Rant o' the day. Son married a golddigger - Page 2

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Rant o' the day. Son married a golddigger (Page 2 of 3)

Posted: 5/5/2012 1:02:11 PM EDT

[#1]

Did your son ever work for his own stuff or was it given to him? She is an extension of him now and if everything was given to him on a silver platter then he will expect that his mom does the same for his wife.

I have friends who raised their kids this way. It boggles my mind that they think the kid should expect the gravy train to stop one day.

Posted: 5/5/2012 1:06:57 PM EDT

[#2]

Quoted:

Quoted:
...............The son evidently can't control this gal and I believe he's pussy whipped for lack of a better discription.

Who did he inherit that trait from?

Anyone have a DNA map handy?

Quoted:

Quoted:
What does she do with her money she makes?

If she is carrying $18k+ of credit card debt I would say she is quite use to living outside her means.

Anyone helping her pay it off is just reloading it for her.

There is the cold hard ugly truth.

Posted: 5/5/2012 1:10:22 PM EDT

[#3]

Family dynamics are a bitch...

The wife wants to be a good MIL and Grandma. DIL knows this, and is squeezing the fruit. She has likely been a manipulator her whole life and has gotten away with it.

You can tell if the DIL is a manipulator by her reaction to a 'no'. If gets dramatic and says 'YOU have to tell YOUR grandkids that their party will not have a pony then..."

It sucks, but some people, both men and women navigate their whole lives this way. Everyone is in DEEP SHIT if substance abuse ever enters the picture.

Posted: 5/5/2012 1:13:04 PM EDT

[#4]

Why are you giving your kids money in the first place? If they are grown and out of the house then they should be on their own. You not cutting them off is where you messed up. You actually created that situation and you are enabling it to continue. I'm sure you will have a million excuses for why you are doing it but they are nothing more than excuses. I left home at 18, worked my way through college, and never asked my parents for a penny.

Posted: 5/5/2012 1:16:38 PM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:
What does she do with her money she makes?

this.

around here, RN's make $70k/yr if they are lazy day shifters in a practice. Night gals and anyone with a specialty is deep in the 90's

Posted: 5/5/2012 1:20:57 PM EDT

[#6]

*Not saying this is your situation at all.

I believe all men (and sometimes women) need to have been in several relationships and definatly had sex a few times before getting married. This improves the odds of not being blinded by the sexual side of a relationship, and in general understanding the ways the opposite sex thinks and acts in all aspects of life.

Regardles, GL OP. I think you will do fine.

Posted: 5/5/2012 1:22:27 PM EDT

[#7]

Posted: 5/5/2012 1:22:28 PM EDT

[#8]

Quoted:
Family dynamics are a bitch...

The wife wants to be a good MIL and Grandma. DIL knows this, and is squeezing the fruit. She has likely been a manipulator her whole life and has gotten away with it.

You can tell if the DIL is a manipulator by her reaction to a 'no'. If gets dramatic and says 'YOU have to tell YOUR grandkids that their party will not have a pony then..."

It sucks, but some people, both men and women navigate their whole lives this way. Everyone is in DEEP SHIT if substance abuse ever enters the picture.

Little Suzie and Johnny, Come here for a minute. Grandpa has something to tell you. (Pause) Well, you know that pony your Mommy promised you? She lied. She does it a lot, and we've been covering for her for ages but we aren't going to do it any more. If we promise you that we're going to do something, believe it. If your "mommy" promises it, well, she's just a gold digging user and a whore, so don't get too upset with her when she doesn't come through.

Posted: 5/5/2012 1:27:06 PM EDT

[#9]

Balls, go and get them from your wife's purse if she will let you..

Pimp hand is needed.

Posted: 5/5/2012 1:33:51 PM EDT

[#10]

This will get good.

Posted: 5/5/2012 1:39:40 PM EDT

[#11]

Quoted:
Why are you giving them any money whatsoever?

I can't extract a penny from my parents.

This. I've borrowed money from them through life, and always paid them back in full. perhaps payment style but out of the three kids, my brother and I are the only ones with a credit line from them. Was aided as a young kid out of work with a vet bill, once when I was laid off with a family to support and didn't want to pay bank juice, and again with an investment.

