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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:22:02 AM EST

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:26:11 AM EST
I get very flustrated when people are constantly reaching for the choir.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:31:17 AM EST
Originally Posted By Drsalee:
My mother-in-law calls the orthodontist the orthodentist


I like her term better. Of course, I believe gynecologists should be called groinocologists.

One of my patients told me the dermatologist had "done an autopsy on that rash."
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:35:31 AM EST
Years ago while at the dinner table Dad referred to Yassir Arafat as Yassir Airafart...we all had a good laugh.
I bought a 'Snipers 6-pack'. Did you?

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:41:26 AM EST
A buddy of mine once complained about a lazy co-workers' "work etiquette".

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:51:41 AM EST
My wife said that she had carpet tunnels.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 6:58:30 AM EST

Originally Posted By LoganSackett:
I could care less about word misuse. For all intensive purposes porpoises, it's a mute point.

FIFY
I haven't slept for ten days because that would be too long......
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:00:17 AM EST
A jackass I work with has had a big discussion about "power cord" with me. (Paracord). He must have said it 20 times, and I didn't bother correcting him.

A member of management has recently sent emails pertaining to "Year in" (year end).


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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:00:30 AM EST
My Dad is 66 and recently tried "Roman Numerals" for the first time and he really likes them. It took a few seconds to realize he was talking about "Ramen noodles." I felt bad for laughing so hard at him.

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:03:03 AM EST
well, never mind....
Originally Posted By mountainsurvivor:
My wife said that she had carpet tunnels.


If not for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:06:28 AM EST
I heard about a guy who got arrested, and then was released on his own reconnaissance.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:08:38 AM EST
Supposably, he was up on the roof looking down the chimbly, got disorientated & fell to his deaf.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:08:38 AM EST
Originally Posted By MichiganMafia:
The point is mute.


it's like a cow's opinion.............it doesn't really matter. it's moo

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:11:30 AM EST
[Last Edit: 12/10/2011 7:11:38 AM EST by LoganSackett]

Originally Posted By orion251:

Originally Posted By LoganSackett:
I could care less about word misuse. For all intensive purposes porpoises, it's a mute point.

FIFY
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:13:32 AM EST
I had a friend who used to say jokingly, "That's a Fig Newton of your gymnasium." (figment of your imagination)

But I do like the Creedance Clearwater Revival song, "There's a bathroom on the right."



"To my mind it is wholly irresponsible to go into the world incapable of preventing violence, injury, crime, and death. How feeble is the mindset to accept defenselessness. How unnatural. How cheap. How cowardly. How pathetic." --Ted Nugent
I'll drink to that......and that... and, that too
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:15:54 AM EST

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:16:30 AM EST
This thread has a lot of good examples of phrases that get screwed up, thing is... if you could combine this into a night crew thread about possums and babcats...but I digest... this is still a good thread.


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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:19:29 AM EST
[Last Edit: 12/10/2011 7:20:23 AM EST by bluetick357]
Originally Posted By TheWatch:
Worked with a guy who sang every song that came on the radio loudly, usually incorrectly. One of his gems:

"We go back to Carolina"...translation: "Big 'ol Jet Airliner"

Co-workers sandwich maker once asked him "Why would Elton John write a song about Tony Danza? I know he's gay but still it's odd."

Co-worker: "What the fuck are you talking about?

his old lady: "You know, "Hold me closer Tony Danza"


I do that to at the shop,I don't think there is a classic rock song that I haven't altered in some fashion.In the case of "Big 'ol jet airliner" I usually go with "Big 'ol black vaginer" and no I'm not racist,that shits just funny.

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:20:49 AM EST
Originally Posted By Ohio:
Originally Posted By Palm:
I use to date a girl who had "soup latrines"


I'm not hearing it...
What did she mean?


Soup tureen, I'm thinking.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:22:09 AM EST
Originally Posted By bluetick357:
Originally Posted By TheWatch:
Worked with a guy who sang every song that came on the radio loudly, usually incorrectly. One of his gems:

"We go back to Carolina"...translation: "Big 'ol Jet Airliner"

Co-workers sandwich maker once asked him "Why would Elton John write a song about Tony Danza? I know he's gay but still it's odd."

Co-worker: "What the fuck are you talking about?

his old lady: "You know, "Hold me closer Tony Danza"


I do that to at the shop,I don't think there is a classic rock song that I haven't altered in some fashion.In the case of "Big 'ol jet airliner" I usually go with "Big 'ol black vaginer" and no I'm not racist,that shits just funny.


