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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - This thread is about using words out of Kotex (Page 1 of 7)

Posted: 12/10/2011 5:49:34 AM EDT

I just remembered a funny guy I used to work with.

he was kind of like the guy on the old FedEx commercials, you know. "French Benefits"

this guy was telling the whole workplace one Friday about how he was going to cook his steaks for dinner that night.

"I really like serenading my steaks in Winchester Sauce for an hour or two before grilling"

that and I have a buddy who keeps referring to his companie's "Physical Year" no fiscal year

what are some jewels of wordsmiths you would like to share?

Posted: 12/10/2011 5:55:05 AM EDT

[#1]

Worked with a guy who put papers into "vanilla folders"

Posted: 12/10/2011 5:56:25 AM EDT

[#2]

"well, for all intensive purposes...."
"I could of gone to the store this morning"

Posted: 12/10/2011 5:57:19 AM EDT

[#3]

My dad has All Timers disease

Posted: 12/10/2011 5:57:52 AM EDT

[#4]

irregardless

orientate

Posted: 12/10/2011 5:58:01 AM EDT

[#5]

My brother in law "caulks" the tires on his trailer/camper before unhitching it.

Posted: 12/10/2011 5:59:14 AM EDT

[#6]

Quoted:
My dad has All Timers disease

At least he didnt catch ammonia. I knew a guy who had rigoramoral in his shoulders.

Posted: 12/10/2011 5:59:40 AM EDT

[#7]

I have a buddy that says "this year I'm going to set a gold for myself"

or "he is a devil in the skys"

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:01:00 AM EDT

[#8]

mal·a·prop·ism

[mal-uh-prop-iz-uh

m]

noun

1.

an act or habit of misusing words ridiculously, especially by the confusion of words that are similar in sound.

2.

an instance of this, as in "Lead the way and we'll precede.”

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:01:43 AM EDT

[#9]

I use to date a girl who had "soup latrines"

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:01:48 AM EDT

[#10]

My dad has an iphone and "can't ever get any goddamn interception"

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:03:06 AM EDT

[#11]

Worked with a guy who sang every song that came on the radio loudly, usually incorrectly. One of his gems:

"We go back to Carolina"...translation: "Big 'ol Jet Airliner"

Co-workers sandwich maker once asked him "Why would Elton John write a song about Tony Danza? I know he's gay but still it's odd."

Co-worker: "What the fuck are you talking about?

his old lady: "You know, "Hold me closer Tony Danza"

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:03:42 AM EDT

[#12]

i resemble that remark.

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:07:02 AM EDT

[#13]

The words are "no", "want" and "right", but in the Redneck kotex, they might appear as something like: "Gnaw, I mean the mousy kind of rat, like 'I won't it rat now!'"

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:08:19 AM EDT

[#14]

Apartment manager years ago: "You're complaint fell on dead ears."

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:10:07 AM EDT

[#15]

My mother-in-law calls the orthodontist the orthodentist

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:12:07 AM EDT

[#16]

After scolding my wife for spellin' it wrong, she complains: "'But, 'many-gun' seemed to be such an appropriate spelling though! What's so 'mini' about that thing?"

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:12:07 AM EDT

[#17]

The rampant misuse of the word utilize makes me cry.

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:14:30 AM EDT

[#18]

Quoted:
My mother-in-law calls the orthodontist the orthodentist

My daddy's side of the family calls that office––I swear to god––the "toof dennis".

No, they're white.

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:33:19 AM EDT

[#19]

Co-worker got picked up on a DUI charge, and he asked my help in writing a letter to his lawyer. (I have no idea why)

He needed help on how to spell soveriety.

I told him I thought it was s-o-b-e-r-i-e-t-y

He told me I was wrong because there must be a "V" in there somewhere....

He is the same guy that got mad at people making comments about his personal life, so he put up a sign:

If you has opinon keep it to your shelf

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:36:34 AM EDT

[#20]

Malaprops smack me up.

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:37:20 AM EDT

[#21]

I hear "Manila wafers" all the time from older people

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:38:39 AM EDT

[#22]

I'm on the phone all day with customers, so I get to hear some interesting ones. Yesterday's gems:

"I don't have Internet Explorer, I have Mozzarella Firefox."

"I was supposed to have someone here between 1 and 3. I know it wasn't cancelled because I listened to the animated message."

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:39:21 AM EDT

[#23]

The Specific Ocean.

And the Screen TV. He thought the big screen TV at his house was called a Screen TV.

RIP buddy

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:39:51 AM EDT

[#24]

Quoted:
I just remembered a funny guy I used to work with.

he was kind of like the guy on the old FedEx commercials, you know. "French Benefits"

this guy was telling the whole workplace one Friday about how he was going to cook his steaks for dinner that night.

"I really like serenading my steaks in Winchester Sauce for an hour or two before grilling"

that and I have a buddy who keeps referring to his companie's "Physical Year" no fiscal year

what are some jewels of wordsmiths you would like to share?

Tomato sirens

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:40:38 AM EDT

[#25]

"For" as a substitute for "So that"

"I need to go to work for I can pay the rent"

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:43:33 AM EDT

[#26]

An older gentlman was talking with the cashier at the supermarket yesterday. Said his doctor was sending him for a prostrate exam.

