is unconditional.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 7:27:00 PM EDT
To the OP.

I don't fucking know.

/married
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 7:28:29 PM EDT
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 7:33:45 PM EDT
I wish I could find someone worth marrying. As it is I have trouble finding amyself woman to just simply go out on a date with.

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 7:36:23 PM EDT
Can anyone recommend a good Russian Bride site....
I need a wife to clean my AK's...

Link Posted: 11/28/2012 7:38:18 PM EDT
My wife and I don't break promises. Period.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 7:42:31 PM EDT
marriage as defined by our current legal system =/= marriage as defined in the Bible (or most other religions, for that matter).


Marriage as defined by our legal system is simply a financial contract whereby one party has rights to the money of the other party should either party decide to exit the contract for whatever reason.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 7:45:59 PM EDT
Originally Posted By SparticleBrane:
Anybody else think this was a Veracity thread?


Dude, I didn't think I was that famous....or infamous!
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 7:48:20 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/28/2012 8:00:30 PM EDT by BigeasySnow]
Originally Posted By watchwatch:
Because good women demand marriage.


I don't need to hold a gun to your head (alimony, half your shit, "child support", jail for lack of payment of "child support") to feel bonded to you for life. If I can't take you at your word, we don't need to be together.


eta: and XCR feels the same way.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 7:52:32 PM EDT

Originally Posted By flash556:
Tax and Medical insurance savings

Not worth it if your net worth is in the 7 figure area code.

A lot of guys in their 30's have more to lose by getting married than they have to gain.

At this point, there is no possible way I will ever get married unless children are involved.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 7:54:57 PM EDT
Don't fish in a catfish pond and expect to catch a trout.


Link Posted: 11/28/2012 7:55:20 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/28/2012 8:01:53 PM EDT by gaspain]
some reasons people get married:

-trying to secure the pussy; he thinks its the hottest lay he will ever get..and it will be if he gets married
-trying to secure the dollars; she wants a secure life and that new purse
-just plain idiots that think if they get married it will make them adults
-preggo
-dying of canceraids and you get married to your best friend so that you will have one good week of life BS
-to get a green card!
-to piss off their parents (gays lol)
-all my friends are doing it...
-tax break
-the I dont want to die alone!!! fallacy


can be a combination of one or all of the above

Link Posted: 11/28/2012 7:55:56 PM EDT
they are gay and have the right to now?
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 8:03:25 PM EDT
The rate of failure on starting your own business makes marriage seem like a sure fucking thing.

Yet few piss their pants at the thought, or try to talk people out of it.

The problem with marriage is most men fear their loss of control, fear their own choices, and fear giving up the excitement of youth for the contentment of companionship.

Marriage is the best thing I ever did, and 20 years later it's still the bedrock of my happiness.

I'm not a genius, or a blessed person. If I can figure it out...it can't be rocket surgery.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 8:03:50 PM EDT
Originally Posted By watchwatch:
Because good women demand marriage.


So do bad ones.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 8:05:05 PM EDT
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 8:06:47 PM EDT
The key is marrying the right person. The reason for so many divorces is one or both individuals are not mature enough to understand give, take, effort, commitment, or the fact that you need to know a LOT about the other person before diving into it (kids? money? jobs? how to raise kids? etc )
Just my opinion probably, but I think most/all marriages would have a better chance of lasting if couples had to take 4-6 months of per-marital counseling. Most weddings take a year to plan anyway, why not do counseling during that time to make sure you will last?

If it is the right one, none of the material stuff you Could lose matters anyway. It is just you and your other half.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 8:07:37 PM EDT
I know why I got married. I found the girl of my dreams and locked that shit down as soon as possible. It has been an amazing adventure.

At the same time a guy I went to high school with is on his third marriage, I think he is fucking retarded and I don't know why he does it.

Divorce rates are high because in general people are stupid.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 8:10:46 PM EDT
To have kids and raise them in a traditional, emotionally healthy, nuturing environment.

