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Chesh97
si vis pacem, para bellum
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Posted: 8/9/2012 5:23:09 AM
Doesn't hang up towels after use... so they are wet and get that mildew smell.

I FUCKING HATE TOWELS THAT SMELL LIKE MILDEW
*** NRA Life Member***

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:
The feeling of an entire wetsuit up my asscrack? No thank you.
Does anyone really think they're going to deflect bullets with their cooter?
osprey21
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Posted: 8/9/2012 5:33:01 AM
Doesn't put the seat up.
If you think your dog can't count, try putting 3 dog biscuits in your pocket & then giving her only 2.
ColtXM177
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Posted: 8/9/2012 5:51:49 AM
Not anymore
Jmopar00
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Posted: 8/9/2012 6:10:42 AM
Originally Posted By ColtXM177:
Not anymore


This.
klutz347
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Posted: 8/9/2012 6:29:50 AM
Washes her hands in the kitchen sink, dries her hands with paper towel and leaves the paper towel sitting on the kitchen counter.
I believe in animal rights....
They have the right to garlic and butter- Ted Nugent

shrikefan
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Posted: 8/9/2012 6:48:57 AM
Makes a major drama out of everything.
Proud Member of Team Ranstad...The Fantastic Bastards

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redseacraft
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Posted: 8/9/2012 7:18:34 AM
My wife tells me what to do while I'm actually doing it.
Example, while cleaning a pan and drying it with a dish towel, she'll add:
"make sure you dry that thoroughly". ( no shit shirlock)

My wife constantly says " I can't" or "I don't have time". WTF is that all about"

My wife asks stupid ass rhetorical questions after I give her an answer
THIS DRIVES ME INSANE!!!!

her, honey did you lock the front door?
Me, yes.
Her, so it's locked?

Her, did you bring our son's life jacket?
Me, yes.
Her, so you put it in the boat? ( no its in my ass)

Also she misrememberes things or outright forgets entire conversations.

There is a spot across the street from our house which is a geocaching point.

Her, what are those 3 people doing looking in those bushes and what's in his hand?

Me, Geocaching. They have a GPS and they are looking for something someone else left.
( I go on to explain it a little more)

3 months later, Her- what are those people doing looking in the bushes?
Me, Geocaching.
Her, What is that?

6 months later
Her, Why are those people wandering around in those bushes across the street for the last 10 minutes?
Me. Geocaching. ( insert full explaination.)

6 months later.

Her, what are those people doing.....
Me, getting knife to slit my throat


She swallowed without even asking several times wile dating.
No swallow in 8 years
Palm
Owebama Lied, the Economy Died
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Posted: 8/9/2012 7:21:40 AM
She assists me with driving tips.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin
M38
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Posted: 8/9/2012 7:37:51 AM
Originally Posted By huaco:
She's miserable if she's not miserable about something. Piss, moan, bitch. I love her but she's one of the most miserable people I've ever known. This is why I live half my life out of hotel rooms hundreds of miles from home for months at a time.

That said she is the first woman I have found and I am the first man she has found who knows what a committment means and we make it work. We miss each other when we are apart and enjoy being together when we are for at least a few weeks. Then it is time for me to get back to work and out of Houston.

I am getting a bit burned out on life away from home so much but not sure what to do next.


I have a close friend like that. The first thing she does in the morning is worry about what she is going to worry about the rest of the day.
"...Then was this mead-house at morning tide
dyed with gore, when the daylight broke,
all the boards of the benches blood-besprinkled,
gory the hall: I had heroes the less,
doughty dear-ones that death had reft."

Dashammer
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Posted: 8/9/2012 7:49:09 AM
Great at starting projects and never finishing them. Never puts shit back where she got it from. I am a good guy and very attentive to my wife however she has to make shit up to chew my ass over so she can fit in with the females she works with who have A-holes for SOs. Been married for 28 years to a good girl and it is true a happy wife make for a happy life.
RifleCal30m1n00b
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Posted: 8/9/2012 8:00:52 AM
Minor gripe:

The phrase (sometimes a stand-alone) "Well, why didn't you think of [X/Y/Z]," is, in my opinion, one of the more irritating ways to passive-aggressively insult someone while appearing to be helpful. Likewise for closely-related expressions.

I get slightly frustrated when I've been trying to accomplish something for quite a while, and she pops in, says that, and pops away again. Nevermind that I probably already tried that approach, or that rephrasing it to a positive suggestion rather than a negative question would convey the idea in a helpful rather than critical fashion.