That was it. Three times in 37 years. Paid in full. I wouldn't even ask for 100 bucks for a kids party. Boggles the mind.

Posted: 5/5/2012 1:45:30 PM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:

This will get good.

Posted: 5/5/2012 1:50:02 PM EDT

[#13]

Quoted:
Family dynamics are a bitch...

The wife wants to be a good MIL and Grandma. DIL knows this, and is squeezing the fruit. She has likely been a manipulator her whole life and has gotten away with it.

You can tell if the DIL is a manipulator by her reaction to a 'no'. If gets dramatic and says 'YOU have to tell YOUR grandkids that their party will not have a pony then..."

It sucks, but some people, both men and women navigate their whole lives this way. Everyone is in DEEP SHIT if substance abuse ever enters the picture.

Ummm no sorry. You do.

Posted: 5/5/2012 1:50:26 PM EDT

[#14]

IN for updates

Posted: 5/5/2012 1:50:45 PM EDT

[#15]

Fuck that. Good luck op.

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Posted: 5/5/2012 1:52:47 PM EDT

[#16]

OP, nothing wrong with doing things for the grandkids. But what you are describing is (your wife is) enabling your son and DIL to not have to make responsible financial decisions.

also change your will now to leave all your money to another son or daughter.... OR roll it in to some iron clad trust fund that, by passes the son and DIL and leaves it to the grandchildren. but make it so the grandchildren can't touch itg until they are 40 years old or their parents are both dead. ( i would do it and word it that exact way) lolz

hate me if you want to, but its my money.... lol

S

Posted: 5/5/2012 1:54:29 PM EDT

[#17]

Quoted:
Family dynamics are a bitch...

The wife wants to be a good MIL and Grandma. DIL knows this, and is squeezing the fruit. She has likely been a manipulator her whole life and has gotten away with it.

You can tell if the DIL is a manipulator by her reaction to a 'no'. If gets dramatic and says 'YOU have to tell YOUR grandkids that their party will not have a pony then..."

It sucks, but some people, both men and women navigate their whole lives this way. Everyone is in DEEP SHIT if substance abuse ever enters the picture.

Good MIL doesn't support stupid financial decisions. I know in my experience with family I've loaned money to several people. I've only gotten in back from a couple of them. Sometimes it is a good amount, other times it isn't. I have know learned who I can loan to and who I can't. The people that have fucked me don't get anything. Likewise when I need to borrow money I always pay it back with interest. Which usually means if I am in a bind people love to throw some money my way.

Posted: 5/5/2012 1:58:33 PM EDT

[#18]

Quoted:
You need to take control of your wife and have a heart-to-heart with your son.

It sickens me to see how men let women run their lives these days.

All of my buddies, except my best friend, don't draw breath unless their wives tell them it's okay.

Men are nearly extinct...

this.
i would leave my wife before i lived a life where i had to ask her permission to do anything but go to work and come home.
fuck that noise!

Posted: 5/5/2012 2:03:12 PM EDT

[#19]

This thread is not going the way the OP intended.

Posted: 5/5/2012 2:03:52 PM EDT

[#20]

If the DIL doesn't take it in the pooper something's wrong.

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Posted: 5/5/2012 2:05:59 PM EDT

[#21]

Quoted:

Quoted:
What does she do with her money she makes?

If she is carrying $18k+ of credit card debt I would say she is quite use to living outside her means.

No kidding. That's beyond full retard.

Posted: 5/5/2012 2:09:29 PM EDT

[#22]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Family dynamics are a bitch...

The wife wants to be a good MIL and Grandma. DIL knows this, and is squeezing the fruit. She has likely been a manipulator her whole life and has gotten away with it.

You can tell if the DIL is a manipulator by her reaction to a 'no'. If gets dramatic and says 'YOU have to tell YOUR grandkids that their party will not have a pony then..."

It sucks, but some people, both men and women navigate their whole lives this way. Everyone is in DEEP SHIT if substance abuse ever enters the picture.

Ummm no sorry. You do.

That's not what she'll do though... Hence, the unfair pressure...

