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Posted: 6/3/2014 1:22:07 PM EDT
[#1]
Chuck Norris made his tongue 18 feet long and licked my taint from all the way across the living room.
Well, maybe just not the taint, and it wasn't just a deflected flip of his tongue. I'm pretty sure I felt something very magical on the back of my balls. Chuck licked my balls. There, I said it. Hey, fuck you, Chuck licked MY balls, not the other way around. I don't go for shit like that. 
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Posted: 6/3/2014 1:44:27 PM EDT
[#2]
Chuck Norris puts baby in a corner.
Credit Card companies pay Chuck Norris late fees. Chuck Norris found Malaysian Airlines Flight 370 |
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Posted: 6/3/2014 8:48:16 PM EDT
[#3]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Rainbows are the result of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking Richard Simmons. Richard Simmons was the result of Chuck Norris kicking the My Little Pony cast. |
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Posted: 6/5/2014 6:47:23 PM EDT
[#4]
When James Cameron visited theChallenger Deep Challenger Deep in 2012 he found four words scribbled the ocean bottom:
Chuck Norris Was Here |
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Posted: 6/5/2014 10:33:45 PM EDT
[#5]
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Posted: 7/10/2014 5:55:01 PM EDT
[#6]
Once, while drunk (don't ask from drinking what), Chuck Norris successfully solved the Five Room Puzzle. Unfortunately the completed puzzle was accidentally destroyed while being as a flyswatter. By the time he sobered up he completely forget how He did it.
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Posted: 7/11/2014 7:22:56 AM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Chuck Norris succssessfully signed up for obamacare on the first try. lol |
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Posted: 7/25/2014 8:04:37 PM EDT
[#8]
The Kwisatz Haderach started from Chuck Norris. If it wasn't for him, the breeding program would never have gotten started.
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Posted: 7/25/2014 8:44:21 PM EDT
[#9]
Caesar's last words were actually "Et tu, Charles?"
Chuck was in Greece at the time. |
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Posted: 7/28/2014 9:52:42 PM EDT
[#10]
Chuck Norris taught Fo Dog how to Fo.
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Posted: 7/28/2014 10:42:27 PM EDT
[#11]
Chuck Norris gave Jesus the gift of beard
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Posted: 7/28/2014 11:15:11 PM EDT
[#12]
Chuck Norris beat Stevie Wonder & Ray Charles in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris was pulled over by a state trooper for speeding. He let the trooper off with a warning. |
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Posted: 7/30/2014 6:03:53 PM EDT
[#13]
Chuck Norris once got the instructions for the kick-starting of a motorcycle wrong.
He accidentally kicked the motorcycle into a sub-orbital trajectory. Luckily it landed into an unoccupied scrapyard. |
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Posted: 8/3/2014 8:49:01 PM EDT
[#14]
Even Chuck Norris has been known for making mistakes:
He taught The Hudson Brothers how to play Hockey 
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Posted: 8/3/2014 11:26:58 PM EDT
[#15]
Chuck Norris went to Africa to contract Ebola just to see how it felt. He got a slight fever for a couple hours and then completely recovered. Unfortunately during those two hours he had sex with eight hundred people.
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Posted: 8/3/2014 11:31:39 PM EDT
[#16]
Chuck Norris wasn't always able to control his temper. He lost it once, about 20 miles west of Winslow, AZ...
...it wasn't a pretty sight. |
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Posted: 8/10/2014 4:55:35 PM EDT
[#17]
Chuck Norris Did NOT shoot President Kennedy.
Let's face it: Not only is Chuck about the only person who HASN'T been accused of killing Kennedy, but then shooting somebody isn't his style. |
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Posted: 8/10/2014 7:31:39 PM EDT
[#18]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
That wasn't a meteor exploding over Russia, that was Chuck Norris skipping rocks over water again. He got a bit carried away on that toss. Chuck does get carried away at times... |
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Posted: 8/16/2014 9:01:28 PM EDT
[#19]
Chuck Norris now owns The Copyright (c) to This Picture:
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Posted: 8/27/2014 7:43:49 PM EDT
[#20]
Once, after watching a Certain Video, Chuck Norris received a phone call with a voice that whispered, "Seven Days".
