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Posted: 10/13/2012 2:42:45 PM EDT
[#1]
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 2:43:13 PM EDT
[#2]
Can swim through land.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 2:51:18 PM EDT
[#3]
Walked out of his mothers vagina at birth with a full beard. Shortly after he impregnated a hot nurse.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 2:52:52 PM EDT
[#4]
Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer, too bad he's never cried
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Posted: 10/13/2012 2:53:58 PM EDT
[#5]
Uses a live rattle snake as a condom.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 2:54:16 PM EDT
[#6]
Can divide by zero.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 2:56:54 PM EDT
[#7]
He was bitten by a King Cobra but after three agonizing days the Cobra died.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 3:00:27 PM EDT
[#8]
is the only person that can kick you in the back of your face.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 3:02:22 PM EDT
[#9]
Discovered the meaning of life, but said "fuck it, I aint writing that shit down".
and Got Mohamad to pose for a portrait. |
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Posted: 10/13/2012 3:06:39 PM EDT
[#10]
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 3:12:48 PM EDT
[#11]
Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist and actor. After serving in the United States Air Force, he began his rise to fame as a martial artist, and has since founded his own school, Chun Kuk Do.
Norris appeared in a number of action films, such as Way of the Dragon in which he starred alongside Bruce Lee, and was The Cannon Group's leading star in the 1980s. He next played the starring role in the television series Walker, Texas Ranger from 1993 to 2001. Norris is a devout Christian and politically conservative. He has written several books on Christianity and donated to a number of Republican candidates and causes. In 2007 and 2008, he campaigned for former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, who was running for the Republican nomination for President in 2008. Norris also writes a column for the conservative website WorldNetDaily. As a result of his "tough guy" image, an Internet phenomenon began in 2005 known as Chuck Norris facts, ascribing various implausible or impossible feats to Norris. 
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Posted: 10/13/2012 3:14:16 PM EDT
[#12]
Chuck Norris doesn't dial wrong numbers, you just picked up the wrong phone.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 3:19:22 PM EDT
[#13]
When Chuck Norris jumps in the pool he doesn't get wet......, the water gets Chuck Norrised...
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Posted: 10/13/2012 3:29:13 PM EDT
[#14]
Quoted:
Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist and actor. After serving in the United States Air Force, he began his rise to fame as a martial artist, and has since founded his own school, Chun Kuk Do. Norris appeared in a number of action films, such as Way of the Dragon in which he starred alongside Bruce Lee, and was The Cannon Group's leading star in the 1980s. He next played the starring role in the television series Walker, Texas Ranger from 1993 to 2001. Norris is a devout Christian and politically conservative. He has written several books on Christianity and donated to a number of Republican candidates and causes. In 2007 and 2008, he campaigned for former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, who was running for the Republican nomination for President in 2008. Norris also writes a column for the conservative website WorldNetDaily. As a result of his "tough guy" image, an Internet phenomenon began in 2005 known as Chuck Norris facts, ascribing various implausible or impossible feats to Norris. We have a winner. |
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Posted: 10/13/2012 3:33:04 PM EDT
[#15]
Quoted:
Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist and actor. After serving in the United States Air Force, he began his rise to fame as a martial artist, and has since founded his own school, Chun Kuk Do. Norris appeared in a number of action films, such as Way of the Dragon in which he starred alongside Bruce Lee, and was The Cannon Group's leading star in the 1980s. He next played the starring role in the television series Walker, Texas Ranger from 1993 to 2001. Norris is a devout Christian and politically conservative. He has written several books on Christianity and donated to a number of Republican candidates and causes. In 2007 and 2008, he campaigned for former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, who was running for the Republican nomination for President in 2008. Norris also writes a column for the conservative website WorldNetDaily. As a result of his "tough guy" image, an Internet phenomenon began in 2005 known as Chuck Norris facts, ascribing various implausible or impossible feats to Norris. (smartass )
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Posted: 10/13/2012 3:37:27 PM EDT
[#16]
Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups.... He does "world-downs"
Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile |
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Posted: 10/13/2012 3:46:02 PM EDT
[#17]
Michelangelo's original painting for the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel showed God handing spare mags to Chuck Norris. Chuck and the Lord decided they'd rather not spoil the ending.
Chuck Norris does not go hunting. Hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. In the early 50s, Chuck Norris visited a remote abbey which housed an order of blind nuns. Nine months later many children were born at the abbey. These young boys grew up to be the 1972 Miami Dolphins - the only team in NFL history to play a perfect season. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. Now they're simply known as The Islands. Chuck Norris has previously had issues traveling to California and New York City while wearing pants, because of concealed weapons laws. |
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Posted: 10/13/2012 3:49:28 PM EDT
[#18]
Chuck Norris recruited the army to join him.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 3:52:42 PM EDT
[#19]
Chuck's favorite and most deadly punch is the legendary neck punch,
He learned it one night outside a bar He was in the bar drinking when someone through darts at his waitress. Pretty tough since Chuck was only 4 at the time |
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Posted: 10/13/2012 3:53:02 PM EDT
[#20]
Go to Google, type "find chuck norris", and hit "I'm feeling lucky".
ETA: Quoted:
Chuck's favorite and most deadly punch is the legendary neck punch, He learned it one night outside a bar He was in the bar drinking when someone through darts at his waitress. Pretty tough since Chuck was only 4 at the time LULZ 
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Posted: 10/13/2012 3:53:26 PM EDT
[#21]
Chuck Norris smoked eight cartons of cigarettes a day for three years to contract lung cancer. Once the disease presented itself Chuck Norris flexed his pecks for 30 seconds and the disease was cured.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 3:53:58 PM EDT
[#22]
Chuck Norris can do the million man march by himself.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 3:56:07 PM EDT
[#23]
Quoted:
Go to Google, type "find chuck norris", and hit "I'm feeling lucky".