Posted: 5/5/2012 2:13:58 PM EDT

[#23]

Quoted:

Quoted:
Family dynamics are a bitch...

The wife wants to be a good MIL and Grandma. DIL knows this, and is squeezing the fruit. She has likely been a manipulator her whole life and has gotten away with it.

You can tell if the DIL is a manipulator by her reaction to a 'no'. If gets dramatic and says 'YOU have to tell YOUR grandkids that their party will not have a pony then..."

It sucks, but some people, both men and women navigate their whole lives this way. Everyone is in DEEP SHIT if substance abuse ever enters the picture.

Ummm no sorry. You do.

That's not what she'll do though... Hence, the unfair pressure...

Meh, what are you going to do?

Posted: 5/5/2012 2:22:08 PM EDT

[#24]

Quoted:
You need to take control of your wife and have a heart-to-heart with your son.

It sickens me to see how men let women run their lives these days.

All of my buddies, except my best friend, don't draw breath unless their wives tell them it's okay.

Men are nearly extinct...

I'm with you on this one.

Posted: 5/5/2012 2:51:53 PM EDT

[#25]

Quoted:
Here's what you say:

"You're an RN. Pay for it yourself, bitch.Sweetie "

Lets try to be diplomatic

Posted: 5/5/2012 3:03:17 PM EDT

[#26]

Quoted:
...change your will now to leave all your money to another son or daughter.... OR roll it in to some iron clad trust fund that, by passes the son and DIL and leaves it to the grandchildren. but make it so the grandchildren can't touch itg until they are 40 years old or their parents are both dead. ( i would do it and word it that exact way) lolz

Yeah my first thought on reading the OP was that it was time for a consultation with a good estate-planning attorney. My next would be to drop hints to the kids indicating that my entire estate was being left to charity.

ETA: OP needs to have a heart-to-heart with his wife over this.

Posted: 5/5/2012 3:29:31 PM EDT

[#27]

Man up or stop bitching.

Succinct enough?

Posted: 5/5/2012 3:37:09 PM EDT

[#28]

The problem isnt the DIL... its YOUR wife. Put her in order and stop the trickle and let your son mop the puddle.

BTW...my wife just graduated with her BSN/RN she only will make approximately $45,000 a year. Thats not good or great $$$$$$.

People assume nurses do great some do... but most do not.

Posted: 5/5/2012 3:37:56 PM EDT

[#29]

Delete double post

Posted: 5/5/2012 3:39:57 PM EDT

[#30]

My sons would know better, their girlfriends also know better

Posted: 5/5/2012 3:44:15 PM EDT

[#31]

Quoted:

If the DIL doesn't take it in the pooper something's wrong.

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile

Even if she does take it in the pooper there is something wrong

Posted: 5/5/2012 3:46:00 PM EDT

[#32]

Quoted:

Quoted:
and I'm pissed. She sees me and my wife as her piggy-bank and I'm sick of it. As an RN she makes excellent $$$$$$$$$$$. She has attempted to bum $18,000 from us to pay down her credit cards. Not happening but it caused a hell of a fight.

Her latest stunts are now to plan events that where she bums the majority of the cash from the SO (mine). She starts off low but then slowly asks for more $$. A small get together for the kids has gone from my wife providing $170. for the food has now mushroomed to almost $1000. At this moment I think my wife has paid for every damn thing.
But the DIL has gone and bought floats or whatever that are towed behind boats and rented a place for a private party. And I bet most of the funds came from my wife.

I may not be married next week as I plan to or attempt to put an end to this.

The son evidently can't control this gal and I believe he's pussy whipped for lack of a better discription.

Damn I hate people

I've got to the point that I don't want her around for wondering what she'll ask for next.

GD

Weak son is the problem. Who raised him? Your wife just giving family funds to your DIL? Why aren't you keeping your hand strong? Less GANDY Dancing more regulating.

Nailed it.

Posted: 5/6/2012 6:24:03 AM EDT

[#33]

Quoted:
You need to speak to your son and the harpy and spell out that they are never to ask for money. Period.

Spell out that you will disinherit grasping shrews. +1

Tell your wife to get a spine and quit enabling the financial retardedness.

+1

Posted: 5/6/2012 6:26:59 AM EDT

[#34]

OP pimp hand fail.