A buddy always used to think it was a song about a big, drunken redneck who would get torn up and raise hell.

"Big 'Ol Jed Had A Light On"
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:25:38 AM EST
Mistaking fluids for liquids. You can get the fluid out of this pipe unless you pull a vacuum on it ..



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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:26:37 AM EST
[Last Edit: 12/10/2011 7:28:34 AM EST by 951bulldog]
Originally Posted By redfish86:
I get very flustrated when people are constantly reaching for the choir.


I want to punch people when they say flustrated. I'm glad I'm not the only one who is annoyed by these things. I hear all intensive purposes, could care less, irregardless, mute point and a bunch of others mentioned all the time. But what is really nails on a chalkboard for me is misuse of seen, as in, I seen Bill at the store. No, you SAW him. It just sounds so redneck to say seen, not to mention it is incorrect.

ETA: I heard a woman a few months ago talking about the end of the physical year. She said physical year instead of fiscal over and over, it was driving me nuts.

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:26:42 AM EST
Originally Posted By ken_mays:
Originally Posted By Ohio:
Originally Posted By Palm:
I use to date a girl who had "soup latrines"


I'm not hearing it...
What did she mean?


Soup tureen, I'm thinking.


Exactly what I was thinking except, I was thinking she meant terrine. Your explanation makes more sense.

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:27:47 AM EST
Originally Posted By ken_mays:
Originally Posted By bluetick357:
Originally Posted By TheWatch:
Worked with a guy who sang every song that came on the radio loudly, usually incorrectly. One of his gems:

"We go back to Carolina"...translation: "Big 'ol Jet Airliner"

Co-workers sandwich maker once asked him "Why would Elton John write a song about Tony Danza? I know he's gay but still it's odd."

Co-worker: "What the fuck are you talking about?

his old lady: "You know, "Hold me closer Tony Danza"


I do that to at the shop,I don't think there is a classic rock song that I haven't altered in some fashion.In the case of "Big 'ol jet airliner" I usually go with "Big 'ol black vaginer" and no I'm not racist,that shits just funny.


A buddy always used to think it was a song about a big, drunken redneck who would get torn up and raise hell.

"Big 'Ol Jed Had A Light On"


Heard my younger brother singing it Bingo jet had a light on
Jim Croce song operator? Yup he was singing "My burrito"
Once he said to me "I aint gonna cut the nose off the side of my face"
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:31:41 AM EST
I left this thread, and there, right on the front page of active topics, was those amend political "pundents."

http://www.ar15.com/forums/t_1_5/1263204_FOX_News___Has_a_DNC_pundent_on_to_trash_Gingrich_followed_by_a.html
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:32:16 AM EST
The government cannot give to anyone anything that it does not first take from someone else.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:39:51 AM EST
Originally Posted By 03fxsti:
Originally Posted By ken_mays:
Originally Posted By bluetick357:
Originally Posted By TheWatch:
Worked with a guy who sang every song that came on the radio loudly, usually incorrectly. One of his gems:

"We go back to Carolina"...translation: "Big 'ol Jet Airliner"

Co-workers sandwich maker once asked him "Why would Elton John write a song about Tony Danza? I know he's gay but still it's odd."

Co-worker: "What the fuck are you talking about?

his old lady: "You know, "Hold me closer Tony Danza"


I do that to at the shop,I don't think there is a classic rock song that I haven't altered in some fashion.In the case of "Big 'ol jet airliner" I usually go with "Big 'ol black vaginer" and no I'm not racist,that shits just funny.


A buddy always used to think it was a song about a big, drunken redneck who would get torn up and raise hell.

"Big 'Ol Jed Had A Light On"


Heard my younger brother singing it Bingo jet had a light on
Jim Croce song operator? Yup he was singing "My burrito"
Once he said to me "I aint gonna cut the nose off the side of my face"

"Operator" was always "Carburetor" for me."Carburetor,won't you help me mix this gas....see the number on the main jet is old and faded..."

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:39:57 AM EST

Originally Posted By ORMilitia:
http://i44.tinypic.com/14sir2t.jpg

I should of seen that coming.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 7:46:15 AM EST
The point of the matter is...