Chuck Norris relied: "Seven Seconds" and hung up. He never bothered to tell what happened next. |
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Posted: 8/27/2014 7:54:36 PM EDT
[#21]
Chuck Norris once walked into a Burger King and asked for a Big Mac, and got one.
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Posted: 9/4/2014 8:14:21 PM EDT
[#22]
Chuck Norris' Great-Grandfather often camped in the woods. Once, His sleep was interrupted by a pair of huge and hungry Black Bears. They growled at Him. Being rather sleepy He merely growled back. The two bears were so frightened they not only ran away in terror, but the shock turned their fur from Deep Black to White. Hence Polar Bears were created.
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Posted: 10/9/2014 10:09:40 PM EDT
[#23]
Where does a 900 pound Gorilla sleep
Anywhere Chuck Norris tells it to. |
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Posted: 10/31/2014 8:58:36 PM EDT
[#24]
Trick-or-Treaters Give Chuck Norris candy and other treats
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Posted: 11/1/2014 2:33:34 AM EDT
[#25]
Chuck Norris went trick-or-treating once as a child. Someone failed to give him candy.
Chuck TP'd the entire state of Georgia. |
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Posted: 11/1/2014 5:06:51 AM EDT
[#26]
Chuck jokes never get old.....
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Posted: 11/1/2014 9:43:00 AM EDT
[#27]
Chuck Norris, has more staying power than Bruce Lee.
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Posted: 11/1/2014 2:43:39 PM EDT
[#28]
Chuck Norris would have ignored This has he chosen to. IF he did or not is another matter.
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Posted: 11/1/2014 2:51:26 PM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted: He was bitten by a King Cobra but after three agonizing days the Cobra died.  |
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Posted: 11/1/2014 3:03:29 PM EDT
[#30]
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Posted: 11/2/2014 4:38:01 PM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Chuck jokes never get old..... Chuck never gets old. Old gets Chuck. And regrets it! |
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Posted: 11/7/2014 7:46:29 PM EDT
[#32]
At last count Lt. Aldo - The Apache - Raine owes Chuck Norris 37 scalps.
Now you know where they all went. 
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Posted: 11/7/2014 7:53:51 PM EDT
[#33]
Chuck Norris can bumpfire a bolt action.
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Posted: 11/7/2014 7:55:07 PM EDT
[#34]
Chuck Norris does not walk the earth, the earth rolls along Chuck Norris's feet.
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Posted: 11/12/2014 7:07:06 PM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Chuck Norris can bumpfire a bolt action. LOL |
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Posted: 11/18/2014 8:23:52 PM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
LOL Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Chuck Norris can bumpfire a bolt action. LOL HAH! Chuck Norris can Bump-fire a Flintlock! |
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Posted: 11/25/2014 3:17:59 AM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
HAH! Chuck Norris can Bump-fire a Flintlock! Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Chuck Norris can bumpfire a bolt action. LOL HAH! Chuck Norris can Bump-fire a Flintlock! Chuck Norris can Bump-fire a Trebuchet! |
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Posted: 11/25/2014 4:06:16 AM EDT
[#38]
Guns carry a Chuck Norris for protection.
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Posted: 11/25/2014 4:29:05 AM EDT
[#39]
Chuck Norris does not blend
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Posted: 11/25/2014 5:19:34 AM EDT
[#40]
tag lol
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Posted: 12/11/2014 6:37:52 PM EDT
[#41]
Santa's reindeer really Cannot Fly: In reality Chuck Norris throws them AND Santa into the air and then jumps into the sleigh with them.