If you don't want kids there is absolutley no reason to get married. None.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 8:12:12 PM EDT
When you get tired of managing all your fuck buddies you will think to yourself "I wish I had one steady woman that didn't require constant effort to chase an impress". That gets you into a serious relationship which is how you end up married. Then you go through exactly what you described and kick yourself for not listening to yourself. The cycle then repeats. I have a friend that has 3 ex-wives, was all about going out with different women, but now is getting serious "with a good woman". Of course I can't say much as I'm starting to find myself going down that road again.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 8:14:26 PM EDT

Originally Posted By dillweed:

If you don't want kids there is absolutley no reason to get married. None.

Not true. Relationships work better when you have some investment in them, it's easier to throw in the towel when you can just walk away. Marriage is a vow, a binding agreement and it helps even the strong sometimes remain on the right course and duke it out instead of give up.

Not to mention financial, legal and other protections that marriage offers people who may want it.

I've known lots of successful marriages that bore no children.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 8:19:46 PM EDT
Marriage is just a way for her to get half of what you have ! And those bitches are crazy.

Last 3 to be exact. I'll NEVER get married again.

Best advice to a man that is thinking of getting married is : Don't...
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 8:27:03 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Yesicarry:
Marriage is just a way for her to get half of what you have ! And those bitches are crazy.

Last 3 to be exact. I'll NEVER get married again.

Best advice to a man that is thinking of getting married is : Don't...

The only constant in all your failed relationships is you, I hate to tell you.

Best advice to man who keeps choosing the same nutjob over and over: Learn how to choose wisely.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 8:32:56 PM EDT
As somebody trapped in a miserable marriage for nothing more than the sake of the kids and finances I would agree that marriage is a big gamble that can sometimes pay off but often ends badly for many if not more than it ends well for. I'm truly jealous of those I know with good marriages.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 8:33:19 PM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:

Originally Posted By Yesicarry:
Marriage is just a way for her to get half of what you have ! And those bitches are crazy.

Last 3 to be exact. I'll NEVER get married again.

Best advice to a man that is thinking of getting married is : Don't...

The only constant in all your failed relationships is you, I hate to tell you.

Best advice to man who keeps choosing the same nutjob over and over: Learn how to choose wisely.
Yep. If you couldn't handle one marriage you should have waited a LONG time to go into a second. It sounds like you are trying to make whores into house wife's.

I have had the complete opposite experience as you, I've been with one the whole time and she is my best friend. I try to imagine my life with out her and I can't. Most days she will come sit on my lap and tell me why I'm great. When we watch TV together she will start randomly cutting my toenails for me. I even got her to start shooting matches with me and she is coming in at the top of her class these days. She out shoots my friends now.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 8:40:27 PM EDT
After working on my taxes I'm not sure it makes financial sense. We'd be better off if we were single.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 8:45:37 PM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:
...
...

I'm not a genius, or a blessed person. If I can figure it out...it can't be rocket surgery.

Isn't is supposed to be rocket "science"
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 8:48:27 PM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:

Originally Posted By Yesicarry:
Marriage is just a way for her to get half of what you have ! And those bitches are crazy.

Last 3 to be exact. I'll NEVER get married again.

Best advice to a man that is thinking of getting married is : Don't...

The only constant in all your failed relationships is you, I hate to tell you.

Best advice to man who keeps choosing the same nutjob over and over: Learn how to choose wisely.

Everyone has their flaws. That goes for guys and girls. You can't tell one person to choose wisely because it way more involved than that. You are making that person be responsible for determine how they themselves will act, how their partner will act, their own flaws, their partners flaws, how they will react to their partners flaws, and how the partner will react to their own flaws, and then reactions to those reactions. Some of that doesn't even surface until way down the road or some major type of events happen. I don't know anyone that can predict the future, especially predicting the behavior of someone else. One can only make a decision based on the information they have at the time. So not ignoring warning signs is possible, knowing the future enough to choose wisely is not. It's more a luck of the draw if you ask me.
Link Posted: 11/28/2012 8:51:47 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/28/2012 8:52:09 PM EDT by FrankDrebin]
We saved about $25000 in taxes by filing as married versus single last year. So there's that.
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