The fact of the matter is...
<font size=3>我榮
是譽
美 ,
國勇
海氣
軍 ,
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戰諾
隊 。
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 8:03:46 AM EST
Dark in here hand me the fashlight.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 8:11:05 AM EST
Originally Posted By bluetick357:
Originally Posted By 03fxsti:
Originally Posted By ken_mays:
Originally Posted By bluetick357:
Originally Posted By TheWatch:
Worked with a guy who sang every song that came on the radio loudly, usually incorrectly. One of his gems:

"We go back to Carolina"...translation: "Big 'ol Jet Airliner"

Co-workers sandwich maker once asked him "Why would Elton John write a song about Tony Danza? I know he's gay but still it's odd."

Co-worker: "What the fuck are you talking about?

his old lady: "You know, "Hold me closer Tony Danza"


I do that to at the shop,I don't think there is a classic rock song that I haven't altered in some fashion.In the case of "Big 'ol jet airliner" I usually go with "Big 'ol black vaginer" and no I'm not racist,that shits just funny.


A buddy always used to think it was a song about a big, drunken redneck who would get torn up and raise hell.

"Big 'Ol Jed Had A Light On"


Heard my younger brother singing it Bingo jet had a light on
Jim Croce song operator? Yup he was singing "My burrito"
Once he said to me "I aint gonna cut the nose off the side of my face"

"Operator" was always "Carburetor" for me."Carburetor,won't you help me mix this gas....see the number on the main jet is old and faded..."


And could forget that Manfred Mann classic - "Blinded by the light; revved up like douche, another runner in the night . . . "

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 8:20:29 AM EST
There are some good items for sell in the EE.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 8:23:49 AM EST
I remember a guy at a grocery store once asking me where to find the "Eck-wuh".

I asked him to describe it and it turned out he wanted "Equate", the sugar substitute. How you get "Eck-wuh" out of that is beyond me.

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 8:26:33 AM EST

Originally Posted By MotorMouth:
Originally Posted By bluetick357:
Originally Posted By 03fxsti:
Originally Posted By ken_mays:
Originally Posted By bluetick357:
Originally Posted By TheWatch:
Worked with a guy who sang every song that came on the radio loudly, usually incorrectly. One of his gems:

"We go back to Carolina"...translation: "Big 'ol Jet Airliner"

Co-workers sandwich maker once asked him "Why would Elton John write a song about Tony Danza? I know he's gay but still it's odd."

Co-worker: "What the fuck are you talking about?

his old lady: "You know, "Hold me closer Tony Danza"


I do that to at the shop,I don't think there is a classic rock song that I haven't altered in some fashion.In the case of "Big 'ol jet airliner" I usually go with "Big 'ol black vaginer" and no I'm not racist,that shits just funny.


A buddy always used to think it was a song about a big, drunken redneck who would get torn up and raise hell.

"Big 'Ol Jed Had A Light On"


Heard my younger brother singing it Bingo jet had a light on
Jim Croce song operator? Yup he was singing "My burrito"
Once he said to me "I aint gonna cut the nose off the side of my face"

"Operator" was always "Carburetor" for me."Carburetor,won't you help me mix this gas....see the number on the main jet is old and faded..."


And could forget that Manfred Mann classic - "Blinded by the light; revved up like douche, another runner in the night . . . "

My ex thought it was "Thundercheese, and they're done dirt cheap".......

I haven't slept for ten days because that would be too long......
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 8:36:58 AM EST
Another song misinterpretation .Give me the beach boys to free my soul.I want to get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.I do these kind of things at work just to see if I can get other people to do it.Drives every body crazy and makes for some good laughs.

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 8:40:15 AM EST
"Chunk" that grenade over there

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 8:45:12 AM EST
[Last Edit: 12/10/2011 8:45:35 AM EST by bluetick357]
Originally Posted By orion251:

Originally Posted By MotorMouth:
Originally Posted By bluetick357:
Originally Posted By 03fxsti:
Originally Posted By ken_mays:
Originally Posted By bluetick357:
Originally Posted By TheWatch:
Worked with a guy who sang every song that came on the radio loudly, usually incorrectly. One of his gems:

"We go back to Carolina"...translation: "Big 'ol Jet Airliner"

Co-workers sandwich maker once asked him "Why would Elton John write a song about Tony Danza? I know he's gay but still it's odd."

Co-worker: "What the fuck are you talking about?

his old lady: "You know, "Hold me closer Tony Danza"


I do that to at the shop,I don't think there is a classic rock song that I haven't altered in some fashion.In the case of "Big 'ol jet airliner" I usually go with "Big 'ol black vaginer" and no I'm not racist,that shits just funny.