Posted: 5/6/2012 6:29:57 AM EDT

[#35]

Quoted:
If for potentially epic updates!

Posted: 5/6/2012 6:31:33 AM EDT

[#36]

Quoted:
The problem isnt the DIL... its YOUR wife. Put her in order and stop the trickle and let your son mop the puddle.

BTW...my wife just graduated with her BSN/RN she only will make approximately $45,000 a year. Thats not good or great $$$$$$.

People assume nurses do great some do... but most do not.

West Virgina is not know for its high cost of living. Median HOUSEHOLD income in the US is around $52k per year. Median individual income in the US is around $30k per year. How do you figure 45K per year isn't good?

Median household income 2006-2010:

West (By God) Virgina: $38,380 per year

USA: $51,914 per year

http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/54000.html

In other words your wife is making $6K more per year than 50% of house holds in your state. Sounds pretty good to me.

Posted: 5/6/2012 6:38:28 AM EDT

[#37]

Grow some balls, stop it now.

Posted: 5/6/2012 6:41:56 AM EDT

[#38]

Quoted:
So your son's Wife spends too much money.

Your Son allows it

Now your Son's Wife is spending your money and

Your Wife allows it

You allow it

Lots of fail here.

I am going with this.

Posted: 5/6/2012 7:00:09 AM EDT

[#39]

Quoted:
and I'm pissed. She sees me and my wife as her piggy-bank and I'm sick of it. As an RN she makes excellent $$$$$$$$$$$. She has attempted to bum $18,000 from us to pay down her credit cards. Not happening but it caused a hell of a fight.

Her latest stunts are now to plan events that where she bums the majority of the cash from the SO (mine). She starts off low but then slowly asks for more $$. A small get together for the kids has gone from my wife providing $170. for the food has now mushroomed to almost $1000. At this moment I think my wife has paid for every damn thing.
But the DIL has gone and bought floats or whatever that are towed behind boats and rented a place for a private party. And I bet most of the funds came from my wife.

I may not be married next week as I plan to or attempt to put an end to this.

The son evidently can't control this gal and I believe he's pussy whipped for lack of a better discription.

Damn I hate people

I've got to the point that I don't want her around for wondering what she'll ask for next.

GD

You mention kids? are they grandchildren? if so, perhaps she's holding them over your wife, I have a cousin who's wife does the same thing, it's all well and good when it's her family wanting to see the kids, but when my aunt and uncle do, it always seems like the "wrong time" to come visit, and when they do come, it's usually for some other reason, but will stop by for the afternoon. I blame my cousin for this and have talked with him several times, but he still can't seem to get it through his thick skull that what his wife is doing is wrong. The best policy in your case is to talk to your wife, try reasoning, and if not, and you share an account, simply remove her from it, cut the funds off, this however should be the last thing you do!

Posted: 5/6/2012 7:14:24 AM EDT

[#40]

Quoted:

Here's what you say:

"You're an RN. Pay for it yourself, !@#$%^&*."

She needs to take the courses to become a nurse anesthetist to raise her income.

Posted: 5/6/2012 7:19:09 AM EDT

[#41]

Quoted:

parenting failures can oftentimes lead to results such as this

I've seen radically different kids emerge from the same parents. It's one possibility, but I won't be quick to judge.

The best way to get people to stop asking for money is to make them tired of hearing you say "no". Or better yet, ask them for money

Posted: 5/6/2012 7:20:18 AM EDT

[#42]

Quoted:
People can't take advantage of you unless you let them.

Posted: 5/6/2012 7:26:20 AM EDT

[#43]

Quoted:

Quoted:
The problem isnt the DIL... its YOUR wife. Put her in order and stop the trickle and let your son mop the puddle.

BTW...my wife just graduated with her BSN/RN she only will make approximately $45,000 a year. Thats not good or great $$$$$$.

People assume nurses do great some do... but most do not.

West Virgina is not know for its high cost of living. Median HOUSEHOLD income in the US is around $52k per year. Median individual income in the US is around $30k per year. How do you figure 45K per year isn't good?