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Posted: 12/11/2014 6:41:10 PM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Chuck Norris once walked into a Burger King and asked for a Big Mac, and got one. I love that 
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Posted: 12/11/2014 6:46:36 PM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Chuck Norris wasn't always able to control his temper. He lost it once, about 20 miles west of Winslow, AZ... https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQtq6YnTyDBQOAAapyDJ2JED08pKr64qi3kE0BHTPaxLH2wRWzuyaCAdQ ...it wasn't a pretty sight. and here I thought that was where he broke wind while squatting to take a shit..........learn something new everyday. |
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Posted: 12/11/2014 6:48:11 PM EDT
[#44]
Anagrams for Chuck Norris by WordSmith:
Chronic Rusk Chics Kronur Crouch Rinks Crick Onrush Croci Shrunk Crock Inrush Concur Shirk Occur Shrink Chink Cursor Urchins Cork Urchins Rock Urchin Corks Urchin Rocks Choirs Crunk Rich Uncorks Chic Rusk Nor Chick Urns Or Chick Runs Or Chicks Urn Or Chicks Run Or Cinch Rusk Or Chock Sir Urn Chock Sir Run Chuck Sir Nor Crunch Irk So Crunch Ski Or Scorch Irk Nu Crick Horn Us Crick Shun Or Crick Ho Urns Crick Ho Runs Crick Oh Urns Crick Oh Runs Crick Rho Sun Crick Rho Nus Crick Rhos Nu Crick Hos Urn Crick Hos Run Crick Ohs Urn Crick Ohs Run Crick Rush No Crick Rush On Cricks Ho Urn Cricks Ho Run Cricks Oh Urn Cricks Oh Run Cricks Rho Nu Cricks Uh Nor Cock Shirr Nu Crock Hi Urns Crock Hi Runs Crock His Urn Crock His Run Crock Rush In Crocks Hi Urn Crocks Hi Run Chi Cork Urns Chi Cork Runs Chi Rock Urns Chi Rock Runs Chi Corks Urn Chi Corks Run Chi Rocks Urn Chi Rocks Run Chi Corn Rusk Hick Curs Nor Chink Curs Or Chinks Cur Or Kirsch Cur No Kirsch Cur On Hicks Cur Nor Chins Ruck Or Rich Crunk So Rich Snuck Or Rich Cork Sun Rich Cork Nus Rich Rock Sun Rich Rock Nus Rich Corks Nu Rich Rocks Nu Rich Sock Urn Rich Sock Run Rich Ruck Nos Rich Ruck Son Rich Suck Nor Rich Con Rusk Chis Crunk Or Chis Cork Urn Chis Cork Run Chis Rock Urn Chis Rock Run Chis Ruck Nor Churns Cork I Churns Rock I Churn Rick So Churn Sick Or Churn Cork Is Churn Rock Is Churn Corks I Churn Rocks I Churn Cos Irk Crush Nick Or Crush Rick No Crush Rick On Crush Cork In Crush Rock In Crush Con Irk Such Rick Nor Such Corn Irk Nick Curs Rho Nick Cur Rhos Nicks Cur Rho Rick Con Rush Rick Corns Uh Rick Scorn Uh Rick Curs Hon Rick Cur Nosh Rick Cur Hons Ricks Corn Uh Ricks Cur Hon Sick Cur Horn Sic Crunk Rho Sic Ruck Horn Cork Cur Shin Rock Cur Shin Ruck Corn His Ruck Corns Hi Ruck Scorn Hi Con Cur Shirk |
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Posted: 12/11/2014 7:22:37 PM EDT
[#45]
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity------twice.
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Posted: 12/11/2014 7:27:07 PM EDT
[#46]
Chuck Norris farted.
Once. In the Sahara Forest. |
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Posted: 12/11/2014 7:34:36 PM EDT
[#47]
Lightning never strikes twice in the same place because it knows Chuck Norris is looking for it.
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Posted: 12/11/2014 9:00:13 PM EDT
[#48]
The water is afraid of Chuck Norris a half hour after he eats
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Posted: 12/11/2014 11:12:31 PM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity------twice. Once backwards. |
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Posted: 12/11/2014 11:16:59 PM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Chuck Norris farted. Once. In the Sahara Forest. Is that what happened? As I heard it, Chuck Norris was so thirsty, he drank the Sahara Ocean... |
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