I'd prefer something along the lines of "have you tried/thought of [x/y/z]," or similar.


Like I said, it's minor.


Also she enjoys (but fortunately isn't exactly addicted to; no TV service at home ) the kinds of TV dramas that I find not-very-entertaining or -interesting.

That's minor too.

I guess I'm pretty lucky, and I need to remember to remind her more often how much I realize that.


Thanks, guys.
RaisedByWolves
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Posted: 8/9/2012 8:01:52 AM
She has a hole in her face and sound comes out.


BCV
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Posted: 8/9/2012 8:12:48 AM
[Last Edit: 8/9/2012 8:13:10 AM by BCV]
She cant drive
She cant park
She listens to kiss fm and forces that curse upon me
She watches every cooking show known to man though she can't cook
She takes at least a hour and half to get ready
She is late FOR EVERYTHING
She gets mad at me for lying to her about what time events and things start so we are not late


Other than those she is pretty awesome and I love her to death.
βθπ
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Posted: 8/9/2012 8:13:00 AM
Crashes cars. She is a horrible driver. I will not let her drive when I'm in the car.
colesteele
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Posted: 8/9/2012 8:17:14 AM
Stores bread products in the microwave

Keeps nagging me to read "Fifty Shades of Gray"

Records every fucking reality show, taking up precious space on the DVR while monopolizing the TV.
Strongbow
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Posted: 8/9/2012 8:23:11 AM
Leaves her dirty dishes wherever she is. She's otherwise pretty neat, and this drives me nucking futs.

gotuonpaper
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Posted: 8/9/2012 8:33:24 AM
Originally Posted By NotMrWizard:
She'll make sure she points out every little flaw whenever I'm done building, painting, or fixing something around the house, which is why I don't do it anymore. A fewweeks ago, I trimmed a decorative tree on the corner of our house, as it was getting a little too tall and bushy. She made sure to point out which branches I cut (in her opinion) too short, or too long, which ones I shouldn't have cut, etc. I said "Ok, thanks".

She went inside, I went in the garage, got the chainsaw, and dropped the sonnuvabitch. Left it lay there, went back inside and told her to take a look at it and let me know if it needs to be shorter.


YES!!!!!
TheRX7Project
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Posted: 8/9/2012 8:35:08 AM
[Last Edit: 8/9/2012 8:37:11 AM by TheRX7Project]

Originally Posted By M4tty:
Bless her heart, I could write a book.


She rambles on and on about nothing sometimes, and usually it's when I'm trying to concentrate on something... one time I was lost taking a slight detour from the correct route, and she kept rambling on and on so I finally just said "Look, just shut the fuck up. Please, just... shut the fuck up."
If it does not pick my pocket nor break my leg, it is of no concern to me. -Thomas Jefferson
gotuonpaper
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Posted: 8/9/2012 8:37:51 AM
Calls and asks my opnion on something then ends the conversation by saying she is goign to do the way she intended to start with before she called.

The water bottle "skeletons" half drank all over the house.

Wears a watch to bed, because she used to be legally blind, and I said nothing because she couldnt see an alarm clock, even though I got smacked in the face ona regular basis or woke up in the middle of the night with a glowing tritium hand in my face.

Now we paid 4K for Lasik and she refuses to take the watch off to keep me from getting hit in the face.
-Apocalypto-
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Posted: 8/9/2012 8:52:11 AM
My wife does all the following....

Leaves the toilet lid down.


she lacks common sense sometimes


Wife is not the most consistent person in the world regarding the kids, and she and they suffer for it, when she goes off the deep end at them.


Mine does an impression of Darth Vader when sleeping


Mine will never wait for me to finish something before butting it to say, "Don't forget to..." or "Make sure you..."



Wont let me unload in her mouth.


It's still my fault


walks away from then starts talking


or waits till I am on the other side of the house and start calling me. heck if you want to talk come find me.


or just starts in the middle of the story and like I am supposed to know what the heck she is talking about. sometimes I just sit there and nod my head and have no clue what the heck I am listening to.


She'll make sure she points out every little flaw whenever I'm done building, painting, or fixing something around the house


doesn't swallow


Never removes her drinks from the car's cupholders.


Makes a major drama out of everything


My wife tells me what to do while I'm actually doing it.
Example, while cleaning a pan and drying it with a dish towel, she'll add:
"make sure you dry that thoroughly". ( no shit shirlock)



Also she misrememberes things or outright forgets entire conversations

She gets mad when a show or movie (Spartacus, Game of Thrones, etc) has female nudity


all this and.....