Median household income 2006-2010:

West (By God) Virgina: $38,380 per year

USA: $51,914 per year

http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/54000.html

In other words your wife is making $6K more per year than 50% of house holds in your state. Sounds pretty good to me.

That just means that almost 50% of households are making MORE than they are. But no worries, with the magic of Financing you can still live better than they do (well, for a while at least.) And, just like the OP's son, you can always ask your wife to sponge off of your parents, they probably like her better than you!

Please accept this post in the tongue-in-cheek manner it was intended

Posted: 5/6/2012 7:28:05 AM EDT

[#44]

Brother Georgian.

You do not need to deal with son, daughter in law, or anyone that lives outside your home.

Have a reasonable chat with your wife, and let her know how you feel about this. Set a family budget for "doing stuff for the grandkids", and stick to it. No sneaking, no sob stories, no messing.

We have one daugher (my stepdaughter actually) that is moved, gone, in college, married, with a baby. My wife and I know between us that we have a 500 dollar per year "spend" on them if needed. (that could only change if it was to save the life of someone in their family) They are hard working, and proud, the only time we have had to send anything was when she could not quite swing a pretty pricy calculator for her statistics class, I sent her one. Last Xmas, we got the baby some good stuff, and cut a check for what was left of the budget, so they could get a few nice things for the house. We still have a pile of kids at home to care for, and they all know the value of a buck.

If you get your wife on board, letting her know it's better for the son and his family, you should not have any problems with her "just sliding a few bucks" when you are not looking. Her role to the DIL should be that of a friend and advisor, not a walking purse.

It's hard to watch your grown kids go without sometimes, but it's awesome to see them overcome it. Sounds like your son and DIL need to have their own discussions, but that is up to them. Guide as you can. Your big priority is getting a game plan together with your wife, teamwork, bubba.

Good luck!

Posted: 5/6/2012 7:28:14 AM EDT

[#45]

Quoted:
Hit up your local book store and check out The Millionaire Next Door.

There's a chapter in there about Economic Outpatient Care.

You can probably draw some nifty analogies since the DIL is an RN

I was actually looking at if from the perspective of that book.

Grandparents really aren't helping when they provide money that's almost expected for their grand kids.

Posted: 5/6/2012 7:39:48 AM EDT

[#46]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Here's what you say:

"You're an RN. Pay for it yourself, !@#$%^&*."

She needs to take the courses to become a nurse anesthetist to raise her income.

Why? She would just blow any additional income. I know people that make six figures a year and are bankrupt, others that make $50k and all their stuff is paid for with comfortable savings/retirement planning. Making more money does not fix being financially irresponsible.

She sounds like the type that hits the lotto and is bankrupt in a few years.

Posted: 5/6/2012 7:48:15 AM EDT

[#47]

Quoted:
OP pimp hand fail.
http://catmacros.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/pimp-hand-you-got-to-keep-it-strong.jpg

The pimp hand is not a joke, at all. If most men would grow a pair and use it there would be less divorce and happier families. Problem is men have been fed this partnership bullshit. Someone has to have a controlling share in business or marriage.

Posted: 5/6/2012 7:51:50 AM EDT

[#48]

Quoted:
Family dynamics are a bitch...

The wife wants to be a good MIL and Grandma. DIL knows this, and is squeezing the fruit. She has likely been a manipulator her whole life and has gotten away with it.

You can tell if the DIL is a manipulator by her reaction to a 'no'. If gets dramatic and says 'YOU have to tell YOUR grandkids that their party will not have a pony then..."

It sucks, but some people, both men and women navigate their whole lives this way. Everyone is in DEEP SHIT if substance abuse ever enters the picture.

There's not going to be hot air ballon rids, clowns, or mini doughnuts either.

It's amazing to me when someone is so mentally slow to use such an arguement, but people make that type of arguement all the time.

Posted: 5/6/2012 7:55:16 AM EDT

[#49]

Typical of most RNs I know in real life. My mom is the same way with her finances. She'll never be able to retire without support from someone.

Posted: 5/6/2012 7:57:31 AM EDT

[#50]

I don't know that I would be physically capable of asking my parents for money. The shame would be too great.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Rant o' the day. Son married a golddigger (Page 2 of 3)

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