Ricky: I don't know anything about investaments.
Bubbles:[frustrated] Now Ricky, what did we talk about? Think about each word before you say it? One of those words isn't real.

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:44:00 AM EDT

[#27]

Quoted:
"For" as a substitute for "So that"

"I need to go to work for I can pay the rent"

You know my B-I-L?

Posted: 12/10/2011 6:51:43 AM EDT

[#28]

I wanna strangle the next bitch I hear saying she wants to "conversate wit" somebody.

One Christmas, knowing I wanted some "Hippo Hands", my wife went to a motorcycle supply store and asked for Moose Gloves.

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:04:16 AM EDT

[#29]

Quoted:
I wanna strangle the next bitch I hear saying she wants to "conversate wit" somebody.
One Christmas, knowing I wanted some "Hippo Hands", my wife went to a motorcycle supply store and asked for Moose Gloves.

"I remembered you wanted the sexy phone!"

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:05:19 AM EDT

[#30]

One saying that bothers me is " Do you want I should....

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:07:51 AM EDT

[#31]

my Step Father would say "pisstures" instead of "pictures".
I chuckled, my mom would nag the ever lovin' shit out of him about it.

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:08:02 AM EDT

[#32]

The point is mute.

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:10:08 AM EDT

[#33]

I might strangle someone if I hear "Doggy dog world" again.

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:10:26 AM EDT

[#34]

Quoted:
One saying that bothers me is " Do you want I should....

That only works if you're an old Jewish man.

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:10:49 AM EDT

[#35]

Quoted:
The point is mute.

My boss does this. Drives me fucking nuts.

I know someone that says,"I'm going to eat him out" instead of "chew".

And why do black people say "mine's" all the time, like, "I got mine's XBOX back from Microsoft and it still has a RROD?".

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:10:50 AM EDT

[#36]

a guy I work with wants a "comenorative" 1911

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:11:32 AM EDT

[#37]

I could care less about word misuse. For all intensive purposes, it's a mute point.

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:12:19 AM EDT

[#38]

I could care less about this thread.

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:12:33 AM EDT

[#39]

I knew a girl with a bad case of Corporal Tunnel once.
She went to the choir-practor for it.

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:12:51 AM EDT

[#40]

Quoted:

I might strangle someone if I hear "Doggy dog world" again.

I knew a guy that said that. He also said "six and one half dozen" instead of "six of one, half dozen of the other."

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:13:31 AM EDT

[#41]

Quoted:
I use to date a girl who had "soup latrines"

I'm not hearing it...
What did she mean?

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:14:26 AM EDT

[#42]

You need to be a little more pacific.

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:14:38 AM EDT

[#43]

To be fair, I used to think 10th Ave. Freeze Out was "de-devil in a freezer".

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:15:35 AM EDT

[#44]

From some guys at work:

A buddy wanted to buy his mom a ticket vulture so she could fly anywhere she wanted. (Translation: voucher)

Same guy was going to build a wall out of cylinder blocks. (cinder block)

He also wanted to buy an Al Pacino machine so he could make "real good" coffee. (cappuccino machine)

A different guy wanted tuna sandwiches for lunch made with Albuquerque tuna. (albacore tuna)

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:15:56 AM EDT

[#45]

Quoted:

I knew a girl with a bad case of Corporal Tunnel once.

She went to the choir-practor for it.

My mom knows an elderly woman who said she had to go to the doctor for a Cadillac in her eye.

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:16:22 AM EDT

[#46]

My cousin is NYPD...many moons ago he was stationed somewhere not pleasant and had many fun and interesting calls.

One of the stories he told me was he and his partner were stuffing a guy with warrants on him (i think, it was something like that) into the back of their cruiser and the guy shouted at them

"I been indicated by da Grand Union!"

Translation: I was indicted by the grand jury

(Grand Union is/was a supermarket chain there)

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:16:30 AM EDT

[#47]

Quoted:
Co-worker got picked up on a DUI charge, and he asked my help in writing a letter to his lawyer. (I have no idea why)

He needed help on how to spell soveriety.

I told him I thought it was s-o-b-e-r-i-e-t-y

He told me I was wrong because there must be a "V" in there somewhere....

He is the same guy that got mad at people making comments about his personal life, so he put up a sign:

If you has opinon keep it to your shelf

If he's messican, tell him to watch the bideo firss.

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:20:39 AM EDT

[#48]

I always smile inside when people come into my office and tell me that they think there's something wrong with their "rotar cup."

(Rotator cuff)

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:21:54 AM EDT

[#49]

it may be coc... but the sounds of a water sprinkler

Posted: 12/10/2011 7:22:00 AM EDT

[#50]

Quoted:
You need to be a little more pacific.

My wife is famous for this one . Drives me fucking crazy. She cannot say "specifically" at all. She says "pacifically" and my 13 & 14 YO kids are like " geez mom, i cant believe you own a pre-school but cant speak english" . I lol, she gets pissed....

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - This thread is about using words out of Kotex (Page 1 of 7)

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