When driving around town, if another driver does something stupid, she will get pissed cussing them out, extending finger jestures, which explains why her car seems to get keyed often....but it's impossible to explain this to her.


But she puts up with my crap and we've been married for over 18 years.
Originally Posted By Ventilator:
Sorry, I can't hear you over the sounds of all of the basement dwellers popping PMAG covers...
Traveler
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Posted: 8/9/2012 8:57:58 AM
[Last Edit: 8/9/2012 8:58:36 AM by Traveler]
My wife frets that she won't be here today when an upper i ordered arrives by USPS. She's afraid it will get returned so she is considering missing her art club which she loves.
cavedog
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Posted: 8/9/2012 8:58:18 AM
She pays all the bills and I don't have anything left to spend my money on other than toys for me.

Every time I've built character I've regretted it
TacticalTaco
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Posted: 8/9/2012 9:05:09 AM
Mine...


Wait....

I'm single...


BRB Going to hang out with my friends whenever I want :D
goodspeed11
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Posted: 8/9/2012 9:09:54 AM
Breathes...



She's crazy.

The end.
NeverTrustaJunkie
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Posted: 8/9/2012 9:11:09 AM
[quote]Originally Posted By xxtdxx:
My wife watches the kardashians. I hate that show. Makes me want to rip the dish off my roof.

i would, reality tv is poison

mine drives me crazy by being so fucking loud. i'm usually quiet when i'm home, i put my glass down easy on tables, close cabnets slowly so i don't slam them, i try and watch my noise level out of respect for others.

she's so clumsy and loud sometimes it's like living with the 3 stoogies
Atomic_Ferret
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Posted: 8/9/2012 9:18:46 AM
[Last Edit: 8/9/2012 9:59:15 AM by Atomic_Ferret]
Originally Posted By Girthrockwel:
Originally Posted By xxtdxx:
My wife watches the kardashians. I hate that show. Makes me want to rip the dish off my roof.

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile


Yep, same here. My wife watches lots of really mindless reality TV.


Lifetime, foreign films and anything with impoverished children, beaten women, subtitles and/or any combination thereof.

Also: Outside is not where tools, books and newly purchased household items are supposed to be stored. Nor is it a good place for storage of cordless phones.

Gotta say, if those are the biggest relationship problems we have, I am good.
"There is a time for peace and talk and reason; and then, at long last, and only with sadness of heart and mournful admission that all your wisdom and words have failed, you must go kill you some motherfuckers and set some of their shit on fire"
BisonWorld
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Posted: 8/9/2012 9:20:23 AM
Uses too much teeth... After 3 years and a few stitches I now am the first guy I know to refuse a bj
vm1970
In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king.
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Posted: 8/9/2012 9:37:14 AM
Mine watches the worst shows(Say Yes to the Dress,Design Star,all those type of showst),she is messy as hell,cannot figure out how to put dishes in the dishwasher and can spend money like a drunken democrat..... and I love her more today than the day we got married
"You can get further with a kind word and a gun, than you can with just a kind word."
"We are playing chess here motherfucker not checkers."
grayparatrooper
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Posted: 8/9/2012 11:35:38 AM
She leaves water all around the sink after washing her face then i get my shirt wet and its annoying.
TheWenisPrinkle
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Posted: 8/9/2012 11:43:52 AM
Originally Posted By Kriptonic:
I can't stand it when my wife does anal masturbation and then licks her fingers. She thinks that turns me on. Let's just say that licking your finger after putting it up your ass is just wrong and an indication of mental issues. And yes I'm seeing a lawyer since this happened last week.


I had something but for the life of me it's gone.

Silver_Surfer
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Posted: 8/9/2012 11:50:32 AM
[Last Edit: 8/9/2012 11:51:58 AM by Silver_Surfer]
Originally Posted By -Apocalypto-:
My wife does all the following....

.......
all this and.....

When driving around town, if another driver does something stupid, she will get pissed cussing them out, extending finger jestures, which explains why her car seems to get keyed often....but it's impossible to explain this to her.


But she puts up with my crap and we've been married for over 18 years.


Your Avatar fits you
Dorcas
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Posted: 8/9/2012 12:01:48 PM
If we are leaving to go somewhere, my wife says she's ready to go 5 minutes before she's *actually* ready to go.

