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Posted: 8/9/2012 2:20:38 PM
Originally Posted By BigeasySnow:
Originally Posted By BisonWorld:
Uses too much teeth... After 3 years and a few stitches I now am the first guy I know to refuse a bj There's no excuse for that. Tell her to go real wet with it, use more hand, and stick to tongue and lips. Works for girls who complain about gagging or sore jaws too. There's also a shit ton of specialized mouth guards for that too. Some are made of gummy bear material! BJ's are a skill, you're not born knowing how. Some figure it out, some need a coach. This post has WIN all over it. |
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-Apocalypto-
Member
Team Member
Joined: Nov 2007  FL, USA
 Posts: 7251 Feedback: 100% (4) Link To This Post |
Posted: 8/9/2012 2:21:12 PM
Originally Posted By BigeasySnow:
Originally Posted By BisonWorld:
Uses too much teeth... After 3 years and a few stitches I now am the first guy I know to refuse a bj There's no excuse for that. Tell her to go real wet with it, use more hand, and stick to tongue and lips. Works for girls who complain about gagging or sore jaws too. There's also a shit ton of specialized mouth guards for that too. Some are made of gummy bear material! BJ's are a skill, you're not born knowing how. Some figure it out, some need a coach. If I tried to tell the wife that....I would instantly be accused of cheating as she would want to know just how I knew this. "I learned it on Arfcom" would not work.  |
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Posted: 8/9/2012 2:23:34 PM
Originally Posted By Donner_und_Blitzen:
Originally Posted By Covert8645:
My wife never cleans up after herself. She never puts shit where it belongs. She never puts shit back when she's done with it. I must have her sister.. Are they triplets? Mine can't clean to save her soul. How in the fuck does it take 3 hours to vacuum the damn living room? |
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HKUSP45C
Fed Geek
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Joined: Mar 2007 TX, USA
Posts: 5934 Feedback: 0% (0) Link To This Post |
Posted: 8/9/2012 2:23:59 PM
Originally Posted By 40BOY:
Starts a conversation with me from the other end of the house and gets all butthurt when I can't hear her and don't respond. "You never listen".. My reply is "you're not conversing propely, that absolves me from listening." My will go get something, use it and leave it where she was when she got finished. Then will invariably ask me "have you seen X?" I have started responding with "yup, it's in the last place you got done using it." Drives me nuts I can never find anything because it isn't where it's supposed to be. On the upside, at least she stopped moving MY things around and not remembering where they are. |
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Posted: 8/9/2012 2:26:13 PM
Originally Posted By VACaver:
Mine will never wait for me to finish something before butting it to say, "Don't forget to..." or "Make sure you..." It irritates the living shit outta me. I trained my first wife to stop interrupting me. Just stop talking and stare at them until they ask what you're doing. Tell them you are waiting for them to finish hearing themselves speak before you tell them what they need to hear. Could be part of why she's my ex. |
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Phelptwan
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Team Member
Joined: Jun 2007 MI, USA
Posts: 845 Feedback: 100% (1) Link To This Post |
Posted: 8/9/2012 2:26:57 PM
Doesn't flush the damn toilet...closes the lid though.
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Posted: 8/9/2012 2:29:19 PM
Originally Posted By NoloContendere:
Toilet paper rolls.... You finish it, you put a new one on....  This one right here....  |
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dryroasted
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Team Member
Joined: May 2009 TX, USA
Posts: 4730 Feedback: 100% (1) Link To This Post |
Posted: 8/9/2012 2:29:27 PM
Originally Posted By BigeasySnow:
Originally Posted By BisonWorld:
Uses too much teeth... After 3 years and a few stitches I now am the first guy I know to refuse a bj There's no excuse for that. Tell her to go real wet with it, use more hand, and stick to tongue and lips. Works for girls who complain about gagging or sore jaws too. There's also a shit ton of specialized mouth guards for that too. Some are made of gummy bear material! BJ's are a skill, you're not born knowing how. Some figure it out, some need a coach. WOW....... what was this thread about again?  |
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Posted: 8/9/2012 2:31:48 PM
Doesn't know how to whisper...
Has led to some near "ARFCOM I never thought it would happen to me" posts. |
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Posted: 8/9/2012 2:40:42 PM
Originally Posted By DrewN:
Originally Posted By bags533:
Originally Posted By NotMrWizard:
She'll make sure she points out every little flaw whenever I'm done building, painting, or fixing something around the house, which is why I don't do it anymore. A fewweeks ago, I trimmed a decorative tree on the corner of our house, as it was getting a little too tall and bushy. She made sure to point out which branches I cut (in her opinion) too short, or too long, which ones I shouldn't have cut, etc. I said "Ok, thanks". She went inside, I went in the garage, got the chainsaw, and dropped the sonnuvabitch. Left it lay there, went back inside and told her to take a look at it and let me know if it needs to be shorter. 
