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Posted: 2/2/2015 9:52:28 AM EDT
[#1]
Chuck Norris ordered a Larue OBR and UPS was ringing his doorbell to deliver it as he was hanging up with Mark....Chuck don't take to kindly to "lead times"
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Posted: 2/2/2015 6:11:13 PM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Chuck Norris ordered a Larue OBR and UPS was ringing his doorbell to deliver it as he was hanging up with Mark....Chuck don't take to kindly to "lead times" Chuck Norris turning lead times into lead times since 1044 A.D. |
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Posted: 2/2/2015 7:16:12 PM EDT
[#3]
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Posted: 2/2/2015 7:25:03 PM EDT
[#4]
Chuck Norris was sick of this shit back in 2005.
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Posted: 2/2/2015 7:41:44 PM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Chuck Norris was sick of this shit back in 2005. Chuck Norris is unamused by your ignorance... 
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Posted: 2/3/2015 12:58:41 AM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryIt's called acting, duh. 
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Posted: 2/3/2015 11:30:21 AM EDT
[#7]
I just saw this thread, thought it was new, and got startled by a 36_Gauge post on page 1
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Posted: 2/7/2015 9:32:33 AM EDT
[#8]
Chuck Norris doesn't need ammunition in his guns to shoot them:
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Posted: 2/7/2015 9:45:31 AM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
It's called acting, duh. Quote HistoryQuoted:
It's called acting, duh. It was Bruce's birfday and Chuck wanted to be nice to him. The one kick Chuck scored killed Bruce several years later. |
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Posted: 2/7/2015 10:04:52 AM EDT
[#10]
Chuck Norris can cook bacon while naked.
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Posted: 2/9/2015 6:47:30 PM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Chuck Norris can cook bacon while naked. So do nudists. When Chuck Norris goes Falcon Hunting, he uses the Millennium Falcon. |
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Posted: 2/9/2015 7:05:43 PM EDT
[#12]
Trivette was in Karate Kid 2
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Posted: 2/26/2015 7:34:41 PM EDT
[#13]
Some people Square Dance for fun
Chuck Norris Cube Dances for fun. |
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Posted: 2/28/2015 2:07:45 AM EDT
[#14]
The BATFE classified Chuck Norris' stare as armor piercing.
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Posted: 2/28/2015 2:27:39 AM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
The BATFE classified Chuck Norris' stare as armor piercing. And his fists are classified as suppressed SBRs... But the ATF thus far is too scared to try to collect their $800 in taxes. |
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Posted: 2/28/2015 2:34:11 AM EDT
[#16]
Probably been posted but:
God said "Let there be light!" and Chuck Norris said "Say please." |
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Posted: 3/6/2015 3:09:40 PM EDT
[#17]
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Posted: 3/17/2015 10:26:02 PM EDT
[#18]
Chuck Norris can make a fully laden HETT do wheelies
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Posted: 3/22/2015 9:37:10 PM EDT
[#19]
Chuck Norris is THE reason Sauron only has one eye.
Brain Williams covered the brawl for MSNBC. Half of the commenters were DUm-DUm's that said that Sauron was merely misunderstood, a fine Outstanding person who was good towards his parents, kittahs, dags and was an Honor Student that helped little old ladies cross the street. |
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Posted: 3/26/2015 5:53:24 PM EDT
[#20]
Chuck Norris is still posting from time to time in This Thread
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Posted: 3/26/2015 9:40:04 PM EDT
[#21]
Chuck norris like's his meat rare so he only eats Unicorn meat
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Posted: 4/20/2015 7:33:41 PM EDT
[#22]
Chuck Norris found this tank in his parking spot. So he kicked it away:
Potential IN! .gif 
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Posted: 4/21/2015 2:30:00 AM EDT
[#23]
Chuck Norris invented freedom.
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Posted: 4/21/2015 2:49:53 AM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Chuck Norris plays ALL his scenes in a movie. All of them, including those where they'd usually use a stand-in. `Cause NOBODY compares to Chuck Norris! Chuck Norris once spell-checked the alphabet. Found 7 errors. You never see Chuck Norris in love scenes because relations with him always lead to the woman's death. Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile |
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Posted: 4/21/2015 2:59:19 AM EDT
[#25]
Ash Williams is the only man awesome enough to face off against Chuck Norris.
The Universe sent him back in time to prevent this from happening. |
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Posted: 4/21/2015 3:13:05 AM EDT
[#26]
If Chuck Norris is in combat for longer than three minutes the universe he happens to be in disintegrates. |
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Posted: 4/21/2015 7:54:44 AM EDT
[#27]
Chuck Norris can enrich uranium using a pair of nunchucks as a centrifuge...