Drives me crazy.
shrikefan
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Posted: 8/9/2012 12:59:08 PM


After reading some of the responses, I'm starting to think that being married to a schizophrenic, manipulative, control freak isn't so bad.
Proud Member of Team Ranstad...The Fantastic Bastards

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Circa 11/08 :(

Would cockroach semen make a good gun lube?
Vaux
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Posted: 8/9/2012 1:03:07 PM
It's very minor... but annoying. She has the bad habit of putting the cap back on things, but not screwing it back on. Example: Getting ready to put some Tabasco on my eggs in the morning, shake the bottle..... now there's Tabasco splattered all over the wall. I'm generally in the habit of checking the cap on things prior to shaking, but sometimes I forget.
Was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich stärker.

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Peachy_Carnahan
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Posted: 8/9/2012 1:16:36 PM

Little stuff, but her concept of A/C blows my mind.

Turns thermostat to 63 degrees with all the windows and doors open when it's 95 degrees outside. (facepalm)

Love her to death, tho.
"We are not small men."
bullyforyou
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Posted: 8/9/2012 1:17:35 PM


yep. she opens or makes herself a drink, takes about two sips out of it, and that's it.

drives me fucking nuts. we go through soda and juice like it's nobody's business, primarily because at any one point in time there are several open cans or glasses getting warm and going bad. there isn't any time when i can't walk around the house and put my hands on at least two room-temp drinks that are mostly-full and have been sitting for a while.

i've talked to her about this a million times over the years. nothing has changed, so i've recently taken to pouring out any drinks i find and then just throwing the glass away...

vm1970
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Posted: 8/9/2012 1:19:39 PM
Originally Posted By bullyforyou:


yep. she opens or makes herself a drink, takes about two sips out of it, and that's it.

drives me fucking nuts. we go through soda and juice like it's nobody's business, primarily because at any one point in time there are several open cans or glasses getting warm and going bad. there isn't any time when i can't walk around the house and put my hands on at least two room-temp drinks that are mostly-full and have been sitting for a while.

i've talked to her about this a million times over the years. nothing has changed, so i've recently taken to pouring out any drinks i find and then just throwing the glass away...



You must spend a fortune on glasses
"You can get further with a kind word and a gun, than you can with just a kind word."
"We are playing chess here motherfucker not checkers."
OnlineAllTheTime
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Posted: 8/9/2012 1:25:39 PM
Originally Posted By vm1970:
Originally Posted By bullyforyou:


yep. she opens or makes herself a drink, takes about two sips out of it, and that's it.

drives me fucking nuts. we go through soda and juice like it's nobody's business, primarily because at any one point in time there are several open cans or glasses getting warm and going bad. there isn't any time when i can't walk around the house and put my hands on at least two room-temp drinks that are mostly-full and have been sitting for a while.

i've talked to her about this a million times over the years. nothing has changed, so i've recently taken to pouring out any drinks i find and then just throwing the glass away...



You must spend a fortune on glasses





I'm waiting with bated breath to see what bad habits of mine are outed. He knows about this thread so we'll see.
If you treat women like people instead of a self propelled set of tits, they either act right or they go away. Either way you win. Jesus I may be a loser but at least I'm not a pussy about it.
bags533
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Posted: 8/9/2012 1:29:06 PM
Originally Posted By Covert8645:
My wife never cleans up after herself.

She never puts shit where it belongs.

She never puts shit back when she's done with it.




She doesn't finish a project she starts, and leaves all that crap all over the place.
The Marines I have seen around the world have the cleanest bodies, the filthiest minds, the highest morale, and the lowest morals of any group of animals I have ever seen. --Eleanor Roosevelt
bullyforyou
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Posted: 8/9/2012 1:32:12 PM
[Last Edit: 8/9/2012 1:34:01 PM by bullyforyou]
Originally Posted By vm1970:
Originally Posted By bullyforyou:


yep. she opens or makes herself a drink, takes about two sips out of it, and that's it.

drives me fucking nuts. we go through soda and juice like it's nobody's business, primarily because at any one point in time there are several open cans or glasses getting warm and going bad. there isn't any time when i can't walk around the house and put my hands on at least two room-temp drinks that are mostly-full and have been sitting for a while.

i've talked to her about this a million times over the years. nothing has changed, so i've recently taken to pouring out any drinks i find and then just throwing the glass away...



You must spend a fortune on glasses


she buys the glassware.

maybe this is just her way of getting new glasses without listening to me gripe about spending money on stuff we don't need...



