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maleante
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:04:38 AM
[Last Edit: 12/12/2011 12:15:18 AM by maleante]
Well, not exactly... but that could have been the worst case scenario.

...
According to the police report, the husband was lying on the couch in his living room when his wife noticed her $15,000 ring was missing from the place she normally kept it.

...grabbed a knife and threatened to kill him...

...she put down the knife and walked over to him as he lay on the couch, the report said. She reached down and "firmly" grabbed his left testicle and refused to let go, authorities said.

The police report stated that she held on for about two minutes before finally releasing her grip.
...
When authorities arrived at the scene, a photo of the testicle showed red marks and bruises.
...


http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/weird/Woman––135258578.html

Picture by mustardtiger

I'll save my thoughts on the people who can spend any amount of dollars on a rifle but can't devote 20 minutes to getting their body in shape for another thread. -skinnysarge79
Furyataurus
Be a Fountain, not a drain
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:05:45 AM
HK USP 9 w/Trijicon night sights
HK USP COMPACT 40/357Sig w/TLR-1
Remington 870 6+1
Marlin 336C 30-30
MSAR STG-556
Remington 700 5R
Jarhead_22
Inside your OODA loop
NRAMilitary
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:06:31 AM
They'd have had to take me to jail.
Don't anticipate outcome. Await the unfolding of events. Remain in the moment.
numberofthebeast
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:07:44 AM
My balls hurt just by reading that.
badfish274
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:09:08 AM
Originally Posted By Jarhead_22:
They'd have had to take me to jail.


And clean her remains off the carpet.
Skillshot
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:11:17 AM
Couple 12-6 elbows to the face or fingers into the eyes and she'd let go
"I will tell you what the best caliber is. It is the bullet, that is fired by the man, who sees the other guy first. In my experience, the caliber doesn't matter." - patkrysbold
hangman101
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:11:39 AM
She looks like Kathy Bates playing Annie Wilkes in "Misery".
[NO TEXT]
RCJ
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:12:42 AM
"Look at my balls, officer! LOOK AT THEM."
"Well, it's a mess, ain't it sheriff?"
"If it ain't, it'll do til the mess gets here."
MustardTiger
Two smokes, let's go...
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:13:47 AM
"A free people [claim] their rights as derived from the laws of nature, and not as the gift of their chief magistrate."

"If I had a nickle for every time I buckled under pressure, I would have 5 nickles. " - Hank Hill
Kuraki
Is having a gun to shoot the fish.
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:13:52 AM
"I was in fear of great bodily harm. I wish to speak with an attorney. My chest hurts, will you call me an ambulance?"
DanTSX - "Acquiring better guns by burying the shitty ones behind you is the path to enlightenment."
LaRue customer for life!
Harm seek, harm find
Dredd308
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:15:05 AM
That's just nuts.
“I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!” <Homer Simpson>
bigstatik
Doin' it for the LuLz
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:15:06 AM
Fat vile whore.
Ew.
,[____l,
_-o||||o-_
()_)¯¯ )_)

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks.
TechGal26
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:17:48 AM
Proud Member of Team Ranstad

Newest member of the crazy-old-cat-lady club.
danc46
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:19:37 AM
My brother's second wife did something similar to him twice (grabbed his family jewels).
The first time he told her to never do it again.
The second time she did it he knocked her out with a fist.
She filed charges on him and a judge evicted him from their home with the kids.
That was about 20 years ago. Times may have changed but domestic violence can be one hellacious mess for a family.
Grumpy old peckerwood
Epic_Ed
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:19:50 AM
Those are the craziest googly eyes I've ever seen.
Rogue-Sasquatch
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:20:12 AM
I screamed after reading the headline.

I screamed like a little bitch.
You know, I've been here for aqua-bumpers, shower cookies, goose fuckers, doll shows, fire on airplanes, and the attempted theft of an AR by Shitty McBritches, and this post is the one that's finally made me say, "This place is getting weird." -53
MissouriBob
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:20:14 AM
Winner of the most painfully exaggerated thread title of the day.
Invest in precious metals - brass and lead.
_DR
Support the NRA so they can support you.
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:22:32 AM

S
S
S
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect." - Mark Twain
BrowardMason
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:28:46 AM
No cross-eyed jokes yet? Come on people.
As above, so below.

We are the Light Bearers.
hdhogman
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:29:27 AM
15 K$ ring for THAT?
"If It Has Tits, Wheels, or a CPU, it's gonna cause you Problems."
macvalley
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:36:38 AM
I don't even have balls and that hurt. What the crap?!
Furious
" Still got the shovel..."
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:36:38 AM
[Last Edit: 12/12/2011 12:37:31 AM by Furious]

True story:

I have a close friend named Travis who was assaulted by his ex-girlfriend. She stalked him at his home one night and found his new girfriends car there. She started by bashing the windshield then when Travis came out to stop her (wearing only boxers) he pushed her down and stood over her screaming. She grabbed his balls and yanked as hard as she could ripping one out of his sack. She then calmly left.
He was in ICU for a few days after that while they tried to save his balls. I remember him cussing at me when I would make him laugh because it hurt. He used to show people the blood stains on his hardwood floor and say "that's when my balls got ripped off". This all happened back in the early 90s.


What I gathered from this is to NEVER date the crazy.