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Posted: 4/22/2015 7:26:31 PM EDT
[#28]
On the Mohs Scale tungsten carbide rates a scale of 9, Diamonds reach 10.
The fists of Chuck Norris registered 42. They think; the machine broke. |
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Posted: 4/23/2015 1:50:18 AM EDT
[#29]
People think the Titanic struck an iceberg and it sunk.
They are all wrong. |
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Posted: 4/30/2015 10:23:06 PM EDT
[#30]
Chuck Norris understands women!
He was also the first person on the block with nuclear powered toilet paper. |
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Posted: 5/2/2015 5:01:25 PM EDT
[#31]
Chuck Norris doesn't always win:
He couldn't find anybody brave (read dumb) enough to bet against him in this years Kentucky Derby 
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Posted: 5/2/2015 6:33:26 PM EDT
[#32]
while Chuck Norris was in elementary school, he once had a math test. He wrote the word violence on a blank sheet of paper and He got an A.
Because Chuck Norris solves all of his problems with violence. |
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Posted: 5/2/2015 6:42:32 PM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Trivette was in Karate Kid 2 http://youoffendmeyouoffendmyfamily.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/chozen-karate-kid-2.jpg He was in TOP GUN too |
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Posted: 5/10/2015 9:43:12 PM EDT
[#34]
Chuck Norris has already won a Final Seat at this year's World Series of Poker.
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Posted: 5/16/2015 9:49:57 PM EDT
[#35]
Chuck Norris is permitted to use his hands.
Being a Good Guy he Does, Too use the tongs. 
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Posted: 5/17/2015 7:32:38 PM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Chuck Norris can enrich uranium using a pair of nunchucks as a centrifuge... That's just when he spins them. When they actually impact something, they create diamonds and plutonium. |
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Posted: 5/23/2015 9:46:02 PM EDT
[#37]
Chuck Norris single handily dug ALL of the Wal-Mart tunnels.
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Posted: 5/26/2015 2:42:06 PM EDT
[#38]
When Chuck Norris started acting, someone told him "Break a Leg!"
The entire audience had to be evacuated via ambulance. |
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Posted: 6/5/2015 7:30:16 PM EDT
[#39]
Chuck Norris doesn't Always win:
He lost a pie eating contest to Governor Crispy Creame He lost a beached whale lookalike contest to Michael Moore |
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Posted: 6/5/2015 7:43:56 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Chuck Norris doesn't Always win: He lost a pie eating contest to Governor Crispy Creame He lost a beached whale lookalike contest to Michael Moore Who do you think beached that whale? |
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Posted: 6/5/2015 7:44:50 PM EDT
[#41]
Nuclear fission is simple.
Chuck Norris simply frowns at a piece of uranium. |
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Posted: 6/5/2015 8:06:14 PM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Who do you think beached that whale? Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Chuck Norris doesn't Always win: He lost a pie eating contest to Governor Crispy Creame He lost a beached whale lookalike contest to Michael Moore Who do you think beached that whale? 
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Posted: 6/20/2015 11:41:54 PM EDT
[#43]
When Chuck Norris last played Asteroids, he used Real spaceships and real asteroids.
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Posted: 7/31/2015 7:48:11 PM EDT
[#44]
Remember the story of the little boy that made a horse laugh the first week, cry the second week?
That was Chuck Norris, age 5 |
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Posted: 7/31/2015 8:21:17 PM EDT
[#45]
Chuck Norris gets his Egg McMuffins from Chik-fil-A. At 3pm. On a Sunday.
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Posted: 8/1/2015 7:49:37 AM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Chuck Norris can enrich uranium using a pair of nunchucks as a centrifuge... 
Once when Chuck Norris was playing the drums, space aliens landed and asked him to please keep the noise down. |
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Posted: 8/1/2015 8:21:48 AM EDT
[#47]
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
Chuck Norris can swim through land |
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Posted: 8/1/2015 8:46:08 AM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Chuck Norris doesn't Always win: He lost a pie eating contest to Governor Crispy Creame He lost a beached whale lookalike contest to Michael Moore That's because those guys got that way because they are losers, and Chuck NEVER loses. |
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Posted: 8/1/2015 8:50:09 AM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
That's because those guys got that way because they are losers, and Chuck NEVER loses. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Chuck Norris doesn't Always win: He lost a pie eating contest to Governor Crispy Creame He lost a beached whale lookalike contest to Michael Moore That's because those guys got that way because they are losers, and Chuck NEVER loses. Welp, Crispy Creame got to be governor, albeit of an armpit of a state. 
And Mooooooooore makes very popular fiction films. Tho neither of them can make diamonds just by punching lumps of coal, like Chuck can. 
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Posted: 8/9/2015 6:01:37 PM EDT
[#50]
Chuck Norris routinely beats DPMMN at Post Count Poker
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