ETA: based on this thread, it appears the open-a-drink-i'll-never-finish problem is fairly common in females.

bags533
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Posted: 8/9/2012 1:34:46 PM
Originally Posted By NotMrWizard:
She'll make sure she points out every little flaw whenever I'm done building, painting, or fixing something around the house, which is why I don't do it anymore. A fewweeks ago, I trimmed a decorative tree on the corner of our house, as it was getting a little too tall and bushy. She made sure to point out which branches I cut (in her opinion) too short, or too long, which ones I shouldn't have cut, etc. I said "Ok, thanks".

She went inside, I went in the garage, got the chainsaw, and dropped the sonnuvabitch. Left it lay there, went back inside and told her to take a look at it and let me know if it needs to be shorter.



I wouldn't have the balls to pull that one off.
The Marines I have seen around the world have the cleanest bodies, the filthiest minds, the highest morale, and the lowest morals of any group of animals I have ever seen. --Eleanor Roosevelt
Cholla
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Posted: 8/9/2012 1:38:42 PM
My wife is all woman, but she cracks her neck like Mike Tyson getting ready to eat some babies.
Dorcas
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Posted: 8/9/2012 1:48:01 PM
Originally Posted By bullyforyou:


yep. she opens or makes herself a drink, takes about two sips out of it, and that's it.

drives me fucking nuts. we go through soda and juice like it's nobody's business, primarily because at any one point in time there are several open cans or glasses getting warm and going bad. there isn't any time when i can't walk around the house and put my hands on at least two room-temp drinks that are mostly-full and have been sitting for a while.

i've talked to her about this a million times over the years. nothing has changed, so i've recently taken to pouring out any drinks i find and then just throwing the glass away...





You're going to be screwed when the aliens come.
pen
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Posted: 8/9/2012 1:50:03 PM
Yeah, there is this thing she does with some lotion, and her feet that just...wait...I think I misunderstood the question...

Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.
NagOrzo15-1
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Posted: 8/9/2012 1:54:29 PM
Every fucking light in the house on.

I didn't like Shane on the Walking Dead, but I laughed my ass off at his rant in the first ep about the lights.

That said, I have a whole lot of things that I do that probably drive her nuts so its good we can deal with each others shit and enjoy the good far more than we're bothered by the bad.
DrewN
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Posted: 8/9/2012 1:55:56 PM
Originally Posted By bags533:
Originally Posted By NotMrWizard:
She'll make sure she points out every little flaw whenever I'm done building, painting, or fixing something around the house, which is why I don't do it anymore. A fewweeks ago, I trimmed a decorative tree on the corner of our house, as it was getting a little too tall and bushy. She made sure to point out which branches I cut (in her opinion) too short, or too long, which ones I shouldn't have cut, etc. I said "Ok, thanks".

She went inside, I went in the garage, got the chainsaw, and dropped the sonnuvabitch. Left it lay there, went back inside and told her to take a look at it and let me know if it needs to be shorter.



I wouldn't have the balls to pull that one off.


I would. that was my exact response as I got halfway thru the first part of his post. I read "Ok, thanks" and said to my self, "cut that fucker down". I think that is a residual response from my reaction to my ex wife. she was always like that

sometimes I feel a little bad about being single, but then I read threads like these and they remind me that I'm glad I'm single.



40BOY
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Posted: 8/9/2012 2:00:17 PM
Starts a conversation with me from the other end of the house and gets all butthurt when I can't hear her and don't respond.

"You never listen"..

non compos mentis
BigeasySnow
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Posted: 8/9/2012 2:12:11 PM
Originally Posted By BisonWorld:
Uses too much teeth... After 3 years and a few stitches I now am the first guy I know to refuse a bj


There's no excuse for that. Tell her to go real wet with it, use more hand, and stick to tongue and lips. Works for girls who complain about gagging or sore jaws too.

There's also a shit ton of specialized mouth guards for that too. Some are made of gummy bear material!

BJ's are a skill, you're not born knowing how. Some figure it out, some need a coach.
Look, if I can't put everyone into little boxes and then blindly apply my feelings about those boxes to the people I put in them, how am I supposed to know who I can look down on? -- Snips
Shane333
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Posted: 8/9/2012 2:16:54 PM
My wife doesn't drive me crazy.

Oh, I suppose there's the really small stuff, like her turning on all the lights in the house in the middle of the day (which makes it much harder for the air conditioner to do its job in the middle of summer) but it doesn't make me upset or anything. I just go around turning lights off as I walk through the house.

I guess I'm just blessed to have her.
In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children

-Captain Moroni
72 B.C.
LowBeta
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Posted: 8/9/2012 2:19:29 PM
she pronounces button "Butt Ton"

and always has to pee just as we're leaving the house.
God sometimes subcontracts -- A funny guy
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