I wouldn't have the balls to pull that one off. I would. that was my exact response as I got halfway thru the first part of his post. I read "Ok, thanks" and said to my self, "cut that fucker down". I think that is a residual response from my reaction to my ex wife. she was always like that sometimes I feel a little bad about being single, but then I read threads like these and they remind me that I'm glad I'm single. I'm not going to deny that it started a huge argument.  But if anything ever happens in our marriage, this is what will be the cause. It's kind of like Lucy and Charlie Brown with the football - every time I think "ok, I'll do it because I really can't screw it up and she won't anally critique it this time", and then whoosh! goes the football.
There was one other time ... she was gone for the weekend, and I decided to surprise her and finish a wall in our kitchen that was dividing some counterspace. It was never finished from the previous owner. Had a cabinet hanging on one side of it, had to take that down, had to remove the countertops, dishwasher, and base cabinets adjacent to it. Mudded it, made the corners nice and square, patched the drywall, painted it, hung a wine rack on the side opposite the cabinet, was pretty proud of myself. She walks in the door, still with her coat on, and says "oh great, you finished the ... oh, look at that spot right there ... and that one ...". The hammer was still laying on the counter, and I picked it up and said "oh, and these too". WHAM WHAM WHAM!!! And walked out. It stayed that way until we sold the house a few years ago, and she called someone to fix it. But I figure if I've put up with it for 23 years, I probably will for a few more.
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Posted: 8/9/2012 2:44:25 PM
[Last Edit: 8/9/2012 2:46:11 PM by Obo2]
Originally Posted By -Apocalypto-:
Originally Posted By BigeasySnow:
Originally Posted By BisonWorld:
Uses too much teeth... After 3 years and a few stitches I now am the first guy I know to refuse a bj There's no excuse for that. Tell her to go real wet with it, use more hand, and stick to tongue and lips. Works for girls who complain about gagging or sore jaws too. There's also a shit ton of specialized mouth guards for that too. Some are made of gummy bear material! BJ's are a skill, you're not born knowing how. Some figure it out, some need a coach. If I tried to tell the wife that....I would instantly be accused of cheating as she would want to know just how I knew this. "I learned it on Arfcom" would not work. show her the thread lol, just say oww a lot or start the conversation off with honey i learned this really neat trick at the strip club the other night/from the girl locked in the attic, it will dwarf any accusations she might make. Get her to watch some porn with some girls doin it right use your teeth on her somewhere. but really if you guys can't have an open conversation about your sex life there's something to work on |
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Alien
Not the illegal kind...
Team Member
Joined: Jun 2002 AZ, USA
Posts: 27330 Feedback: 100% (8) Link To This Post |
Posted: 8/9/2012 2:50:10 PM
[Last Edit: 8/9/2012 2:58:05 PM by Alien]
Originally Posted By 72826:
Originally Posted By Kriptonic:
I can't stand it when my wife does anal masturbation and then licks her fingers. She thinks that turns me on. Let's just say that licking your finger after putting it up your ass is just wrong and an indication of mental issues. And yes I'm seeing a lawyer since this happened last week. Never has there been a post easier to masturbate to. 
You like eating shit or watching women eat shit? |
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Gravity_Tester
Misanthropic Anthropoid
Team Member
Joined: Apr 2005 AZ, USA
Posts: 17840 Feedback: 100% (4) Link To This Post |
Posted: 8/9/2012 3:41:56 PM
When she's driving, she absolutely *must* look at whoever she's talking to. Which is scary enough, but she also gesticulates wildly, which can lead to her not only not looking where she's going, but driving with no hands on the wheel. And if I happen to say something to the effect of "Hey, sweetie, I'm 2 feet from you and the only other person in the car. There's no need to look at me when you're speaking" it just pisses her off.
Oh, and I don't know if she has some kind of special radar, but without fail, she will wait until the last 10 minutes of a show or movie and then suddenly absolutely HAVE to start a conversation about some inane topic. I tried using the same tactic with her, but it seems that if I start talking over the end of whatever she happens to be watching, it's a death glare offense. As is pointing out that she hates it when I do so. 
All things considered, pretty minor annoyances, except the driving while not looking where the speeding car is going and constantly taking her hands off the wheel. That's just terrifying. |
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Posted: 8/9/2012 3:43:13 PM
Originally Posted By Alien: Originally Posted By 72826: Originally Posted By Kriptonic: I can't stand it when my wife does anal masturbation and then licks her fingers. She thinks that turns me on. Let's just say that licking your finger after putting it up your ass is just wrong and an indication of mental issues. And yes I'm seeing a lawyer since this happened last week. Never has there been a post easier to masturbate to. You like eating shit or watching women eat shit? Only in the heat of the moment. |
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Posted: 8/9/2012 4:18:40 PM
She leaves little piles of receipts, scraps of paper, coupons, and other shit that she never has any use for but refuses to throw away. I enable the situation by throwing it away and she never notices. She then just starts a new pile. Repeat the process.
We are a serious bunch of whiney man-bitches. Oh well. I love this thread. Guilty as charged. |
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