A buddy always used to think it was a song about a big, drunken redneck who would get torn up and raise hell.

"Big 'Ol Jed Had A Light On"


Heard my younger brother singing it Bingo jet had a light on
Jim Croce song operator? Yup he was singing "My burrito"
Once he said to me "I aint gonna cut the nose off the side of my face"

"Operator" was always "Carburetor" for me."Carburetor,won't you help me mix this gas....see the number on the main jet is old and faded..."


And could forget that Manfred Mann classic - "Blinded by the light; revved up like douche, another runner in the night . . . "

My ex thought it was "Thundercheese, and they're done dirt cheap".......



AC/DC has a ton of good material,if I'm working on sprinklers I usually modify TNT to PVC.I'm easily amused I guess.

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 8:47:58 AM EST
A friend back in the day (singing along): "I'll never be your big suburban..." (*beast of burden*, Rolling Stones)

I worked with a girl whose last name was Buxman. A guy I worked with thought her name was Buxom. He didn't know what "buxom" meant. Funnier that it was a very accurate description of the coworker in question! He seriously didn't believe us when we tried to explain it to him.

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 9:05:00 AM EST
I'm loosing my mind!
When my kids were little I tried to feed them some canned apricots, the label said Peeled apricots. My son was three and asked me what they were I read it right off the label. His reply " I don't want any peeled africans.
My oldest one got pissed cause i was watching the great Harrison Ford movie Ladies get lost in the dark.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 9:05:44 AM EST
"your point is mute..."

"parting shot" versus parathian shot.


When did ignorance become a point of view?
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 9:06:23 AM EST
A guy I used to work with told me that he almost died from claps lung when he was in high school.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 9:09:28 AM EST
Originally Posted By haloblue:
"your point is mute..."

"parting shot" versus parathian shot.



I think you're looking for "parthian," and "parting shot" is actually the older term.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 9:11:00 AM EST
[Last Edit: 12/10/2011 9:14:51 AM EST by Zaphod]
"Why is the activity set missing the baby?" (Nativity)

True story.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 9:11:57 AM EST
A friend of mine was dating a girl for a while before he ever met her parents. She invited him over for dinner with the warning; "My dad often uses the wrong words while speaking, and, gets upset if you point it out or laugh, so DON'T!"

During dinner, the dad is asked about his dentist visit that day. He says, "Oh, it was just for a cleaning, but the dentist said I had a heavy build up of plankton."

He said his girl friend and mother both looked at him with that, "If you laugh, your dead" look, and he must have turned all shades of red from not breathing trying not to.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 9:13:38 AM EST
Originally Posted By orion251:

Originally Posted By LoganSackett:
I could care less about word misuse. For all intensive purposes porpoises, it's a mute point.

FIFY


My father's Cuban accent is still so bad that he says "Defeating di porpoise".
"An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life." - Robert A. Heinlein

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 9:16:22 AM EST
[Last Edit: 12/10/2011 9:22:44 AM EST by f40]
Originally Posted By runcible:
An older gentlman was talking with the cashier at the supermarket yesterday. Said his doctor was sending him for a prostrate exam.

Ricky: I don't know anything about investaments.
Bubbles:[frustrated] Now Ricky, what did we talk about? Think about each word before you say it? One of those words isn't real.


"I hate to say I toe da so, but I fuckin' toe da so"

I know someone that says "turrent" instead of turret.

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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 9:26:00 AM EST
"I gotta replace the cadillac converters on my car"

"its a new physical year"

"dirty deeds, done with sheep
"You live more riding bikes like these for 5 minutes than most do in their entire life" Marco Simoncelli.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 9:31:11 AM EST
Friend of mine from the "Don't worry, be happy" song:

Your landlord say the rent is late,
he may have to "lift the gate".

(litigate)
Originally Posted By Benjamin Franklin:
Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 9:33:56 AM EST
Originally Posted By mountainsurvivor:
My wife said that she had carpet tunnels.


carpet munchers?
"You live more riding bikes like these for 5 minutes than most do in their entire life" Marco Simoncelli.
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Link Posted: 12/10/2011 9:34:53 AM EST
I hate homese in all its many forms. Let me "AXE" you "SUMPIN".

There is also the song that sounds like; "I miss you so much I'm banging a fly in the seaweed"
Check out " The Handbook of Manly Virtue" on Amazon.com
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