ETA: Quoted:
Chuck's favorite and most deadly punch is the legendary neck punch, He learned it one night outside a bar He was in the bar drinking when someone through darts at his waitress. Pretty tough since Chuck was only 4 at the time LULZ flol |
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Posted: 10/13/2012 3:58:44 PM EDT
[#24]
You're only alive because Chuck Norris allows you to live.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:00:39 PM EDT
[#25]
Quoted:
Chuck's favorite and most deadly punch is the legendary neck punch, He learned it one night outside a bar He was in the bar drinking when someone through darts at his waitress. Pretty tough since Chuck was only 4 at the time 
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:02:05 PM EDT
[#26]
Quoted:
Chuck's favorite and most deadly punch is the legendary neck punch, He learned it one night outside a bar He was in the bar drinking when someone through darts at his waitress. Pretty tough since Chuck was only 4 at the time Did that dude get the Hammer? |
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:02:44 PM EDT
[#27]
The boogie man checks under his bed for Chuck before he goes to sleep at night.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:03:56 PM EDT
[#28]
Quoted:
Quoted:
Chuck's favorite and most deadly punch is the legendary neck punch, He learned it one night outside a bar He was in the bar drinking when someone through darts at his waitress. Pretty tough since Chuck was only 4 at the time Did that dude get the Hammer? Pretty sure. |
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:04:29 PM EDT
[#29]
CHUCK NORRIS DID BUILD THAT.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:05:19 PM EDT
[#30]
Quoted:
CHUCK NORRIS DID BUILD THAT. Well played |
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:05:52 PM EDT
[#31]
Quoted:
The boogie man checks under his bed for Chuck before he goes to sleep at night.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:11:15 PM EDT
[#32]
Quoted:
Quoted:
CHUCK NORRIS DID BUILD THAT. Well played 
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:19:28 PM EDT
[#33]
Chuck Norris isn't a good shot, his bullets know better than to miss
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:22:26 PM EDT
[#34]
Every Sunday Chuck Norris eats breakfast at Chick-fil-A.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:23:38 PM EDT
[#35]
I rode past his ranch Sunday. He did not wave
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:24:38 PM EDT
[#36]
Quoted:
The boogie man checks under his bed for Chuck before he goes to sleep at night. That's my all-time favorite. |
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:26:33 PM EDT
[#37]
There is no such thing as natural selection, only a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:30:03 PM EDT
[#38]
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:35:51 PM EDT
[#39]
Researchers now believe that the Tunguska Event was caused by Chuck Norris' foot moving at supraluminal speeds during a roundhouse kick, creating a tear in the fabric of spacetime.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:38:13 PM EDT
[#40]
Chuck Norris wanted to grow up to be another CSM Basil Plumley.
CSM Basil Plumley and Chuck almost flipped a coin for the Honor. Chuck intentionally lost after losing a his first and only stare down. |
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:39:15 PM EDT
[#41]
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
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Posted: 10/13/2012 4:52:04 PM EDT
[#42]
Quoted:
Michelangelo's original painting for the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel showed God handing spare mags to Chuck Norris. Chuck and the Lord decided they'd rather not spoil the ending. Chuck Norris does not go hunting. Hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. In the early 50s, Chuck Norris visited a remote abbey which housed an order of blind nuns. Nine months later many children were born at the abbey. These young boys grew up to be the 1972 Miami Dolphins - the only team in NFL history to play a perfect season. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. Now they're simply known as The Islands. Chuck Norris has previously had issues traveling to California and New York City while wearing pants, because of concealed weapons laws. This was the first Chuck Norris fact to make me laugh in some time. Well played, Sir. |
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Posted: 10/13/2012 5:22:46 PM EDT
[#43]
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet... he scares the shit out of it.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 5:27:26 PM EDT
[#44]
Quoted:
Chuck's favorite and most deadly punch is the legendary neck punch, He learned it one night outside a bar He was in the bar drinking when someone through darts at his waitress. Pretty tough since Chuck was only 4 at the time 
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Posted: 10/13/2012 5:33:33 PM EDT
[#45]
Chuck Norris got pulled over by the Police.
He let the Cop go with a warning. |
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Posted: 10/13/2012 5:37:06 PM EDT
[#46]
I don't know why, but my favorite is "Chuck Norris didn't call the wrong number, you answered the wrong phone".
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Posted: 10/13/2012 5:41:27 PM EDT
[#47]
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into The Hulk. When The Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 5:41:54 PM EDT
[#48]
Chuck Norris remembers more than Deej, knows more than Keith_J, and has happier feet than Aimless.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 5:45:52 PM EDT
[#49]
Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
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Posted: 10/13/2012 5:46:22 PM EDT
[#50]
My husband is very fond of these damn things, here are some from him.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky. Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in. Nazi Germany in WW2 surrendered the day after Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence, I think not! Chuck Norris can speak French, in Russian. Chuck Norris's best man from his first wedding was Chuck Norris from 5 years in the future. All 9 bridesmaids were Norris's future ex-wives. Once upon a time there was a warrior who was destined to save the world from all the evils. That man was not Chuck Norris b/c Chuck Norris ate that man. Don't piss him off!! On the morning of July 30, 1975, Jimmy Hoffa scratched Chuck Norris's truck. Later that day, Hoffa disappeared. Let that be a lesson to you all. Chuck Norris can bake a turkey, a ham, and 3 pumpkin pies at once in an EasyBake oven. |
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