The death of one man is a tragedy. The death of millions is a statistic.
gonzo_beyondo
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:37:00 AM




That woman is herp derp strong!
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stickfigure
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:44:18 AM
[Last Edit: 12/12/2011 12:45:36 AM by stickfigure]
I would have kicked that bitch's eye straight.
We're invaders from another planet, we're invaders from another world... Martian Men look out for your planet... Earth Man's comin', to take control!!! EARTH MAN!!!
Billmanweh
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:44:51 AM
never trust a woman with a wonky eye
If you make guns idiot proof, then only idiots will own guns

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vbfg135
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:46:30 AM
Reminds me of the subpoena joke.
Hate And Discontent Reign Supreme In The House Of Love.me




System Message is not your friend. Posted: Today 8:45:44 PM MST [Last Edit: Today 8:45:44 PM MST by VA-gunnut]
gonzo_beyondo
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:48:58 AM

Originally Posted By Billmanweh:
never trust a woman with a wonky eye

Seems like a good rule of thumb.
Warning:
If blade damage, don't be fly, otherwise it will create the human body or blame damage.
geekz0r
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:53:26 AM


Maybe she was looking in the wrong place for the ring.
Daytona955i
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:54:38 AM
Florida is the Capitol of Crazy.
The government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
-Ronald Reagan
TheJeffster
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:54:40 AM
Originally Posted By hdhogman:
15 K$ ring for THAT?


That's what I was going to post. That guy must have the worst luck in history when it comes to getting tail to marry that.
Daytona955i
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:55:24 AM
That's not how you give a handjob.
The government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
-Ronald Reagan
retgarr
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:55:29 AM
The eyes just do not get any crazier than that.
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frogwater
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Posted: 12/12/2011 12:55:50 AM
I guess she got a bit testy.
Psalm 119:11
Seansworth
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Posted: 12/12/2011 1:04:02 AM
How the deuce do you get a smiley face in a poll?
Bring back SYSTEM MESSAGE!

BOOMER SOONER!

desperta ferro
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Posted: 12/12/2011 1:15:45 AM
She is a lazy eyed dike. Trust me.
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Posted: 12/12/2011 1:21:02 AM
"Nothing says "I am displeased with your actions" like a gunshot to the face." - PFC-Demon
RolandBozz
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Posted: 12/12/2011 1:23:04 AM

Originally Posted By jmhat98:

I lol'd
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Posted: 12/12/2011 1:27:40 AM

Originally Posted By DisplayName:
She is a lazy eyed dike dikfer. Trust me.

So THAT'S what a dikfer is.
Hmm, let me think here...
raygixxer89
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Posted: 12/12/2011 1:28:05 AM


What's she lookin' at?
kpel308
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Posted: 12/12/2011 1:35:48 AM
Wasn't me.
Kick Ass.
Take Names.
Repeat As Necessary.
scottedward58
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Posted: 12/12/2011 1:39:47 AM
Originally Posted By geekz0r:


Maybe she was looking in the wrong place for the ring.


If you have ten thousand regulations you destroy all respect for the law.
Winston Churchill

FS2KsRock
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Posted: 12/12/2011 3:01:38 AM
Originally Posted By RCJ:
"Look at my balls, officer! LOOK AT THEM."


Traderjac
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Posted: 12/12/2011 4:45:40 AM
Why would any one in their right mind pay 15k for a ring??? Hell, you could buy 5 M4's and a shit pot of ammo for that much money.
Rosenrot
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Posted: 12/12/2011 4:53:20 AM
...and then she yelled I AM A BOY DAMON!
jeep44
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Posted: 12/12/2011 5:16:47 AM
After working a 16 hour day,she was tired of coming home and finding him on the sofa.
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Posted: 12/12/2011 5:22:05 AM
That right eye seems problematic
LinggrrLonggrr
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Posted: 12/12/2011 5:36:57 AM
Where's that damn "do not want" pic?
Don't put pussy on a pedestal.
hotrod_sxty8
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Posted: 12/12/2011 5:38:05 AM
Daym!!!!! That bitch could pick apples and look for snakes at the same time!!!!
Tennessee Squire
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"MRAP (Mine Resistant Ambush Possum)"
LJ "RAAARR!"
OhioEd
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Posted: 12/12/2011 5:49:03 AM
Her left eye must be really interesting. Her right eye keeps looking at it.
Courage is standing up for what you believe is right, even if it means you stand alone

You talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded.
pavlovwolf
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Posted: 12/12/2011 5:51:15 AM
That would hurt. Bitch would get knocked out, and I don't hit women. Well, once, and in a similar situation.

If any of you were around in the 1980s and a teen around oh, say 16 years old, you'll understand. One of the horrible fashions or that time for guys, were these silk looking shorts. Sure, they were comfortable, and on girls, looked absolutely fantastic, but in retrospect, were not real manly on us. Anyway. I was at the river house with my girlfriend and her cousin. We'd been drinking and swimming and other things and I got tired, and I passed out on the recliner under the a/c. Cousin, hot as she was, decides it's a bright idea to get a lighter and see how flammable my nuts were.

Answer? Nuts are indeed flammable when shorts are set on fire first. Drunk bitch was down there trying to blow the fire out. I just felt warm at first, and cracked open an eye to see her on her knees between my legs with her lips half an inch from my pecker. Heaven right? Until, the intense pain actually woke me up. I leaned forward and swung for the nearest thing to my pain, hitting her in the chin as she tried to stand up and knocking her out cold.Then I noticed the actual fire that had spread rapidly along my groin area. In less than a second, the girlfriend threw a glass of water on it, putting it out. I was pissed. I did receive restitution from the cousin about a week after the incident. So I guess all went well.
Don't go ninj'in nobody that don't need ninj'in
cgrant26
Chiroptera Parvulus
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Posted: 12/12/2011 6:02:04 AM
[Last Edit: 12/12/2011 6:02:50 AM by cgrant26]


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